AN- So here is another one, since today is my day off I decided to have breakfast in bed and catch up on my shows I missed last night due to work and write some more. Let me know what you guys think.
I do apologies if I get anything wrong about what could or could not happen at the hospital, I'm googling to try and get my facts strait about woman in a coma having baby's and what not, so I'm trying to keep it as realistic as I can.
He didn't go to her. He knew he should, but he couldn't. The doctors wanted him to make the decision, him to decide if they were going to try and keep Leslie alive or if they should pull the plug. He didn't know what to do. Her family had come to the hospital and admitted they hardly knew her anymore. They had never gotten along her family not accepting her life choices. Her family had become him. They all agreed. They didn't know about the baby when they told him he could make the decision. He hadn't told anyone yet that he knew who the father was.
Her family wanted to keep her alive because of the baby, but they still wanted to respect Leslie's wants. They knew they couldn't guess what she could have wanted. Her father who arrived after her mother did had told his ex wife that Leslie had wanted a baby at some point in the past, but he couldn't know for sure if this was what she still had wanted. He was the closest to Shay, the only one in her family that she still spoke to. He was the only one that said her life was her own; she could make her own decisions.
He had made the final decision that it should be Kelly that made the final decision, but Kelly still hadn't gone to see her. He couldn't bring himself to look at her looking so peacefully sleeping. He had seen people like that before at any moment they could wake up, or at least they just looked like they would. He knew in the back of his mind he would allow himself to be tricked he knew a part of him would hold on to her wakening up. The doctor's had assured them there was no possibility that she would. That she was gone forever. She wouldn't come back.
His Shay. She was lost to him forever. She would never hold her baby. She would never get to figure out what to call the child. She wouldn't be there for the child's first words, the first time it walked or the first day of school. Shay had wanted a baby while she had given up on any chance he knew it had still been in the back of her mind.
A baby. He wanted to smile at the idea. They had wanted this at one point they had wanted a baby together. He loved kids and babies. He knew he would love her baby, but only if she was there. How could he do this by himself? How could he keep going without her? He couldn't raise a baby on his own. And who knew if they kept her alive and tried to get her body to carry to term they could still lose the baby. He could get his hopes up and still feel more pain and more loss. No he couldn't make this decision.
He walked into the firehouse. He was going to go about his shift; he wasn't going to think about Shay. He couldn't bring himself to make the decision to end her life. He didn't want to be that person. He loved her he couldn't let her go.
"Severide." Came Boden's voice, "My office."
He sighed he knew he was in for a lecture the chief was going to tell him to go home, that he didn't have to be here, but he did. He couldn't sit at home. He couldn't go home. He hadn't gone home. He couldn't go back to that place to know she wasn't going to come through the doors and say she was home. He couldn't stay up all night waiting for someone that wasn't going to come home. No matter how hard he would try and convince himself to go to sleep, but he knew his mind wouldn't let him. So he didn't go. It didn't help he still didn't get to sleep. He walked all night. Just walked. He couldn't stop himself.
"Yes Chief." He tried to sound normal; he tried to sound like he wasn't lost.
"Go home." The chief said. "I already called in someone for you."
"Chief I can work." He told him, "Really I can."
"No." The chief said. "You can't." he paused, "Have you gone to see her?"
Kelly frowned, "No." he told the chief, "Her family is with her."
"You're her family." Boden told him. "You. They want you there."
"I don't want to be there." He told the chief.
"You don't mean that. You two have always been there for each other, always."
He looked up. Always. They were supposed to be there for each other always. Yet she was never going to be there for him again. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't be there for her now when he knew it would be the last time. "I can't." he said, "I just can't."
"Until you can, you won't be here." The chief said, "There are people you can talk to."
"I don't want to talk to anyone!" he almost yelled, "I just want to work."
"I'm sorry Severide, but you can't. Go home." The chief told him. "Or go to the hospital."
Severide shook his head and left the office. He grabbed his bag and ignored the voices from the other men as he left the house. He didn't know where he was going; he didn't know where to go. He couldn't go home but he also couldn't go to the hospital. He couldn't go there because they were going to ask him if was going to keep her alive, they were going to ask him if he made a decision. They wanted to know if he had figured out whom the father was they would want to know if he could find a way to get a hold of him so they could figure out what to do with the baby.
They wanted to keep her alive as if she was some incubator to keep the baby alive, but she would still be dead. They wanted to grow a child in a dead mother. He didn't want to make this decision. He knew that Shay would want the baby, but he couldn't do this with out her. He had no idea what to do with a baby. He wouldn't be able to keep going on his own. He was alone. He couldn't be there for someone else. He couldn't take care of a baby and be alone. He couldn't. He wouldn't.
He looked up slowly and realized his feet had brought him to the hospital. His heart dropped. Why was he here? Always. He was here because she needed him.
He followed his feet and heart not his mind. They brought him to just outside her door. Inside he could see her family inside. Her father and mother who hated each other, but for this short time they were brought together by their daughter. Even though Leslie's mother hadn't spoken to her in a long time, even though she didn't agree with her life choices, but in the end she was here for her daughter.
