Min Søster Bursdagskake: Elsa
by Jessica X
Characters and settings © Diznay and all their lot. Original story elements © to myself.
WARNING: Rated M for semi-graphic self-love, which may involve implements and, er, food. ElsAnna.
Almighty Lord, the response to this! I… what… you all… *sob*
My heart is defrosted (ha, ha, and ha) by the outpouring of love for my little ficlet, especially given that I've been so absent from the fanfiction community of late. A very sincere thank-you. There were reviews that stopped my pulse for a moment or two!
So this is something I've partially experimented with before (RE: POV-switching), but not quite in such a fashion. This is the exact same fic as "chapter 1" again, only flipping to Elsa's perspective. Hitting on this idea immediately interested me, though it almost breaks my original concept. PLEASE review or PM me with thoughts on that, feedback for the future - does revisiting chapter one undo the work it did insofar as "Anna can't get a read on Elsa's feelings and that's what made it good"? Or does it deepen the connection to their relationship when given opportunity to experience it from multiple angles? Or am I just sleep-deprived? (hint: either way, the last is true!) Anyway, it's a bit longer and a bit darker; after all, it's coming from Elsa. She's not had what one might call a happy childhood!
The jury is still out on a "proper" sequel. There are other writings in my blood, and I'll have to seriously consider whether or not a continuation of Bursdagskake is where my focus needs to be. Please don't mistake this for meaning I don't feel like doing it, or that if I don't that I'm snubbing anyone. There are just so many stories trying to burst from my fingers and not enough hours in the day to tell them all… plus, I occasionally try to eat or sleep, whichever one of those I can work into my schedule that week.
Although, my tenth Fanficiversary is coming up in a few months. Maybe I ought to do something truly epic to celebrate...
Until we meet again,
Jessex
Min Søster Bursdagskake: Elsa
People think of me as a cold and distant witch. Goddess Skaldi, how I wish they were wrong.
Growing up, I always knew I was unlike the other children. Certain… abilities manifested in me from the day I was born. Ones I dare not speak of to any outside my immediate family. It's better that way; knowledge is a weapon that can be turned against you with little to no effort. My parents convinced me of this, and I saw the reason in their restriction.
However, it wasn't early enough. Not remotely.
My younger sister, Anna, has always been a light in my heart. So fearful of my secret shame being unearthed were Mother and Father that they forbade me to play with the children of the servants, much less those of other lordlings or down in the village. However, nearly three years after my birth, there came another into our lives - a built-in best friend. Oh, how blissfully happy we were! She completed my life, made the prison that was Castle Arendelle seem like an enchanted land that only we were allowed to frolic within; a blessing rather than a curse.
Until the accident. I don't want to talk about that; it's too painful, even now. Suffice it to say I let my merriment override my wisdom. And Anna paid the cost.
Yes, we were so very narrowly able to save her, but her memories of my unnatural affliction had to be removed in the doing. Nothing is without its price; our fleeting fun for her health, her health for our memories together. My happiness for her life.
And her happiness, too. I didn't see it at the time, so absorbed was I by my own sorrow over being shut away in my room for everyone's protection, but… Anna couldn't be made to understand why it had to be that way. Not without knowledge of how I was. What I was. Every day for many years, I sat in my room staring at the treacherous hands that could bring such immeasurable harm to everyone I held dear if not concealed. This affliction had seemed like such fun when we were young and carefree. Now…
Mother and Father, the King and Queen, were my window to the outside world. They brought me news of Anna's development, the goings-on in the kingdom, styles and seasons and matters of state. They groomed me to be a fine queen, if a lonely one.
And then I lost that, too, when they never came back from their voyage. I lost it all. I was truly alone.
Despite my best attempts to dissuade her, Anna doggedly returned to my door day after day, pleading with me to show myself, to play with her, to become a family again. I could not. How irresponsible would a person have to be to approach someone you knew you had almost killed the last time you were alone together? Such folly… and yet I fed on her tiny snippets of reality that she smuggled me from outside the castle walls. Hating my weakness for the red-headed brat, I drank in her words like a cordial, painting murals on the insides of my mind with the descriptions. Through her, I saw much more than I could looking through the glass onto the village below.
Meanwhile, I spent the time she was absent sitting in my bay window, gazing out toward the snow-capped mountains. Oh, to go there! Already, I was as one of the Ymir, an abominable giant of frost said to be the bane of the ice-cutters. Might as well be among my peers.
And thus was my pitiable, wretched existence; a child full of love shut away and told never to use it. A young lady who never knew a man's gentle wave, a fine stroll through a garden, a luncheon among vivendels and blåveises. An existence completely apart from any humanity never fosters affection. My heart wasn't just growing cold - it was already frozen over.
Much like the rest of me.
~ e ~
"Elsa?"
My muzzy blonde head jerked up from where it rested lightly against the wall behind my bed. Who was it now? My mouth was halfway open to send the servant away before recognition crawled up and over me like a blanket of needles: her.
