Chapter Two
I unpack my shrine immediately upon being shown to my new room. I then manage to spend a majority of my time sitting in front of it, as if I never left my apartment. To my relief, the boys leave me alone the first couple of days. Maids knock on my door with food trays, and when I don't answer they put it down outside my room. Kyoya eventually brings it in for me and exits without a word. By the second day he must've ordered them to bring it in for me, as they now leave a tray on my desk several times a day. I hardly notice any of it happening. I can't even tell you what color the duvet on my new bed is, having not spared a glance for it. The floor in front of my shrine is plenty comfortable.
In his own home, Kyoya finally starts acting normal around me again. He says what's needed and doesn't bother with unnecessary chatter. After four days here, Kyoya finally decides I need a tour of the house and forces me out of my room. The expedition (because 'tour' seems much too uncouth for someone of Kyoya's upbringing) is overly long, as is required by a large estate such as this. I hardly pay any attention to it, lost in my own thoughts as one superfluous room blends into the next. I'm pretty sure tomorrow is Monday, though I can't say how I know. I haven't looked at a calendar in ages. Why would I when the passage of time means nothing? All future time exists without my dad. It's not fair that the world keeps spinning.
At one point we come upon Kyoya's father in the hall. It's the first I've seen him since moving in, though admittedly that's probably because of my own seclusion. I thank him for allowing my presence in his home, but it doesn't sound as sincere as is proper. I miss my home. My parent's home. He mumbles something about being happy to have me and that it's no trouble at all as he hurries by. He seems like the type that works more often than not, which is just about the best quality anyone could have right now, if you ask me. It means he's one less person I have to deal with worrying about me.
Kyoya ends our exercise in futility by guiding me to his room where the other hosts are waiting. I receive too many hugs and return too little before sitting on the side of the room out of the way, and hopefully, out of mind. They banter with each other and try to pull me into the conversation relentlessly, only to fail each time. Maybe they'll get the hint if I keep my silence. They generally don't, so maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up.
When they're all saying farewells I stand up too. "Bye. I'll see you at school tomorrow."
Their reactions are predictable. There's shock and wide-eyed stares, though if it's because I finally said something or because of what I said, I have no idea. I guess it could always be both. At least for some of them. Tamaki proclaims it to be entirely too soon for me to return and why don't I just stay home a while longer? Who is he to tell me when I should go back? Life goes on, right? It has to. And not to mention this isn't really a "home" I'm staying in.
The others echo his sentiments, but I just repeat my intentions. I have to return eventually, so why not now. It won't make a difference if I wait another week or month. It won't bring him back.
I trek down to the kitchen (I guess Kyoya's tour brought about one good thing) after they're all gone to have a snack. I still don't have an appetite, but I know I can't keep depriving my body. I won't survive a stressful day of school without energy.
The next morning, Kyoya is waiting for me by the front doors. "You don't have to do this, yet. No one's forcing you." If he were a more emotional person, I would say he sounds concerned.
"Yes I do. I've missed two weeks already. I can't get more behind." I slide into the waiting limo tired of this conversation. I'm sick of hearing that I need more time. What do they know of what I need? I need a distraction from my thoughts. I need to keep myself busy so my every thought and action isn't centered around what I've lost. I need to find a way to move on, and that's not going to happen within these walls.
Kyoya slides in beside me and the driver starts the short journey to Ouran. When we arrive, he grabs my wrist gently before I can open the door. I almost want to yell in frustration. Or maybe I should growl. If human speech isn't getting across then perhaps the mannerisms of a beast would do the trick. "Are you sure you want to do this? It's not too late to change your mind, Haruhi."
I take a slow, calming breath as I clench and unclench my fists. He's worried. I know they all are. I should be thankful to have such caring friends. Mostly, I'm just annoyed. Meeting his gaze I say as clearly as I can, "Yes. I need to." He nods and frees my wrist. Let's hope that's the end of that.
