Chapter Two
"How are you feeling?" Charlie asked solicitously. He wondered if that was a stupid question. He couldn't fathom what it must be like for her to transform.
"Fine," she said shortly.
"You look... exhausted," he said diplomatically.
"You mean I look like shit," she countered.
"You could never look like shit," he said loyally, when the truth was, she did look terrible... in an exhausted, traumatised way. "But you do look exhausted. Didn't sleep well?"
"I don't know," she said miserably. "I don't remember anything, but everything hurts and I feel like I haven't slept in weeks."
"Poor girl." He wanted to hug her, but remembered Bill's words. "Fleur made you hot chocolate. It's supposed to make you feel better."
Tess smiled thinly. "Remus says is something about releasing endorphins – he knows a lot about biology, for a magical-born."
"Sarah – his mum – was a muggle born. So is Ted," Charlie explained. "Here." Tess's hands were shaking so hard that the liquid sloshed around over the sides of the mug. She looked ready to cry over her incapability to so much as hold a mug right. "It's OK, I've got it." He brought the cup up to her lips. "Tilt your head back," he instructed. She did, and Charlie helped her drink the hot chocolate.
"Thankyou," Tess said.
"Feeling any better?" he asked.
"My stomach feels better but the rest of me feels like crap," she admitted. "Everything hurts. It feels like I've pulled every muscle in my body and no spell will do anything."
"You tried massage?" Charlie suggested.
"Massage?"
"Yeah, it's a kind of muggle treatment for aches and – "
"I know what massage is, Charlie, I just didn't think you would."
"'Cos I'm a pureblood, you mean?" Charlie asked with a grin, managing to sound enchantingly nonchalant, like he didn't care that she'd just insulted him. "Between Quidditch and dragons, I think I have pulled every muscle in my body. And broken every bone. I once managed to fracture five vertebrae in my spine at once falling on my back from fifty meters. Magic can heal a lot, but it doesn't make it less sore. I know you don't like being touched, but I promise I'm not trying to come onto you if you want me to give it a try."
"OK," she said shyly. Besides, she suspected she had scared the crap out of him in reacting the way she had when he'd first touched her, and he wasn't keen to try again, no matter how keen he might be.
He manoeuvred her so effortlessly in front of him that Tess hadn't realised when he was doing until he felt him behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He didn't know a thing about werewolf physiology, so gut instinct told her that the aches she was talking about were caused by muscles and joints being forced in a way that didn't come naturally to humans, so the worst of the pain would be coming from the major joints and muscle groups. "Oh, wow, you're like a wall of sore muscle here," he murmured sympathetically as he dug his fingers into her shoulders. "Sorry," he said when he winced.
"It's OK," she said. "It feels good." She leaned forward slightly to give him better access to her shoulders and her blond hair fell across her neck, giving Charlie a free view of it, and it occurred to him that her neck was so sexy. Stop it, he ordered himself. He'd heard that werewolves were good at picking up sexual heat, and the last thing he wanted to do was frighten her.
"I'm just going to slide my hands under the top of your dress," Charlie said. "If that's OK. I don't want to scare you."
"It's – it's OK," she said, not sure if it was, and yet trusting him implicitly. There was something about him, so warm and open, so genuinely concerned with making her feel comfortable. She moaned with pleasure when she felt his fingers digging into her shoulders. "Charlie..." she murmured. Leaning forward slightly to give him better access.
"Be careful who you say that to, you could arouse a man with that tone," Charlie commented flippantly before it occurred to him not to say something to suggestive to her.
His fears were unfounded. "I wouldn't say it to any man but you," she said shyly..
"Good to know you feel comfortable around me."
"I do, Charlie. I – I'm sorry for how I reacted to you when we first met."
"Tess, it's fine. You don't have to keep apologising for it. Anyone who's been through what you have deserves to be a little skittish around men. I'm not offended."
"I'm glad about that. I want us to be friends."
"I want that, too. Tess... may I kiss you?" he asked tentatively.
Tess immediately tensed up. "I'm not that kind of girl, Charlie."
"Not what kind of girl?" Charlie asked, genuinely befuddled. If she didn't want to kiss him, that was fine, perfectly understandable given her circumstances, but he didn't see how he was showing her anything short of respect by asking rather than just doing.
"Not a whore."
Now Charlie was truly confused. "When did I ever call you a whore?" he asked, pretty sure he was supposed to be insulted if only he could work out Tess's logic.
"I know you don't just want to kiss me, Charlie," Tess said resignedly. "Guys don't want to just kiss me. Everyone knows werewolves are promiscuous as all hell," she said bitterly, because she hadn't felt any sexual desire, let alone any inclination to act on them.
At least not until she had met Charlie. It scared her how much she liked him, that giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach, that feeling of infatuation... it had to stop, she knew. A pureblood would never be interested in her in that way. She was a muggle-born, and a Dark Creature. He might want to take her to bed, but he'd never introduce her to his mother...
... Charlie realised what Tess was saying, and even though he understood where her bitterness came from, he was deeply insulted. "If I just wanted to fuck you, Tess, I would've said that," he said coolly. He pulled away from her, feeling suddenly dirty. He hadn't realised how deeply his feelings for her ran until now, and hearing her thoughts – that all he wanted from her was a tumble between the sheets – made him feel cheap.
Tess felt his sudden coldness as if a switch had been flipped, and for a second, she thought maybe she had pegged Charlie wrong. But – he was a pureblood. Sure, he worked with Dangerous Creatures for a living, but that wasn't exactly the same thing as getting romantically involved with one. She started to apologise, but Charlie had already moved away from her with the lightening speed and reflexes that had characterised his Quidditch career, both at Hogwarts and briefly as a professional. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression," Charlie said coolly. "I'll leave you alone now." And before Tess could say anything to soothe the situation, he had stormed off to his room.
"What's up with Charlie?" Lupin asked. "Bill said he's always trying to be around you, but I haven't seen hair nor hide of him yet. Is he sick?"
Tess squirmed. "Not exactly..." she said slowly.
"Did he do something?" Lupin asked. "So help me, I'll snap his neck if he's hurt you," he growled, despite knowing that Charlie couldn't really hurt Tess, even if he'd wanted to – Tess could flip him like a doll if the inclination hit her.
"He didn't do anything," Tess admitted in a small voice. "It was me." And she found herself telling her brother what had happened.
"I never thought I'd be coming to Charlie's defence, but he's not like that," Lupin said. "None of them are. If he said he just wanted to kiss you, then I'm sure that's what he meant. And he's too scared of Bill and I to treat you as disposable."
"You think I should have let him kiss me?" Tess asked.
Lupin rubbed his eyes, feeling suddenly tired. "I don't know," he admitted. "You could do worse. It depends on what you want."
After Lupin had gone, Tess plucked up the courage to knock on Charlie's bedroom door. "I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I didn't mean to insult you. It's just – that's all most guys want from me... when they're not disgusted by me. I didn't mean to make you feel like I saw you the same way. You – you can kiss me if you want," she said haltingly, scrunching her eyes shut and tilting her head defiantly, bracing herself for the impact.
"Tess, open your eyes," Charlie said softly. Tess slowly opened them to be met by the concerned expression on Charlie's face. "I wish you could have seen the look on your face. You were terrified. Tess..." he cupped her cheek with his hand. "I don't want you like this. I don't want you to have to grit your teeth just so I can kiss you. I promise it won't be that pleasant. Kissing is... pretty special. I don't want you to feel you have to do it. I don't want to kiss anyone who feels they have to do it. I'd rather just be your friend."
There was a dignified sincerity in Charlie's words that touched Tess right to the core. "Charlie..." she said, at loss as to what to say to such a beautiful and sincere sentiment. "I wish I could," she said. "I want to want to."
There was something open and vulnerable about her that moment that made Charlie want to take her in his arms and show her what intimacy was meant to be about. With remarkable restraint, he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "It will get better," he said. "You don't have to be afraid anymore." He understood why she was afraid, though, and he hoped that with enough time and support, she wouldn't be.
"Do you understand what you're asking for, Charlie? That's serious magical protection."
"I know what I'm asking for," Charlie said. "And I know if anyone can help me, it's you."
Andromeda Tonks frowned. No, she didn't doubt that Charlie knew exactly what he was asking for. "I ought to go to your mother and tell her you're certifiable," she said. "If anything goes wrong, she could kill you." Her frown grew deeper, remembering how frequently her daughter's wrists had been bruised where Lupin had been too rough with her – and no doubt plenty of other places that Andromeda couldn't see. And that was what Lupin did when he went a little overboard in a fit of passion; Charlie was asking her to cast a protective spell so Tess could go all-out in him.
Charlie shrugged. "I'm going to do this with or without your help," he said. "With your help will be better."
"I don't know, Charlie..."
"You're the only witch who can block a Cruciatus curse," Charlie said. "Well, the only good one, at least." Apparently, it had been routine practice in the Black household to use Unforgiveable curses as training; it had been the foundation of Andromeda's phenomenal ability when it came to defensive and protective spells. "I swear the safest time of my life was when I was going out with Tonks and I had you to fix things when I fell off my broomstick."
"Or down flights of stairs when you got busted being where you shouldn't be," Andromeda said dryly. Funny how she'd been so mad at him at the time, but it seemed amusing more than anything now. She wished it had worked out between them. There was nothing wrong with Charlie, other than his exhaustive energy. Certainly not when compared to her son-in-law who was too old, too broken and – yes – too poor. Not to mention the storming out whenever Charlie's name was brought up. "You must be crazy about her if you're serious about this," she said. Charlie tilted his head slightly, a flush spreading across his cheeks. "My God," Andromeda said. "I never thought I'd see you ready to settle down with someone."
Charlie shrugged. "I can't explain it," he admitted. "I barely know her and I know how damaged she is – not the werewolf bit, I can handle that – you should have seen the look on her face when she said I could kiss her. Like she was bracing herself for the Cruciatus curse."
"More like bracing herself to be pawed and violated," Andromeda mused. "You can't blame yourself, Charlie. It's all she knows."
"I don't blame myself," Charlie said. "I just want to help her. And maybe if she realises how strong she is, she won't be so afraid of me."
Andromeda still wasn't sure about it. It could go wrong so easily, and it had been a long time since she'd done the kind of protective spell that Charlie was asking for. But she didn't doubt that he was crazy about her, and that he would go ahead with this crazy plan of his with or without her help... and he may as well have the help of one of the most powerful good witches of her time.
"Andromeda, I wasn't expecting you. Has something happened to Remus?" Tess asked, biting her lip in concern at the thought. Lupin was everything to her.
"Remus is fine," Andromeda said, figuring it was close enough to the truth – he was as fine as he had been of late, more or less. "I actually came as a favour to Charlie."
"Oh. Is something wrong with Dora?" Tess asked.
Andromeda suppressed the urge to smile indulgently. The jealousy in Tess's voice was obvious. She had to have some feelings for Charlie if her werewolf's jealousy was rearing its ugly head. "Everything's fine. He just got this crazy idea in his head that he could make you feel safer by making you see just how strong you are."
"Pardon?"
Andromeda explained just as Charlie came through the door. "No," Tess said. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"You won't hurt me," Charlie promised. "I just want you to understand that I can't hurt you. You don't need to be afraid of me. I couldn't overpower you if I tried."
"No," Tess said again, but Charlie was already lunging for her. Tess responded exactly how he had anticipated; she threw him against the wall, almost too quickly for Andromeda to react and soften the blow.
It floored her to see just how swift and strong Charlie was, though naturally he was never going to beat Tess in hand-to-hand combat. Not to mention, he was a glutton for punishment, going after her time after time while she pushed him back every time, her strikes becoming increasingly erratic and emotional as Charlie's attacks forced her to relive her worst nightmare. She pulled out her wand and screamed at him, her thoughts too unfocused to achieve much.