"I… um, it's my birthday. I'm eighteen! Can you believe it? You probably knew that, though… or m-maybe you forgot? Of course, why would you want to remember anything about me?"
Anna's birthday. A tiny smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. I had remembered, actually, a week or so previous to that evening, but what could I do to help her celebrate? Just as quickly, my happiness drained away. For her, this might be a bright spot in her life, but for me it was a reminder of what I'd given up: a real life.
"Um, I saved you a piece of cake! It's double-chocolate… isn't that your favourite? I-is it still? I'm sorry, maybe it's not. Maybe you don't want it. If you do, though, it's right here…"
The shadow under the crack in my door shifted slightly as I heard a clinking sound. She wasn't putting on airs. Not that she often did; I knew my kind, earnest sister was mostly straightforward and uncomplicated. In a disconnected way, I loved that about her. She would make some fine young prince a warm and caring wife one day.
"Weselton sent exotic fruits," she persisted as she seated herself. Ah, so this was to be one of those nights. How long would she linger outside my door, I wondered? An hour? Two? All night? One never could tell with her. "And a necklace. I'm not wearing it since, uh, it's kind of heavy. And ugly. But it's the thought that counts, right?"
I nodded silently. Why I gave this response, none can truly know. My best guess is that I so badly wanted to speak that I had to channel this desire somewhere else. Hence, nonverbal communication with a person who couldn't see me.
"Only a few more months, now! You're gonna be crowned Queen of Arendelle! Won't that be great? We get to have a party and everything, open the gates - and probably people will bring you ugly necklaces and fruit, and there'll be more chocolate than we know what to do with! Except I could probably think of a few things."
Why? I inwardly demanded of her. Why do you insist on treating your abominable sister with such kindness? I've only ever shown you an impenetrable wall of indifference. You really are almost as mad as I am, when all is said and done.
"What if we just rolled around in it? Would that be stupid? Obviously, it would be so much fun, but then we probably couldn't eat it anymore, and… and I dunno, sorry. Never mind."
I stifled a giggle. Too precious.
"What are you going to wear? Do you have your gown all picked out? I do. It's simple, I… I tried not to dress all the way down to 'shabby', it's a nice one - just not nicer than yours, I hope! But if y-you let me in, we could compare them and make sure I don't upstage you. Even though I'm sure that's not possible! Gosh, you're so pretty, Elsa. Good thing you're going to be queen and I'm not, because I think the kingdom would revolt if a plain, boring-faced girl like me took the throne!"
The giggle, silent though it had been, had long died in my throat to be replaced by the sting of quiet and weary tears. Compliments, begging… she sounded like a spurned lover outside my door. Didn't she have any self-respect? Sometimes that angered me; perhaps unduly, but it did. Night after night, she hounded me, insisted I fill the void in her life, not knowing it could never be. Maybe if I had been left alone as I wished, it would be more bearable. However, with this constant flow of her badgering me, pining after my attention, how could I not get angry?
"S-sorry," she whispered, voice thick with sadness. Poor little lamb… "I just… you're so far away even though you're right here. I r-really wanted to sp- to spend my birthday with you."
A pregnant pause. She awaited a response that was not mine to give. My parents had given me explicit orders; I saw no reason that their untimely deaths should negate them.
"Elsa! Do you even hear me anymore? What if you're in there dying? How would I know? How would I be able to save you if I don't even know you're in trouble? Talk to me! Just say anything at all, please, I… you don't have to spend any time with me, you can hate me all you want, but I still love you and I need- I can't let- if anything ever happened to you, I m-might die!"
Muscles in my chest constricted, and I clutched at the front of my nightgown. So this was evolving from one of those nights into a bad night. I had hoped against hope that the happiness of her birthday would carry her through several days without one of these breakdowns. From either of us.
"That sounds crazy, but it may really be true. You're so much more important to me than you can imagine, and you're all I have in my life, and if you're gone… I just don't see any point anymore."
Oh, Anna, I thought bitterly. You have so much more to live for than I do. My life is all plotted out and will be nothing but misery. You, however! You can live, can go forth and explore the world once you are freed of your obligations here! Anything you want, anywhere you-
A loud din filled my luxurious bedchamber as a flat pewter plate came rocketing across the stones from the still-closed door. I nearly jumped out of my skin, a tiny squeak escaping the deathgrip I normally kept on my own throat. What was this new horror? She had once taken to tossing rotted fruit through the gap in the hopes that I would open the door to escape the smell. Of course, my unholy gifts took care of that in short order.
"Eat!" she shouted at me, voice furious and forlorn. "My birthday only comes once a year, you know! I'm trying to share this with you! Why are you being, so, so…" Fists pounded on the door. "Just let me in! We can stay up all night, doing each other's hair, and I… I won't even ask why we can't normally see each other, even though it's tearing me up inside, every day! Promise with all my heart, if I can just see you, feel you close by again, I won't ask for another thing between now and the coronation, I'll… I won't even visit your door again. I won't even walk down this hallway. You can have all the space you need, if you say just one word to me, or come out here for a few minutes, or let me in, or anything at all! Just anything!"