Hikaru and Kaoru are waiting just inside the entrance and immediately flank me when I walk through the doors. They don't ask me if I really want to be here or if I'm sure I don't want to stay home a few days longer. Instead, they continue what they've been trying to do since the funeral: cheer me up. Jokes are tossed back and forth and they poke fun at me like old times. I quirk the side of my mouth up in a half smile, needing to give them something for their efforts. In class they take turns passing me little notes, mostly making fun of whatever the topic of discussion is. It's the kind of behavior that used to piss me off because I strive to be a good student. Now...I do need to get back to my studies, but I just can't completely focus on the droning voice in the front of the class. Their distraction is almost nice.
At every break they're by my side with a never ending stream of chatter, and the other hosts join in during lunch. Their constant presence helps keep everyone else away. I think at some point throughout the day every single one of my classmates and most of the guests of the host club try to approach me, but they can't get a word in edgewise. Not that many of them even try. For one, it's rude to interrupt, and Hikaru and Kaoru never leave an opening. But moreso, I think it's because of the glares they send to anyone coming near when they think I'm not looking.
And they don't seem to require my involvement. They include me in their conversations, but don't expect my participation, content to keep talking in my stead. As they walk me to the Ootori's waiting limo at the end of the day, I realize how grateful I am for their actions. I stop before getting in, turning to face their questioning looks.
I look to Hikaru first, and wrap him in a hug. I know he's surprised when he takes a second to return my embrace, but he does, squeezing me tight, and it's not the worst feeling in the world. I let go and do the same to Kaoru, who's more ready than Hikaru. When I pull away I grab one of each of their hands and lock eyes with each. "Thank you for today. You guys were wonderful." And I don't even know if they understand why, but I need them to know I appreciate their efforts. I can't say they succeeded in cheering me up with their antics, but they certainly made what could have been a horrible day bearable.
Their smiles are more genuine and warm than I've seen all day as they wrap me in a group hug and speak together. "Anytime, Haruhi."
::::::
This house is too big. It's a daily thought now. If I bothered to leave my room on my own for more than food I'm sure I'd get lost. Kyoya's room is only two doors down, so I can at least find him if I need to. I never need to. My room is almost as big as my apartment was, and with much nicer furnishings. I even have my very own bathroom. There's really no need to leave other than school, but the other hosts aren't satisfied with that.
They're all here again. Why can't I have just a shred of peace? It's been nearly two weeks of this behavior, and I can't seem to make them understand that their presence is really not necessary. Club activities have been put on hold indefinitely, despite my insistence that they continue without me. I plan to remain a host, even without a debt hanging over my head, but I need a little break from it. I just can't sit with our lovely guests and pretend that everything is alright day after day. But they apparently want to "help me through this transition in my life" and have been spending every day after school at the Ootori estate. More specifically, in my room.
They would say that's my fault though. If I would only be willing to go elsewhere, they would happily leave my private space. But I'm not, so I refrain, once again, from complaining about their presence. It would just extend their visit.
As always, I ignore them as long as they'll allow. I keep my back to them as I start on my school work, siting in my nice leather rolling chair, at my beautiful new cherry wood desk. Together, the two probably cost more than most of the furnishings in my old apartment. The waste of money makes me sick. The hosts chatter among themselves for a time, but it doesn't last as long as I'd like.
"Haruhi! How about we go for a swim? Doesn't that sound fun?" Tamaki, enthusiastic as always, has come up behind me to spin my chair to face the group. If the sudden motion caused me to scribble on my paper like I think it did, he's going to pay for it.
"Not really," I answer, starting to swivel my chair back around. He doesn't let me turn very far, but it's not like I actually expected to.
"Aww come on, Haruhi! I promise it'll be fun!" He's said that about every new idea they've had and it hasn't proven true once. You can't blame me for writing it off this time as well. Writing it off...that's almost a pun considering my potentially ruined homework. Look at me being funny now; they would all be so proud. He's trying to tug me out of the chair now and I wrap my feet around the spinning leg to combat him. My glare doesn't seem to put him off.
"Then you pick something, Haruhi!" Kaoru suggests.
