The Kanker Sisters Chronicles

Chapter 2: The Kids meet the Kankers

Setting: Between "Nagged to Ed" and "Pop Goes the Ed"

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd and Eddy. All copyrights belong to Cartoon Network, A.K.A. Cartoon, and Danny Antonnuci. No copyright infringement is intended.

The sun was setting in the trailer park as the Eds ran out of the trailer in their robes as fast as they could. After being introduced in their confused state to girls who are madly in love with them, the Eds are freaking out. The Eds kept running away from the trailer until they ran out of breath in the woods.

"Did they follow us, guys?" Eddy asked them. Double D and Ed looked back to see that the coast was clear.

"All clear, Eddy" Ed said.

"Great idea to stay there, Eddy" Double D said sarcastically. Eddy looked at him angrily. "Hold it, Double D, they're new here" Double D mimicked.

"Hey, I didn't know they had crushes on us!" Eddy said.

"They were scary, Eddy!" Ed whined.

"Wait, we have to go back" Double D said. Eddy looked at him.

"Are you insane?!" Eddy yelled angrily.

"Eddy, they have our clothes, and father won't be happy that I lost one of my shirts and a pair of my shorts" Double D replied.

"We're not going back. It's too risky" Eddy said.

"But what if somebody sees us?" Double D asked him. Eddy shrugged.

"Who cares? They won't see anything, and I'm sure we could make a story up" Eddy said.

"Still, I'd feel more comfortable with my other clothes on" Double D said.

"Well, there's no way I'm going back" Eddy said.

"Maybe they'll trade our clothes for these robes" Double D suggested.

"Forget it, sock head" Eddy said. Double D sighed in defeat.

"We'll go back to my place. I have plenty of clothes for you guys to wear" Eddy said. The Eds kept walking until they were near the cul-de-sac.

"Wait, do you guys hear that?" Eddy asked them. The Eds heard the kids playing. Eddy crawled up to a bush. He looked through it to see all the other kids playing in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

"Oh man. They're all out there" Eddy muttered.

"Well, what should we tell them?" Double D asked Eddy. Eddy shrugged.

"I don't know, but I'm sure we can get by them" Eddy said.

"Guys, I have to go to the bathroom" Ed said. Double D and Eddy looked at him.

"We'll be at my house in a moment, Ed" Eddy said. Ed nodded in reply.

The Eds crawled into the bush. They kept crawling, hidden inside of it, until Jimmy noticed their movement.

"Stop! Jimmy sees us!" Double D whispered. The Eds stopped moving. Jimmy dropped his ball, and looked strangely at the bush.

"Hmm?" he muttered to himself. Sarah noticed that he stopped playing, so she rushed over.

"What's the matter, Jimmy?" Sarah asked him.

"I saw something moving. In the bushes" Jimmy explained. Sarah looked at the bushes, which were motionless.

"I don't see anything" Sarah said. She walked away, and Jimmy followed her. The Eds kept crawling through the bush until they reached the end of the bush.

"Now what?" Double D asked Eddy quietly.

"I'll think of something" Eddy whispered. Eddy peeked through the bush to see a tree ahead.

"Alright, Double D, is anyone looking our way?" Eddy asked him. Double D peeked outside to see nobody looking in their direction.

"It's all clear, Eddy" Double D said.

"Alright boys, let's dash to that tree!" Eddy said. The Eds tried to move, but their robes were caught on the bush.

"Oh my, I'm stuck!" Double D said. Jimmy turned to see the bush moving. He tapped Sarah on the shoulder. She turned around, and saw the bush moving. The other kids also looked at the bush. The Eds finally unhooked their robes from the bush, and jumped with the robes still on.

"What are you dorks doing?" Kevin asked the Eds. Sarah looked at the robes.

"Where'd you get the robes?" she asked.

"Who's Bubba, Rod and Butch?" Nazz asked when she looked at the names on them.

"Well, you explain, Eddy" Double D said.