I stared in wonder at the four thin slices of chocolate cake on the plate resting near the foot of my bed, at the fork that had landed nearby. Such rich, thick, spongy confection… the scent of cocoa and buttery frosting attacked my olfactories as I slowly crawled along the length of my bed to stare down at it. Yes, I heard her. Yes, I knew what she wanted - and that it was beyond my ability to grant her, no matter what day it happened to be. Still…
"ELSA!"
Maybe just one tiny nibble. After all, it wasn't really breaking any rules for me to eat, was it? A healthy young queen-to-be required nourishment of some sort. Besides… it was chocolate.
Really, I can't believe I'm still explaining this to you people.
"Damn it! Why? What have I done to you that was this horrible? Was it something I said? I take it back, all of it! Something I did, maybe? Did I hurt you? Oh, God - what if I crippled you and you're lying there on your deathbed, and it's all because of me?! No wonder you… you hate me! You hate me so badly to seal me away from your life!"
As she sobbed piteously, I was indulging myself. What right have you to judge me? I could feel the crushing weight of remorse for my sister later; right now, there was chocolate to be had.
My every taste bud positively danced with joy! I had been subsisting on scarcely more than bread, fish and water for ages. Anything could have been mine for the asking, but that would require asking, which I was hesitant about doing unless absolutely necessary. To have cake again! Clutching the fork tightly, I rolled onto my back and kicked my legs in the air, wriggling in silent delight. This wasn't just a treat - oh, no. This was everything to me. Like a glimpse into the halls of Valhalla.
Once I was nibbling at a bite from the third little section of cake, I hesitated. No. What was I doing? Indulging myself meant indulging my sister, as this had been another of her desperate little olive branches. I should not have done it. Hard as it was to make myself feel shame over eating a few bites of cake - especially when it was chocolate - I managed to do so, even if only vaguely. Encouraging her would only give her the false impression that it might lead to more interaction. And it could not. Her life depended on it much moreso than my own.
Run, be free! I thought with a stifled titter as I picked up the plate to return it to the door. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I tucked it through to Anna's side and started back toward my bed.
"Elsa..."
I halted, spinning back to the door. That fast? "Elsa, you-"
Curse me, I swore at myself as I hopped into bed and drew the blankets up to my chin. All that work I've put in, keeping my distance, cutting myself off from all contact… did I just completely unravel every last inch of that?! Thrice-damned be my appetite for cocoa!
She was quiet now. Too quiet. I drew my knees up to my chin, listening, straining to hear what hellish fate might befall me now. This could go any number of ways. What if she burst out in anger that I haven't done anything more before now? Worse yet, what if she latches onto my eating the cake, assured that if she can simply spend more time coaxing, tempting me with foodstuffs, that she can get me to come out? Sadly optimistic, I'm afraid. Nothing was ever going to force me out of that accursed prison in the guise of bedchambers.
Just when I began to think she might have skipped away to bed, surprised and relieved that I was off the hook, I heard, "Mmmmmmh…"
What in all Arendelle?
Such a sound from my kin concerned me. More than anything else, it sounded as if she were sick to her stomach from too much cake - and to be honest, it wouldn't have been the first birthday Anna had ended in such fashion. However, when I heard it again a second later, I began to wonder if that were truly the case.
A frantic "Anna?!" died on my lips before it was even given life; that was a dangerous misstep. Then again, if she were truly in trouble…
"Mmmmmmh! Elsa!"
That was when a shiver ran down my arms, along my spine as I stood uncertainly, hands fretting with each other. An urgency had infected my name now, one that she placed there. Nothing like it had ever graced my ears before, but it was a raw need, a hunger, that defied logic. Why, and why now? What could she want of me?
And then there was a tiny suspicion in the back of my mind. I ignored it. Ridiculous! She was my sister! That would be the height of conceit, to believe that was the motivation behind her strange utterances! One simply did not feel that way about one's sister; it went against the natural order. No, sorry, impossible.
Still… as I listened to her breath coming faster and faster, building a head of steam that could only have one destination, I couldn't deny what it sounded like.
She sounded… like me.
Anna could never be allowed to know just what foul depths I had sunk to in my loneliness. How unchaste my actions and thoughts became as I lay in my chambers, waiting for either my coronation or blessed death. With no outside world open to explore, one begins an inward journey of the soul. Then, when you're tired of high-minded philosophy, one begins an exploration of one's body.
"Elsa, thank you!" she bleated, voice nearly choked with desire, breath heavy and strong. From the sound of it, she hadn't fully given in to her baser urges yet, but that time wouldn't be far off. How could she?! Right outside my door?! "My birthday… you r-really did want to celebrate it with me, didn't y-you?"
