Reassignment

I do not own Invader Zim or any characters or ideas from it, they belong to Jhonen Vasquez.

However I do own my OCs: Galan, Meka, etc.

ZATR, OC/Tenn, Red/OC included

I decided to modify the pairings. Red and Tenn each get an OC. But the romance will not be the primary focus of this, trust me on that.

Xxx

Chapter Two: Birds of a feather stick together...and then try to kill one another repeatedly

Tak groaned, strapped into the seat of her escape pod. "Zim...getting sick...bathroom broken...stop it or I'll..." She groaned and trailed off, hands over her mouth. They still had another whole hour to go before they reached the Massive, and Zim made sure that the ride-which was at many times the speed of light was as painful as possible for her.

But Zim was listening to an I Pod which he had taken a liking to while on Earth. It was currently playing the one song which he felt that he liked: The Final Countdown by Europe (which I do not own).

"It's the final count doooown!" Zim sang along as loudly as possible to drown Tak out.

The poor girl was on the verge of begging now. "Zim...please...I can't take this anymore." She bit her tongue, cursing herself for going soft. She had spent years on Dirt as a janitor, and then a month of moaning and groaning over her pitiful life. She had to get back into the game as soon as they reached the Massive, she couldn't let the Tallest see her n such poor condition!

Suddenly the tremors stopped. Tak was holding onto her stomach, feeling like she was about to spill out yesterday's dinner onto her lap. She heard some muffled noises against the hull of the escape pod, and suddenly a hatch on the side opened. Zim stuck his head through, aiming a stunner at her. "Freeze Tak-Beast!" But when he saw her state, he grinned and put away the weapon. "A few hours of travel reduces you to this? By Irk you're such a sorry sight, Tak."

She looked away in shame, unable to open her mouth as she felt vomit creep up the back of her throat. She forced it down and tried to unbuckle herself. But Zim did it and began to carry her using the four metallic spider like appendages extending from his PAK. "Your pod is draining fuel and power from my journey. We will take too long if we keep it attached, so I'm taking you in the Voot."

"W-wait, MIMI..." Tak looked for the husk of her loyal robot and saw it lying in a heap at the back of the pod.

Zim sighed. "Fine, we'll bring your stupid cat toy along." He snatched MIMI up and dragged her out while keeping TAK in the grasp of his four PAK legs, which were folded under her like an improvised stretcher. He stepped into the Voot and shut the hatch behind him. "Detach!" The Voot separated from the pod as Zim set Tak down behind the pilot's seat. "This was meant for one pilot and a SIR, so don't go asking for anything more comfortable."

"Bite...me," Tak managed to force out.

How could she let him reduce her to such a state? She was the better fighter, the better Invader, the better everything! She growled and tried to reach up over the seat to mangle Zim, but bit her lip and hesitantly forced herself to sit back down. He had been summoned by the Tallest...so perhaps they intended to have him killed. That would save her the trouble once she didn't feel so damn sick from so many hours of 'joy riding' in her pod.

"Be in awe Tak," Zim declared as he started piloting again. "For the Almighty Zim has been appointed the grand task of Ambassador's Guard!"

What?! Had he somehow conquered Earth and was being rewarded for it?! Her hopes for his death plummeted.

"Why would the Tallest make you a diplomat's guard?" Tak growled. "Did you conquer Earth?"

"Not yet!" Zim held one arm straight up. "But once Zim completes this assignment, I shall return to Earth with an army of super battle tanks to finally destroy those disgusting humans! Oh yes...super battle tanks," He actually drooled a bit as he pictured himself running over Dib's HUGE head with one...and shuddered as he pictured the head being too big to run over. "By the gods that head is so big!"

"...yep, you're off in your own world now." Tak sighed and sat against the back of the seat.

"Wait, wait!" Zim insisted. "Give Zim a moment..."

He imagined crushing Dib's head with the moon where the tank failed. The Irken snickered. "Ah, much better."

"I'm so doomed. If they give defective morons like you promotions, what can I expect? Maybe they'll just send me back to Dirt, or get it over with and lop my head off."