"Yeah, anything! Let's just go do something fun!" Hikaru agrees.
"Then go, already. I have homework." I swear we have a nearly identical conversation everyday. Honey will probably try to get me to eat something sweet next.
"You don't have that much homework, Haruhi! We're in the same class!" Kaoru isn't wrong.
"Then you know I have more than none, so that's what I'm doing."
"I brought a new cake today, Haru-chan! It's a strawberry lemonade cake! Strawberry for the cake, and lemon flavored icing! Will you try it with me?" And there it is. They really need to get new material.
"No, thank you, Honey-senpai." Tamaki finally allows me to whirl back to my desk where I find that my pen has marked the desk instead of my paper. I frown at the blemish on this perfect new desk and vow to find a way to fix it before any of the Ootori's see it and think I'm throwing their money away. I would never do that.
The guys go back to talking, and I tune them out. I'm sure they'll interrupt again soon so I have to finish as much as possible before they do. I've only written another paragraph when I see Kaoru out of my peripherals, crouched on my left side, head only as high as my elbow. I looked to the right, not surprised to find Hikaru in an identical position.
"Whatcha workin' on, Haruhi? History?" Kaoru asked slowly inching his hand towards my paper. I hit his fingers with my pen and don't answer.
"Hey, Haruhi, mind if I look something up in the text book?" Hikaru reaches for my open book and I knock his hand away.
"I do mind; I'm using that. You have your own." While I spoke, Kaoru's hand crept back onto the desk, and I didn't see it soon enough. He grabbed my paper and stood up, stepping out of reach. "Kaoru!"
"Oh this is very well written, Haruhi! It would be a tragedy if you had to redo all this hard work."
"Give it back, Kaoru." I stand up to face him, holding my hand out. When he doesn't hand it over I thrust my hand out for it, and he raises it into the air where I can't reach.
"Nuh uh Haruhi!" Hikaru walks up beside his brother to grab the paper, all the while wagging his finger at me. He glances at it and then back at me. "Oh this is really well done. You wouldn't want something to happen to it, would you?"
I sigh, defeated. "Fine, what do you want?" Might as well get whatever it is over with.
They turn to each other and smile before looking back at me and intoning together, "We want you to come swimming!"
"Fine, I'll go swimming with you. Now give me back my paper." My hand is still out, waiting.
"Not until we're done!" Hikaru teases, lowering the paper to a reachable height and then lifting it back up when I lunge for it.
"Okay, fine." I turn to face the others with a huff, hand dropping to my side. "Where are we going swimming? The resort again? Did the problems get fixed?"
"No, the Ootori's have a pool right here! You didn't know?" Tamaki motioned in the general direction of said pool.
I shake my head. How could I know? I barely leave my room. Though it was probably mentioned during Kyoya's forced excursion. Maybe I should've paid more attention. "Well that's easier at least. Get out of my room so I can change."
They all oblige merrily, and for a moment after closing the door I consider locking it and barricading it to keep them out. Screw the paper, I have time to write a better one. But I can't do that to them, because I know they just want to help, even if they tend to do the exact opposite. I have to search a while to find one of the bathing suits Hikaru and Kaoru gave me. They unloaded a whole new wardrobe on me when I moved in here, but most of it I haven't touched. The one I grab is a bikini. It's frilly and pink and more girly than anything I would've bought myself, but I put it on anyway. With difficulty. Luckily (if you can call it that under the circumstances) it ties together instead of just being a slip on. I have to tighten the strings way past what's normal to get it to stay. I lost too much weight after and still am not putting much effort into eating a healthy amount of anything. The swimsuit sits awkwardly on me, accentuating my too-bony hips and ribs more than anything, and I really doubt that's what Hikaru and Kaoru were going for when they decided to play dress up with me. It doesn't matter as long as the suit serves its purpose. I find an over-sized shirt to throw on over it and open my bedroom door.
Kyoya is the only one waiting. "The others went on down to change. Shall we join them?"
"They all just happened to have suits to change into?" I ask as we walk, now skeptical that this was a spontaneous idea.
