A/N: Thanks for all reviews and the story alerts! :) I didn't get many but I'm hoping that will change soon. :)
Here's chapter one for you all. :) I'm getting ahead with the writing, so I should update again in a couple of days. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. All of the characters belong to the amazing SM. I only own them in my dreams. Thats where I also own Robert Pattinson. ;)
Happy reading!
Chapter One:
Bella's Point of View:
It's still hard to get my head around the idea that he's never coming back for me. He's never going to be here for me again. He's never going to tell me that he loves me, because he doesn't. The last 6 months of my life have been a complete and utter lie.
I rolled over in my bed and looked at my alarm clock. 1.30 am. Well, great. I've got to get up for school in 5 and a half hours, and I'm no closer to being asleep than I was five minutes ago.
I'm used to it now. Well, not really. I'll never get used to the idea. I mean, I'm used to the not being able to sleep thing. That bit I'm used to.
I'm used to the nightmares. I'm used to waking up in the middle of night crying. I'm used to waking up in the middle of the night shaking so hard that I'm almost convulsing.
But, do you know what makes it even worse? It's that he is the reason behind my tears. He is the reason why I scream. He is the reason why there is a hole in my chest that burns every time I think about him.
I can't bring myself to think his name. I can't let myself go through the emotional pain of thinking it, or anything to do with him.
He is the one that left me in the forest, telling me he didn't love me anymore. That I was no good for him.
I sighed deeply, just as the tears started to stream down my face. I'd never thought it was possible to cry as much as I had done in the past week. A loud sob broke through my mouth, so I brought my hand up to quieten the sobs.
Charlie has seen enough of my pain in the past week to last him a lifetime. It wasn't fair for me to do this. I hadn't done anything in the past week. Sitting in my room. Not eating, not sleeping. Well, at least not properly.
If everybody had just ignored my birthday like I'd asked in the first place, then none of this would have ever happened. We'd still be together, and he'd be here holding me while I slept, and telling me everything would be okay.
Although I'd said this. I couldn't help but think that he would have still left. He would have still stopped loving me. He would have still left me like he did.
The tears were still streaming down my face, as I finally drifted off to sleep. Waiting for the nightmares that were to surely come.
xoxoxo
I woke up too my alarm blaring out at me the next morning. I stuck my arm out and pressed the 'Off' button.
I sat up and moved the hair out of my face. My face was all sticky from where the tears had dried to my face overnight. I think I'd eventually stopped crying, but I'd woken up at some point in the night, sobbing again.
I robotically moved myself out of bed, and trudged across the hall to the bathroom. I took off my pyjamas and got into the shower. Although the hot water felt nice against my cold and clammy skin, it didn't do what it normally did. The water didn't take all the tension from my shoulders. It didn't unknot the muscles all over my body. It didn't make me feel better.
After I'd washed my hair, and stood in the shower until the water ran cold. I got out, wrapped myself in a towel and made my way back to my bedroom.
I quickly got dressed into a simple jeans and sweater combination before pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I walked slowly down the stairs until I reached the kitchen.
Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading today's newspaper.
"Morning, Dad." I'd only just noticed how dead my voice actually sounded. I'd have to work on that before I got to school this morning.
"Morning, Bells." He looked up from the newspaper and smiled weakly at me.
I didn't bother smiling back. I didn't feel up to doing that just yet.
I walked towards the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice, and then grabbed a cereal bar.
Charlie's chair scraped along the kitchen floor and he stood up. "I'll see you later, Bells. Have a good day at school."
"Bye." Yep, my voice definitely sounded dead. I was a zombie.
He took one last look at me and then walked out of the door.
I sighed as I stood against the counter nibbling at my breakfast. Although it had only been a week, it was already noticeable how much weight I'd lost. Not only was it unhealthy, it was scary. Very, scary.
I threw the rest of the cereal bar in the bin, before walking towards the front door and sliding my shoes on. I grabbed my bag and then made my way outside into the rain.
There wasn't any point in pulling my hood up. I couldn't care less about getting wet. I didn't even want to be going back to school today. All I wanted to do was stay in my room, away from everything. But that wouldn't help anybody, myself included.
I climbed into my truck and turned the engine on. Well, at least it still worked.
It only just dawned on me what I was about to actually do. Not only was I about to go back to school, and let everybody see me, and see what the effect on me had actually been.
