Title: A Record of One Year
Summary: Following Promised Day, Mrs. Bradley recounts her tale of loss, love, and raising a homunculus. Canon-Compliant, Brotherhood/Manga.
Chapter Title: August 9-15, 1915
August 9, 1915
It was a beautiful funeral. There were so many people there, that didn't know him, only knew the hero of the Fuhrer. I spoke, managed to get through it without crying, and other people that knew him, military officials who I didn't know, spoke as well, talking about how good he was.
They didn't know him. They don't know him. My King, my precious King. I wanted to see him in his coffin, open the lid and see his face one more time, but I wasn't allowed. And I don't want to tarnish the last picture I had of him.
They buried him, and I watched, dirt covering him. Disappearing, disappearing, gone. And my husband was done. No more. Still didn't cry.
And then came time for the condolences. Lines of people, people I didn't know, telling me how sorry they were, he was a great man, things like that. Do they think I don't know? I just wanted them to leave, so I could have a private moment talking to King. That's all I wanted.
Then a boy approached me. Xingese, I didn't recognize him, but he spoke. Told me that my husband had died with a smile on his face. I thanked him, and then finally broke down into tears.
I was so close to making it through. King never liked it when I cried.
August 10, 1915
Feel bad about not visiting Selim yesterday, but couldn't handle it. Would've cried more. Bringing him home tomorrow, though. Still haven't gone home to my house, don't think I can handle it. Can pull myself together for Selim, though. My only anchor…
Conrad and Fritz brought Anna's old cradle to my house for Selim to use. They know their way around, so didn't have to go with home. So thankful, didn't want them to see me break down. Probably will when I go inside house. Thank goodness for older brothers.
Was at hospital all day today, watching over Selim. Can I handle a baby? Closest to it was taking care of nieces and nephews and some grands, but never had one of my own to watch 24/7. Worried, but have people to turn to. No King to experience parenthood with. Just me and Selim and my big empty house.
August 11, 1915
Got Selim from hospital today. So small, so fragile, thought I was going to break him. Bigger than before, but I'm used to him being a full-grown boy, cheerful and happy and deceiving me so it's a weird experience. Can't wait for him to grow to be himself, but will cherish baby years. If I can handle them.
Had Fritz drop me off, didn't want him coming in. Knew I would probably break down, and I didn't want him to see. Always been the strong, happy, unflappable one in the family, don't want that to change. Have cried enough.
Unfortunately was right, and soon as I got in the house, door shut behind me, broke down and cried. Made Selim cry too, so I stopped. Fed him some nutrient-laden milk hospital gave me, and put him to sleep. Has been sleeping a lot, doctors say it's okay, he needs to, more than even normal babies. Hope they're right…
Need to go grocery shopping soon, barely any food in house. Plenty of melon, lost my appetite when I saw it. His favorite food… Couldn't look at the Black Bread either, he loved it. His sandwich bread, and I always thought it wasn't good. Who's going to eat it now?
Couldn't go into our room, and will sleep in Selim's old bed, where Selim is sleeping now in his cradle. Hopefully won't get woken up by him, need some good sleep.
August 12, 1915
Did get woken up, several times. Was okay, wasn't sleeping well anyway. Not nightmares, not dreams, just couldn't even fall asleep. Still feels weird to not have his arms around me, to fall asleep in a big bed all alone. Will have to get used to it…
Selim eats a lot. Went through about a quarter of the milk for him, kind of panicked and called hospital to find out where I can buy it. Going tomorrow, Conrad will watch him. Not sure how to explain mark on forehead, doctors didn't ask, might just not explain it. I don't know why it's there, so can't explain, anyway. Maybe I'll use make-up on him once he gets old enough.
The image of that made me laugh a little, though. My little Selim in make-up? Weird thought, but first laugh I've gotten. Need a bit of laughter, sometimes. King could always make me laugh, now I have to find other ways to bring a little joy. Can do it.
