A/N: THE OWNERSHIP OF REGULAR SHOW IS AS UNOBTAINABLE TO ME AS HELL IS TO ICE WATER

P.S. Good Evening Darlings. Intense chapter wasn't it. After all, Rigby was stabbed to death in a hospital of all places and he was kept from disclosing some important information. I bet you're wondering what that was. Well, you'll have to wait for chapter 2 for that one. But for those that were wondering why two certain people weren't at the funeral, then the answer to that is down below

NOTE: There will be a lot of Flashbacking

WARNING: THIS IS WHERE MOST OF THE VIOLENCE AND THE RAPE WILL HAPPEN. So if you could get through this, you'll have no problem with the rest of the story


A Regular Christmas Carol

Chapter 1:

Sick of You

Eileen POV: Next Day

It was dark and the sun had yet to rise. The street lights were still on and not that many people were up and about yet. So besides the occasional cars that would pass by, it was relatively quiet as I walked through the winding pathways

Each step I made echoed, every breath resonated in the still air, and every heartbeat amplified the closer I got to my destination. Normally, fear and anxiety would have people feeling this way; especially since I was walking through a spooky graveyard so early in the morning. However, fear had no room to occupy my mind. How could it when hope and everything that I consider precious had already been taken from me

I kept my slow steady pace as I wondered through the dirt trails until my flashlight shined on a tombstone newly adorned with floral decorations. A sharp pain filled in my chest when I looked closer at it, but I ignored it while I brushed some of the flowers aside to read the headstone

'So this is what you've been reduce to, huh Rigby?' I thought as I rested myself by sitting on my calves. The grass was cool and it helped my aching legs so I sat still and tried to do the impossible…control my breathing. But the more I looked at the grave, the more my chest fired up. It was getting to the point that I couldn't sit up anymore and I was forced into another couching fit

My hands gripped the grass as I tried to ride out this pain that was too familiar to me, but it stopped eventually and I looked up at the tombstone one more time; this time with heated eyes

At this moment, I thought for sure that I was finally going to feel what I was supposed to feel. The reasoning was there; in the air that was escaping me, in this pain that will never go away, in the scars he left behind but like every other time before, rationality had been wiped away from my mind and I found the anger burning inside of me dissipate once again

I took a deep breath and looked to my right. On the ground, on top of the freshly dug soil were the flowers I brought. They were irises, three white irises I grew as houseplants. They started to sway as a cold wind started to blow and that's when I looked up at the sky

'Better get moving'

I dug a little hole, next to the tombstone. When it was deep enough, I took my flowers out of the pot brought them in and placed them in the hole. I patted the ground around it a couple of times and sat up. After that, I found myself staring at the headstone again; engraving the imagine in my mind because I knew that this was going to be the last time that I ever visit this place

~Vocal Flashbacks [1]~

'Mordecai, this isn't funny. You know how I am with closed spaces' Rigby

'Sorry dude, but the rules say seven minutes' Mordecai

'Fuck that, get me out of here!' Rigby

'No can do. A dare is a dare' Mordecai

'You asshole [Breathing hard]' Rigby

'Rigby, just calm down. Breathe' Me

'How can I calm down when I'm dying in here!' Rigby

'You're not going to die. We're just in a closet, no big deal' Me

'No big deal? How is being locked in a closet no big deal? Who knows how long we have until the air runs out in here' Rigby

'I highly doubt that we'll die from the lack of oxygen, Rigby. Just keep cool and seven minutes will go by like that, I promise' Me

'How could I-' Rigby

'Sh-sh-sh-shush. Stop thinking about it and relax…Breathe' Me

[Breathing Noises]

'That's it. Just pretend that it's bedtime and you're sleeping on your nice comfortable trampoline…Do you see it?' Me

'Not really...I think I might need a little help' Rigby

[Unknown Movements]

'Um, R-rigby' Me

'Shhh, this is helping' Rigby

'I don't hear any making-out going on in there' Mordecai

'Go choke on a popsicle' Rigby

~End Vocal Flashback~

I mentally slapped myself because I found myself chuckling at that memory 'Why am I even thinking about that? The last thing I need is for him to get to me…he already did that once'

That's when my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of thunder and not too long after that, one drop fell on my nose. I quickly started to gather the things I brought and stood to my feet. After all, I wasn't even supposed to be out here. So I pulled out the umbrella that was strapped to my back and opened it up. Just in time too because a few seconds later, it started to come down hard