I'd have to see Edward and Alice as well. Did I forget to mention that part?
Yeah, he left me, but they still live in Forks. So I still have to put up with seeing him everday. Just thinking about this made the hole in my chest burn.
Could my life get any more complicated?
I'd found that by wrapping one arm around my torso, it felt as though it held me together. If I could hold myself together then I didn't have to worry.
I took one hand off the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso. I was almost at school anyway.
I breathed deeply through the burn, and pulled into the school parking lot. I hadn't noticed that I was quite early. There weren't many cars here.
I turned the engine off and rested my head on the steering wheel, with my arm still wrapped around my torso.
I sat there for a good 10 minutes before deciding to get out and make my way into school. I climbed out of the truck and shut the door.
"Bella!" I heard a voice call my name and turned in the direction it was coming from.
I saw Jessica hurrying across the parking lot towards me. Angela was following closely behind her.
"Hey Bella!" She smiled when she reached me.
"Hi." I made sure that my voice didn't sound as dead as it had done with Charlie this morning. Well, I tried.
"It's good to have you back at school." Angela smiled sympathetically at me.
She'd heard what had happened then. Everybody probably had. In a town like Forks, nothing was kept secret. Well, unless you were good at keeping it.
Like, I don't know the fact that you're a vampire or something.
"Thanks. It's good to be back." Lying happened a lot easier than expected.
The bell rang, saving me from any further interrogation from either of them.
"We better get to class I suppose." Jess smiled at me once more before taking off in the direction towards the school.
"What lesson have we got?" I asked after her.
"English."
Both of them hung back for a second so I could catch up.
"'Kay. Thanks."
"You know they're both here, right Bella?" Jess asked as I caught up to them.
In the short amount of time I'd known Jess, she wasn't one to beat around the bush. If she wanted to say something. She came right out and said it.
Angela shot a look at Jessica, and then shot a sympathetic look at me.
"Um. Yeah." I whispered. What else could I say?
We made our way into school and towards the classroom.
"I don't know what happened to Edward in our English class. I think he switched. That's what I heard anyway." Jess said as we made our way into English.
"Jess, stop it. You're going to upset Bella." Angela whispered.
Jess took a double take then. "I'm sorry, Bella! I didn't think."
I sat down at the desk. A few people that were already in the classroom turned round to look at me.
"Don't worry about it." I smiled, although it probably didn't look right. "It's fine."
Jess sat down next to me, and then Angela sat across from us.
"I really am sorry." Jess smiled sympathetically.
The lesson was started then, so I was saved from any more apologising from Jessica.
I'd just realised one thing. The rest of the year was probably going to be the same way. People worrying about upsetting me. People worrying about saying the wrong thing.
Was it that obvious I was falling apart?
If I noticed how much I'd changed over the past week, then other people certainly had.
xoxoxo
The rest of the morning went by fast. I didn't even realise lunch had come around until we were half-way across the cafeteria.
"Bella?" Angela's voice asked from next to me.
"Yeah?" I turned to look at her.
"It's going to be okay." She smiled.
This is why I'd always liked Angela. She was too perceptive, but she generally cared. The deal with Jessica was that she was always looking for gossip rather than wanting to be a good friend.
"I know." And for the first time, I had hope that it really was.
We walked into the Cafeteria, and then towards the table once we'd got some food. I probably wasn't going to eat it. Well, not all of it.
"Hey Bella." Mike smiled at me from across the table.
He was never going to get the message.
"Hi." I sat down next to Jess at the table.
Conversations were launched then, and I tried my best to hang back from anything. No doubt I'd been a popular topic for the last week.
I noticed both Alice and Edward reach the table, although I didn't look their way. I was about to put myself through that.
No doubt they both knew exactly what I'd been going through the last week, and what I was still going through.
I wasn't the only one that didn't note their presence. Nobody did. Except Angela. But then again, it seemed as though Angela couldn't be mean to anybody. Even if they had done something entirely awful.
Nobody asked me why I hadn't been at school. Everybody obviously had the right idea. It was better that I didn't have to answer questions anyway.
Everything was going to be as hard as I'd first thought.
There was no getting away from the fact that I wasn't going to be healing anytime soon.
A/N: I hope you all liked it! :) I've written chapter two, which should be up soon. :) I'm proud of all this story so far, and I can't wait to get it going. :)
Please review! They make me very happy!