Selim is running me ragged. Understand why new parents always seem so tired and worn, especially because just one of me, and there's normally two. Kind of like being so busy with him, distracts me and takes my mind off of things. He's still so little, and I thought he said "Mama" earlier, but mind is playing tricks on me. He's far too little to be able to talk, even if he isn't a hundred percent human. Even if not human, still my Selim. Doesn't matter.
August 13, 1915
Got call from Military today. Was the temporary Fuhrer Grumman. Saw him at the funeral, but didn't speak to him, so was confused at first. They want me to give up Selim! The nerve of him! Says he's homunculus, he's a danger, and all this blah blah blah stuff that I don't care about! As if he's going to take my son!
I got angry with him. Very angry, and told him in no uncertain terms was I going to give him up. He seemed surprised and decided to arrange a meeting, with me and Selim. Don't know who he's going to have there, suspect it to be a trap. Going to be in three days, and though I support the military, seems fishy… Going to tell brothers where I am and who I'm meeting with, lying about why though, so they can investigate if something happens. Don't want them to be dragged into anything, but they don't know about Selim being a homunculus, and Grumman seems good, so don't think anything will happen. Hope not. Praying tonight.
Happened before I went out shopping, so buying food was a nice vent. Had to stay far away from the fruit stand and bakery, knew they would ask me if I wanted my usual, so ended up getting a lot of vegetables and visiting a different baker. Not as good as one I normally go, but at least they didn't ask me if I wanted Black Bread. Had to go to a special health food store to get Selim's nutrient milk, bought a lot. Hope it's enough, warned Conrad he eats a lot. Least it's powdered, so no worries about spoiling.
He did eat less today, so it might've just been an exceptional case. Conrad didn't ask about mark on forehead, not sure if he didn't notice or didn't want to disturb my state of mind by asking or just didn't care, so worried for nothing. Might happen eventually, but hope not.
Sleeping slightly better now, but still in Selim's room. Walk too slow now to get to Selim quickly when he cries, so maybe if I move back into our room, might move his cradle there. Might help me sleep, too. Still haven't gone back into room, grateful for the fact that I hadn't done laundry and was getting my newly clean clothes from there. Really don't want to go back in. Not yet.
August 14, 1915
Days seem to be going by so slow. Literally been counting down the days since Promised Day. Thought occurred to me earlier, though. What day will I celebrate Selim's birthday? Not his from before, that's in March. Not August 1, because that's Promised Day. August 2, maybe? July 31? Don't know, will require more thought.
Have been considering calling up Elise to see if she might be willing to babysit for Selim. Unsure if I should, because of… how Selim was before, but shouldn't be too much of a risk while Selim is still young. Conrad still seems quite willing, so might just stick with him, especially because he's so little. Too small to trust in anyone else's hands.
Been growing a lot. Not size of average newborn yet, Adelaide says, and I trust a former midwife's expertise. Wonder if he'll ever be the size of a normal kid, but I don't think it matters. I was never extremely tall.
Selim's bed doesn't smell like Selim anymore, now. Before, smelled like him, like candies and oranges and dirt, doesn't smell like anything now. Sad.
Have made up mind to go back into room tomorrow. Have meeting in two days, need to work up courage, so I'll go inside. Not 'til tomorrow, though.
August 15, 1915
Went in our room today. Surprised self by not breaking down. Stayed away from the bed, though, and just went to get some clothes, but found some that King had dropped on the floor. Still smelled like him. Ended up crying on the floor, smelling his old shirt. Miss him.
Glad no one was there to witness my break down, and Selim was asleep. Think I need to cry, every so often, just to get it out. Catharsis, was that the word? Maybe I'll get Melon, later…
Going to take Selim to the park tomorrow, after the meeting. Hopefully will be able to. Already told brothers about where I'll be, back-up if anything goes wrong. Really worried about this, don't want to lose Selim. It'd be too much to lose.
Two weeks since I lost him, now. Fourteen days. Seems like so much more.
Word Count: 1648 Words
A/N: Hm, this one went on for a bit. I enjoy writing these, honestly, I feel Mrs. Bradley is one of those under-loved characters in the FMA fandom. I mean, family with not one, but two homunculi? There should be more fics starring her. And thank you for the two lovely reviews~! They made my day! C:
