I'm so sorry, Love... Those words echoed in my head over and over again and it was slowly driving me insane. And it didn't make it easier at all that I heard the words in his voice. It would have been almost okay if it'd been someone else's voice. But no, it just had to be his voice. And hearing it just made me cry harder.

Finally, after about an hour of just sitting on the kitchen floor and crying uncontrollably, there were no more tears left to cry, so I then started sobbing.

Why...Why did you leave me, Sauli..? Is it because of me..? Did I do something wrong? If I did, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you.. Baby, please, just come back... I need you.. Please... I thought as I eventually wasn't sobbing so much anymore and managed to get up from the floor. I then took hold of the kitchen counter so that I wouldn't fall back down to the floor. I was feeling so weak now. My heart felt so heavy and broken and my head was pounding. I then slowly made my way to the medicine cabinet and took out some pain medicines.

Then, after getting a glass of water, I walked into the living room and almost literally fell down to the couch. I then held the tablet in front of my face and just stared at it. "Will you be able to make this pain go away?" I then said to the tablet. Great. This is just great. I'm going crazy. I'm freakin' talking to lifeless objects already. And Sau... And he has been gone for no longer than under a day... I didn't let myself say his name, because I knew that it would make me think of him more and then I'd start crying again. So I shut it into a big box and then threw the box somewhere into the depths of my mind. And then hid the key as well. And as hard it was for me to do that, it had to be done if I didn't want to cry uncontrollably all the time.

But hiding the box really didn't help at all. It opened on it's own every night as I was about to go to sleep and so I always ended up crying myself to sleep.

And after a few a days of seeing no signs of Sauli, I was a mess. I didn't go out at all. I just sat on the couch or on the bed and stared out from the window or at the wall or something. I didn't feel like doing anything. To tell the truth, I didn't even feel whole anymore. A big piece of my heart was missing and I knew that it'd be gone as long as Sauli was going to be missing.

And on the next day, as I was again sitting on the couch and was drowning in my own tears, it finally occurred to me that calling the police would make me get my Love back. And so, I immediately went to get my phone and looked at it. 47 missed calls. When did my phone even ring? I didn't even hear it... I thought as I opened the Missed Calls list and started to go through it. Let's see. Mom, mom, mom... Liz. Cam.. Tommy. Dad. Mom again.

And finally, after going through almost the whole list, the almost last number caught my attention. Unknown Number. One single call from an unknown number. Call received 1:54am last night. Who would call me from a freaking unknown number in the middle of the night? Could it be..? No. No, it just can't be... He would have called more than just once. He always does. But what if..? What if...he was in danger and called me for help... And I didn't answer the phone. I fucking didn't even hear it. I'm so fucking stupid! I hit the wall hard, making my hand hurt, but I just ignored the pain, because that wasn't the worst pain I felt right now. All the worst possible thoughts started to flood my mind. What if he's dead? And it would be all my fault... Or then he's in danger and I don't know where he is.. I'm the worst boyfriend ever... I thought and felt the tears start falling down my already tear-stained face. I then felt like I was going to faint when I finally realised that I might have lost him without even knowing it. I then managed to walk to the bed before I collapsed. I then curled up on the bed and hugged myself tightly, trying to keep my shattered heart together.

It again took me a few hours to calm down enough to remember what I was going to do next. And so I took my phone again. But the second I saw the Unknown Number on the screen, it felt like someone just stabbed my heart and turned the knife in the wound before pulling it away. I then took a deep breath as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I had to call the police now. Before it really could be too late.

And so, I called 911 and explained what had happened while holding my tears back. The kind lady said that they'll send a couple of police officers to come and ask me some questions and to search the apartment for clues.

And then, after about twenty minutes, the doorbell rang and I had to make myself get up from the bed and then walk downstairs and to the door. On my way there, I happened to look at myself from a mirror. And to tell the truth, I wasn't a pretty sight right now. My hair was messy, but it wasn't dirty, since I had at least been washing it when I remembered. I had tear stains on my face and my eyes were red from all the crying. My clothes weren't pretty either. They were a bit dirty and wrinkly, since I hadn't changed them after the day Sauli disappeared. But to be honest, I didn't care about what I looked like. All I wanted now was to find my Baby and to know that he's okay.

Then, I opened the door for the cops and let them in. Then, we all sat down to the couches in the living room and they started asking all sorts of questions. Like what was he wearing on the day he disappeared and if he had seemed nervous or scared or anything. And at least I hadn't noticed any kind of change in his behaviour.

And eventually as the cops were done with their questions, they asked for a permission to search the house for clues. And I gave them a permission. I had no dirty secrets and I just wanted to get my Baby back. The cops then shared the house. One of them went upstairs and the other one stayed downstairs. I just sat on the couch and let them do their job.

Then, after a while, the cop who had went upstairs walked down the stairs with Sauli's journal in his hands. He then walked straight to me and showed it to me.

"Is this yours?" He then asked.

"No. It's... Sauli's." I said the last word quietly.

"Okay. Then, I think we might have a clue. Do you have any idea what these are for?" He then asked and showed me a few pages from there that had names, addresses and dates on them.

"No.. I don't know. I don't even know who those people are.." I answered, wishing that one of those addresses would lead me to Sauli.

"Okay. Well, then we have to find out who they are and why your boyfriend has their addresses and names and what will happen on the days that are written in here." The cop said and looked at me with a kind smile.

"We will find him. I promise." The other cop then said and placed her hand on my shoulder. I looked at them with a hopeful look in my eyes. I really wished that they were right and that we'd find Sauli.