Right outside my door. My cheeks bloomed with crimson at the thought: little Anna, my freckle-faced sister, laying herself bare in the middle of the corridor for all to see? Not only that, but doing things that-
My heart triphammered as I swayed on my feet, disbelieving. No, no no no, that would not happen. I could not let it! Such shameful behaviour - if word of it ever got out, she could never find a husband for miles and miles around who would treat her any better than a common whore. As I listened to her moan, my inner eye alighting upon the dozens of times I had coaxed myself to similar sounds which were muffled beneath a pillow, I began to feel the yearnings…
No, I violently swore at myself. How could you?! Sweet little Anna is outside your door, and you're contemplating that now?! You truly deserve this foul imprisonment!
Yet warmth was flooding from between my thighs. Silvery moans floating up from the crack under the door seemed to target that warmth, fuel it, seed it in every inch of my body. It had been several days since last I gave in to temptation. Now, with her here, flaunting this…
What if this was her first time? How could she squander so unique an event of young womanhood in the cold, dank hallway? Then again, what if it wasn't? What if we had both been doing this for years, entirely separate and yet the same? Parallel.
Blinking, I looked down to see my gown in my hands. When had I take it off? I always disrobed when relenting to my ugly, pale body's devilish urges. Less messy for my clothes, usually; I could easily place a towel beneath my body to catch any nectar (or wine, as it more resembled during the full moon), then wash it out when I bathed so not even the servants need have any inkling of how loathsome and perverse their future queen was.
"Freya!" she panted out, and I quaked where I stood naked in the slip of moonlight from my window, her voice rolling over me like a furious summer breeze. "Wh… what is happening to me?! Th-this is impossible, but I'm… I don't feel right, Elsa, what do I do? Tell me what I should d-"
Fwump!
All was quiet. In my brain-addled desperation, I had hurled my nightgown at the crack in the door to silence the sounds of pleasure Anna was so carelessly issuing. It worked, for a half-moment; she was startled quiet. But what could I do now? I was naked, and my clothes were even closer to my sister! Retreat to the bed until she left? What if she smelled my disgraceful heat on them? What would that do to her - or to us?
She was asking for my help. How could I even begin to offer it when I was so lost myself?
"It's not fair!" she half-cried, half-purred. "You're so far away from me! Why?! Why can't I have you?!"
In the midst of one of her moans, my knees collided with the stone of the floor; I scarcely felt it. She… she wanted me. Not just to emerge and see her, to play with her as we had done in our youth, but… she wanted me in the darkest way possible. Her sibling, related by blood…
But how much did it matter these days? Separated by my sinister magic of which she could never be made aware, living as apart as any two people can… we were no longer family. Merely two strangers in the same castle. And if I were stupid enough to let this transpire, she would be the first person I ever shared this side of myself with. Would that be worth pursuing?
Foolishness stole over me: I peeked. For the first time in literal years, I actively sought out a glimpse of dear Anna instead of running at the sight of her. My finger hooked over the gown at one end of the crack, drew it aside the barest inch…
Oh, how gorgeous she had become! It was all I could do not to laugh, so happy was I to see her in full bloom as a woman, a fine and radiant princess. If only I could trust my hands to touch her, I would do so - I would stroke along her auburn braids, cup her freckle-dusted cheeks in my hands and kiss her on the forehead, wishing her joy and prosperity. Then I'd send her out to hook in a wealthy lordling.
Alas, at the moment she was too busy with her fork to pay any attention to lords or princes. The fork? It was nestled in her mouth as she writhed back and forth slightly. Her movements gave me a more complete picture of her, as mostly I could only see a sliver at a time. I didn't understand this, though. The cake was exquisite, to be sure, but not that mind-blowing.
Maybe I had this all wrong. Panic flooded through me as I watched her moan in ecstasy from the cake, as my thighs twitched together feeling the first hints of moisture forming. What if those seemingly-sensual noises were in all reality completely innocent? How horrible! There I was, assuming my sister was lusting after me in the murkiest of fashions, when all she wanted was cake and company! I deserved to be boiled in oil for such a crime!
"Every night," she uttered into the dark, "when I f-fall asleep, I picture your white-gold hair, Elsa! The smile on your lips that you once wore, or even the sad little frown that took its place! Your bottomless blue eyes, your pale, slender neck, I… you're all I ever think about, all I want! What on earth is keeping you from my arms?! How do I kill it?! It doesn't need you like I do! It isn't… it can never love you like I can, like I do!"
In all my years of practising the arts that came naturally to my fingertips, nothing had ever quite frightened me that way. I physically felt my heart skip over an actual beat, leaving my chest hollow and empty for that instant before it suddenly exploded with heat and sensation, the surreality of the moment before gone and leaving me open to a deluge of emotions that overwhelmed my mind, swept it along into the fjords and out to sea.