So I took one last glance at what I was leaving behind and I let out a sigh while adjusting the medical mask that rested on my face. After that, I took my leave of this dreary cemetery

~* {)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(} *~

When I got home it was 5:30am. After I locked the front door, I put the things I brought by the window to dry then went straight to the kitchen. Despite how warm summer showers were suppose to be, I was freezing and I wanted to make some tea to warm myself up

As I waited for the water to get hot in the microwave, I found my hands fiddling with the box of teabags

~Vocal Flashback~

'Uck, tea?!' Rigby

'Yes, tea' Me

'Uhhh, but I hate tea' Rigby

'But it'll help with this nasty cold of yours. Besides, I put a few squirts of honey in it to make it sweet' Me

~End Vocal Flashback~

*Ding*

I was brought back from my thoughts when I heard the microwave go off. I was about to pull a teabag from the box I was holding but I was surprised to find the whole box crumbled into a ball in my hands. A slight sting spread throughout my hands as a faint redness disappeared from them

"I really didn't feel like tea anyway" I said disappointed at my subconscious act

I walked out of the kitchen and went back into the living room. I could feel that I was still a bit tense so I thought I would unwind by lying down on the couch. Maybe I could get two hours of sleep in so I won't fall asleep at the computer when I log into work...

But despite not sleeping at all last night, slumber wouldn't take me; even after walking two miles to the cemetery and back. So I thought I would at least rest my eyes and listen to some music. So I turned on the radio and tried to find a station but no matter what was on, I just wound up changing it

[2] Should have known these walls would cave in

Should've never left my heart there on the line

Cause when the shit hit the fan, all we ever had

Ended up lost in the fire

Now nothing's saved, nothing's gain, was it all in vain?

Cause I'm standing in the eye of the storm

Everything I've known, is blowing away

~~~~~~~~~~~CHANGE~~~~~~~~~~~

[3] Trying your best not to let yourself grow cold, so cold

Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say

But when you open your mouth it don't come out that way

Are you really gonna throw your heart away?

Away, away…

Everybody's hurt somebody before

Everybody's been hurt by somebody before

You can change, but you'll always come back for more

It's a game, and we're all just victims of love

~~~~~~~~CHANGE~~~~~~~~

[4] I tried so hard to hate you

But it only makes things worse

I only end up hating myself

And as my hatred grows, so do the lies

It's hard to face the truth sometimes

God, I feel so useless

God, I hate myself, when I try to get over you

I hate myself, will I ever get over you…

Sometimes it hurts, so much

To lose the one you love

~~~~~~CHANGE~~~~~~

[5] Found a photo of our memory, that picture was hiding

Kind of like finding a treasure chest, with no treasure inside it

Have you noticed the bad memories, seem to linger the longest

I remember the fights and the dreams, those are the ones I wanted

Now all I could say is…

I guess I should have took more pictures

Had I known that I wouldn't be with you today

I really would have took more pictures

Had I known you were going

Going away

Away

~~~~~CHANGE~~~~~

"Ahhh, is there anything happy on this radio!" I screamed. I changed the station one more time and…

[6] My first love broke my heart for the first time

And I was like

Baby, baby, baby, Ohh

^^^^^^^^^^static^^^^^^^^^^

I sat in the room in silence; looking away from the broken radio across the room. In doing so, I was looking in the direction of my two bookshelves by my computer

'Maybe something good to read will calm my nerves'

So I went to the bookshelf and started to browse through the different titles until one fell out. It was my photo album and it was opened to two photos. The one on the left was of Rigby and me when Muscle Man and Starla invited us to go skating at the Rink O' Rama for their one year anniversary. Rigby was so unstable on his skates that he was practically using me as a crutch. The one on the right was of Rigby and me when Margaret took a sneak snapshot of us in the closet (seven minutes in heaven). It was nothing much; just me and Rigby sleep with his tail around me. It was the only way that I could get him to calm down from being locked in there...

I picked up the book and touched the picture on the right. As I was engulf in it, my ears happened to hear from across the room, the radio playing…barely

[7]…over the heartache that they say

Never completely goes away…

No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you

Know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you

No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you

Know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you

Cause you took this too far…

^^^^^^^^^static^^^^^^^^^

What happened to us?

