"The Unicorn-born must choose which bachelor she wants as her prince, her knight, and her bitch." The grand wizard pointed his staff at the princess in question and carefully eyed the four applicants before him. Kenny couldn't suppress a grin as she sat on what was normally the throne of the grand wizard, legs crossed ladylike and vague hints of red across her cheeks powdered cheeks.
Tweak, Clyde, Butters, and Craig—no, Feldspar-stood before her. Today was a special event in the land of humans and elves, and it was the wizard's duty to see to it that Kenny selected the partner of her choosing for her inauguration ceremony at Horny Bridge, where her unicorn kinsmen awaited to grant her the queenhood of Rainbowland.
"This is dumb," Craig blurted.
"God dammit, Craig, shut your fuckin' mouth." Cartman slammed his staff to the ground. "Everyone else thought that Feldspar's hamster rescue arc was stupid but no one said anything and now it's Kenny's turn!"
"Guinea pigs."
"Whatever!"
Feldspar crossed his arms with an eyeroll. "Just get on with it."
By some great cosmic mistake, Princess Kenny had been born as not only the wrong social class (poor as fuck), but the wrong sex, and in her small, conservative village she'd been made a mockery of prior to meeting the grand wizard. She'd discovered her roots one fateful day when, after a heated argument regarding how she viewed herself, a rainbow crashed into her home, murdering both of her parents and blowing their flesh to confetti. A messenger from the heavens came bearing a chalice that contained a magical concoction that tasted of vanilla swirled with sprinkles.
The majestic unicorn before her told of the princess's soul becoming lost in the human world (she'd been murdered by a cyborg werewolf and the entire kingdom was now in tatters) and offered the potion to her.
Drink this and embrace your destiny as our only hope, Princess Kenny!
Cue what Kenny imagined to be a magical girl transformation with a galaxy patterned background and ribbons that snaked around her body and morphed into a lacey orange dress while her hair suddenly grew long and her body developed curves of femininity.
She'd one day be granted her kingdom and be the one responsible for restoring it to the former glory of the Pegasus, but that would require her choosing a king.
And so, during this dire war between humans and elves, Kenny had made the decision to embrace her untapped powers to assist her allies.
Cartman finished giving a speech about how, once Princess Kenny had access to all of her Unicorn-born powers, he would kick elven ass and then "that stupid Jewelf will be groveling at my feet and sucking my balls", he stepped to the side so that Kenny could make her decision.
"Suitors! Make your proposals. Down the line."
"I-I'm too young to be a king!" Tweak's neck jerked to the side. He bit on his nails. "Don't pick me! Fuck! Please, no!"
"I wouldn't mind being picked," Clyde admitted indifferently. "I'm tired of guarding the Stick."
"Princess Kenny, I'll make you a good husband!" Butters piped up excitedly and offered her a dandelion he'd just picked from the backyard. "I promise!"
Silence. The room's attention turned to the next bachelor.
Cartman hit Feldspar on the head with his staff. "Make your proposal, asshole!"
The thief winced in recoil and sighed. "Oh, great, beautiful, Princess Kenny," he sighed in monotone. "Please, accept a lowly melee class such as myself to take your hand and guide you by the hand to your divine otherworldly semi-godhood, to love you, hold you, and cherish you until the end of my days."
"Ohhh, Feldspar!" Kenny giggled into her glove, batting her eyelashes at him in a suggestive manner. "Do you really mean it? You'll be my prince forever?"
Feldspar's face remained void of any emotion. "Yes."
"Then I pick you!"
Before he could give a mocking "oh, yay", the princess had darted from the throne to wrap her arms suffocatingly tight around his waist and press her soft lips to his cheek (she may or may not have taken from chapstick from Karen's room).
Tweak looked as relieved as he could, right eye twitching, and Clyde just shrugged. The only person to look genuinely disappointed was Butters, who just slumped his shoulders in defeat and tosses the dandelion to the side.