"They all keep an extra suit here, just in case." Of course they did.
When we arrive at a set of glass doors, I'm surprised to realize we're near the kitchen. I really should've seen the pool one of the many times I passed by. Kyoya holds a door open for me, and I'm left slightly awed when I step through. Except for the wall attaching the large room to the house, every wall is glass. The high pointed ceiling is also glass, allowing for a beautiful view of the colorful sky as the sun starts to set. It reminds me of a greenhouse. The temperature is warmer than the rest of the Ootori estate, denying the cold winter outside.
With just a glance, I'm pretty sure the pool is Olympic size, if not Olympic depth. The end of the pool closest to the entrance is the deep end, measuring twelve feet, and sports a spring diving board just above the water level. There are several adjustable lounge chairs around the edge of the pool, each with a towel laying in wait. Several are occupied with the other host's things. They're already rough housing in the water, making entirely more noise than necessary. There were straight backed chairs too, sitting around tables that held umbrellas.
Kyoya let me take it all in for a minute before drawing my attention. "There are changing rooms and bathrooms in the hall just opposite the door." He gestured back the way we came. "You can use them in the future so you don't have to walk through the whole house like that."
I glance down at myself, frowning. My large shirt is covering everything, so it wasn't like I was exposing myself to the whole house. "Is there something wrong with how I look?" I'm not offended, just genuinely curious.
"No. I only meant if it was uncomfortable. You're free to walk around as you wish, Haruhi. This is your home too." Kyoya walks away from me after that, removing his glasses and shirt and tossing them on an empty chair. He jumps into the pool near the others, splashing them.
"Come on Haru-chan! It's not cold!" Honey waves me over, eager as the rest for me to have some fun.
I pick a chair next to the others and take my shirt off. If I were deaf, the sudden lack of laughs and shouts from the hosts might've gone unnoticed. But I'm not, and when an overly rambunctious group goes from making concert-level noise to dead silence, it's hard not to worry. I whip around to face them, afraid they've all drowned simultaneously or been abducted by aliens, because of course only tragic things come to mind right now. They're all fine though, and staring straight at me.
And the silence now makes sense. A few months ago it would've been because they're hormonal teenage males, seeing me in a bikini for the first time. I'm not stupid. But now, I don't know if their stares are more because of the lack of meat on my bones. Is it really that surprising though? They've all hugged me, and touched (probably reassuringly?) on the arm more times than I care to remember, so how could they have missed the differences? I roll my eyes and let them look. It doesn't matter to me if or why they stare, the same way eating enough and happiness don't matter anymore. None of it matters. I head for the diving board, pausing once I've climbed the two steps up to it.
"Haruhi! Are you sure you want to do that?" Tamaki extends a hand to stop me. The others look worried as well. Do they think I can't swim? Or that I look so fragile now that I'll break when I hit the water? I scoff and shake my head, disbelieving. You can't break what's already shattered.
I walk towards the board's edge and bounce twice to give me some air. I arch forward into a simple swan dive and feel the water enclose around me as I pierce the surface. The water is warmer than I expect; it must be heated. I hold myself under water for a moment, relishing in the feeling. I haven't been swimming in years, and it feels surprisingly nice to be surrounded by water again. I come up for air to find the over-zealous hosts clapping and cheering. I'm almost surprised my suit is still clinging to me. I swim over to them, no longer completely dreading this activity.
"That was amazing, Haruhi!" Kaoru praises.
"We didn't know you could do that!" Hikaru joins.
"It was just a simple dive," I say, treading water by them. It wasn't anything fancy, and I doubt any of them couldn't do the same.
"No, it was a beautiful dive, Haruhi! So graceful! So elegant!" Tamaki swims closer to wrap me in a hug that I really don't want. I bet now that he's noticed my thin figure it's easier to feel my bones jutting into him.
"I haven't done it in awhile, and I over-rotated. My feet almost flew past my head." Did they not see how much my dive had flopped?
