Ava made it through her morning classes, but felt agitated the whole time. The report she was working on yesterday at the lab had been haphazardly finished late last night and turned into her teacher. She was sure it would not be receiving a good grade. Great! Another reason for Horatio and Natalia to be disappointed. By lunchtime she was so frustrated that she left the campus, telling her best friend, Emily, that she wasn't feeling well. There was only one more class for her that day but she wouldn't be at it.
Without giving much thought about where she was going or what she was doing, took a bus and got off at a stop outside a row of boutiques. This was definitely a high risk location, but she saw no way out of her situation. She couldn't stop herself. Running had always been an option in the past, but she had no confidence in her ability to out run Horatio and his team. They would chase her until the end of the earth. The anxiety was getting the best of her and, acting almost solely on instinct, she entered the shop.
Her physical manner changed, as her anxiety eased. This was comfortable to her. With her shoulders thrown back, she browsed through the racks with a sense of purpose, feeling fabrics, checking sizes, ignoring prices. She was in her element and anyone watching would witness a teen with money to spend, not exactly a rarity in Miami After half an hour, she had selected a pair of designer jeans and a sheer top. Foregoing the dressing rooms, she stopped at a sunglasses carousel before checking out. Trying on pair after pair, she selected three and moved towards the register. Smiling and chatting up the salesperson, she announced at the last minute, "On second thought, I think I'll skip the sunglasses."
"Ok you can leave them here and I'll put them away for you," the middle aged woman told her, while deftly wrapping her overpriced outfit.
"No, that's ok, I'll do it for you," Ava said. Her back to the cashier, she returned to the display and dropped one pair into her bag while placing the others where they belonged. The adrenaline quickly soared through her body and she felt alive. Every inch of her skin tingled with excitement as the race to get out of the shop was on.
Making her way back to the register where she had left her wallet sitting on the counter, adding to the illusion that she was trusting and, therefore, trustworthy, she said, "You know what, I'm having a bit of buyer's remorse here. How 'bout I just take the shirt?"
A frown appeared on the woman's face, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, my dad'll freak when he gets the bill," she added a sheepish smile to her lie and felt her heart pound.
Moments later, she was speeding down the interstate, finally at peace for the first time in days.
MMMMMMMM
The euphoria had worn off by the time she pulled into Horatio's driveway. It used to last for days, but now she barely got an hour of relief from it. In its place was the anxiety and fear. Seeing Natalia's car in front of the house did nothing to help matters. She worked for a few moments on calming her breathing and schooling her features, then made her way inside.
Voices could be heard from the kitchen so Ava took the opportunity to run up to her room and throw her purchase and the contraband into the back of the closet. They disgusted her now and she wanted them hidden, from her acutely aware guardians as well as herself. She made a mental note to remember to return the top before the bill arrived in the mail. Natalia had a duplicate of one of her cards made for Ava to use in case of emergency. When the bill came, Ava would just explain that she had made an unnecessary purchase on a whim and later returned it.
Entering the kitchen with a smile on her face, she found Horatio sauteeing something on the stove. His jacket had been discarded and his sleeves were rolled up to just below his elbows. Natalia was sitting at the counter with a glass of red wine. The idea flitted across her mind that they really would make a great couple.
"Ava!" Natalia rose and moved to hug her. "We've been waiting. Where have you been?"
Returning the hug, Ava said, "I was studying in the library after my last class and lost track of time." Natalia apparently wanted to forget the argument they had a couple of days ago, and Ava was more than happy to follow suit.
"Hungry?" Horatio asked as he slid chicken and vegetables onto a plate and handed it to her.
"Yeah. Thanks," she said, and they all fell into a quiet dinner at the counter.
Ava concentrated on her food, hoping to finish and make a quick escape. But as she deposited her plate into the sink, Natalia started, "H and I want to talk to you for a minute."
Inhaling deeply, Ava turned and tried to thwart any interrogation by being proactive. "Look, I'm sorry about fighting with you the other day. I didn't mean the things I said, I was just on edge about school and I felt like you were on my case about nothing. I'm sorry."
"Thank you," Natalia said.
"Is everything ok at school?" Horatio asked.
"Yeah. I just had a lot of work to do that night and it was getting to me. That's all."
"Are you sure? Because it seems to me that you've been more anxious than usual lately," he turned his head and looked into her eyes for the first time since she had arrived home. The panic and fear in them was discernible.
He was looking through her and that was always dangerous. Moving her gaze away from him she said, "Really, H, I'm fine."
He stood from the counter and walked closer to her, being sure not to crowd her. "Let's remember that when you're upset about things you tend to pull away from us and act out."
"Please," she said, "I'm fine."