"The princess has chosen!" The wizard declared, throwing up his arms for emphasis. "Men! We will soon have the unicorns of Rainbowland as our allies for battle against the elves. But first, Princess and Kenny must make this agreement legit. Feldspar must have sex with her in the treehouse, and shortly after a unicorn will come to give Kenny her special powers."
"What? No way, dude!" Craig was attempting to push Kenny form him. "Feldspar works alone."
X~x~x
It was just a part of the game. That was how Craig was attempting to justify this situation—one he'd gotten himself into with his own witty comment. The treehouse had been set up as some sort of honeymoon hotel, with hearts drawn on the wooden walls with pink marker and some pillows in the corner as bedding.
Below, the rest of the boys had begun a card game by the merchant shop.
After a few minutes of awkwardly looking at one another, Craig peered out the window. "Okay, we're done. The unicorn messenger brought Kenny's powers and all that."
"You're a fucking liar, Feldspar! Hurry before the elves invade!"
He slumped into the corner, scowling at Kenny who had taken post sitting next to him atop the feather filled cushions. Craig hated him and his friends, so why were they playing together, again?
"This is the gayest thing ever."
"I'm a girl, so it can't be gay, man. No homo here. Not that I would mind homo." Kenny didn't turn off her female voice, which she had managed to perfect over the months of the game. She broke back into character. "Feldspar, I-I am nervous. For I have not yet been touched by a man." Lies.
So he was really intending on going to go through with this? With putting on the pure maiden act?
Fine, I'll play along.
Craig cleared his throat, and Feldspar spoke. "Princess." He knelt before her, clasped her hand, and gave the glove a chaste kiss. "Fear not. For I will treat you carefully and assure that the loss of your virginity is a pleasant experience."
Kenny giggled, cupping her free hand over her mouth. "Please do," she mumbled. "I'm yours to do as you please, brave Feldspar."
Just part of the game. Relax.
He might as well enjoy it, because Kenny will.
With the expressed permission of his lady, Feldspar took in a contemplative breath and gazed into her eager cerulean eyes. He averted a glance to the corner of the treehouse, then swiftly jerked forward to brush their lips together. It was a little awkward, just lightly pressing against one another in the stillness, until Kenny parted her mouth and glided her tongue across his; he tasted like pop rocks and Aquafresh toothpaste. Not at all what she'd been expecting, but it was pleasant.
Feldspar placed a hand on her corseted side and thumbed at her hip bone (she was bonier than he'd thought), continuing his nudging into the heated kissing.
"Mmmn…My thief prince." Kenny took a breath, a thread of saliva occupying the inches between their faces. "Please." She moved a lock of her blond hair from where it'd fallen over her eyes and discreetly rubbed at the back of her neck to pull the wig back into place.
"How eager, my princess." Feldspar didn't know now whether or not his monotone was reflecting sarcasm. "Did the grand wizard supply this room with any soul bonding potion?"
"I…I don't think so." Kenny bit her lip. "But, that's fine. We must make haste. The elven army could be approaching, even now." She knew that wasn't likely, though, considering that the elf king had explicitly stated via a messenger raven that he was too busy with homework to attend to his kingdom today.
Feldspar couldn't help but wonder how the hell Cartman expected them to do anything without any lube. He suppressed a sigh and moved back to sit against the wall, gaping his legs. "Then you must prepare me yourself, Princess."
Inwardly, Craig was cackling. Was Kenny actually going to suck his dick?
Yes. Yes, he was.
"Of course." Kenny gave him a confident smile and crawled over to him on all fours, the frills under her dress rising to reveal a pink, lacey thong that had his her own manhood in a chokehold. Craig couldn't help but stare. Kenny's body was actually easily passable for a female's, given his lean physique and slender limbs.
The princess unbuckled his belt with delicate, painted red nails and took the semi-hard shaft into her mouth without hesitation, as if she'd done this dozens of times over.