And while still reeling from her confession, my mouth agape and eyes doubtless equally wide, I heard a moan that could not be explained away by any amount of sweet confections.
"Gods!" came the shuddering gasp from her lips as she panted, ominous noises coming from her side of our barrier. "Oh, Elsa! My precious Elsa, I would do anything for you to be with me right now!"
As I watched her take another bite of cake, heard the way she sighed - vibrated - when it passed through her lips, I began to understand. One finger went to my lip. The cake. That was more contact with me than I had permitted her in over ten years. All I did was eat a bit of the same cake, and it was sending her to such a place?
"Elsa?!"
Drat; I had sighed. In the moment, I hadn't been aware, but as soon as I heard her reaction it was driven home. As she scrambled to move closer, I jerked my eye away from my makeshift peephole, quivering and hoping against hope that turning invisible was among my skillset.
"Wh… are you there?" Anna was trying to keep her need from her voice as she spoke, tried to focus on me instead of herself, but it was impossible; she was overflowing with desire already. As if I didn't feel the same. One of my hands was resting just on the short, curly blonde hairs that paved the way toward my sinful, horrible maw. I shouldn't. I should not, this could lead nowhere good!
What would Mother and Father say? I helplessly chided myself as my middle finger inched downward, toying with the hair. What would my subjects say if they knew this is what their queen did, how she comported herself? Truly, powers and behaviour taken together, I am the shame of Arendelle.
"Wh-what are y…"
"Ohhh," I let slip, as the barest whisper. It wasn't bare enough.
"Ah!" she quavered, every word drenched in a complicated webwork of emotions. "This… th-this is the best birthday gift you could have given me, Elsa, I… oh, I do love you, and with all my heart! Whatever your reasons, I won't… you have me anyway, Elsa!"
Damn me, I swore at myself as my fingertip slid around the lighthouse and dipped into the fjord. This is precisely what you meant to avoid. Now you've really done it. Everything is going to the dogs.
Such noises coming from me… they had not emerged since my first tentative steps into the forbidden land of my own body. Vulgar, repugnant sounds, both from my throat and from my nether region. Tears welled up on my eyelashes as I thought about anyone hearing these in my entire life, much less here and now by the one person to whom I still felt any sort of connection. And it was my sister! Why her?! Couldn't one of the maids or porters walked in on me instead? It would have been mortifying, of course, but not so… so reprehensible. So taboo.
My head threw back as I harmed my virtue, as I gave in to the temptations of demons. My breath came harder to me, and nearly always emerged with mewlings of want that were unbecoming royalty in the most appalling way.
Anna responded in kind. My heart leapt into my throat, even though I still wanted to cry and dash myself against the snowy crags of the North Mountain. Horrible though I might be, I was not alone in my depravity. Guiltily, I rejoiced in her noises, a healing balm against my soul - heard them increase in their potency at some newly-discovered technique or other, and renewed my own efforts. Madness, abomination, heresy… acceptance?
A breeze disturbed me, and I looked over to find my gown was mostly pushed away from the gap. Had I done that, unconsciously? Unnerved and feeling exposed, my free hand grasped toward its comfort-
"NO!"
I recoiled from the scream, stilling my ministrations. Had she been so disgusted by the sight of me?
For once in a reindeer's age, I saw Anna's perfect little lips tremble before forming the words, "No, please don't! Just… just leave it, please?! I'll be good, I'll do whatever you want, but please!"
She wanted to see me. Wanted it. Pulling my gown away, that could have been an error in judgement or a fumble she had not meant to make, a stray limb snaring on it. That last was unlikely, but possible. And even having seen me, my colourless and bony, boring form, she desired more?
It was all I could muster to stop myself from weeping openly as my accursed hand continued its misdeed, as my mouth fell open to suck at the air. How could she be so accepting of this? So many aspects of what we were doing could not ever be discussed openly - would have us branded as simpletons and infirm of mind!
"This… this is scary for me," she breathed, almost as if reading my very thoughts. "But I have never felt better than I do right this moment in about ten years, it's so- what would you even call this? Sorcery, maybe?"
My arm twitched, and my nails caught the sensitive folds of my lady-flower. OW. I wish she hadn't mentioned sorcery, even though I knew she had no inkling of my inhuman power. Forgetting that I was afflicted was part of the draw of this particular activity, after all.
"I'm s-so confused, but it's so good, and you… and we're finally-"
"Shhh," I bade her. She was babbling, and every last word she uttered only broke my heart.
"Okay, okay, I c-can be quiet! I promise - j-just, well, it's harder than usual, so c-can you cut me a little slack tonight?"
At that, I couldn't help but laugh, most of my sadness forgotten or lessened dramatically as I relaxed into the rhythm again. Sweet little Anna, always so forthright.
Sweet little Anna, exposing her breasts to the chill air of the dark castle hallway.