^^^^^^^static^^^^^^^

What happened to us?

^^^^^^^static^^^^^^^

And know that I don't hate you

And know that I don't want to fight you

And know that'll always love you

But right now I just don't…

^^^^^^^static^^^^^^^

The radio was silent once again; not by my blind rage but by it short circuiting. After that, all I heard was the scrapbook falling out of my hands and onto the floor. Even though the book was gone from my hands, my body was still frozen in place as if it was still hold it; hold onto the memories, the past…and when things were still…

I felt my legs get weak as I fell to my knees. I was face to face with the book again as it displayed more photos, like when we went to BOX or when we had our first TGI Tuesday Party. Just looking at them made my eyes well up with tears while I started to cough again

This time it took longer to stop and when I did, I took off my mask and saw blood on it

"I hate- I hate-" I was so close to saying it but the words wouldn't come out. It was like my body wouldn't allow me to even otter out those words I ached so much to say so instead I yelled "Ahhh! I hate this!" I grabbed the book and throw it across the room "While you were alive, you were always on my mind and now that you're dead you still haunt my thoughts…even now I could still feel your knife gliding across my skin…"

~Flashback~

After Mordecai got promoted and Rigby and him had the biggest fight ever, Rigby had never been the same. Sure, Rigby started to talk to me a lot more and we even dated for a while but I could tell that he was still holding onto resentment. I tried to get him to talk to me about it but he would simply tell me to drop it, then he would leave. It broke my heart to see him hurting like this but it hurt even more that I couldn't do anything about it; not with him putting walls around himself

However, despite how distant Rigby got, he always found himself coming back to the coffee shop. Even though I didn't work there anymore, I would still go there to get my morning coffee. And it just so happened that one day when we saw each other there, he asked me to go to the movies with him. And of course, I was overjoyed by this and said 'yes'

The rest of the day, my mind was on nothing but what was to come. Even focusing was becoming an issue when I was working in the office. But somehow I got everything done efficiently and with ten minutes to spare so I raced home and stormed my closet for something good to wear. In the end, I wound up picking a purple blouse and a jean skirt

After I took a shower, I had an hour and a half to kill before we would head off to the movie theater so I thought, why not surprise him and come early. I was pretty bored so I found no harm in visiting him prematurely so I hopped into my car and drove to the park

When I pulled up in the driveway, I started to second guess my actions. After all, he may not be ready yet, but I was already here and I didn't want to drive back home to have to drive back here again. Besides, I was too excited that I was about to hang out with Rigby again that I didn't notice how creepy the house looked without its lights on until I knocked on the door

Surprisingly, the door just opened by itself and I was left looking at a gloomy hallway

"He must be out doing something, which would explain why it's so dark in here. But still, he shouldn't forget to lock his front door" I said to myself. I was about to close the door and go back to my car when I happen to hear a strange noise. I froze in my tracks just to see if I could hear that noise again because I was uncertain whether it was a scream or not. And sure enough, the sound resonated in my ears and it put me in a panic

I ran into the house and went straight upstairs because whatever I heard, it sounded like it was in pain and I feared the worst. When I was on the second floor, I tip-toed across the hall as I grabbed the small can of mace I had in my pocketbook

"Rigby?" I whispered. I opened the first door to my right (Mordecai's Office) and it was empty "Rigby, are you there?" I opened up another one on the left this time (Bathroom). It was also empty "Rigby?" I tried the last door on the right and I was horrified at what my eyes were taking in. In Rigby's room, there was blood everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, on the person tied to a chair in the middle of the room...

I slowly walked to the figure and paused when it let out a moan that would chill anyone's spine. Despite how scared I was right now, I continued forward to see who this figure was. When I looked at it's anterior, it was then when I recognized this poor soul to be Mordecai

"Oh my God, Mordecai!" I patted his bloody face to see if he would wake up "Please be ok. Please don't be dead. Mordecai" He started to come to…barely

"Eileen? Please…get out of here…while you still can" he managed to say before he passed out again

I felt like I was in my own horror film; I was so scared. However, I wasn't going to leave Mordecai here to die so I got out my cell phone. But before I could dial the number to the police, I heard banging on the door across the room. I was so petrified that I couldn't even move. I just stared at the door, afraid to go near it…that was until I heard

