The dreary weather reflected his mood, but sometimes Jasper wondered if it wasn't the other way around. If he learned that there was a direct correlation between his miserable state and the torrential downpour he found himself in, he wouldn't be surprised in the least. Although if that was truly the case, he supposed the sun would never peek itself out from behind the gloom.
It was pure coincidence that he was miserable in the miserable conditions.
Wandering aimlessly for weeks, he had no real idea of where he was other then that he knew he was headed east. Reaching the edge of the trees he found himself on the outskirts of a small town. Tiny houses lined the street, their lights twinkling in the night's darkness, within which he could hear the quiet talking, gentle snores and the murmuring of radio programmes coming from those within. The humans were safe inside their sanctuaries for the night, unaware that there was a monster roaming the streets metres from where they sat.
He ducked under a small awning jutting out of the side of a house, trying to ignore the flames that were building in the back of his throat, clawing their way up and overwhelming the rest of his thoughts. The monster in him was furious; wanting, needing to be sated though the man in him was trying to ignore it and push it aside. It wasn't really working and as most days, the burn was the only thing he could focus on, and it was a constant battle for balance between the physical and the emotional. The pain of thirst was nothing compare to the pain and regret he would feel from feeding. The terror that would wash over him as he fed was indescribable as the fear and pain that flowed out of a human as it was killed brutally planted itself under his skin, and had festered until there was nothing left inside, taunting him from within. When he didn't feed, he felt emotionally hollow and that emptiness was a strange relief from the torture.
He was floundering between his two hells.
For over a week he had been denying his primal urges, trying to stave off the eventuality of the situation as his eyes faded from their crimson red into dark shadows. As much as he wanted to avoid it, it would only be a matter of time before he would crumble to the beast within and feed off another human's life force, draining them of their nectar. He would either feed by choice or his instincts would take control, and he would find himself surrounded by a massacre when the rationality returned to him mind. He had tried to explain to Peter and Charlotte what happened to him when he fed, and although they were sympathetic, they hadn't really understood. How could something that was essential to his existence and taste so good, feel so wrong? Did his power make him some sort of defective vampire unable to carry out his basic instincts? It certainly wasn't normal.
As a human, Jasper had craved interaction, liking to be social and being surrounded by others. It made him feel alive, and he missed being surrounded by his family, both of the traditional nature and the one he had made for himself. As a vampire, it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so even among his own kind. At the beginning it had be easy. When he had been a crazed newborn the thirst ruled all, emotions be damned, but the farther he got away from that initial madness, the more it began to effect him. The cries and anguish were bothering him in a way he couldn't explain and being with Maria made him feel pain, as her joy in the kill was sadistic, so he had fled. Living with Peter and Charlotte was slightly better but despite their good intentions, made him feel lost as it only pointed out how different he was. He had left them all behind to be by himself, hoping to at least find some silence. It wasn't working. At heart, he knew he wasn't a nomad, wasn't meant to wander without direction. Jasper needed someone to make him feel whole again. Someone who would understand, empathise with him for a change. He couldn't be the only one like this.
The last time he had fed had been absolutely horrifying. The man had been round and middle aged, hair greying around the temples and he had been stumbling through the forest, crossing unknowingly into Jasper's path. Without thinking he had pounced silently and as the warm blood pooled in his mouth he felt the typical terror and fear coming off the human but as the man's heart slowed, the last emotion that flooded out of his body was completely different. It was of love; pure, unconditional love. Whomever the man had been thinking about was enough to separate him from his plight, giving him solace in his death. His last breath left his body, and he was thinking of someone he loved. Jasper had almost thrown up with his own guilt of taking that feeling away from the man, and knowing that causing this death would leave another person heartbroken. He couldn't willingly bring himself to do it again.
Standing under his shelter from the rain, the mouth watering scent of the humans was becoming increasingly pungent. It had been so long since he had fed and there were just too many of them, too close; surrounding him within their houses and the venom was thickening in throat and dripping off his teeth. It would be too easy to walk in and take his fill on some unsuspecting family. Jasper knew that if these people were going to live through the night, he was going to have to move back into the forest quickly and continue on his solitary march; move back into the darkness.
For a creature that wasn't able to sleep Jasper felt absolutely exhausted. This type of living was killing him painstakingly slowly, hour by hour. The darkness wasn't going to let up, and the knowledge of that was making him feel extraordinarily worse. Days were full of horror, grief and depression, but mainly he just felt tired of existing. Jasper continued to look for something to hold on to, something that would stop him from drowning. He didn't have an idea on what that was, but he was sure he would know it when he saw it.
Slipping silently back into wet trees Jasper began his journey once more, as the rain continued to pour down around him, soaking him all the way into his soul.
Hope you enjoyed Part 2 - Reviewers get extra love :)