"Unfortunately that is not so, Tak-Beast!" Zim shook his head. "You see, I've been talking with the Tallest ever since I left Earth-and when you weren't bothering me. They told me that they need you for an important task also." He smirked. "But it cannot be nearly as important and challenging as Zim's! I bet you have to guard some dirt mine, or maybe watch over wild Sk'lorvak beasts as they breed!" He cackled. "Oh it shall be so much fun to see your face when they tell you!"

After that there was just an awkward silence.

"...so...I am thinking of something that begins with S-"

"Stars," Tak groaned.

Zim snapped his fingers. "You are clever! Okay...Zim is thinking of the most amazing thing in the universe-"

"Yourself," She sighed.

"You're good!" Zim nodded.

Xxx

As the trip went on, Tak tried to simply go to sleep. Her stomach was growling, a result of her supplies running out long ago. She groaned...and then heard a munching sound.

She slowly turned her head and saw Zim eating a sandwich.

"Mmm..." He held it up for her to see "Num Nums."

...

...

...

...

"SON OF A BITCH BASTARD!" She shrieked and tackled him, causing the Voot to move erratically. "MURDER! BLOOD! RAGE!"

Xxx

Later on, Zim was playing his I Pod on full blast.

"Zim's been looking for a life liiiiine!" Zim sang. "Thought it seems like a life tiiiime!"

"Stop...singing!" Tak groaned, clutching her antennae.

"Open up Tak-Beast, have some music in your wretched ugly shriveled soul!" Zim declared.

"Kill me!" Tak begged whatever gods that existed.

Then Zim did the worst thing possible and changed the song...

"Zim's sexy and he knows it!"

She tackled him again. "MURDER! BLOOD! RAGE!"

(I do not own Lifeline, which belongs to Papa Roach; or Sexy And I Know It-which by the way I am glad not to own, as it belongs to LMFAO)

Xxx

"Can Zim experiment on you now?" Zim held up his latest invention-which he had intended to use on Dib before leaving Earth. It was designed to do what Zim had done to Dib months ago and turn living beings into bologna, but this one was more of a temporary version which would wear off in thirty minutes...assuming the target survived the dogs who would follow them afterwards.

"No." Tak replied.

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

THWACK!

"...Now?"

"MURDER! BLOOD-"

"I GET IT ALREADY!" Zim shoved Tak before she could attack him this time. "Will you stop freaking out already?! You're like those human women in that wretched Skool who start acting weird once a month when they get older!...then again they didn't try killing the almighty Zim."

Xxx

The Voot cruiser finally reached the Massive, which was surrounded by the rest of the Armada over a now cleansed world. Zim managed to land in the starboard hangar and got out. "The Almighty Zim has returned to be among his people!" The Invader shouted for all to hear, one arm pointed up dramatically. Many crew stared at him, and then simply shrugged and went about their business.

"..." Zim's ego deflated a bit before Tak stumbled out of the Voot cruiser and began to vomit-her earlier beatings had persuaded Zim to give her some of his food, though she now regretted it.

"By the Tallest! Are you alright?" One drone ran over to help her.

"This woman needs medical attention!"

"Look at how skinny she is!"

"The poor thing!"

"Somebody call the doctor!" They all carried Tak away, surprising both her and Zim, who felt abandoned now...

Insert the world's smallest violin.

"Uh...hey! Zim is dying too!" Zim shouted. "Yes uh...how sickly and disgusting I am!" When nobody even glanced in his direction, he pouted. "...this ship sucks."

"HEY!" Suddenly anybody not helping Tak was glaring at Zim. "He says the Massive sucks! GET HIM!"

Xxx

A once again badly bruised Zim found himself sitting in a meeting room after an unknown amount of time. Tak was sitting a few seats over, feeling more satisfied than she had been in years since Zim had ruined her shot at the Invader Exams. She had been given a clean, fresh uniform, and a promise that MIMI would be tended to by technicians while she was in the meeting. She had been surprised when the Tallest had called her to the meeting also; she thought they only wanted her brought back so she could either be punished for leaving Dirt, or maybe given an Invader position-though she doubted the latter. Maybe they just wanted her to do the job that they had originally wanted Zim to do?