Charlie instinctively knew when she had reached her breaking point and reached out for her, snatching her wand from her hand easily and taking her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her tightly against his chest, his arms securely around her waist. She buried her head in his shoulder and sobbed brokenly. "It's OK," he whispered. "It's OK. Nobody's going to hurt you here. It'll be OK." Feeling Tess sink, he slowly lowered them so they were sitting on the floor. He stroked her hair and held her close and let her cry. "You have no idea what it was like," she sobbed.
"Then tell me," he said soothingly. "I don't care how ugly it is. I care about you."
Weather it was how comforting and safe it felt to be in Charlie's arms or just her emotional exhaustion, Tess found herself telling Charlie what had happened that night she had been turned. "I thought he was going to kill me. I wanted him to kill me. I felt like he was tearing me apart, there was so much pain and so much blood. And then he bit me and until then, I hadn't known what pain was. I can't believe – who does something like that to a person? Deliberately?"
"A very evil person, Tess. Go talk to Andromeda about her sister if you don't believe me. Or her brothers-in-law. There's a lot of evil in the world, I'm sorry to say. But you're safe here. This place is protected to the hilt and it's Bill's and Remus's job to take care of you. Mine, too." Charlie planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head and resumed stroking her hair. What was it about this girl that he wanted to rip her clothes off and take her on the floor right now and at the same time pet her and comfort her like he would a distressed sister, if Ginny was the type to get distressed?
... "What the hell was that about?" Bill asked Andromeda. Andromeda explained. "You – have – to be – fucking – kidding – me!" he said incredulously.
"It actually seemed to work, though I don't think in the way he intended," Andromeda said ruefully. "Leave them be. He's crazy about her. I never believed he felt that way about Dora. And there's definitely some jealousy on her part when it comes to Dora."
... It felt like an age had passed before Tess finally stopped crying and settled in Charlie's arms. "I'm such a baby," she said guiltily, feeling like a child that needed to be petted and comforted and not a young woman who had seen so much and ought to be immune to tears by now.
"You've gone through a lot, you're allowed to cry sometimes. You should have seen me the first couple of times I fell of my broomstick."
"Not brave, stoic Charlie, then?"
He chuckled. "Hardly. Here, why don't I get you to your room and get Fleur to bring something up for you?" Charlie suggested.
She sniffled. "I'm fine to have dinner with everyone else."
He stood up and held out his arm to her still-sitting form. "Up you get then," he said, understanding better than she herself did in that moment just how emotionally drained she was – and how being emotionally drained had drained her physically. He pulled her more than she got to her feet of her own accord, and her legs were shaking. "Here," he said gently, wrapping his arm securely around her waist. "There's no shame in being a little vulnerable sometimes, especially after what you've been through. Let me take care of you, please?" he asked, so beseechingly that Tess found it impossible to refuse him. "OK, I'm just going to pick you up and carry you – it's easier than trying to support you." And it felt like her knees would buckle for good at any moment. "Put your arms around my neck." Tess did so and Charlie scooped her up, one arm around her back, one under her knees. He carried her to her room and laid her down on the bed, resisting the urge to make a smart alec comment about doing anything to get into her bedroom.
"You've been dying get into my room," Tess mumbled in her attempt at humour.
"Not like this. Try and get some sleep, OK? I'll wake you for dinner."
Tess found it surprisingly easy to fall asleep and woke up in the dead of night to find Charlie seated on the couch, reading a book. "Oh, hey," he said, casually as if she had just walked through the door after an ordinary day and hadn't just woken up after an emotional breakdown. "Fleur brought dinner up a while ago. I thought I'd wait for you."
She struggled to sit up. He'd pulled the blanket over her but hadn't tried to take her clothes off. "I didn't know whether I should try taking your bra off or not, and I decided with no," he said, as if reading her thoughts.