He held his gaze on her for a beat then reached out his hand and softened his voice, "Come here," he said and pulled her into a hug.
She found herself holding her breath, unable to take any comfort from him. He would be so disappointed if he knew the truth. Tears were threatening to spill and she closed her eyes forcing them back. He kissed the top of her head, "I love you," he whispered. When he released her, she couldn't get away fast enough. She hurried up to her room and threw herself across the bed as the tears won over and fell.
MMMMMMMM
She woke with a start. While she couldn't remember the content of her dream, the fear associated with it lingered. There were no sounds coming from down the hall, so she was confident that she hadn't awakened Horatio. After a few minutes of taking slow, calming breaths, a technique she had practiced with her therapist, she crept out of bed and made her way to the first floor. The light from the full moon shone through the oversized windows of the home and cast shadows everywhere. She walked around for a bit before settling into an oversized leather chair in the living room. There was a throw blanket over the back of it and she pulled it down and covered herself, more for comfort than warmth. Her eyes settled on a crystal decanter of whiskey across the room. Horatio rarely drank from it, content with the occasional glass of wine at dinner. He probably wouldn't miss a shot, and it would cause a deep enough sleep where dreams wouldn't invade, but drinking never enticed her. Her alcoholic father had scared her off of that. A sad smile pulled at her mouth as she thought that there was at least something positive her father gave her. Despite her best efforts, she fell asleep moments later with him on her mind.
This time, the dream was vivid. It was her father and he was yelling at her. He was angry that she had been caught stealing. Now he had cops and lawyers to deal with. A fairly successful lawyer himself, a criminal daughter was not good for his image. She knew what was going to happen, but could do nothing to stop his hand from pulling back and slamming hard into the side of her face. She grabbed it reflexively as he screamed that she was such a huge disappointment, and turned back only to watch his body and voice morph into Horatio's.
"Ava!" Horatio yelled with a strong hand on her shoulder, "Ava!"
She tried her best to pull away from him and gasped for air as she finally woke and looked into his concerned eyes with terrified ones of her own. Still confused and unsettled, she tried to scramble away but he kept his hands steady and forced her to stay.
"Ava! Sweetheart, it's ok. It's just me. You're safe."
She stopped struggling and tried to slow her breathing. Her face was wet from tears shed in her sleep and she kept her head down, embarrassed. He tried to draw her towards him, but she resisted and he didn't insist. "It's alright, sweetheart," he said in a soft tone that he usually saved for victims, "it was just a dream." The platitudes continued as she wiped at her face and leaned back into the chair. Sitting on the ottoman in front of her, he waited.
"I'm sorry," it always came.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," after another couple of moments he continued, "do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head as he knew she would. Never a man to waste words, he rose, confident that she was settled now.
MMMMMMMM
Ava entered the kitchen a mere two hours later dressed and ready for the day. She accepted the cup of coffee that Horatio gave her with a thank you and settled at the counter.
"What do you have planned for today?" He asked while taking sideways glances to determine her state of mind.
"After school? Emily and I will probably hit the library again," she focused her attention on her beverage fully aware that he was assessing her.
"You know what? Why don't you come by the lab after school and work there instead." He knew she was trying to make a good show of it, but appeared drained.
"No, I'll be fine at the library. Besides, Emily can't be at the lab."
He shifted his gaze down and then back up to her, "I think I'm going to have to insist."
Ava stood from the counter and moved to gather her things, abandoning her coffee in the process, "H, don't pull the reins in on me. I'm going to the library."
"Sit back down, please." She stopped what she was doing long enough to look up at him to see if he was serious. There was no room for argument in those eyes. Horatio rarely said things he didn't mean. She decided to not pick this battle and returned to the stool, shaking her head and removing her gaze.
"Let's go over what we know. You have been extremely agitated lately, you've been lashing out at Natalia, you had a horrible dream last night, and you've been lying to me about what's going on."
She looked up at this last comment, knowing how Horatio felt about lying. Was he really going to consider that a lie? Was it a lie? Well, yes. But he couldn't know that for sure.
Horatio continued, "Now past experience has told us that you are going to continue in this manner until you crash. So I'd like to keep you close to help you with that."
She rose from her seat again and continued gathering her things, knowing full well that this was not what he wanted, but being unable to sit under his scrutiny any longer. "Well, I thought I was supposed to be working on being more independent and figuring things out for myself, but if it will make you happy, I will make plans with Emily for another time and be at the lab at two." Everything collected, she looked up at him, "Happy?"
He couldn't help but give her a crooked smile, "Very," he said taking a step to kiss the top of her head. "I'll see you at two." She left the house before he could change his mind.