"Eileen…is that you?" It was a faint whisper but I recognized immediately

"Rigby?" I ran to the other room across the hall (Pop's Room) and at first I didn't see anyone until I happened to look to my right and I saw Rigby leaning on a night dresser. His fur was bloody and he was breathing hard like he was hurt "Rigby!" I rushed to his aid "What happened?" That's when he embraced me. I was surprised at first but I relaxed in his arms and returned his hug "It's ok Rigby. This nightmare will be over soon. We just need to get you and Mordecai to safety before…" Before I could finish my sentence, Rigby held me tighter and said in almost a whisper

"Eileen, why did you come an hour early?" As strange as that question was, I answered it

"Because, I wanted to see you. We barely get to hang out anymore and I guess I was so excited that I couldn't wait"

"Aw, you shouldn't have" He said stroking my hair

"Um, Rigby, I really think that we should get out of here before something bad happens" His hand that was once stroking my hair slowly made it down my back. But instead of feeling his tender touch, I started to feel a sharp pain as he began to claw up and down my spine

"No really, you really shouldn't have" he said with a somber tone in his voice. That's when I started to question what was really going on

"Rigby-?" Rigby cut me off by slamming me into the door in one quick motion

"I wasn't expecting you to come so early. I didn't even get a chance to get myself ready for our little date. But I guess its ok. It was quite selfish of me to leave you out of this" That's when I felt myself being moved from the door to a fluffy mattress "But since you're here and you're so eager to know what's going on…" I was going to try to lift myself up but that's when I noticed that my hands were tied. When he did it, I don't know, but all I know was that I was growing more frightened by the second

I saw him grin as his hands glided down my arms until they reached my tied wrists. I started to put two and two together when he positioned my wrists over my head so I started to struggle because I really thought that he was going to hurt me. However, he managed to loop my wrists to a bed post

"Rigby" I said as I looked at my trapped wrists; trying desperately to release myself. After I saw that it was useless, I looked back at Rigby and what I saw had my hair standing on end. Rigby had a huge evil smile on his face as he held a small switch blade in his hands "Rigby! What what-?" I couldn't possibly form a sentence because I was in so much fear of what he was aiming to do with that knife. I watched as he popped every button off my shirt with his knife; growing more fearful the more he got closer to my neck. As he was working on my shirt he said

"It's a shame. This would be more enjoyable if you actually loved me"

"What? What are you talking about?" I felt so hurt hearing him say that. He was the one that has been pushing me away. I would seriously marry him and bare his children if he asked

"No you don't" He said calmly "See, you're even struggling to get away from me right now"

"Rigby, you just tried to kill someone and-" before I could finish, he got to the last button and his knife was at my neck. The cold blade rested under my chin as he proceeded to remove my shirt

"Why are you so afraid, Eileen? After all, you never hurt me, Mordecai did. Mordecai left me high and dry while you stood by me; always caring for my well-being. It always made me wonder why you were always with me" Rigby pulled the knife from my neck and used it to cut my bra in half. When he discarded that article of clothing, the small amount of kindness I saw in his eyes faded and his face formed a frown as he looked at his knife "I pondered for years on this and it hurt me to no end when I finally figured it out, but it made sense. No sane person would fall in love with a person like me" He placed his hand on my chest and slowly trailed it down my stomach and slipped it off to my left like he was wiping something. After that, the hand that held the knife lowered and the blade was centimeters from my chest

"What are you talking about? Why wouldn't you think that I love you?" I asked half hurt, half in a panic

"Remember when I got turned into a were-skunk? It must have been so funny, seeing me suffer like that. But it's ok. I forgive you because now I understand you" That's when he pressed the knife down into my chest and drew it ever so slowly across my skin. I tried not to scream because something told me that it would anger him farther and he would go even deeper but the pain was too much and I released an involuntary hiss of discomfort

"Eileen, I want you to be open and honest with me. So it's ok if you hate me. It's ok if you want to shout or curse my name out. Don't repress your feelings" As kind as he sounded, his hands weren't. He applied more pressure to his knife as he trailed the blade onto my stomach. That forced a shriek out of me that I never thought in a million years Rigby would cause

"Yes, Eileen. Let it out. Let me hear you scream" He said as he made one final swipe off the side of my stomach as if to mark that he was finished with his work. I felt the tears run down my face because my torso still stung from where his knife drew on it. However, I managed to ask him