She blushed. It was sweet, she supposed, in his own way. "What's the time?" she asked.
"Two. In the morning."
That woke her up. "Why didn't you wake me for dinner?" she asked.
"I figured you needed the sleep."
"Then... why didn't you have your own dinner? You must be starving."
He shrugged nonchalantly. "I wanted to eat with you," he said casually, like it was some tiny thing that he'd waited an extra seven hours for dinner. "C'mon, up you get, you must be starving. Or I will come and sit on your bed."
Tess couldn't help but giggle at that. Charlie could be so disarming sometimes. Was this the same guy who had provoked her into attacking him not ten hours before? Who had held her while she sobbed in his arms, reliving her attack and initial transformation? She climbed out of bed and scooted over to the couch. Charlie uncovered dinner and reheated it. They ate in companionable silence until the dishes were cleaned. "I like seeing you enjoy yourself," he said.
She blushed. She found herself blushing a lot around Charlie. He had a knack of complimenting her on the oddest thing, and making them sound so wonderful and sincere. "I'm sorry for attacking you," she said. "Did I hurt you?"
He shook his head. "Andromeda's phenomenal when it comes to protection spells. I – " He was just about to say it had been one hell of a bonus to dating Nymphodora Tonks, having one of the magical community's most gifted Healers to go to when he inevitably injured himself, then stopped himself. "I – I started it. And I didn't even achieve what I wanted to."
"Which was what?"
"I wanted to make you realise you can beat the crap out of me if you want to – that there's no way I can force myself on you, even if I wanted to. Which I don't," he hurriedly assured her. "You're stronger than you realise – physically, emotionally. I wanted you to see what I see."
"Charlie..." How did he just keep coming up with beautiful things to say? "Where were you a year ago?"
"Romania. I wish I'd known you a year ago. You must have been... happier." But maybe, he thought, not as strong. You never knew how much you could endure until you had to endure it, and you were always stronger that you thought you were... if you wanted to be. Maybe Tess from a year ago would have been happier, but this Tess was stronger, and he couldn't imagine being so infatuated with anything less than this Tess, however maddening she could be sometimes.
She smiled thinly. "I was," she said. "And yet... I feel like I was so ignorant. I knew stuff like this happened – was happening – but it was only ever on an academic level. I'd never choose to have this life, but... I feel like I was so unaware of just how much was going on, and in a really bizarre way, I'm glad that I'm aware now. Does that make any sense?"
He nodded. "I feel like I was like that before I went to Romania. The worst I was exposed to was that we didn't have a lot of money to spare on luxuries, and even then – there was always food on the table, and I realise now just how loving and supportive a family I came from. I was Quidditch Captain and head boy. Romania is... interesting. It's a lot rougher at times, but a lot more honest, it just blew my mind how different things were. It's hard, dangerous work and there's just no point in bothering with luxuries, but I'm so glad to be part of it." He smiled ruefully. "I guess that's not exactly the same as what you've gone through."
"No – I mean, it's not, but – I think you get it. That just because things are harder doesn't make them automatically worse. At least, not entirely." She smiled shyly. "You're not like the boys I knew when we had weekends out of Beauxbatons. And if all this hadn't of happened, I would never have met you." Or Bill, or Remus, she thought, but somehow those thoughts didn't make it to her mouth.
Charlie cupped her cheek similar to the way he had done when she had invited him to kiss her. "Tell me what I have to do to make you feel comfortable around me," he begged. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, he thought.
"I like the way you smell," she admitted. "Like soap and wood fire." Not like rotting meat. She shuddered at the thought, and he knew what she was thinking of – who she was thinking of.
"It's so cold here compared to Romania," he said huskily. "You can't blame a guy for wanting to sit in front of the fire all day." But he dragged his hand across her face behind her head and gently brought her head against his shoulder. "That tickles," he said when she rubbed her nose against his neck. He thought he could sit here all day – well, all night – and let her smell him.
"I'm not good with men," she admitted. "Beauxbatons is an all-girls school so I didn't meet a lot of guys."