"Well, we met these girls, who have crushes on us. They found us in the woods and freaked us out, making us jump into mud and pass out. They gave us their dads' robes while our clothes dry, and let us grab a bite to eat. Pretty soon we started to realize that they were madly in love with us, so we ran off" Eddy explained. All of the other kids stared at them, and began to crack up.

"Wow, Dorky, that's the weirdest story you've ever told us!" Kevin said while recovering from the laughter.

"Yes, quite an anecdote greedy Ed-boy!" Rolf said with a smile.

"You guys are pathetic! Who would love you?!" Sarah said while laughing. Steam came out of Eddy's ears, which worried Double D.

"Ed, would you please carry Eddy into his house?" Double D asked him. Ed nodded with a big grin, and ran off into Eddy's house while carrying him. Double D ran in behind him and shut the door when he got inside.

"Well, that didn't go well" Double D murmured.

"No kidding, sock head!" Eddy yelled. He jumped on his bed and pounded his pillow. He groaned into it, and was calm again.

"They think we're making it up" Eddy muttered.

"It would seem so" Double D said.

"Guys, can I have some clothes?" Ed asked them.

"Yes, first we should change into something decent" Double D said. Eddy nodded.

"Right. I'll look in my closet" he said. He tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

"Darn, it's locked. Guys, help me find my key" Eddy said.


Meanwhile, the Kankers were taking the curlers out of their hair. They wiped off their face masks with a towel.

"I can't believe how rude they were!" May said. Marie nodded.

"Double D doesn't seem as nice in person" Marie sadly stated.

"Eddy seems pretty selfish" Lee told them.

"Well, maybe they were just having a rough day. It's unusual to be dragged into a trailer by three mysterious girls they don't even know" Marie said. The other two sisters nodded.

"We should meet the other kids. Maybe they'll be a bit more friendly" Marie suggested. Lee and May nodded.


The Kankers headed out the door and towards the cul-de-sac. They stopped by the playground to see Jimmy and Sarah playing in the sandbox. Sarah turned to look at the sisters.

"Who the heck are you?" Sarah asked in her usual annoyed voice.

"I'm Lee Kanker. This is Marie and she's May. We just moved here, and are sort of new" Lee explained.

"Good to meet you" Sarah muttered in a hostile voice.

"Is something wrong?" Marie asked her.

"Nothing. I just get tired of my stupid brother, Ed" Sarah said.

"Hey, don't insult him. I like Ed" May said. Sarah stared at them in shock.

"Wait, you're the girls who like the Eds?" Sarah asked them.

"Yeah, but they took advantage of us" May said.

"Ha! You must be a really dumb blonde to be fooled by my brother!" Sarah said while giggling. May looked at her angrily, and stepped up to her.

"What did you say, you little squirt?" May asked her. Jimmy pulled them apart.

"Please, stop fighting!" Jimmy begged. He turned to the Kankers.

"I'm sorry. She's usually crabby around people" Jimmy explained. Suddenly, Jimmy saw a squirrel run up to him.

"AH! A squirrel!" Jimmy screamed.

"What's with him?" Lee asked.

"He's scared of most things" Sarah said.

"Get away!" Jimmy said as he began to run around the swing set to avoid it. Sarah saw acorns in Jimmy's pockets.

"Jimmy, it wants the acorns you picked" Sarah said.

"No! I spent a while collecting those! I won't lose them to a rodent!" Jimmy yelled. He continued to run around in circles.

"May, get rid of it" Lee ordered.

"No way! It might be diseased! You do it!" May replied.

"I don't think so!" Lee told her. While the girls bickered, Marie walked over and grabbed the squirrel. She threw it into the woods. She saw Jimmy shivering in fright. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Marie asked him. Jimmy shrieked when he looked at his shirt. Marie's hand had a bit of dirt on it from grabbing the squirrel, and she accidentally got his shirt dirty.

"You fool! Look what you've done to my clothes!" Jimmy said angrily.

"It's just dirt" Marie said. Jimmy narrowed his eyes at her.