She'd find out in a few seconds, because the Tallest had just entered the room. Both Irkens rose and saluted with a unified cry of, "My Tallest!" before they cast a glare at each other and sat back down.

The Tallests then exchanged one raised nonexistent eyebrow before locking their large blockish eyes on their subordinates. Red cleared his throat. "Uh…right, thanks for showing up and all. Now, Purple and I have this…issue of sorts that we need two uh…" He searched for the right word to use.

"Two upstanding, loyal, and…uh…amazing Irkens like you two!" Purple came to his pod brother's rescue.

"Yes! We need two amazingly loyal Irkens like you to accomplish it!" Red nodded quickly, recovering from his earlier verbal tumble. "This mission is to escort a delegate of extreme importance!"

"Is this delegate tall?" Zim asked.

"...he's extremely important," Purple repeated Red's words.

"Is he tall though?" Zim pressed for an answer.

"...He's taller than teddy," Purple held up his prized stuffed teddy bear.

...

...

...

Ten seconds later...

"HE SHALL BE GIVEN EVERY PROTECTION POSSIBLE!" Zim had leaped onto the table and struck his signature pose, pointing to the ceiling as he proceeded to break every glass object within a hundred meters in the span of oh say...

The hell? They broke half a second before he even spoke! Well then again it's Zim...

"Bring forth the Almighty Taller-Than-Teddy!" Zim demanded. "Let him bathe in the glorious glow of his newest defender!"

Under the table, Red and Purple bumped fists. The former then stood and cleared his throat. "Send in the Almighty-Taller-Than-Teddy-Ambassador: Galan!"

The doors slid open, and an Irken stepped in. Instead of the usual red/purple/pink style mixed with black, this Irken wore a dark green tunic with a silver sash bearing multiple emblems and medals to signify his rank as an ambassador, and a long dark olive green coat which reached his knees. The only part of him that looked like it belonged in the military were the boots, gloves and pants, which looked like the usual Irken trend.

His eyes were brown, and his skin was oddly pale for an Irken. He also had a device attached to the left side of his head next to his eye which gave out a whirr as it extended a small line forward, and a blue light was projected from it and covered his left eye. It served as a visor of sorts which allowed him to scan the two Irkens. Once it was done the visor retracted, and the Irken known as Galan relaxed. "It's a pleasure to meet you both."

This Irken was the same size as Zim and Tak-Zim proudly noted that he and Tak were now the same height. Hah! Suck it Tak-hey, no using the narration to send personal insults! You use thoughts for that!

Zim rolled his eyes at my immaturity-HEY! I control how tall you are, jack ass!

...Okay, he rolled his eyes and thought. 'Hah! Suck it Tak! Who's short now?!'

"Zim? Ziiiim!" The Irken, Galan waved a hand in front of Zim. "Commander Zim?"

Commander?! Had Zim just been promoted while breaking the fourth wall?!

"Uh-yes!" Zim straightened up. "Yes Almighty Taller-Than-Teddy-Ambassador?"

"About time he woke up," Red muttered. "He was standing there like a tool for five minutes."

"Anyways...Zim, your leaders have promoted both you and Tak to the official ranks of Commander." Galan explained. "They wish for you to have access to whatever we may need on this mission and I will all the more glad for that when it's over."

"What is the mission anyways?" Tak asked. "Beyond escorting you I mean."

"Well Lady Tak," Galan said politely. "There really is no ulterior motive to this. The Seviant is under threat from being drawn into the conflict of Impending Doom 2, and so I am being sent to negotiate with the 'Rebel Coalition' as your Empire has called them."

"Waiiiit a second!" Zim rubbed his chin. "Drawn into...'your' empire..."

...

"Aw you're so humble you ugly brown eyed worm!" Zim patted Galan on the head. "You don't even think of yourself as part of this empire for negotiating with unworthy filth like the Rebels."

