Okay, Okay, you won! I will write the sequel first. Well, truthfully I have had it stuck in my head all weekend. Ooooh, I had really bad computer-withdrawal over the Weekend. I was at my dad's from Fri-Sun rather then Fri-Sat and (apart from going to this suicidal adventure park- seriously, I don't know why the Health & Safety Authorities haven't shut it down!) I have had NO creative outlets at all. Couldn't do digital art, couldn't write fanfics, couldn't work on my animation, couldn't work on the game…arrrrgghh. I really don't know how I'm going to survive my holiday.


The Fun is in the Chase

Wednesday June 11th

2.30pm

Marvy Day. Sun shining. Birds Tweeting. Poodles Pratting. Marvy Day.

2 minutes later

So, answer me this. How, on such a marvy day can I be in such a dire state of confusiosity?

3 minutes later

How in the name of Jas' Gigantibus Knick-Knacks have I ended up stalking Dave the Laugh?

5 minutes later

Well. I know how that happened. I overheard Dave telling Tom how much he luuurved me but then he found me listening and had a spaz attack. Then I went around his house to talk to him and he had a nervy B and then ignorez-voused me. And then I told him I loved him and he went completely bonkers and told me to stalk him.

And then he snogged me to an inch of my life and went off.

3 minutes later

After Dave the Laugh snogged me into the oblivion of Stupid Braindom, I was in too much of a daze to chase after him. And incapable of movement. Well, I could have ran off after him like a loon but a) I quite possibly may have fallen over for jelloidosity and b) I would have looked like a red faced tart in desperados. Which I am not.

1 minute later

I am just a tart in desperados. Without the red face.

Although quite possibly with permanent panda eyes.

Merde.

2 minutes later

Not that I am blubbing like two short blubbing things on blubbing tablets. It is just the mascara will not come off.

I am destined to look like one of those sad Goths who have black make up all around their eyes.

30 seconds later

Anyway, before my brainbox trailed off into the Land of Rambling Ramblers of Rambleton-shutupshutupshutup! As I was saying, it took me about five minutes to recover from my traumatic shock and then I went looking for Dave the Laugh. Or Laughman as he as known at night.

You would think walking around like a pink haired loon with a demented little brother it would be vair, vair easy-peasy to find him. Especially since Nash had a mob of angry footballers chasing him. But it wasn't. That is le fact.

I could not find him anywhere.

Some stalker I'd make.

4 minutes later

Not that I am going to stalk him. I like to think I have more pridnosity than that.

That is what I like to think.

3 minutes later

Anyway, how would you charm a Laugh?

I could ask my Wise Woman of the Forest bestest pally pal…

2 minutes later

Maybe not. Jas would tell me to take him newt hunting and worship the way of the twig. Can you imagine me and Dave the Laugh going newt hunting? It is not like we would find any newts. I would most probably fall in the river. And then the Bride of the Vole will have our heads mounted on her bedroom wall for wreaking devastation to the Newt Population.

So she has in a word been branded a yellow fish by a red fish. Or so to speak.

1 minute later

Shutup about newts and fish. It is all this river business.

3 minutes later

I could ask the Wise Viking One Ro-Ro to explain.

2 minutes later

Although I will be tortured by the beard. And no human should have to. It is not right.

And besides, she will tell me to entice him in by snacks and snogging. Which would not work…well, maybe the snogging would.

1 minute later

So, the nub and gist is that my two trés Wise Pals are not wise but in fact full of Wubbish.

Double Poo. And Merde. I will have to go it alone.

3 minutes later

I was doing a marvy job reeling him in with glaciousity and eschewing him with a firm hand. Maybe that is what he likes. Me being mystery girl.

He wants to be mystery boy now. And eschew me and display glaciousity.

2 minutes later

Hahahahahaha. Dave displaying glaciousity. That will be a sight for sore eyes. And normal eyes. And in fact, any eyes that fancy a laugh. Not that eyes laugh. ShutupShutupShutup.

1 minute later

Anyway, back to the heart of the matter.

I can't display glaciousity if I am supposed to be all keen and stalking him.

2 minutes later

Which I am not going to do, being full of pridnosity and digniosity.

I must make the suffra-watsits proud. They fought for equal rights of the girly-types.