"Mmh," I couldn't help but let slip when I saw her clutching her own chest. Oh, I couldn't precisely see the peaks, mind you, but I could see the milky sides, knew the positioning of her arm meant she was toying with them. Her skin was so radiant, so tanned… would mine ever be that way? Or was it part of my curse to be forever white as the mountaintops?
Thus, I began to squeeze my own mountaintops as she was doing, renewing my pleasure as a sharp delight spiralled down from each and into my body. I had done it before, of course, but never let it be said that a good idea can't be rediscovered with the aid of a friend.
"Nnnah!" she cried with a tremble. "Oh, by Freya is this so… so big! Is that strange, how I describe it? I w- I want you to make it less big, b-because if I give you half of it, we can both hold some and it won't be so big, and- and I- and we can- and I want-"
"Anna!" I choked out against my wishes, squeezing my eyes shut the moment I realized my mistake. It was too late. Really, if I'm honest with myself it was too late the moment I picked up the plate she had sent into my room. Punching the door in frustration, I cried out, "Ah! I… nnnnngh!"
"Yes!" she half-giggled, half bleated. "Whatever happens next, you have me! You have me right now, I'm not going anywhere - I'll never go!"
Yes you will, I thought miserably in the back of my mind as the lion's share was devoted to unending waves of dark ecstasy crashing upon its shores. Soon, this will be but a memory, and we will again be in different realms. Separated by me. By my evil arts.
"Oh, Anna!" I found myself shouting at her through our tiny window into each other's worlds, drinking in the rouge in her cheek, the speed of movement in her arms. "Anna, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, you'll never know, I- it's more than I can stand, but you have to know, I'm- it's all I can do for you, it's all I can do!" Damn it! Why am I doing this?! Speaking will only make matters worse!
And then, to my amazement, my little sister took reins of the responsibility that I should have been minding, which she couldn't even begin to fully understand given that she knew nothing.
"Don't say any more! Just… just love me tonight, even if we both hate me in the morning! I already hate me now!"
"Never hate!" I growled at her as my body undulated, convulsed, attacked itself. Didn't she know she could never, ever be to blame? "Just… how it has to… hnnahh, why?! Why does it have to be like… like this?!"
"Elsaaahhh!" The thickness of her need, the exposed fear and hunger so evident in her calling my name, would never leave my mind again. I knew that. "Be with me! Be with me forever!"
"I can't, Anna, I can't, I c-" My voice broke as my hand redoubled its efforts, as I sought to drown my words and feelings that were leaking through my ever-present walls out with raw passion. "I want to, I want you but I can't, I ca- ca- CAAAAAHHH!"
Anna's inexperienced screams of sheer enjoyment couldn't completely mask her sorrow. What they could do, however, was tell me that she had just achieved her very first orgasm. Welcome to womanhood, my Anna!
Perfection. Soon after, I reached my end with the force of an avalanche, a combination of the sheer potency of my first time with the experience of repetition. Was this what I had been missing the last few years? Someone to share these moments with, to spur me on toward new heights?
When my back lowered to the stone floor again, I felt frost. Oh no. No, no, no no no NO!
Yes. In my haste, I had allowed the bulwarks around my powers, ones I kept locked tight, to slacken. It was almost nothing, a tiny chill blast, but had she noticed? Perhaps not. Anyway, there was no scream of terror, so I doubted it.
But looking between my knees at the spray of snow on the wardrobe in the corner, a burning shame crept into my face. Goddess Skaldi! I lamented, falling limp against the floor. Can't you leave me alone for five minutes while my sister and I do unspeakable things?!
"Oh… oh, Elsa, I don't even know… but it was… it was-"
"It was," I admitted quietly, trying not to laugh. "Most definitely."
And her hand was at my cheek. Her warm, sweaty hand, so soft...
"You… You're still in there somewhere…"
Oh, Anna, I thought weakly. If only my powers could freeze time as well…
Soon thereafter, relishing such a rare contact gave way to my darker mind and all I could think of was the frost on the floor, the snow - piles of snow in the foyer, Anna's laughter, the jet of frost, my frost, colliding with her head - taking her to see the trolls, begging to save her life-
"Anna," I said in a shaky voice as I pulled away, "y-you have to go, please."
"B-but I-" A brief silence as she accepted my commandment, dragging my heart down into the black depths of the ocean where our parents' ship lay. Buried. Cold. Then she asked with a weakened optimism, "Um… c-can w-we f-finish the cake first?"
"No. I-" My voice was breaking still; I took a deep, soothing breath. "It's not wise." I prepared to go back to my bed, to end this night of poor decisions.
"Here," she whispered as she returned the plate to me. "Just… try a little more? I d-don't want you to go yet."
She doesn't give up, I thought with frustrated humor as I picked up the plate. Stubborn as an old- eh?
Something about the fork caught my attention. For the last few minutes of our, well, activity, I hadn't seen it, even though it had been a centerpiece at the beginning. Here it was, next to what little remained of the cake… sopping wet.
