A/N: Thanks everyone for the story alerts, reviews and adding me to your favorites. I really appreciate it!

This chapter is a whole lotta angst…so be prepared. But it is necessary to kind of see where Bella's head is.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns the character. Lucky lady.

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How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

"Storm" – Lifehouse

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Ch. 2

The house loomed across the street, like a beckon of all things gone wrong in my life. What used to be a sanctuary from the outside world now felt like a place for my own personal hell. I hadn't stepped foot in there since the accident, since they died.

My eyes closed from the intense pain that my heart felt at the mere thought of my mother no longer being here.

Once I reached the two crumpled cars, I began yelling my mother's name. The SUV that had hit them was perched sideways atop Renee's car; which was completely crushed from the weight of the other vehicle.

Rational came back to me for a moment when I realized I should be calling 911. I reached into my pocket for my phone. I held it up in front of me.

No signal.

"Piece of shit!" My panic began to rise again with the thought that I may not get them help in time.

I huffed out a sharp breath when I felt the sting in my knees from where I landed.

I frantically looked between my mother's car and the phone. I walked a little to the left from where I had been standing and finally got one bar of reception.

I quickly dialed the three numbers and placed the phone to my ear.

"911, what is your emergency?" said a female voice from the other end.

I let out a squeak as fresh tears began to roll down my face. "Umm…my m-mom and step-dad were just hit by a drunk driver. It's really bad, please send someone! She could die-"

I was cut-off. "Slow down and breathe sweetie. We have dispatched an ambulance to where you are. Did you see it happen?"

"Yes."

"Okay. So I want you to stay right where you are. We will be there in two minutes," she said in a calm voice.

"She can't die. Nobody's moved in either vehicle."

"Just take a few deep breaths again. We need you calm."

I did as she asked and stayed on the line until I heard the sirens coming up the road.

It took over an hour for the firefighters to maneuver the SUV off the top of my mom's car.

They cut off the roof of Renee's car and began to extract them.

Up until that point, I was being held back from the scene by a female officer.

When I caught my first glimpse of my mom, that ability of taking in oxygen totally left me. Her body was mangled; pointing in angles that were just not normal. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The blood was the worst.

"Mom!" I yelled, my knees completely buckling beneath me. One of the male officers caught me in time.

The E.M.T.'s took her to an awaiting ambulance. They disappeared behind the doors.

I tried to run for the ambulance, but I was held back.

A minute later, one of the E.M.T.'s made his way over and exchanged a silent look with the officer still holding on to me.

He then turned his eyes to me, a look of dismay taking over his features.

"Are you Ms. Swan?" he asked.

I simply nodded.

"I'm sorry to inform you miss, your mom didn't make it."

"What?" I gasped.

"She died on impact. Probably instantly; most likely not feeling any pain. I'm terribly sorry," he said, reaching out a hand to lightly grasp my shoulder.

"She's gone?" I said quietly. "No! She can't be."

Before anyone could answer me, my hearing and vision became fuzzy. The last image I registered was Phil, looking even worse then Renee had. Then everything went black.

The sound of the car door closing behind me brought me back to the present. I looked over my shoulder at Charlie. He looked at me before looking over my head at the house.

"It will be okay Bells. Your not alone," he spoke softly.

I felt his hand on my shoulder when I turned to look at my house again. I immediately jerked away from the contact.

"I will not be okay. It's my fault," I said quietly, my voice bearing no emotion.

I felt my feet step off of the sidewalk of their own accord as I followed Charlie across the street. When we made it to the edge of the yard, I found that my steps faltered.

This was the last place that I had seen her alive. The place where I should have said that I loved her and not given her attitude.

Charlie noticed my reluctance and came back to stand by my side. "You need to do this Bella. Obviously you can't stay down here and we need to get your belongings and mementos together before the house is put up for sale."

I ignored him and willed myself to take a step onto the browning grass. We made it up to the small porch and into the house.