"I've barely dated, so I hardly have any more experience with relationships than you."
She tilted her head up so she could meet his eyes. "Liar," she said teasingly, a smile playing on her lips.
"Oh, I've been with women," he said casually, hoping she wouldn't ask him exactly how many. "I just didn't date a lot. Never wanted to, no-one could keep up with me."
"I suppose I should be complimented." And Tess lay her head back down on his shoulder.
He rubbed his hands up and down her arms and she sighed slightly. "Sorry, I know my hands are really rough," he apologised, sorry now that he hadn't taken more care to keep his skin smooth. Things like that just didn't matter on a dragon compound.
"It's nice," she murmured. "It's you." And he realised that she was relying on her senses – touch, smell, hearing – to remind her of where she was, and who she was with. He continued stroking her arms and hair, finding it surprisingly easy to slip into a platonic state of mind so as not to frighten her with his sexual energy. He felt her fall asleep in his arms and went to take her back to bed. "No, Charlie, stay with me," she mumbled in her sleep. Well, how was he supposed to say no that that? Not feeling right going to bed with her, even in a non-sexual sense, he got his wand out and called the blanket to them, wrapping them both up warmly and settling himself as comfortably as he could, given her couch wasn't exactly the most comfortable for sleeping on, let alone in an upright position with her weight against him.
But somehow, it seemed perfectly natural.
Morning came, and Tess stirred awake. "What the – " she started, understandably confused as to how she had ended up on her couch in Charlie's arms.
"I tried to move you, but you specifically requested otherwise," Charlie offered. "Should I have – "
She blushed. Why could he make her blush over the silliest things? "No, it's OK. I felt... safe. Though if you go bragging that you spent the night with me – "
Charlie chuckled. He liked seeing her anger flare up like that. He liked seeing any emotion but fear and distress. Passion suited her. "I promise, I thought of no such thing. At least not until you mentioned it," he teased. "I'm not going to do anything until I know it's absolutely OK with you." He frowned thoughtfully, reconsidering his words. "No, more than OK. Anything less than an infatuated teenager, and I'm not interested."
"That might take a while, Charlie," Tess warned him. The idea of being a giggly, infatuated teenager again seemed as foreign to her as being part of the muggle world again. Besides, she thought idly, she was eighteen; she didn't have many months left as a teenager.
"I can wait. I have plenty of patience." He reached out and twirled a clump of her silky blond hair through his fingers. "I don't know what it is about you, Tess, but I want all of you, you mind, your passion, you heart, but especially your friendship and trust. I can wait for that, and if I ever do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, tell me. I'd rather know there and then rather than continue to make you feel like you can trust me. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Tess said, wondering what she had done to earn the patience and infatuation of such a man. She'd never thought she'd attract the attentions of a pureblood even before she'd been turned, let alone now.
"I'm going to go back to my own room before anyone catches me. See you for breakfast?" he asked. Tess nodded.
He was too late to get back to his room unnoticed. Bill raised his eyebrows when he saw his brother emerging from his sister's room after obviously spending all night with her. Yuk, he thought. He had to stop thinking of Charlie and Tess like that, like the two shared the same bond that Charlie and Ginny did when it was quite obvious that Charlie was deeply infatuated with her – and if Andromeda was right, she returned his feelings, at least a little, if her jealousy about Tonks was anything to go by. "Do I want to know or should I just send you to The Burrow?" he asked. Or better yet, Romania. Perhaps it wasn't the fact that Charlie was his biological brother and Tess his pack-sister that was the problem; perhaps it was more that Tess was barely older than Ginny and he was more protective of Tess than Ginny on account of what she had been through. He didn't like the idea of anyone sleeping with either of his sisters.
"Nothing happened," Charlie said, remarkably cheerful for someone who hadn't gotten laid. Charlie was always at his chirpiest when he had just burned off a bundle of energy, either in the sky or in bed. "I stayed on the couch. I wanted to keep an eye on her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sit in front of the fire. I don't know how you can stand this weather."