"Anna!" I accused with a gasp, lifting it closer to my eye level. "Anna, were you- oh! Oh, my…"
"Huh?"
"Th-this fork is covered in…" My throat worked to swallow; I failed. Every inch of the fork's handle was well-lubricated, and giving off a light, pleasant odor that was not far removed from that of my own organ. A tiny pool of her nectar lay beneath the metal.
The next thought that came to me, once I had identified just what I was looking at, threw me for a loop. She had known this was on there, and passed it to me. "Anna," I began slowly, touching the very tip of my index finger to the graceful arc of its handle and jerking back when I felt wetness, "wh-what am I supposed to do with this?"
What indeed. Quiet as a mouse, I touched the finger to my own tongue.
Ambrosia.
"Sorry!" my sister fumbled as I rolled her flavour to and fro in my mouth, as I literally shook in delight. "Elsa, I swear before the gods of our ancestors, I w-wasn't thinking about the fork when I passed it back!"
What naïvety! She was so sweet - in more ways than one. Tasting myself had been interesting, an experiment of my first days that had been nice enough but unremarkable. Now, however… now I had her pungent cordial in my mouth. That changed everything.
"About that, too, um…" I listened distantly to her confessions as I picked up the fork by the tines, watched a drip slide from one end of the handle to the other. "That was the last thing you had touched, and it- know what? I can't go anywhere from there without sounding weird, so maybe I should just keep my mouth sh-"
"Mmmhhh."
We both fell silent as I heard myself utter such unrestrained pleasure at scraping the flavor of her from what she had, I now understood, used to stimulate herself. Because it had touched my hand. What was she picturing in her mind as it pushed against her moist, fresh petals? My hand there? My lips there? Each new thought quickened my pulse. Knowledge of her thoughts had been enough to drive me wildly into reckless territory. Actually holding what she had used? Tasting what I could taste if the stars were aligned differently?
"Mnah!" I uttered when I ripped the fork away from my mouth, astounded at my renewed hunger. Again?! I never, ever ventured to do this twice in one evening - well, not in recent years! So powerful was her unashamed expression of love that it was such an aphrodisiac.
As my fingers dabbled in the pool on the plate, combined it with more cake and shoved it recklessly into my mouth, spread it on first my lips and then nipples, I hit upon an idea while gazing down at the all-but-abandoned plate and fork. A quarter of the birthday treat remained. That daring hand was back at my maw again. What if…?
No. No, absolute insanity! What I had just indulged in was a byproduct of chance; she had told me herself that she hadn't been thinking about the state of the fork. If I did what I was considering, however, it would be a conscious decision. I would be encouraging such debauchery.
Yet didn't she deserve at least as much as she had given me, intentional or not?
Collecting my juices proved effortless; there were gallons to be reaped. Grimacing, I plucked a tiny hair from the top of the cake after I had drizzled myself onto its surface. That was just unappealing any way you looked at it! For a moment, I observed my handiwork, amazed that this was an event in the history of my life. Then, knowing my face was redder than a hot coal, I pushed my lewd proffering back through to where my little Anna was doubtless waiting.
She lifted it, she breathed in the aroma as I had hers; all of this I could hear before she whispered, "I… you're giving this… to me?"
Why was the gratitude in her voice both so tragic and so stimulating? Turning away from the door in a useless attempt to hide my full blush, I said, "Happy birthday."
Again, I wrung pleasure from my dripping center as I listened to her consume me, draw my liquid into herself as I had with hers. Every so often, my tongue darted out for a fresh taste of her, but I kept this in check as much as I could; it had to last me. It would have to last me a long, long time.
Another mouthful of my altered cake, another moan. Was she doing it again, as I was, twice in such short order? Clearly.
"Anna, do you like it?!" I half-sobbed as I lay down again, giving myself over to the pleasure. "Do you like your cake?! Do y-you- l-li- do you li- do you like it?!"
"I love it!" she crowed, voice flipping between slightly muffled to clear as she devoured my offering. "It's so delicious! Ca- can we share cake like this on y-your birthday, too?! Can we?!"
"AHHHNH!" I cried as my elbow struck the door when I began squeezing my bosom anew, feet cramping briefly from the tensing of all my muscles. "Oh, Freya, Anna! We shouldn't do this! This can't b-be happening!"
"It's not!" she swore to me. "D-don't worry, this is only f-for you and me! Our cake, nobody else's, it's- HNNNHH - not for anyone else!"
"I… I wish it could be like this all the time."
That utterance robbed me of something. I braced for her to pounce on it, as she had long ago in the past when I had been foolish enough to tell her my true feelings when I couldn't explain the circumstances behind our separation. Long, long ago.
But she didn't. No further was it discussed. She merely cried out my name, and I cried out hers. "Anna!" I screamed, again and again, unable to articulate any further. I wanted Anna. All I wanted was to have Anna with me, up against me… but as the chill of another leak of power left me when I climaxed, as I limply directed it away from the door instead of toward it, it was all too clear to me that these wishes were simply that and nothing more.
