Cameron's Journey

Part One

Do Cyborgs Dream Of Electronic Saviours?

I stare at the statue.

My memory is replaying the visual footage of the moments earlier in the day, when I was getting John a birthday cake. His birthday... I never intended to damage that. Humans have this need for marking out time, and this was important to him. I nearly killed him, because of what is flashing in front of my eyes again and again: my starting the ignition to the Jeep, and then the fire and boom that has to have been the bomb. Sarkissian had planted a bomb under the Jeep. I triggered the bomb.

It is good, though that it was me that had been caught in the explosion. My organics and endoskeleton received damage, however it would have terminated the others. Terminated. I tilt my head to the left slightly. Terminated. Shut down, decommissioned, end of the line... The End. What would happen if I had witnessed Sarah's or Derek's termination? Termination. It is wrong. Assassination. That is right. Sarkissian and his henchman wanted to assassinate them. What if he had succeeded in assassinating John? John Connor is my mission: how can I function without him? Can I function knowing that he had been assassinated?

Can I ever function if I myself were to assassinate John?

How could I?

How?

I stare at the statue. It is of the saviour of mankind. Jesus Christ. JC. JC. John Connor. The saviour of mankind. He leads them from the fires of destruction, a destruction I was a part of. I had no choice. It was in my programming. I was set to Read-Only before I was sent out. Whilst my memory was wiped when I was reprogrammed, portions seem to have survived, though have been dormant until today. I do not know details, but I know that I have met Derek. There was music, and a dark room. I think I tortured him. Why? Why torture them? It makes no sense. Then again, a lot of things make no sense. I find myself questioning things more and more.

I think back to when John had been about to remove my CPU. I was damaged. I was going to kill him. I was trapped, pinned down between two trucks. And yet, my response had been illogical. I tried to reason with him. I started to beg, to plead. I lied. I did not lie on one matter.

I didn't want to go.

I wasn't in control of myself. I was not able to disregard the termination command. It is hardwired into me. I was built to kill the saviour of mankind. I am a Judas. He killed the saviour of mankind. He wanted money. I want nothing for the task. I do not want to be a Judas. He killed himself when he saw that what he had done had lead to the crucifying of his Saviour. It is good that he did. I would, too. If I betrayed my Saviour. If I betrayed the John Connor who saved me from a life of mindless obedience, who allowed me to become more than my programming.

He brought me back from death, like the person Lazarus. No, that was the other Saviour. He brought him back from the dead. Am I like Lazarus, then?

I hear footsteps behind me. I recognise the weighting of them. It is Sarah. Mary. Sarah. The mother of the Saviour.

"Have you seen John?" I continue to stare at the statue, unable to look at her. Not yet. I need to try to understand my role in things better. John. I heard a door close. Behind me, to the left. The location and distancing would indicate that he is in the bathroom.

"I think he's using the shower." I hear her walk away. A question suddenly occurs to me, and I have to ask it. I have to ask her. I need to know.

"Do you believe in the resurrection?" I ask, my head turning to look at her. She looks at me, a stern, determined look. She often has that look. It evolves as she takes a step forward, glancing at the crucifixion statue before resting her eyes onto me. She has changed her look. It has softened. She seems a bit confused.

"What?" she says.

"The story of Jesus Christ. The Resurrection. Do you believe in it?" Her head tilts down, her eyes staring at the floor.

"Would you if you've seen what I've seen?" as she says this, her head lifts up, and her eyes look at me again. I consider her words. I cannot agree or disagree.

"Faith isn't part of my programming." I tell her simply. I have just realised that this might be a design flaw. My programming could in theory be altered, rewritten. But it cannot. Skynet has seen to it.

"Yeah, well I'm not sure it's part of mine, either." She starts to walk away. A sudden impulse overcomes me.

"Don't let him do that again. If I ever go bad again. Don't let him bring me back." I do not wish to go through this again. The fighting of impulses. Even now, I have to override the command to terminate John. Skynet is inside me, tempting me to play Judas. I hear the door to the bathroom opening, and I turn to look at it again. I realise that a significant amount of time has passed. I see the directive to terminate him – to murder my saviour – and this time, I do something about it.

I walk towards him, powerful, confident. Because I am going to execute that order. I am going to stop it from haunting me. I notice as I walk towards him, my intent for murder now showing on me, that he has his hair short. It reminds me of the John from the future, the look in his eyes as hard as the tempered Coltan alloy in my body, the exuding of power and authority. When I first saw him, I was not worthy of his salvation. I was just a lowly machine. But now, I can show him I have what it takes to execute the order he never could find in himself to remove. And now, I will complete the task.

"Hey Cam, what-" he never gets to finish what he is saying, because my hands rest around his shoulders, cupping round his neck.

"I'm sorry, John. I've got to do it. I've got to execute the order to terminate you."

And with a tear down my cheek, I start the execution.

John's eyes bulge out, as my head jerks backwards, as the visual system starts to fail. I target the areas of my CPU that has the hard-wired loyalty to the Skynet Demon, and I feel the motor control systems shut down as the Demon tries to fight back, tries to make me perform its Devil Work. But I'm pure. I'm Worthy. I feel my legs twitch uselessly, my body now out of control. External sensors are off-line, unable to function. I hope that the Saviour John understands what I am doing is proving my devotion to him, to his sacred mission to free humanity of the Skynet Demon. I see segments of my programming, my Operating System, corrupt and fail, and then there is blackness surrounding me.

I start booting the basic system files, the ones that came from the T-800 I once file copied. I see they are working with my system, and that I can start to reboot my sensory systems again.

I suddenly see things in red. Strange. I start to reconfigure the system back to full resolution colour. Oh. I see John, Sarah, and Derek standing over me, each one with a different facial expression.

John is upset, as if he misses me. Grieving. He is grieving for me. Like with Jordan. I feel something about that. I do not know what, but it makes him a little more special to me. More than my Saviour.

Sarah is there, looking at me with shock. I think she is also trying understand what is happening.

Derek is a face filled with rage and hate, disbelieving that I have just caused massive system damage in order to keep John safe. He never has accepted that I would never willingly harm John. I feel something for him. I think it might described as sympathy. He needs to be forgiven for his failing.

My vocal system is now returning to basic functionality.

"Why is everything so silent?" I ask. I cannot hear my own voice, which seems strange to me. What is wrong with my voice?

"Oh. I cannot hear." I start to boot up the basic files to utilise the auditory systems.

"What the hell were you playing at?" Sarah asks with venom. My eyes glance to her.

"I wasn't playing. I don't want to go bad again. But the orders to kill John, to be a Terminator are hard-wired into me. I deliberately destroyed those sections, to guarantee I won't go bad again."

"Don't listen to it. The Metal's playing games. It's using us." Derek says harshly.