Kyoya shakes his head, smiling. "Leave it to Haruhi to find fault with the first fun thing she's volunteered to do."
I frown, and finally slip through Tamaki's grasp, down into the water. There are perks to being small. A few kicks later I resurface by Mori. "I didn't know you were such a good swimmer, Haru-chan!" Honey is in an inner tube and I'm a little jealous that he's not having to work to stay afloat like I am. The group isn't far enough towards the shallow end for me to stand. I reach out and latch on to take a break. Honey smiles knowingly.
"My mom taught me when I was little. She was a great swimmer. Dad kept taking me through the first half of middle school. I haven't been since then." I frown at the thought. Maybe I don't want to swim after all.
They must be onto my train of thought because out of the blue, water is being splashed everywhere and I let go of Honey's floaty. "Water fight!" Hikaru and Kaoru yell together. I drop under the surface to avoid the flying water, intending to swim away from the action. Kyoya grabs my leg before I can get anywhere, forcing me back up, straight into a splash from Tamaki.
I don't know how to feel about that. Angry for having been splashed? Indignant for being used as a human shield? Annoyed at being here at all? I settle for vengeful. Facing Tamaki, I start forcing as much water through the air towards him as quickly as I can. Smiling, Hikaru and Kaoru join me in a war against the King.
Tamaki sinks below the surface, admitting defeat. Needing new targets, Hikaru rotates to his left to attack Honey and Kyoya, while Kaoru only needs to half turn to get Mori and me. We retaliate, not accepting defeat. When Tamaki shows himself he's laughing as much as the Hitachiins. Unable to decide which fight to join, he settles for sending a few splashes at Hikaru then switching to Kaoru. Speeding the battle along, Mori dunks Kaoru underwater, effectively ending his assault.
"Cheater!" Hikaru yells, noticing his brother's defeat. Kaoru resurfaces, laughing and sending us a huge grin. The side of my mouth quirks up momentarily, glad that they're enjoying themselves. Just because I'm depressed doesn't mean they shouldn't have fun.
Honey splashes over to me in his inner tube, smiling. He directs my arm to his tube, and starts swimming to the shallower end of the pool. It's still four and a half feet deep, but at least I can finally stand. Honey can as well, and removes his flotation device, lobbing it onto the dry edge of the pool. "So, you're a good swimmer Haru-chan. Wanna race?" He backs up against the edge, putting a foot against the pool wall behind him.
I shrug, why not? I copy his stance, and look at him for the signal to start. "We'll just do freestyle, 'kay? And first one past them wins!" Still smiling, Honey turns back to the others, still in the middle of the pool, and yells, "Hey, Takashi! Wait a few seconds and then say 'go'!" Mori nods his understanding, and the whole group shifts their attention to us.
"Go."
I push off and the splash at my side tells me Honey has done the same. Our friends are yelling, cheering I think, for whoever they want to win. It reminds me of my mom, cheering when I learned a new stroke, encouraging me to keep at it and get better. The memory brings purpose to each of my movements as I decide I want to win.
But I don't. As soon as I recognize I've passed the finish line I pop my head up to find Honey, already having finished and smiling at me apologetically. I had spent too much of the race not caring enough to try, that my sudden aspiration and speed became pointless.
"Let's go again," I state, swimming back to the start before anyone has a chance to react. Honey joins me, his smile somehow different. Softer, maybe.
We look towards the others, and they're smiling too. "You've got this Haruhi!" Tamaki yells. "Take him down!"
When Mori says "Go" this time, I push off from the wall with everything I've got. I force myself forward as fast as I can, putting everything I can into each stroke. Honey only barely beats me this time, and I'm glad he hasn't just let me win. "Again? Backstroke this time." It's been so long since I swam, I want to see how rusty I am with each stroke.
"I want in!" Tamaki declares, making his way to the shallow end.
"Us too!" Hikaru and Kaoru add, following.
"Might as well all go," Kyoya reasons. Honey grins again as we all make our way to the end. We spread out evenly along the wall, this time facing it, our backs to the finish line. "To the other end, then?" No one disagrees with Kyoya's suggested distance. "Mori, if you'll do the honors."