"Kelly." She said looking up her voice sounded both surprised and relived. "You're here."
He didn't move he just stood in the door way his heart racing. There she was lying there just looking asleep. She seemed as if any moment she could wake up. His voice didn't seem to work he couldn't speak. He felt like he couldn't move she was there so broken. So alone. He shook his head. "I'm sorry." His voice broke, "I'm sorry."
"Shhh." Her mother said as she rushed over to him taking her in her arms as the man cried, "This isn't your fault. This isn't your fault." She had always liked Severide. She had hoped that Leslie would look past her foolish attempt to be with another woman and see she had the perfect man already standing by her side. She had wanted Leslie to marry Kelly they were perfect together. She had seen the way the man looked at her daughter; she had seen the way her daughter looked at him. They had been in love even if they didn't know it. Finally she let go of Kelly when he moved like a ghost over to Leslie's side. He took her hand in his and still didn't say much. He put his head down on the bed resting it on her. Mumbling over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Leslie's father rested his hand on Kelly's back. It broke his heart for the man. The strong fire fighter looking so broken. The man had really loved his daughter. "Kelly." He said softly after a while.
Kelly slowly looked up he knew the questions were coming ones he didn't want to answer.
"Do you know anything about how she ended up-" he stopped his daughter had wanted a baby for so long, but she had decided against it almost a year ago. How was the pregnant now, had she been with a man?
Kelly shook his head not wanting to answer. He knew but he couldn't bring himself to say. He didn't want to make any decisions right now this was too hard. A doctor walked in as Kelly shook his head.
"I know this is a hard time, but she is an organ donor." The doctor started.
"Stop right there." Kelly said his voice low, "Don't even say it." His voice was now a growl.
"Its what she would have want-" the doctor continued.
"You don't know what she would have wanted." He kept his growl as his eyes locked of the doctor, "You didn't know her."
"Kelly-" her mother started.
"No" he growled. He looked at the doctor "Get out."
The doctor looked at Leslie's father, "Sir, the decision comes down to you."
Kelly glanced at her father his heart racing. Finally her father spoke.
"I didn't know my daughter well these past few years, but I did know a year ago she wanted a baby." He paused as he looked at Kelly, "She wanted your baby."
"She wanted any baby." He mumbled as he looked away.
"Kelly." He started, "She didn't say anything to do about this baby?"
"She's about thirteen weeks along." The doctor said slowly, "If you don't want to let her go just yet. We would like to do an ultra sound to check on the baby."
Kelly said nothing his heart raced, did he want to know about the baby.
"Of course." Her father said as the doctor brought in a machine.
Kelly's heart dropped as the doctor looked for a heartbeat, this couldn't be real she wasn't pregnant. Then a sound echoed through a room. A sound that he couldn't help but allow himself to smile. Hope. Shay's hope her future.
"There it is." The doctor smiled, "Can you hear it."
Kelly nodded his head. He could hear the baby he could see the baby. Shay's baby. His Baby. Their baby.
"Kelly." Said her father.
He didn't answer another tear fell down his face as he thought about everything. Shay was gone but here was their child. How could he make this decision? How could he spend months now with Shay here, but not really here? Yet how could he make the decision to kill her and their baby? "I can't do this." He finally said, "I can't make this decision."
"It would be easier if we could speak to her. If we could know who the father was." Her mother said, "To know if this was what she wanted."
"It was me." Kelly said, "They baby's mine." He hung his head as he held her hand, "I can't do this. I can't make this decision, I love her I can't let her go, but I can't-" he stopped, "I can't do this by my self."
Leslie's mom moved over and took his other hand. "Oh Kelly." She said softly.
"You won't do this alone." A voice said from the door. Kelly looked up to see Matt and Gabby standing there. "You know what she would have wanted."
"She would have wanted this baby." He said tears in his eyes. He remembered Shay before shift the last morning they had together at their home.
"Kelly." She said as she came in to the apartment. "You don't have any plans for tomorrow night do you?" she asked.
"No." he said as he looked at her as he put his jacket on, "Why?"
"We need to have dinner." She smiled.
"Big news?" he asked wondering what she could be so excited about, "Good?"
"I think so." She frowned for a moment, "I hope you do too."
"If you think its good then it must be." He smiled as the two walked out of the door together.
"That's what she wanted to tell me." He said softly, "She wanted to tell me at dinner." He shook his head, "She was excited, and she wanted this."
The doctor nodded his head, "Then we will do everything we can." He paused, "There is still no guarantees. This will be a very complicated pregnancy. Her body needs to stay healthy for the baby, we need her to go to term or at least 28 weeks, but lets hope we can get her between 28 weeks and 37 for the baby's best chance."
Kelly nodded his head, but felt numb. His best friend was dying, but she had a chance to leave behind a part of her she had always wanted. He didn't want to allow himself to hope that this baby could make it, he didn't want to feel any more pain from loss.
AN- Leave a review and let me know what you guys think.