"...but I'm not part of the Empire," Galan said. "The Seviant are independent of-"

"Now this is how an Irken should carry their shame!" Zim declared. "Boldly doing their job even while true Irkens laugh at them behind their back! For this, Zim salutes you!" He struck a salute in Galan's direction.

"...uh...thank you?" Galan was not sure whether to be offended or not.

"Ignore the idiot...and don't feed him either." Tak advised Galan. "Ambassador Galan, my name is Commander Tak, and I am your actual body guard...Zim's a Meat Shield who you may feel free to use at any time if you are ever threatened."

"I'll remember that," Galan felt very uncomfortable to be near these two all of a sudden. "But before we go, Her Eminence wishes to address you all personally to thank you for accepting the responsibility of escorting me."

He plucked the projector off of the side of his head and set it on the meeting table. Red found himself eagerly sitting down so he could speak with his childhood friend...

And she appeared, clad in a white and black version of a Tallest's gown despite having purple eyes. She had a long white cape trailing behind her and a diadem resting on her head between a pair of antennae which curled in a jagged shape like most female Irkens' did. Unlike Red and Purple, she used no gravity belt to walk but instead stood on her own two feet. She also wore armour to go with her dress; boots which looked like they belonged on a soldier adorned her feet, matching gloves hugged her slim arms. Her robe only reached just to a point above her knees like a surcoat...

She looked more like a fighter than an Empress, but the Seviant had been one of Irk's main warrior clans so it was not surprising if they still trained every week...or every day. She was scowling until she had noticed that the transmission had finally been sent from the Massive. Maybe something on her end had been annoying her...or had Galan taken too long to send it?

"Relamad-I mean Red!" She blurted out. "It is...good to see you, and you too Purthak!" She greeted Purple, who waved.

"Hi Scary Lady!" He greeted, recalling how in their childhood Meka had more than once threatened him, and had at least once put him in a head lock.

"Mekaphris," Red cleared his throat. "It's...it's been a long time. You're uh...taller."

"Really Red," She placed her hands on her hips and raised a nonexistent brow as her mouth curled into an amused smile. "Nearly three hundred years and the first thing you notice about me is that I'm taller? Why I put this thing on just for the two of you even!" She chuckled softly. "But I could say the same about you Red, I hadn't expected pod brothers to become Tallests at the same time. Only Miyuki and Spork had ever gotten along that well, every other pair before them decided it was easier just to chop one another up and feed the remains to the Dreaded Garblooky Beast."

Every Irken on both ends of the transmission shuddered at the mention of the creature in question.

"Do not mention that thing again!" Purple ordered the Empress of the Seviant. "I remember the last time I saw one of those things!"

"When was that, Tallest Purple?" Galan asked.

"When Zim let one onto the training field," Red glared at the short red eyed Irken, who was busy chastising Galan for addressing Purple in such a way...

"It's 'My Tallest'! You do not address a Tallest by name!" Zim shouted as he shook Galan back and forth, holding him a few inches off of the ground as Tak stared in shock.

"Damn." She muttered as poor Galan was shaken like a rag doll.

"He-el-el-el-elp!" Galan groaned, getting sick from Zim's rough handling...and wishing the author did not have to slip some weird innuendo in every-OH SHUT UP GALAN! I'm the damn author and I'll-ohhh for the love of god I'm breaking the fourth wall again.

"I trust that you both know what will happen if this mission fails," Meka addressed Red and Purple again. "The Seviant can fight well and die hard, but I would rather that we live to grow and learn. If this whole rebellion converges on Seviantar then we will be overrun, given enough time and effort."

"Why don't you just join us in our war then? Huh? Huh?!" Purple demanded. "Are you scared? Huh?!"

"...Purple,"

"Yes, Red?"

"Shut up." This startled Purple enough to obey his co-Tallest as Red spoke to Meka. "We will make sure that you are known as a separate faction in this war. The treaty with the Seviant still stands and we shall honor it."

"Thank you, Relamad." Meka said, not even stumbling over his name to switch to his title as she gave Red a genuine, personal smile. "I will be in your debt for this."