"Dirt with germs and bugs!" Jimmy retorted. Marie dusted her hands off.

"Sorry" Marie muttered. "A squirrel isn't dangerous, though" Marie said. Suddenly, a squirrel jumped down from a tree into Jimmy's shirt.

"AH!" Jimmy screamed as he ran off. He ran into a tree and passed out. Sarah ran over to see that he was unconscious.

"You jerk! Look what you did to Jimmy!" Sarah said angrily.

"Hey, she wasn't responsible" May said. Sarah pointed a finger at her.

"Can it, pig-nose!" Sarah yelled. May's face turned pure red.

"Pig-nose!" May repeated furiously. She charged at Sarah. Sarah tried to run off, but May pinned her to the ground. She hung the back of her shirt to the tree branch, rendering her harmless. Sarah tried to break free but couldn't. The Kanker sisters walked off.

"I'll get you for this!" Sarah screamed at them in the distance.

"Man, those two were weird" Marie said.

"Yeah, I hope the others are normal" Lee said.


The Kanker sisters saw the cul-de-sac and walked towards it. They saw Johnny and Plank hanging in a tree.

"Hello" Lee said.

"Hi there. I'm Johnny. What's your names?" Johnny asked them.

"I'm Marie, this is May and this is Lee. We're the Kanker sisters, and we just moved here" Marie explained.

"Nice to meet you. This here's my buddy Plank!" Johnny said as he pointed to the wooden board.

"Uh, hi" Marie said as she waved to the board.

"What's that Plank?" Johnny asked the board. Johnny started laughing.

"Plank thinks your buck teeth look funny" Johnny said.

"What? That stupid piece of wood!" May said. She kicked Plank into a tree.

"Plank!" Johnny screamed. Johnny ran over and hugged the board.

"He's just a piece of wood" Lee said. Johnny looked at her angrily.

"No, he is a real person!" Johnny replied. The Kankers looked at the strange sight.

"He's waking up. Thank goodness!" Johnny said. Johnny pressed his ear against the board and began laughing.

"Plank says that your man-voice woke him up from a coma. He says it was the scariest thing he ever heard!" Johnny said to Lee. Lee began to grind her teeth, so she grabbed Johnny and threw him into the creek. He was washed away by the current, and fell down a waterfall.

"That takes care of him" Lee muttered.

"Come on, let's see if the other kids aren't as weird" Marie said.


The Kanker sisters walked off towards the cul-de-sac. They saw Rolf feeding his chickens in his yard. The girls walked up.

"Hello there. What can Rolf do for you?" Rolf asked the girls.

"Well, uh, Rolf, I'm May Kanker, this is Lee and this is Marie. We're the Kanker sisters, and we just moved here" May explained.

"Ho, ho! You are new to this strange place called the "cul-de-sac", just as I am" Rolf said. He leaned against them, and looked scared.

"I am but a son of a shepherd distant from his home" Rolf said. He noticed their confused glances, so he smiled and walked back to his chickens.

"Can Rolf offer you some food?" Rolf asked them.

"Uh, sure" Marie said. Rolf headed into his house. He came back with a platter of squid and other strange seafood. The Kankers were grossed out by the food's appearance.

"Go ahead" Rolf said. The Kankers tried the food, and spat it out on the ground, in disgust. Rolf stared in horror at the plate.

"How dare you! You must be punished by the strength of the sea's denizens!" Rolf yelled. He took out a fish and began to whack the Kankers with it. In response, the Kankers threw him into the wall of his house. Rolf ran into his house out of fear. He locked the door, and pulled down the window shades.

"Well, that guy was crazier than the last guy!" May said.

"These kids seem to be pretty quirky" Lee added.

"Hopefully the next one will be normal" Marie said.


The Kanker sisters walked out of Rolf's farm, and saw Nazz roller-skating. She almost ran into the sisters, but luckily, they evaded her.

"Hey!" Marie said. Nazz slowed down and skated over to them.

"Sorry about that" Nazz giggled.