Moments slipped by as we regained our breath, Anna laughing weakly now and then. No matter how you sliced the cake, we had enjoyed this. Nodding to myself, I slowly pushed to a sitting position, noting the new aches in my bones that I would be feeling tenfold in the morning, and picked up my gown as I rose.
"Elsa?" I stopped, listening to her meek voice. Gone was the zeal and self-assurance that had been present as we coalesced into paradise alongside each other. All that was left was a young girl who missed her best friend. "Elsa… I know things can't be like this all the time, and the reasons are something I can't know and I'm trying to respect it, but… but I want you to always remember that if we could… it would make me really happy. Really, really happy."
Didn't she understand? My hands dug into the fabric of the robe as I shivered, feeling naked in more than one way. Couldn't she see how much more difficult that made it for me to keep her out of my life, as was necessary? Hating me would have made everything so much simpler.
Still, after what she had given me, she deserved more than a cold shoulder. "Not long now until the coronation ceremony. I'll… see you then, okay?"
Contemplative pause. "We can't talk about this ever again, can we? It was a one-time deal."
"Anna-" A thousand possibilities flashed through my head. Anna, I'm so sorry for all these years of separation. Anna, you can come to my door this way anytime - please! Anna, I have horrific magic buried inside of me, and if we were ever to spend time with one another again, I'm afraid that you wouldn't… that you might be...
"Yes, I'm afraid so. Sorry. Gods, you'll never know how sorry I am..."
Forever passed. At length, I pulled the gown over my head when I became gradually more self-conscious, ashamed of my exposed flesh, ashamed of how we had taken a sacred bond and brought ruination down upon its crown. Upon The Crown.
"Okay."
Okay? Just like that? Where had the stubborn, ox-headed ginger I had known all my life gone?
"I promise not to bring it up," she went on, voice so soft and submissive that I almost turned around, almost flung open that blasted door then and there and swept her into my arms. "But if… if you wanted to, or wanted to do this again… my answer is always going to be 'yes', so, um… I'll be whatever you need from me. Always."
Naturally, she couldn't see my little nod. Both hands pressing into my chest, I was able to feel the first sob rolling up from my stomach, could move them to my mouth to cover its sound when it exploded from me. Happy as my body felt, my next move was to throw myself onto my bed and bawl like a child with a skinned knee.
A stretch passed without my silent tears stemming their flow, though not once did I betray them with sound. At some point, I heard Anna collect herself and her plate and return to her own chambers. That was when I truly freed my despair, let it wash over me, punish me for my indiscretion. Hurt me. I needed the hurt to make it feel like the scales were balanced. What had I done? Not to myself, though that was likely as bad. I didn't care what became of me.
What could I have done to my sweet little Anna?
~ e ~
Time passed, as it tends to. The pain lessened, and her words came back to me over and over, distilling to a bittersweet ache instead of agony. She'd be whatever I needed, even if what I needed was… her to stay away. Unconditional love burns. It burns me when it's from her.
Without her ever finding out, I emerged from my room once or twice when I was absolutely certain she was asleep and, using a few secret passageways that Mother had shown me before… well, before, I stole into her room. There she lay, peaceful in dreamland, hair a mad tangle of red. I truly wanted to cross the room, to withdraw her sheets and place my hands on her, to hold her and kiss her and tell her I had been a fool, that everything was alright now… but I knew that was not possible. Not so long as my witchcraft assailed me unbidden.
As my coronation approached, Anna had completely stopped visiting me. I knew why; she didn't want to seem "ungrateful", as far off the mark as that feeling would have been. So long as that door remained solidly locked, I liked having her around, no matter how much guilt poured onto my head when she was. The fact that we could still be sisters, even kept apart by distance…
The day came when I grew bold enough to leave her a second edible… present. She must have enjoyed it, because I received one in return the next evening. How she managed to procure a banana this far from a major port, I'll never know, but it was properly "glazed" for my pleasure. And I was very pleased!
Tomorrow is the coronation. I am to be queen of Arendelle. I don't want to be queen, but be her I shall, for thus is the legacy left to me by the late monarchy. How will I complete this ceremony without exposing all that I have worked so long and hard to keep hidden - both my magic, and my… my what? I'm unsure of what to call it, even. Tendencies? Predilections? Mental damage? Horribly maimed soul that only seeks to destroy whatever it touches? Anna gives me hope, she does, but starting out life with such a dangerous handicap makes it less than easy to keep a stiff upper lip.
One way or another, I will get through this ceremony, as I will get through the rest of my reign. And maybe someday, when I'm old and wise, I will finally grasp how to bring my powers under control. I only hope both of us are still alive when that comes to pass.
Because love should be an open door, not gifts in the dead of night. My sister deserves better. Anna deserves everything.
- Fullfør? -