3 minutes later

So if it is equal rights then it is only fair for me to take a turn with chasing Dave the Laugh.

1 minute later

Not that I will.

2 minutes later

And besides. Because they fought for equal rights, I have to go to school. And witness the horror of Slim's Chin. Or rather chins.

3 minutes later

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers. Things have really gone up Shi Cree without a watsit.

3.30pm

Mutti came looning back home. All giggly and red faced. I wonder what she has been up to? On second thoughts, I don't want to know what she has been up to.

She had a bag of bog-roll in one arm and Libby in the other. Libby was wearing another Toddler's dress. On top of her own.

It makes you wonder what the other Toddly-Folk went home in.

Most probably a match box.

2 minutes later

Naturally, seeing as her life ended in the Stone Age, Mutti had to come into my room to see what I was doing.

"What are you doing in your room?"

I said, "As a matter of fact I am making a lovely roast dinner,"

But my comedy genius was wasted. Which was a shame, because it had two prongs of hilariousity. Firstly, I don't have an oven in my room and secondly, there is only moss in the fridge. Even in such a time of pooinosity, I have a shining Laugh-o-Factor.

Mutti said, "I am pleased to see you did what you are told and stayed in the house,"

I said, "Hahahahahaha, of course I did, barely moved a muscle, no social life for me, I am going to be a nun,"

Mutti still would not leave me alone, "Why is your mascara smudged?"

I decided to play on the old heart strings (what heart strings?) "I was crying because I could not sort this really bad thing out, which is private and vair, vair upsetting,"

Mutti looked a bit hesitant, "Well, err, seeing as you did what I asked, I guess you can go out for a bit, just be back before your dad is,"

I nearly fell over in shock.

10 minutes later

I still look a bit like Polly the Panda, eye-wise but I think I did a good job covering it up with concealer.

2 minutes later

Now…what to do with my new-found freedom?

3 minutes later

I could go on stalking duties…

Or not. I am not that desperate.

2 minutes later

I wonder what Dave the Laugh is doing now?

4 minutes later

Oh fabby. Blunder Boys alert.

I dived into a bush.

3 minutes later

Trapped in a Bush

Mark Big Gob and his gang of Thick-Heads have lit up fags and are generally being naff and crap while I am stuck in a bush. With a twig up my bum 'oley.

Mark said, "Yeah, that Zoë Bird let me go all the way with her. She is well easy,"

One of the Blunder Boys said, "I heard she'd been shagging Gary every Wednesday after school. I would watch out, mate. She's probably got something,"

Mark said, "That Gary is well stupid. Anyway, Josie was looking at me proper good, like, so I think I'm in with her anyway,"

And Junior Blunder Boy, Oscar said, "Well, I got all the way up with Harriet and also Gabby, and…err…"

In your dreams, Oscar.

Home

4.00pm

I thought Mutti was going to choke on her coffee when I walked in. I think she thought I'd run away. To Hamburger-a-go-go land.

6.30pm

I was called downstairs. When the Elderly Loons want my company it means one of two things: they are bored with there own lives and want to wreck mine or I am in deep Merde.

My bet is on the latter.

Vati shouted, "GEORGIA, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE THIS INSTANCE!!"

Honestly, he is so crude.

I said, as I sat down, "Will I be sat down here for long or will I be sent to my room? I want to know whether to get comfy or not,"

Vati said, "This is the exact attitude I suppose got you suspended!"

Poo. With knobs.

I said, "No, actually, my carinosity got me suspended,"

"Don't talk utter bollocks,"

Which I think is hypocritical coming from a fat guy with a small badger on his upper lip and a clown car.

I put on my most diplomatic smile, "Oh, dad, of course I wasn't speaking utter bollocks. I was being honest and open,"

"I don't go to work to earn money and buy you things for this cheek!"

When does he ever buy me anything? Never, is the answer.

I said, "I get a fiver a year if I am lucky,"

He shouted, like a raving fat bearded one, "GO TO YOUR ROOM!!"

Why call me down in the first place? Was ist der point?

8.15pm

Merde. What am I supposed to do now?