"It's alright. I'm May, she's Marie and this is Lee. We're the Kanker sisters, and we just moved here" May said.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Nazz" Nazz said. They exchanged handshakes.

"So, did you girls meet anybody else?" Nazz asked them.

"Yeah, we met several other kids" Lee said.

"Some of them were cute" May said. Nazz raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Which boys?" Nazz asked them.

"The Eds" Marie replied.

"Oh, you must be the girls the Eds were talking about" Nazz said.

"They mentioned us?!" May shrieked in delight.

"Yeah, they said you were in love with them" Nazz explained.

"Well, we do love them" Lee admitted.

"But do they love you?" Nazz asked them.

"What do you mean?" Marie asked her. Nazz smirked at the Kankers.

"Just between us girls, most of the boys have crushes on me" Nazz bragged.

"What?" Lee asked in disbelief. Nazz remembered the few boys who didn't

"Well, except for Jimmy and Rolf" Nazz added.

"That's a lie" Marie said.

"Besides, the Eds like us" May said.

"Actually, the Eds seemed to be scared of you. They said you undressed them, and I'm guessing you looked at their naked bodies" Nazz said.

"How dare you!" Marie said.

"Yeah, we're not like that. We only took off their shirts and pants" Lee said.

"Whatever you say" Nazz said with a grin.

"Okay, that does it! Get her girls!" May yelled. Nazz flinched at May's statement, and the Kankers tackled her to the ground. The stood her up, and spun her around. She went spinning towards the manhole in the middle of the cul-de-sac, and fell down the hole. The Kankers smiled when they heard her splash in the sewer water. Marie put the lid on the manhole, and took out a piece of gum. She chewed it, and smeared it on four sides so she could come up that way.

"What a jerk! That girl was the worst yet!" Lee said.


The girls kept walking. They saw Kevin working on his bike.

"Hi" Marie said. Kevin looked up and noticed the girls.

"Oh, hey. I'm Kevin" Kevin said.

"We're the Kanker sisters. I'm May, this is Marie and she's Lee. We're new to Peach Creek" May explained.

"You just moved here, huh?" Kevin asked. The sisters nodded.

"Well, did you meet the other kids?" Kevin asked them.

"Yeah, but some of them were weird" Marie said.

"Let me guess. You thought the Eds were weird?" Kevin asked them.

"What? No, we thought Jimmy, Sarah, Rolf and Johnny were weird. We love the Eds" Lee said. Kevin started laughing.

"Oh man! You're the girls the dorks were talking about!" Kevin exclaimed.

"They're not dorks!" Marie said.

"Yeah, they're handsome hunks!' May said.

"Ha! You girls must be desperate! Then again, they're probably in you're league!" Kevin said while laughing. The girls glared at Kevin angrily.

"You're a pretty mean and bratty" May said.

"And you girls are pretty scary and ugly!" Kevin said.

"You should watch you're mouth, you big-chin jerk" Lee said.

"You girls should watch your hygiene. I mean, one of you has buck-teeth, the other girl of you has yellow teeth, and the tall one has yellow teeth and a blue tooth! You definitely should see a dentist!" Kevin said mockingly. The Kankers' jaws were open in shock at what they heard. Their faces turned pure red, and grabbed Kevin. Lee punched him in the gut, Marie threw him into his bike, and May grabbed him by his shorts and threw him towards his roof. He almost fell off his house, but his pants got stuck on the gutter. He hung 2 feet from the gutter, and because his pants were stretching two feet, his pink boxers were visible

"You girls are such dorks!" Kevin screamed furiously.

"You're the dork, you little twerp!" Lee said. May giggled at his pink boxers.

"Nice underwear!" May mocked. The girls began to laugh. The Kankers began to walk away from his house. Suddenly, Kevin remembered that the Eds were afraid of them, so he determined a way to get a good laugh out of the situation.

"Oh, where are you going? Aren't you at least gonna visit your boyfriends?" Kevin asked them. They stopped in their tracks and looked back at Kevin.

