Okay, I'm back with chapter 2 of "Soul Curse". I got two replies that both mentioned my inconsistent tense and I want to apologize for that. I will go back to chapter 1 and fix it and I will try to make sure not to repeat the same mistake again. I was also told that Becca seems confusing and, again, I seriously apologize. This chapter is a repeat of chapter 1 and it's from her point of view and hopefully this clears up some of the confusion. If not, I hope that later chapters will.
I also want to apologize to anyone who feels the entire story is confusing or focuses on lesser details while leaving greater ones in the dark. I am trying (for the first time) to create some suspense and it's not one of my strong points. Thank you for bearing with me. Now for the first chapter from Becca's POV.
Chapter 1- Becca
I am sitting on the beach, my legs stretched out in front of me and my tail resting on my right. The sun is setting, but I'm not paying attention to the stream of colors in the sky. I'm too busy watching her, the girl Narcissa told me about before. When Narcissa had told me about her, I was disbelieving, but now here she is, walking along the shore. She looks deep in thought and obviously isn't too happy. And unfortunately I know what's upsetting her.
I've known since she first arrived on the beach. Once I spotted her, my eyes locked onto her and my ears perked up, but for the first time I didn't stop them. She was different, I noticed that right away. Like most people, she had the negative emotions and memories that, to her, were horrible. But unlike most people, she had attached a positive emotion, happiness, love, care, to every single one of them. No matter how bad the circumstance was she was positive. Every single time. I never met a person like her, and I understood why Narcissa had asked me to protect her. Her soul had a power that no one could've imagined and a rarity like that is coveted by others. But right now, she's wallowing in not-so-happy events that had happened to her.
Wait, why is she coming over here? I must have done something to attract her attention. Looking at her face I can see she is worried and I hope I haven't done anything to trouble her more. I start to draw lines in the sand with my finger so that it doesn't look like I'm staring or waiting for her to come here, in case she's not coming to talk to me. But she does come beside me, and when she starts to sit I remember that my tail is right beneath her and quickly swipe it away. The resulting gust of sand startled her; I guess she didn't notice it. All this time I've been thinking, her present situation was clear in my mind. She started to open her mouth, but before she got a chance to speak, I started singing.
"When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on
Hold on."
She looks up at me, her face disbelieving. Actually, I can't believe I did that either. I've never done anything that spontaneous before, no matter how many times I've wanted to help others.
"How did you know?"
"It seemed appropriate." I answer as I shrug. I don't want to tell her just yet, I not even sure if I want to help her yet. She remains silent for a moment before she introduces herself.
"My name is Amy, what's yours?"
"My name is… Becca." I answer. I make the mistake of hesitating before I give my name, but this is the first time I've ever told someone the name I chose as mine. I not sure that it fits, but I refuse to be called by my real name.
"Becca, I love that name, it sounds so pretty!" She compliments, and I smile, blushing a bit. I've always been grateful for my long bangs; it keeps most of my face invisible to others, and because Amy is beside me she can't see my cheeks. But she does see my smile and it must have jogged her memory, for her next question was,
"Were you crying earlier?"
"What… oh yeah, I was." I answer. I hadn't realized I was tearing up, but that often happens when I meet someone new. And Amy was definitely new. My voice was very calm, I think it confuses her.
"Why? Are you okay?" She asks.
"Yeah, it was just one of those times when, you know, you get so lost in your thoughts that the tears can't help but fall. Please don't worry!" Well, it's mostly true; I never actually lied, I just left out part of the truth. As for how it sounds, well, I am counting on Amy to understand. She seems like the kind of person who would.
I guess she does because she doesn't ask anymore questions. I look up and find that the sun was almost gone. I know I have to see Narcissa tomorrow; I can't put it off now that I've met Amy; and it's going to be a long train ride to her house. So I stand up and say "Whoa, the sun's gone. Sorry Amy, I have to go now, but I'll see you again, right?" I sound like a kid asking the question, but I guess that's what I am.
"Definitely." She answers and I smile. Nodding my agreement, I turn around and walk away.
There, I hope that's an improvement on chapter one. I realized I had a lot of tense mistakes in this one too before, so thanks to azngirlchibi and anonymous reviewer Mentor Donatello for helping me correct that error. And please, any constructive criticism is appreciated and will be taken into account (basically it means review).