After a few long seconds of anticipation, Mori tells everyone to go, and we push off. I feel clumsy in the water with this stroke. It was never my best. At some point, I veer off course, swimming straight into Tamaki. He grunts as my arm comes down on his stomach and he's forced below the surface.
"I'm so sorry, senpai! I didn't mean to." But he laughs, brushing off my apology. I don't see what's so funny; I could've really hurt him.
Out of the race now, we watch the others. Kaoru makes a similar mistake to my own, nearly running into Hikaru, who kicks out with his foot, trying to fend off his twin. It catches Kaoru's leg, twisting their limbs together, and leaving them sputtering out water and laughing. And seeing it happen to someone else? I can kind of see the humor in it now. My mouth attempts to quirk up again before quickly dropping.
Kyoya wins the race by a good distance. I can hear Mori's congratulations, and see Honey's surprise. I don't find it surprising though. This is Kyoya's pool after all, and I don't think any of the others have one. He's probably spent a lot more time in the water than anyone else. Honey's athleticism can only help him so far.
Spread wide across the pool, everyone makes their way back to the shallow end and Tamaki asks what I want to do this time. "Butterfly." It used to be my favorite stroke, if not my best. I always got a kick out waving my feet through the water like I was a dolphin. Heh, 'kick.' Maybe they're starting to bring my sense of humor back after all.
I'm only half way across the pool when I feel myself slowing down. I forgot just how many muscles it took to do the butterfly - to swim in general, really - and I'm not in as good of shape as I could be. Everyone reaches the end this time without incident. Kyoya wins again, followed by Mori and then Honey. Kaoru and then Hikaru are next, though Kyoya questions the legitimacy of their placement.
"Whatever you two were doing, it wasn't the butterfly stroke. Some convoluted mash of the butterfly with the breaststroke, maybe. If I had finished faster I'm sure I would've seen other strokes thrown in as well. As such, you two lose this round."
That moved my placement up after Honey, which I feel is respectable. Tamaki comes in last, looking as exhausted as I feel. Apparently him and the twins didn't so a lot of swimming growing up.
After a few minutes of resting in the water, everyone's ready to start the breaststroke. "I think I'll sit this round out," Kaoru announces.
"Me too. We'll be judges this round." Hikaru and Kaoru hoist themselves out of the water and walk down to the shallow end to wait for us. Hikaru has the honor of yelling 'go' this time. Kyoya wins again, big surprise there, and Honey is second this time. He seems pleased at having beat his cousin this round, after losing to him in the previous. Kaoru announces that I tied Mori for third, but I seriously doubt the validity of the call. Mori doesn't seem to mind my stealing any of his limelight though, so I don't question it. Tamaki is last again, but smiles anyway, enjoying spending time with us.
I'm envious of that smile. Even in last place, Tamaki is happy. I did better than him in every round, not counting backstroke, and I still feel like a failure. I feel like I'm letting my parents down, wasting all their time and effort teaching me. And the fact that I'm disappointed just makes me feel worse! I've never been a sore loser.
"Haru-chan you did so great! I can't believe it's been years since you've been swimming!" Honey is splashing around in front of me, and I'm thankful for his reminder.
"Thanks, Honey-sempai." I manage a small smile because he's right. It's been years since I've done anything like this. I should really try to focus on my ability to finish each lap, rather than my speed in doing so. That focus might take some work.
The rest of our time in the water is more relaxed. At one point they decide to show off their diving abilities to me, and take turns doing anything but dive. Mostly it seems to be a competition of who can make the biggest splash without doing a cannonball, of which there are plenty.
All-in-all, I have to say it was a successful evening. The other hosts all had a great time, and even managed to coerce a few smiles from me. Maybe it will get them off my back a little. Then again, their not-so-covert frowns every time I hoisted myself out of the water make me think just the opposite.
A/N: The next chapter is partially written already, so it shouldn't take me too long to post it for you guys. Let me know what you think!