"We would, but we don't know where they live" Marie said.

"Oh, they're in the house next door" Kevin said while pointing at Eddy's house. The Kankers suspiciously eyed Kevin.

"Why should we believe you?" May asked him.

"Even if they don't live they're, it still might be home to somebody you didn't meet" Kevin said. The Kankers nodded, and walked inside.


Meanwhile, the Eds were still trying to find Eddy's key.

"Where could I have put it?" Eddy muttered. Finally, he found it in a drawer in his brother's room.

"Finally!" Eddy said. He walked over to the closet with the other two Eds. He tried to unlock it, but the door still wouldn't open.

"What's with this thing?" Eddy muttered. He kept trying to open the door, but it didn't move. Suddenly, the Kankers opened the door to his room.

"Well, look who it is" May said while smiling.

"Some cute guys in robes!" Marie said.

"Hubba, hubba" Lee said.

"Kankers!" Ed yelled in fright.

"Wh- What are you doing here?" Eddy stuttered.

"We were just meeting the other kids" Marie explained.

"Oh, and what did you think of them?" Double D asked nervously.

"Honestly, we didn't really like them. Some were weird, and the others were jerks" May said.

"Yeah, but we still like you boys, despite your rude behavior" Lee said. The Eds felt guilty for their poor manners at the Kankers' trailer.

"Listen, we're sorry about acting like jerks before" Double D said. The Kankers listened to their apology.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to make you cry" Eddy said.

"Can we make it up to you?" Ed asked them.

"Well, we'd like to have our dads' robes" the Kankers said.

"Sure, but can we have our clothes?" the Eds asked them.

"Wait, we feed you, give you hospitality, dress you in comfortable robes and you expect us to let you off the hook?" Lee asked them.

"But, we apologized" Eds said.

"Yeah, but you were still rude" Marie said.

"But we cleaned the trailer, as well as cleaned the mess we made" Eddy said.

"True, but then you made us cry" May said.

"Yeah, then you scared us and made us run off in robes and underwear!" Double D replied.

"Only because you made us cry" May said.

"But you told us to get lost" Ed said.

"We didn't mean it! Girls do that!" Lee said.

"Well, we didn't know that you didn't mean it!" Double D said.

"Yeah, but when we told you to say good-bye to the dolls, you ran off screaming!" Marie said.

"Even so, you told us to keep running" Eddy said. The Kankers realized that the Eds didn't seem to agree with them.

"Give us a moment to talk this over" Lee said. The Kankers went into the other room. Lee shut the door behind them.

"Okay, we can't let them walk all over us" Lee said.

"And they don't deserve us to run back to the trailer and get their clothes for them" May said.

"But we need our dads' robes back" Marie argued. The other Kankers nodded. Marie turned to Lee.

"So, what should we do?" Marie asked Lee.

"Just follow my lead" Lee said. Marie and May nodded in agreement.

"You know what?" Lee asked them.

"What?" Eddy replied.

"If you boys think you deserve your clothes, then we might give you them" Lee said.

"Really?" Double D asked them.

"Yeah, we can run back to the trailer and get them for you" Marie said.

"Oh, thanks" Double D said.

"But first, we want our dads' robes back" May said.

"Well, uh, we'd like to give you them now, but we can't" Eddy said.

"What do you mean you can't?" Lee asked them.

"Well, we're embarrassed to be seen in underwear in front of you" Eddy said.

"We saw it when we changed you guys" Marie said.

"What?! Those are our private clothing!" Double D said.

"Sorry. We were just changing you guys" May said.

"Did you see anything else?" Eddy asked them.

"What?! We're not like that! Now you sound like Nazz!" Lee said.

"You met her already?" Eddy asked them.

"Yeah, and she wasn't too nice" May said.

"She said everyone liked her and started insulting us, so we threw her in the sewer" Marie explained.

"How could you do that to her?" Double D asked them.

"Hey, she was making some really cruel comments" Lee said as an excuse.

"Mean girls!" Ed said.

