I led them to death. I led my friends, my family, I led all of them to their deaths.

Beckendorf was a blacksmith, not a saboteur. I could have easily chosen someone better trained and trained to take on the Princess Andromeda sabotagemission. Maybe a child of Hermes, who are talented in getting in and out of dangerous situations, along with the use of explosives. Only I didn't, and now he will never get a chance to grow old with Silena.

Silena, she was never supposed to die. She never stood a chance against the drakon. If I had tried to mediate between Ares' cabin and Apollo's cabin, Clarisse would have been there to kill the monster in the first place. Silena would have been able to live to enjoy the peace, and possibly gotten married some day.

Castor was not meant to die like he did. When I accidentally led the titan army to camp during the Battle of the Labyrinth, I murdered him. I may not have been the one to plunge the sword through his chest, but I killed him. I regret his death and the fact that he will not have a long and happy life with his brother, Pollux.

Lee Fletcher was another early death. He was cut down in the prime of his life when his cabin needed him. If I had been more careful, or defeated Luke and Cronos before they became invulnerable, maybe he could have lived to see the end of the war.

They call me a hero, only I am not. I am a soldier, a monster slayer, a killer and a murderer. A villain dressed as the hero, which I am anything but. I do not have what it takes to be a god like the Olympians wanted me be. Looking back, I am sure I would have done a mediocre job.

Someday; maybe not today or tomorrow, or even the day after that, I will die. I will be dead like they are dead. I'd do anything for a chance to fix the mistakes of my past. If I do ever have to back, I will redeem myself by changing the past to avoid their pain and suffering, the pain and suffering of other half-bloods, and earn my way out of an afterlife in the field of punishment.