"Rigby, why are you doing this?" I didn't get an answer instead he planted a kiss on my lips. My mind was all over the place to enjoy that kiss. I was focused on the pain I felt in my chest, my wrists that were bounding me to this situation and the budge that poke at my nether regions...My eyes widen when I felt that last part and I was scared for my well-being

When he was done, I was sure that my lips were bruised. Rigby smiled at me and quickly flipped me over so that I was on my stomach. I heard fabric tearing and soon my skirt and panties were off

"Rigby, please no. Please don't do what I think you're going to do" I begged but my pleas fell on deaf ears

"Aw, you're so cute when you're underneath me…coming apart at the seams, begging, sweating. Or is that blood"

"Ahhhh!"

|\\\\\\\\\\\\|

After he broke my hymen and forcefully pounded into me a couple of times, I blacked out from the sheer pain and exhaustion. It felt like he was going to plow through my uterus and pierce through to my stomach; it hurt so much. Plus having to deal with the marks he left on my stomach and back; I was surprised that I didn't die. Instead, I found my next waking moment in a bright hospital

I was told that I was found naked in a bloody heap; wrapped in white sheets on Pops bed. In the condition I was in, the doctor said I was lucky to still be alive because of the amount of blood I lost

~End Flashback~

"Lucky to be alive he says. With all of this pain I'm experiencing now, I would have rather died on that bed that very night"

~Flashback~

Six months later, it was the dead of winter. My wounds had healed from that dreadful incident but the scars were still there; inside and out. Co-workers would tell me that I wasn't as cheery as I use to be. Others would say that I was unstable…it was not until CJ and I met one day that things began to turn around a bit. She heard from Thomas what happened to me and felt pity. Sure, I thought it was annoying at first because I barely even knew her but everything changed that fateful night when I had to be rushed to the hospital for simply catching a cold...

After playing twenty questions with the doctor, and a few days of testing later, I figured out that I had AIDS. If there was ever a time to want to feel self-pity, that would be it, but no. All I felt was hatred because there was only one person I could have gotten this from, and that was Rigby

~End Flashback~

'After months of rehashing that painful incident, I thought after a while, I would eventually be able to repress it and move on. After all, at the time, the only thing that was plaguing me was the scars and the news from the doctors saying that I couldn't have kids [8]. But after hearing that I now had an STD, it planted another reminder; another reason for me to hate him'

~Flashback~

CJ was on me like white on rice after that. I didn't know why. Maybe because Mordecai kept pushing her away so she thought a friendship with me was the next best thing…I don't know. Either way, I started to accept her companionship and soon some of the mental hardships I was having began to reduce in the strain it had on my life

Well, that was until I happened to meet Don one December morning at the coffee shop. We had a small conversation on how he was doing in Japan and how great that was, and how I worked as a training coordinator in a medical corporation [9] and how boring that was. Even though it wasn't my first choice, it puts food on the table

"So what brings you here to Twin Peaks" I asked him as I took a sip of my coffee

"I'm just visiting my family for the holidays" Don said

"That sounds nice" I couldn't even remember the last time I visited my parents. From the past events that has happened, it's been hard to talk to anyone, and to have my parents find out? I couldn't plague them with that. It was already driving me to the brink of insanity as it is

"That's reminds me. I was going to visit Red Oak's Mental Hospital Christmas morning and I was wondering if you would like to come with me?"

"Oh, you're going to visit all of those people?"

"No, just one…my older brother" Coffee shot out of my mouth, just hearing Don mention him. I felt myself twitching as memories started to flood back into my brain. It took everything I had to keep my outer appearance calm and respond

"W-what? I thought he was in jail?"

"He was but it seems that he caused quite a ruckus up there that even they couldn't handle him so they came to the conclusion that he needed professional help. So now, he's in the mental hospital. I feel great that now I don't need to talk to him behind glass when I visit him now..." Don noticed the blank stare I was giving him but behind that stare was a glimpse of terror and disbelief. I thought I was safe now that he was behind bars but now..."Look. It's ok, I understand. I just thought that it would be worth asking because he hasn't been the same since I first visited him. I hear that besides me, no one visits him and he's by himself all of the time. Even when I'm there, he wouldn't speak, not a word. It was as if he became a mute or something. I just thought that if he saw someone other than me, he would perk up, is all" He paused and looked at me with pity in his eyes because he could see the anger and the frustration that was raging through my mind

"I've been spending five years trying to forget him and now you want me to go and visit him? How could I after all he has done to me?" I said in a whisper

"Because he's still a living being. A living being that still needs to be cared about which is why I can't leave him to be alone. He's also my brother so I can't forget about him and cast him away forever…I know he has hurt you and Mordecai. I'm aware of the pain he has caused and I don't approve of it at all. It's so unlike him…which is why I asked you to come with me…because he's lost and I thought you'd be able to help me find himself again"

I wind up departing from the shop; leaving him with an undecided answer

|\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\|

After talking with CJ, she somehow convinced me to go with Don; saying something about getting some much needed closure. So that Christmas morning, I was picked up by Don and we went to the Red Oak's Mental Hospital

After the receptionist told us where to go, we walked down a long hallway. By the time we got to the end of it, I was sweating like a pig

"I-I don't know if I could do this" I said in a faint whisper

"It's ok, everything will be fine" Don said trying to reassure me. Then he opened the door and made his presence known as he greeted his older brother

"Hey, Rigbone. How's my brother doing? Are the doctors treating you good?"

I didn't walk into the room because I couldn't find it in me to set one foot in there. On the other side of that wall was the person I've been resenting for five years; the one that gave me this stupid STD, the one that left me with all of these scars. How could I face him when it was fear and not anger that was prevent me from moving

"Don't be glum, Rigby. I even brought you a visitor, see" Don said then he paused. I guess he was expecting me to be behind him "Excuse me, for a second" he walked out of the room where I was standing and said "Come on, don't be shy. I told you, everything will be fine"

He took me by the hand and pulled me into the room. When I looked into the plain white room, there really wasn't that much in there; just a barred window and to my right was the raccoon I grew to despise. He was on his bed, staring at the ceiling; motionless. He didn't even blink. His fur was ragged and darker, if that was even possible. His eyes had a redness to them while the black circles around them were more prominent than normal. In other words, he was a mess

The more I looked at him, the more Don's past words echoed in my head. Despite how his words hinted that I should forgive him, only hatred sprung in me. As I looked at him more, I heard myself say

"So, this is what you've been reduced to, huh?" I saw his heavy eyelids open wide in shock and disbelief. They slowly looked in my direction and stayed there. I saw the cold expression I was making reflecting back in his eyes. I almost couldn't stand what I was looking at because what I saw was him slowly grinning back at me. It wasn't one of those humble, happy, blissful smiles, no. It was the smile that haunts me to this day. That sick smile he gave me when he was cutting my body

|\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\|

That whole endeavor was the most awkward experience of my life; in spite of the short time we stayed there. It was only two hours but it was the longest two hours ever. The entire time while Don was obliviously talking to Rigby and giving him a Christmas gift, Rigby never paid attention to him. Instead, he was staring at me. It was definitely irritating at first but towards the end, I started thinking about the closure thing CJ was talking about. Especially when I began to visit him on my own later on. Even though it was his fault for half the things I was mad at, I didn't want to be angry for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be happy just to be tripped up when I started to think about him. So for a decade or so years, I made it my priority to visit him as much as I could; just so I could get over him and get on with my life

However, regardless of how much afford I put into it, I was always in and out of progress. Some visits I would be acting fine and repressing my emotions would be easy while other times, I would act cold towards him. But none of those moments could compare to the time I visited him in March (this year)

It was a cold Saturday Morning and it was just one of those days when I was rushing to the mental hospital to watch another episode of Giants Assault [10]. Ever since I told Rigby about it, he seemed to enjoy watching it. I bet it was for the violence and blood because I always saw a smile creep on his face when he saw someone being eaten or slaughtered. There were even times when he would snicker but that was the closest I could get to getting a sound out of him because like Don, he wouldn't talk to me either

I don't know what happened that day to make me snap; an action, a gesture. Either way, it resulted in me leaving so enraged and confused

"Don't you dare touch me!" My hand stung from the force I applied to it when I slapped him across the face. He stayed paused for a second then turned his head slightly as his hand went to his cheek. Soon, I heard him giggling as he pulled his hand from his face and his eyes looked in my direction

"You...hurt...me" After not hearing his voice for almost eighteen years, those three words sent shivers down my spine. At the same time, I was livid as it seemed that he enjoyed the fact that I hit him

"What is wrong with you?" I hit him again because he was still smiling and that drove me crazy "Are you that far gone that you don't care about the people you hurt?" I hit him again "Can you honestly say that this feels good?" I grabbed him by both of his shoulders so I was looking dead in his face "What happened to you?" He didn't answer me "Talk to me" He remained silent "After all of these years, you're still holding up these walls and yet you want me to be open and honest" my fingers dug into his skin "to scream out my feelings" My words continued to be fueled by anger as it started to rise in me. I would have crushed his shoulders with the amount of pressure I was putting on them if it wasn't for the sorrow that was mixed with it "Do you know how much you hurt me that day? Can you imagine the pain I still feel? Can you even fathom what you put me through?" I felt the tears flowing now and it seemed like they would never stop because I was just so frustrated with everything "I trusted you, I loved you and yet…why did you…why-"

Rigby still looked at me but with a blank face. The smile was gone and his eyes were hooded by his eyelids, but what I noticed raised my anger to its peak. He put his hand on my wrist to take my hands off his shoulders. Just feeling him touch me, infuriated me and I was ready to slap him again but he caught it this time. He forced both of my wrists in his left hand and he said

"From love, you create openness" He wiped one of my eyes "From pain, you see truth" he wiped the other eye "At least I got one of them from you" He let my hands go and I grabbed them where he held them as my mind thought upon his words

"But was it worth it?"

~End Flashback~

'I never got an answer to that question. As a matter of fact, that was the last time I ever saw him…alive. Sad…I never got the chance to visit him; especially when I was diagnosed with PTB later on [11]. After that, I just got caught up in a furious cycle of cause and effect. I would think of him to the point that I would get sick. I would regret it and feel sorry. Then I would feel better then find something else to get mad at and then get sick again...' I sat with the bookshelf behind me with my eyes closed as I began to think about everything from then to now and how pointless this was; how I was hurting myself, hating him...

That's when I opened my eyes and looked at the damaged radio again which was where my photo album was

"What happened to us, Rigby?" I said to myself "I remember when I use to get so happy when I saw your face. I remember when we would spend time together and it would never be enough. Now your touch is like acid to my skin and your words are nothing but poison to my ears. I wish I knew why…why our love diminished, why paradise soon turned into a living hell, why I still can't hate you" I felt my eyes getting droopy as my strength was slowly being withdrawn from me "Then maybe…" before I could finish my sentence, I felt my vision blurring until I found myself finally drifting to sleep


A/N: Seriously? I know in my last story, what I had Eileen go through was pretty sad, but this?

Scarlet: Don't worry, it's all for the good of the story

Blue: But still, you didn't have to go that far

Scarlet: I know

Blue: I hate you

[1] Vocal Flashback= Unlike my normal flashbacks, this is just the voices. So no images are going to be provided

[2] Song used: Hurricane by Theory of a Deadman (1st Verse only)

[3] Song used: Victims Of Love by Good Charlotte (Part of 2nd verse and Chorus)

[4] Song used: Sometimes It Hurts by Stabbing Westward (2nd verse and one line from Chorus)

[5] Song used: Pictures by Ne-Yo (1st Verse and Chorus)

[6] Song used: Baby by Justin Bieber (Last line in Verse 1 and 1st line in Chorus)

[7] Song used: Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet by Relient K (Last line in Bridge to the end)

[8] Eileen is a mole with a beaver tail. A lot of people including myself think that one of her parents has to be a beaver and the other a mole. So I thought, when two different species mate, usually they have sterile offspring so…for the sake of not wanting Eileen to be pregnant in this story, I put that fact into effect

[9] The medical corporation...um...think of Quest Diagnostics or something

[10] Giants Assault= Attack on Titan. Damn, that anime has gotten popular

[11] PTB= Pulmonary Tuberculosis. Reading about it on the web, it fit the criteria I had for it being highly contagious and fatal if not treated but it had one complication...normally elderly people would get this disease unless the person had a weak immune system or AIDS so if you're wondering why Eileen gets raped and gets AIDS in my story, this is why (because originally this wasn't going to happen). And damn, this is a terrible disease too; with chest pains, coughing up blood/mucus, fatigue, night sweats, weight loss, fever, and breathing difficulty. I wish that on no one

P.S. Still looking for reviews, good or bad. I need to know what you guys think