"Did you do anything to the other kids?" Eddy asked them.

"Well, we scared Jimmy, hung Sarah from a tree, threw that Johnny kid down a waterfall, freaked Rolf out by spitting out his food and threw Kevin towards his roof, which resulted in him hanging two feet below the gutter from his pants" May said.

"If you ask me, those things sound a bit mean" Double D said.

"But all those kids provoked us, annoyed us and insulted-" Marie said, but was cut off by Eddy.

"I can't believe what you did to Sarah and shovel chin!" Eddy said while laughing.

"Consider it a favor" Lee said.

"Alright, I guess we can give you the robes now" Eddy told them.

"Eddy!" Double D whined.

"Double D, ignore it. They've already seen us in our underwear, so it doesn't matter" Eddy said. Double D sighed. The Eds took the robes off and gave them to the Kankers.

"Alright, now go get our clothes!" Eddy ordered. The sisters smiled.

"Sorry, we don't have to" Lee said.

"What? You said you would get them for us" Eddy said.

"No, we said we might, but it turns out, we didn't" Marie said.

"But you said you could run back to the trailer and get them!" Double D said.

"We said we can run back, as in, we're able to run back. We didn't promise to run back" May said.

"But you girls, uh, smell nice" Ed said with a grin. The other Eds looked at him in confusion. The Kankers noticed that the Eds were distracted, so they rushed out the door. The Eds ran outside to chase them. The Kankers were too far away, and were gaining distance between them and the Eds, so the boys stopped running on Eddy's front lawn.

"Stupid girls!" Eddy said angrily.

"Ha, nice undies dorks!" Kevin said. The Eds turned to see Kevin hanging by his pants, and saw his pink boxers.

"Look who's talking, shovel chin!" Eddy said. The Eds walked back into Eddy's house while laughing.


The Kankers were sitting inside of their trailer.

"Well, the Eds didn't seem very grateful" May said.

"They didn't seem to like us either" Marie added.

"Are you kidding? Eddy was really happy about what we did to Sarah and Kevin" Lee said.

"True" May replied.

"And they probably do like us. They chased after us for a bit" Lee told them.

"Yeah, because they wanted their robes so nobody would see them" Marie said.

"But we told them what happened to the kids, so they knew nobody would see them" Lee said. The Kankers' faces lit up.

"Those little weasels" Marie teased.

"Girls, I think that our relationship with them is gonna have to start off teasing them. Then, if we go far enough, we'll do more with them" Lee suggested. The other Kankers nodded, and smiled at the bright future ahead.


The Eds were trying to open Eddy's closet. Ed barged down the door, and Eddy rushed inside. He rushed back with spare sets of clothes for himself, Double D and Ed. The Eds dressed themselves in them.

"Eddy, why do you have my pants and shirts in there?" Double D asked him. Eddy shrugged.

"It's for emergencies" he explained.

"Alright guys, let's see what the Kankers did to the kids" Eddy said. The Eds walked out of Eddy's house, and went towards the playground. They saw Jimmy jumping up, trying to get Sarah down from the tree.

"Ed, get me down!" Sarah yelled. The Eds unhooked her shirt from the branch, and saw Johnny walk up to them with Plank. The boy and his piece of wood were soaking wet.

"You okay, Johnny?" Double D asked him.

"I'm fine" Johnny said. They group walked over to the cul-de-sac. They saw Nazz burst out of the manhole finally, and was drenched in sewer water.

"Hey Nazz, are you alright?" Eddy asked. She nodded, and turned to see Kevin hanging from his roof.

"Kevin, are those pink boxers?" Nazz asked while giggling. Kevin blushed red, and finally fell off of the gutter, but his pants were still up there. He ran into his house, and shut the door before anyone else saw him. Rolf came out of his house and ran over to the group.

"Ed boys, you were right. The girls do exist, and they are scary" Rolf said.

"Well, hopefully we'll be able to protect ourselves from them" Double D said. The group walked off to their respective houses, just as night was approaching.