Feldspar shuddered at the warm sensation, at knowing that the tongue he'd just been getting a good taste of was now swirling around the head of his cock and sliding across the slit as if it were the most delicious thing the royal had ever tasted. He instinctively jerked his hips forward to meet the warm, moist canyon; the entirety of his lower body was on fire.
He moaned quietly as to not give the assholes below something to feel satisfied about, combing his fingers through Kenny's golden locks, squeezing when she'd taken him in to the hilt. She constricted her throat and hollowed her cheeks out for another two seconds, then quickly pulled away.
"I do believe that you're ready now, my love," She gasped as she removed herself, lips swollen and eyes watering.
"I am." Feldspar wiped the residual drool from her chin with his sleeve in an automated gesture of affection. He eased her down onto her back. He could see now that the dress sleeves were slipping down her chest that Kenny had actually stuffed an A cup bra with small, double bagged water balloons. If not for the fact that he was already hard, he would have been tempted to pop them with his lock pick. He flipped the bottom half of the silky dress forward so that he could get a decent view of her ass.
For Kenny being so small, he did have a nice one.
Feldspar moved the thong to the side and pushed her knees forward. He gave his cock a few strokes as to assure that the ever drying saliva would still suffice, pushed the head forward, and slid the head of himself inside of her with more ease than he'd been expecting. He kept his eyes glued to her face as he inched further; she gave him an intoxicated half smile, arms sprawled carelessly to the side.
"Y-You're okay," she whispered. "Keep going. Fuck me senseless."
Craig was about fifty percent sure that the male Kenny speaking, but he obliged, grabbed her by the waist and gripping her tightly as he began thrusting into the tight hole.
It was much more constricting than her mouth had been, pulling him in and squeezing him for his seed. Feldspar couldn't take it. This wasn't going to last and he knew it—what if Kenny laughed at him after this for coming too quickly?—but there was no time to waste because Princess Kenny needed this done, no, the team needed this done, so that they could gain the upperhand against the elves. Right? Right!
"Princess, I'm going to—" It was so animalistic, the way he jerked her body forward to meet his, the way she was gasping and moaning like a bitch in heat, and the way he was actually taking carnal pleasure in this. He thought to himself that Kenny McCormick was a good fuck for a reason, and this was it. He let his body collapse on top of hers, and he gave her a sloppy kiss, the lower half of his body still desperately singing in lust.
"Come in me, Feldpar~"
The thief needed no further command than that, and emptied himself within her. She emitted a pleased humming noise and kissed him back at the warm sensation of becoming so full with her prince of choice. He rode out his orgasm and panted, half wondering at which point he'd broken out into a sweat.
Craig composed himself and steadied himself on his elbows. "Are you satisfied, Princess Kenny?"
She nodded and made that princessy giggle that she'd developed so well. "Yes." She covered her mouth with both hands shyly and glanced away. "Feldspar, I-I think I might really like you."
Craig wasn't sure now just where to go from here-from this awkward, perspiration mess that they'd both become. He pulled himself out of Kenny and sighed, then tucked his flaccid penis back into his pants.
"Guys!" Cartman's voice screeched from the land below. "What is taking so long? It's gotten late so now everyone has to go home! We'll continue tomorrow!"
"Oops." Kenny commented, more to himself, and removed his wig. It was already falling off and it was a pain to keep it steady during their entire sex session. His natural blond hair was a mess, though, wisps sticking up here and there from where he'd been in costume all day. They were themselves now and the game was on hold until tomorrow, a reality that anchored in their stomachs. There was no set way on how to interact now, aside from their normal attitudes towards one another.
"'Oops' nothing, you took too long." Craig cut back as he stood to his feet on the defense.
"Hey, that's no way to talk to your fiancé!" He tried to sound hurt, but just chuckled at his own words and gave Craig a mischievious grin.
"Don't get the wrong idea. I still hate you, McCormick." He tugged his toboggan down over his eyes as he turned away and made a beeline for the ladder.
"I love you, too Feldspar~"