I stopped at the doorway yet again. It had been almost a month since I had been back here, having stayed with Renee and Phil's friends.

Once I awoke from my fainting spell, the world seemed to take on a delirious and horrendous turn.

After I was told in detail how they both died, I had meetings with their lawyers, going over the wills. Apparently I got everything; even in Phil's case if my mom passed on. I suddenly came into more then enough money then a seventeen year old should know how to deal with, a house, car and other things. But I couldn't help but feel even more dreadful with the new knowledge. None of it was supposed to be mine…not unless it was the worst case scenario.

My date for arrival in Forks came and went and I was still in Phoenix. I had talked to Charlie several times; he agreed that I needed to stay longer to attend the funeral and tie up loose ends. He asked if I wanted him to come down; but I cut him off quickly, saying that I needed to do this alone and I didn't feel like burdening anyone else with my problems. He grumbled but agreed; that was usually the extent of our conversations.

Alice was another one that I had talked to. She begged me to allow her to come to the funeral. I flat out refused that one.

The funeral came about two weeks after the accident. It was a picture-perfect July day in Arizona. It was even under 100 degrees; which was simply unheard of in this state. I personally felt that it was mocking me. How come the weather couldn't just mirror my mood?

I awoke that morning to a knock on Carla's, Renee's friends, door. Guess who showed up? Charlie. I would never admit it to him, but I was incrediably happy in that moment. For the rest of the day I latched on to him as if my life depended on it. I had decided that morning when I woke up that I would allow myself to be weak today and on the day that I would have to face my house again. Other then that, I had to hide behind a barrier.

It was a double funeral; Phil and Renee were to be buried side-by-side. There were plenty of tears, not just from me. Beautiful flowers were put on the top of the caskets and the minister delivered a nice farewell sermon.

I gave the eulogy, only making it halfway through the speech before I dissolved into tears. Charlie held my hand through it all. He left the next day because work was calling him back. I knew he would be back eventually to help me with the house.

Once he was gone, I felt all alone again. I sunk deeper into my depression when I was behind the closed door of my temporary bedroom. When I was forced to be with company, I tried my best to be social and smile; even though I knew I was dying inside.

How else would you feel if you lost your best friend like that?

I walked further into the foyer, looking at the hallway pictures of me as if it were the first time seeing them. I could remember how excited Renee had been to hang up each of my school pictures in the new house once her and Phil were married.

"This is it Bell, a place to truly call my own. We don't have to ask for permission to put holes in the wall or what color to paint. It's finally ours," Renee said, turning to me with a frame that held my fifth grade school picture within.

"I know mom. It makes me happy to see you happy," I gave her a small smile before making my way up the stairs.

I slowly began to remove each picture, stacking them in a box that Charlie produced. We made it to the end of the hall before it opened up into the living room and dining room. The TV remote was still lodged in the cup holder on Phil's chair from when he had been watching the game and Renee's quilt work still laid strewn around on the table. I walked over to her sewing machine, running my fingers over the smooth texture of the second-hand machine. I looked to the right and noticed an image of the two of us from a vacation two years prior. My throat caught with a sob as I picked up what was going to be a full on quilt. She had gotten about a fourth of the way through of pictures and messages. I held it to my chest as the tears started to fall again.

That was when I felt the gentle, yet worn hand on my elbow. I turned towards Charlie who looked like he was having trouble holding back tears of his own.

"I can only imagine what you are going through. Your too young to have to experience this and to have seen it happen…just know that your mother was loved. Even from an old-timer like me," he said.

The only thing I could manage was a sigh.

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I had just finished up packing my pictures, laptop and other personal things from school when there was a knock on the door.

I turned to see Charlie edge his way into the room. I noticed that his fist was clenched tightly around something.

"What's up Ch-dad," I said, catching myself on his name.

