"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

"Drive."

Matt was watching my every move from the front window. He was still wearing the grin that had been plastered on his face ever since I had said yes to his proposal. He was so damn happy, it made my heart physically ache.

"What? Where do-"

"Just drive."

I forced myself to lift my hand and wave at Matt. I hoped the expression on my face was neutral; I was finding it hard to breath. Ever since we had driven home from the beach his hand had been in mine, or on my knee, or in my hair. I could smell him on my skin. I could taste him on my lips. He hadn't given me a moment to process everything. My mouth was beginning to hurt from smiling.

"Jade? Are you alright?"

I couldn't speak. I was replaying the scene from the beach over and over in my head. Clearly, I could imagine my Mum's bright smile when I told her I was marrying Matt. I could imagine her bringing out her 'special bottle of wine' and immediately phoning the entire town to tell them our news. She would have been so happy.

Maybe that was why my heart felt so heavy in my chest. Maybe it wasn't the actual thought of marriage. Maybe it was knowing that my Mum would never be there to watch me walk down the aisle or pick dresses or tell Mrs. Stanely how my wedding would be so much better than Jessica's.

"Jade? You're beginning to scare me now."

Louise looked unusually tense and I watched as she tightened her grip on the wheel. Her chestnut, brown hair was thrown up in a messy bun as if she had run out of the house as soon as I had called.

"I'm fine," I managed to say. The further away we got from town, the easier it became for me to breath. I realised Louise was heading in the direction of La Push.

"You don't sound fine," her eyes darted between me and the road, "You sounded frantic on the phone. I thought something had happened to you, or Matt. You can't do that to me. I was expecting to find you half dead, not waving and grinning like a twelve year old." Shit. I hope Matt hadn't picked up on my awful acting skills. I thought I was pretty convincing.

"Matt…asked me to marry him."

I let out a curse word as Louise slammed on the breaks, my whole body jolted forward. Her eyes were wide. Behind us, a car beeped their horn but Louise just flipped them off. She was grinning; it hurt to look at.

"That's great!"

I just stared at her.

"Not great?" She tried again. I couldn't find the words to answer her. She let out another curse as the horns continued to blare behind us.

"Alright, alright! I'm moving."

I closed my eyes as the car slowly began to move again. I could feel her eyes watching me, rather than the road, which worried me slightly. She had never been the best driver; my Mum would always jokingly place her hand on her heart when Louise brought me home safe from a night out.

"What's wrong? This is amazing news."

"I just-" I stumbled over my words, "It was so unexpected. He's eighteen, I'm seventeen. People are going to think I'm knocked up."

"When have you ever cared what people thought?" She was right. I took it upon myself to try and ignore the town gossip, however hard it seemed at times. Where as Louise thrived in it; she loved to know who was cheating on who and who was the latest person to succumb to alcoholism. It was just the same shit over and over again.

"I just don't know if this is what I want."

The same familiar road passed by us in a blur. We had driven down it so many times I had lost count. I could remember clearly when Louise had first got her license and we had turned the radio up so loud as we drove that we couldn't hear ourselves think. Everything had seemed so simple then.

"This is Matt we're talking about," Louise smiled gently at me, "Reliable, caring Matt. The same Matt who brings you coffee in bed in the morning and doesn't mind when you drink milk from the carton, which personally I think is gross. Who wouldn't want that?"

"It's just all so sudden," I was grasping around to find some reason why marriage was a bad idea, but my mind was drawing a blank. Louise just laughed.

"You have been dating since you were thirteen. There is nothing sudden about this."

"I don't understand why we just can't wait awhile."

"Nobody is saying you have to get married straight away," I jumped as Louise put a reassuring hand on my arm, "People can be engaged for years."

Not in Forks they couldn't. I knew as soon as the news of our engagement was around town people would be cornering me asking about dates and bridesmaids and honeymoons. People lived for weddings in Forks, there wasn't much else to look forward to. The longest engagement had been eight months. But I swallowed these thoughts.

"You're right," I said instead. And she was. We had both known Matt since birth. She was my best friend, aside from Matt, and if she didn't have any doubts, then I definitely shouldn't.

"I normally am," she winked as she pulled into the new Diner on the outskirts of La Push, "Now will a slice of chocolate cake cheer you up?"