Why is Dave the Laugh being so awkward? If he was as in luuurve with me as he said, for nearly a year, then you would think that when I ask him out he would say 'Yes, yes and three times YESSSS'

But he said, "I would like you to stalk me,"

Why? Does he get some sort of thrill thinking that I am going to chase him? Is he mad?

3 minutes later

Stupid Boys.

2 minutes later

Why is Big G punishing me? Every boy I reach for, he puts out of my reach. Even the Laugh. Who is in Luuurve with me. And I told him I was in luuurve with him.

I thought, according to the Egg Horn, that I would be nice and safey in Dave's Egg. But he keeps rolling away from me.

6 minutes later

I am not going to roll after him.

2 minutes later

I am not going to play his game. I will phone him and tell him.

5 minutes later

Phoning Dave the Laugh.

"Hello, Sensation Seeker!"

I said, "Hi, Dave! It's me, Georgia,"

"Oh, hi…"

He didn't sound very friendly.

"Err…Dave, what have I done wrong now?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you suddenly sound miz?"

"I am practicing my glaciousity,"

Oh. Of course.

I said, "You are rather naff at it, Dave, and plus I had enough of your Mr. Moody PANTS episodes yesterday,"

He said, "Ok, Miss Stalker,"

I said, "So, err, how are you, now?"

There was silence.

"Dave, are you still there?"

"Yes,"

"Why are you being quiet?"

"Because I am now practicing my ignorez-vousing technique,"

He is soooo irritating.

I said, "Dave, you are becoming as bad as Jazzy-Spazzy phone-conversation-wise,"

That obviously affected him because he said, "Oh, Ok, I am fab thanks, how are you Miss Stalker?"

I said, "A bit on the pooey side, actually,"

Dave said, "Didn't Libby make it to the Poo Parlour division then?"

I said, "No! I don't mean literally! I meant…doesn't matter. But I phoned to tell you that I am not playing,"

"Oo-er,"

"DAVE!"

"Ok, Ok, Miss Stalker, you are not doing very well to make me feel well disposed towards you. You should try complementing me. Try saying 'Dave, you are the most sexy creature on two legs. Even talking down the phone to you, I can barely control myself, I'-"

"Dave, just shut up, please, you are highly-"

"Gorgeous?"

"IRRITATING!!"

"Well, it a rather special gift I was blessed with, Miss Stalker,"

"Especially annoying,"

"Exactly,"

"Dave, listen, can we just drop this stalker business and just go out like two, normal, sophis people brimming with maturiosity?"

"Us? Sophis? Mature?"

"Dave! You said you wanted to go out with me. I want to go out with you. So why can't we just go out? Without this nonsense?"

"Kittykat, the fun is in the chase,"

"No, it isn't,"

"Yes it is,"

"Dave?"

"Yep?"

"Why are you insisting on being annoying?"

"It is quite fun,"

"Dave?"

"Yep?"

"Shut up,"

"That is not a nice way to talk to your stalkee,"

"DAVE! I AM NOT STALKING YOU! GOT IT!?"

"Gee! I am ashamed of you. You are a sex kitty of highest order, yet you are behaving like a lazy pussy cat instead! If you luuurved me like you said you do then you would adoringly stalk me,"

"I do! I just don't want to stalk you!"

"Then say it,"

"Say what?"

"Say you luuurve me,"

"You know I do,"

"Say 'Dave, you are beyond Marviness and I am infatuated by your irresistible charm. I luuurve you',"

"No,"

There was silence.

"Dave?"

"I am ignorez-vousing you until you say it,"

"Dave…"

Silence.

"Fine then, Dave, you are beyond Marviness and I am infatuated by your irresistible charm. I luuurve you,"

"Thank you, Miss Stalker, S'later, pip pip,"

And he hung up.

1 minute later

Why do I have a strong urge to strangle him?

12.00pm

Can't sleep. Particularly because of Libby snoring like a giant slug. I can hear her from here. And she is for once in her bedroom.

12.10pm

If Dave the Laugh wants me to stalk him then I will. I will be the most annoying stalker ever. I will post things through his letter box. Dog his every move. Spy on his with mini cams. He will regret asking me too. I am going to start right no-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


So, you like? It is about a million degrees at the moment. Phew, I am baking. Sorry it is a bit short, I only had half a day to write, seeing as the last chapter of Gird is half a day long. So, tatty bye!