"I wanted to give this to you," he said, handing me a gold ring. "It was your mother's wedding ring from when we were married. I found it in an envelope that dropped from her jewelry box when I was boxing things up. Thought you'd like to have it."

"Thanks. I'm glad you were able to find it," I said, sliding it into the box with my other things.

"Are you about done in here?" he asked surveying my nearly empty bedroom.

"Yeah. Luckily most of my things are already up in Forks, since I should have been up there by now." I couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped.

We did one more walk through making sure I got everything that meant something. Of course that was a lie; the house meant something, but obviously I couldn't carry that up to Forks with me.

We piled the boxes into Phil's, well now mine, Dodge Avenger. He had just purchased it in April, three months before it all ended.

Charlie followed me to drop off his rental car before taking me to dinner. I dropped him off about an hour before his evening flight back up to Washington. After some coaxing, he allowed me to make the drive up there by myself. I basically used the excuse that I needed to calm down and be alone. Part of that was true; I just didn't want to deal with awkward silence as we made our way up to the Pacific Northwest.

I still had a few more days left of my time in Phoenix before I had to make it up to my new home.

I sat in my temporary bedroom at Carla and Mike's house. They had been great throughout the whole thing; allowing me to wallow but still trying to include me in things.

After sitting through a few old photo albums I found, I was feeling pretty shitty. I got up and looked at myself in the full-length mirror that was hung up on the back of the closet door. I had thrown my hair up into a messy bun and I was currently sporting skinny jeans a white tank top.

I decided right then and there that I need a distraction. I grabbed my wallet, keys and cell phone and ran down the stairs, throwing on my Chucks. Nobody was home in the house so I didn't have any obstacles.

I drove around aimlessly and finally ended up at an old bar that I knew would let me in, despite my age.

I moseyed up to the bouncer, flashing him what I hoped to be a flirtatious smile. It must have worked because he allowed me entrance without asking for I.D.

The bar was definitely a whole in the wall and relatively empty of patrons. The bartender was cleaning out glasses while watching some baseball game on the television. I walked over to him and ordered a Southern Hospitality and a show of Jack.

He raised his eyebrows at my order. "Tough day?"

"You have no idea," I mumbled.

He got me my drinks and I quickly threw the shot to the back of my throat, enjoying the burn. It felt good to feel something for once besides the pain.

The barstool next to me moved and a thirty-something man sat beside me. He gave me an appreciative glance before ordering a beer.

"I'm Paul. What's your name sweetie?" he asked, tugging at the neck of the bottle.

I looked him over. He wasn't bad looking with dark brown hair and mostly boring brown eyes.

"Izzy," I responded.

"Interesting name. What is a pretty young thing like you doing here all by her lonesome on a Wednesday night in August?"

"Needed to get away from life in general. Alcohol should help."

"I hear ya. I've been there before too."

We sat in silence for awhile before he broke it again, "I can see that your hurting about something. I'm pretty good about reading people."

"You don't know anything," I barked out, a bit harsher then I meant it to sound.

"Calm down honey. No need to get all bent out of shape," he said holding up his arms in a defensive stance.

"Just stay out of it then."

"Fine. I'm just sayin…"

We were quiet again. I ordered another round and was feeling pretty good in my numbness to leave.

"Sorry if I pissed you off earlier," Paul said.

"It's fine. Sorry I snapped; things are just sensitive now."

"No apology necessary."

"Thanks for talking to me and putting up with my shit," I said, putting a tip in the bartenders jar.

"Would you want to get out of here?" he asked slyly.

I couldn't help the bubble of laughter. "No thanks. Nothing against you but I am not about to have a one night stand with someone too old for me."

He just shook his head as I made my exit.

On the drive back to the house I started to sober up. The self-hatred returned. With it came the numbness that I knew I needed to keep my shield in place.

I knew that from that point on, things needed to be different. No more weak Bella. Shit was going to change.

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A/N: Let me know what you think!