Chapter Two: A Loss Realised

The silver tabby tom was stretched out on some old sheet metal, heated by the sun, it was a choice nap spot for any cat and Munkustrap relaxed in the warmth of the surface beneath him. He sighed slowly to himself, remembering the memorial service that had taken place the night before. As he did so, he stole a glance upwards at the figure of the tomcat seated high up and alone, where he had barely moved from since last night. The sight made Munkustrap shudder, he could feel the loss personified in the tom's lonely vigil and swiftly looked down again, reaching out a paw and placing it around the black and gold queen lying next to him, taking comfort in the warmth and softness of her fur.

Demeter stirred in her sleep at her mate's touch, but didn't wake up. Munkustrap pulled her close to him, she meant more to him than anyone else, he imagined how he'd feel if he lost her, just as the lonely tomcat had lost his closest companion. He shuddered again, what the tom must be going through didn't bear thinking about. He held Demeter tight, reassured by her presence.

Demeter opened her eyes as he hugged her, noticing the fear and grief in her mate's expression.

"Shh, it's alright, you've still got me."

Munkustrap looked down at Demeter and gave her a small smile, gently nuzzling her before replying.

"I know, and I've never been more glad that I have. When you lose a friend it suddenly brings those you care about into perspective. I'm so lucky I still have you with me."

He glanced again in the tom's direction. Demeter followed his gaze,

"Has he been there all night?"

Munkustrap nodded, "I think so."

"Munk, maybe you should go talk to him? I can't imagine what he must be going through right now."

"I know, loosing her as a friend is bad enough for us, but losing his sister, his twin sister, I can't even begin to fathom how Coricopat must be feeling."

Demeter nodded sadly, "They were closer than close, I don't think it could have hit him harder." She paused, casting another worried frown in Coricopat's direction, "Have you spoken to him since it happened?"

"Just the once, right after we got the news, I don't think he'd really registered at that point though, I'm not even sure if he heard me speak."

"You should go to him, it can't be good for him to spend this time alone."

Munkustrap sighed and got to his paws.

"I know, I'll try talking to him, I don't know that he'll appreciate it, but we should at least let him know we're here for him when he needs us."

"I don't think he'll appreciate too many cats fussing around him. I'll wait for you here, you're his closest friend, if he wants to talk to anyone it will be you."

Munkustrap nodded slowly, he lent over and nuzzled his mate again before making his way towards Coricopat's solitary junkpile.

Coricopat's back was still turned to the main clearing. He stared instead at a vista of mostly unchartered rubbish that made up the southern side of the Jellicle Junkyard, and the smoky city skyline beyond it. He'd sat there all night, from the beginning of Tantomile's memorial service, until dawn, and then on into the heat of the day, barely moving, barely speaking, and barely thinking.

It was easier that way, every word, every motion, every little thing that filtered through his subconscious reminded him that she was gone. So he'd shut himself off, even from parts of his own mind, because even that felt empty. Normally he was always aware of her presence. Even when they were physically apart, he still knew she was there, and to talk with her was the work of a single thought, a simple telepathic request. Now he would never talk with her again. That presence that had been so close in his mind, the presence that had been there from the day they were both born, had shattered and disappeared. For the first time in his life, Coricopat was truly alone.

Munkustrap approached Coricopat carefully, he didn't want to startle him, but as he drew near, the other tom turned around sharply.

As Coricopat turned, everything he'd tried to block out seemed to come flooding back. Just the almost automatic use of his telepathic senses (the senses that meant he knew the silver tabby was there) reminded him of her, and when he turned, normally a fluid movement, (for the twins had been graceful felines) often conducted effortlessly in perfect unison, the loss of her presence at his side made it feel jerky and awkward.

"Munkustrap."

Coricopat couldn't keep the coldness out of his tone as he greeted the tabby with a stony stare, bitterly angry at the one who had broken him from his dysfunction and forced him to think about her again.

Munkustrap had half expected a degree of hostility from the grieving tom, but the anger blazing in Coricopat's eyes still took him by surprise. He couldn't help but shiver, it was as if a dark cloud had descended over the cat standing before him. Still, he couldn't very well back away now.

"I, er, I just thought I'd come and see how you were holding up, you've been sat there for hours."

"That was the point." Coricopat muttered darkly, but some of the hostility slipped from his voice as he added "anything's better than thinking about her."

Munkustrap sighed, approaching his friend, "I know Cori, I wish there was something I could say or do for you."

"Well there's not." Coricopat snapped, his expression darkening again, "She's gone and she's not coming back."

Munkustrap stayed silent, there wasn't a lot you could say to that.

Coricopat didn't say anything either, the truth of what he'd just said was dawning on him, his twin sister, the other half of him, had gone forever. Suddenly he felt utterly alone. He turned his back on Munkustrap again, feeling the enormity of what her loss meant to him.

Munkustrap sat quietly, but after some time, the tension became unbearable.

"Cori," he put a paw on Coricopat's shoulder, "maybe you should eat something."

"And maybe you should leave me the fuck alone."

Coricopat rounded on Munkustrap, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Don't you understand, she's gone, Tanta's gone," his voice broke as he uttered her name, "I'll never sense her again. You don't understand what that means to me, you don't understand what she meant to me." he finished bitterly.

His dark eyes were streaming now, he pushed past Munkustrap, slipping quickly away down the junkpile and disappearing between piles of rubbish.

Munkustrap's eyes pricked as well, he hated seeing Coricopat like this, the poor tom had taken Tantomile's death even harder than he had thought, it really seemed as if there was nothing he could do for him, nothing time wouldn't do on it's own anyway.

Coricopat made for his den in the Junkyard, enough his own territory that he could find some peace, no Jellicle would enter another's den without permission, it was considered an invasion of privacy.

What he had not been prepared for, however, was the smell; Tantomile's scent was everywhere. They'd always shared a den, preferring to be together, but he'd never really noticed her scent before, he supposed because he'd been used to it, but now she wasn't there to match it to, it seemed much more distinctive to him. Fresh tears sprang to his eyes as he laid himself down, the horrible certainty of his loneliness creeping up on him again. He tried to do what he had done before, blocking out everything, but now it wouldn't work. The grief washed over him and he succumbed to it, letting out a cry of anguish as he dissolved fully into sobs.