"You know me too well."

"I do," she stopped me from getting out of the car, "And that's why I know you will be happy with Matt. You're just in shock just now."

I knew what shock felt like. Shock made my bones fell heavier and my movements feel sluggish. Shock was like a slap in the face. Shock was not what I was experiencing in that moment but I nodded my head in agreement with Louise. I had found myself agreeing with people more and more even when I thought they were wrong. It was the only way to live in Forks without alienating yourself from the entire population. I often wondered how Matt and Louise seemed to integrate themselves into the community so seamlessly while I often felt like I was wading knee deep in mud. Matt was the only reason people ever spoke to me; well that, and their pity. Which I hated.

"Can I help you?"

I realised I had gotten out of the car and followed Louise into the Diner without even thinking about it. I could feel myself getting a headache as I slid into a booth. A waitress was looking at me expectantly.

"I'll have a coffee. Black please." Like my soul. I was a heartless person. If Matt was still at my house when I got back, I would ask him to stay the night and make him breakfast in bed in the morning. I couldn't believe that I had abandoned him the night that he had proposed to me. I felt sick.

"What about your chocolate cake?" Louisa was looking at me with narrowed eyes while the waitress looked more interested in the table of locals across from us, rather than our order.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I lied, "But could I have a slice to take away when we leave?" Matt loved their chocolate cake almost as much as I did.

"Of course."

Louise and I both watched in silence as the waitress walked away. One of the locals shouted something at her and she blushed and gave him a wave before walking quickly in the direction of the kitchen. Irrational jealousy grew within me. I tried to remember the last time that Matt had made me blush. I tried to remember the last time he had complimented me in front of our friends.

"Huh?" I realised Louise was trying to talk to me.

"I was asking who you're going to pick to be bridesmaids? Obviously me," I rolled my eyes at her, "But who else? Angela always looks good in anything she wears. I will not have Mrs Stanely bribe you into having Jessica. That girl has been a bridesmaid too many damn times to count. Besides, I think her and Mike might be hearing the sound of tiny feet soon, if you know what I mean?"

I tried to tune her out. I watched the way her eyes would widen when she remembered a new bit of gossip and the way she flung her hands about to describe what she was saying. In school, we would sit up the back of the classroom and talk about Paris and Vegas and Australia. We would talk about becoming lawyers or pilots or writers. I could understand her excitement over those things. I wondered when she had begun her transition from dreamer to settler. I wondered when it would happen to me too.

"Jade?" She snapped her fingers in front of my face, "Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course," I lied flawlessly. I was getting good at lying. My Mum would have been disappointed. The thought made my chest hurt.

"What did I just say?"

"Something about Jessica and Mike and babies?"

She just sighed.

"We've moved onto Charlie Swan now. Did you see he's put his house up for sale? It's about time, he's practically lived with that Sue women for years now. I wonder what ever happened to that daughter of his."

"It's not really any of our business."

The silence grew between us. That had been beginning to happen more and more. When we were younger, there had never been any silence between us. She had always known what I was thinking.

"Look, I know you're anxious about the wedding, but you don't have to do this alone," I kept my eyes on the table as she spoke, "I can help you, I'm the most organised person you know. We can go to cake tastings and dress fittings. It is going to be the wedding of the decade. And-"

I couldn't listen to her rambling on. I just couldn't. My headache was building.

"I-I need the bathroom."

"Jade?" Louise called after me, but I ignored her. Instead of heading for the toilet, I headed for the door. I needed some fresh air.

"Brady! Watch out!"

All the breath left me in one gasp as one of the men coming in through the front door slipped on a wet patch on the floor and literally fell on top of me. Damn. He was heavy. My back was definitely going to bruise from that fall.

"Jade? Are you alright?" Louise's voice sounded far away. I struggled to push the giant man off of me. I could hear the other locals laughing around us. A proposal and public humiliation all in one day; just what I needed.

"Crap. I'm so sorry." I finally let out a breath as Brady rolled off of me and jumped to his feet. He immediately reached for my hand to help me up.

And as cheesy as it sounds, that's when our eyes met, and everything else disappeared. Just for a second. But it terrified me. If he could make me forget everything; Matt, Louise, my Mum with just one look, what would happen if I stared for too long.

Thoughts?