"I'll remember that." Red let a smirk creep onto his face. "I look forward to seeing you in person some day, Meka."

"Likewise, Relamad, and I promise that if this goes through we will be meeting personally." Her mouth was curling into a mischievous smirk of her own. "I bid you farewell, Mekaphris out."

Her image faded away, and Purple tried to distract himself from Red's expression by fiddling with one of his teddy bear's eyes. But Tak was the one who broke the silence. "My Tallest, I do not mean to sound impudent or to question you, but why do you allow a foreign monarch to call you by your true name? Even Almighty Tallest Purple is forbidden to call you by that name."

"...because this foreign monarch is almighty enough that she's allowed the privilege." Red lied quickly.

"Hey! Does that mean I'm not?" Purple whined.

Red tried to quickly cover up his mistake, resting his hands on Purple's shoulders. "What? No! Of course not..." He forced the word out, "Purthak." He resisted the urge to let out the breath he had been holding prior to saying Purple's true name. "In fact, you can call me Relamad any time you want, buddy."

"Awww thanks Red!" Purple hugged Red. "I mean Rela-Reel-Rema-"

"Relamad?" Galan assisted Purple.

"Relamad!" Purple finished.

"Heeeey! Why does the Almighty Taller Than Teddy get to use the names of the Almighty Tallests?!" Zim demanded.

"Actually Zim since I did not identify them by their names, but rather told Almighty Tallest Purple how to say an Irken name I have not violated any-"

"WHY?!"

"Zim," Red tried to reign in that slowly returning feeling of homicidal rage Zim caused him on a weekly basis with his reports. "It is alright, I just want you all to-"

"WHY!?"

"...Tak?"

"Yes, My Tallest." Tak reared one arm back. "Take note Zim, this is how you knock somebody out. Ball up your fist, rear your arm back, and...assert yourself!"

THWACK!

"...I don't think that it-oh, wait, never mind." Zim collapsed, one eyes swollen shut.

"I'll take him to our ship, My Tallest." Tak began to lift Zim up over one shoulder. "Are we taking a personal cruiser? A stealth ship?"

"Actually..." Red cleared his throat. "...you have to take public transports to avoid suspicion. The rebels managed to find out that a delegate from the Empire would be sent to Xal-Rimina...and most don't want to give Galan the opportunity to reach the conference which the Seviant managed to arrange."

"How did they do that anyways?" Purple asked.

Galan smirked. "It was accomplished through careful planning and a series of well trusted contacts in the rebellion."

Xxx

A few days ago...

An Irken dressed in the white, gray and black Seviant military colours walked up to a Vortian dressed in a trench coat and hat who was standing in the middle of an alley on a starry night on a rebel controlled world. They met under a flickering light, glancing around suspiciously until the Irken leaned in and whispered. "We need to arrange a peace conference on Xal-Rimina, discreetly."

"Okay, I'm on it Chief!" The Vortian nodded with a grin and walked off, whistling a tune.

Xxx

"Yes...careful planning," Galan nodded while looking around suspiciously. He straightened out his olive green coat and handed Tak and Zim a set of data disks. "These have our route, which I took the liberty of planning in advance. Just slip them in your PAKs and we'll know exactly where to go."

Tak fidgeted as she slipped the disk into her PAK and shuddered as a chill shot up her spine and filled her head. "Will we at least be given weapons and supplies? Or a way to get help?"

"We'll give you the best thing that we'd care to give-I mean the best that Diplomatic Escorts can be given!" Purple declared. "Yes, now to...the Armory of Doom!"

Armory of DOOM!

"...why is it called that?" Tak asked.

"Impending Doom, Armory of Doom?" Red reasoned. "Seriously, I thought it would be obvious. Now wake the moron up and follow us..." He added in a dramatic tone. "To the Armory of Doom."

Amory of DOOM!

"Yah see? The dramatic chorus voice has the right idea!" Purple nodded as Tak tried to reverse what she had done and wake Zim back up.

Xxx

End of chapter!