"Oh great Master, are your feet comfortable to satisfaction?"
The tall balding middle aged man stood above Dr Brainstorm, who was sitting motionless on his couch, staring blankly at his TV. Instead of his usual lab coat and underlying black outfit, the scientist was dressed in a bathrobe and slippers with his hair drooping over his face and a remote control very loosely dangling from his left hand. On the couch, he had pillows cushioning him from every side. Behind his head, under his arms, behind his back, as well as a small tower of them supporting his feet as he lay reclined in the couch.
Larry, the man before him, held two more pillows in each hand, looking for another spot to place them.
"It's fine," Brainstorm grunted.
"Would you care for some refreshments?"
"No."
"Would you care for some light reading?"
"I'm watching TV…"
"Is the television at a satisfactory volume level? Would master like me to push the button on the remote so you don't have to?"
"Why don't you go clean the kitchen again?"
Larry nodded vigorously. "Right away, Master Brainstorm!" he shouted as he ran off.
There was a pause as Brainstorm sat in momentarily silence, until a familiar gleam was sighted and a tall robot with platinum colored metal strolled over to him.
"Did you send Larry into the kitchen again?" he grumbled.
"I dunno, I might have." Brainstorm mumbled, not even moving his head. "Memory's a bit hazy."
Jack stared at his creator for a short moment.
"What's going on, Frank? You've been sitting on that couch all day."
"Have I? How time flies…"
"When was the last time you invented something?"
"Earlier today."
Jack raised an eyebrow.
Making his first movement in what seemed like hours, Brainstorm lifted the hand that had the remote in it. Although his fingers weren't gripping it, the remote remained glued against his palm. "I invented a remote that magnetizes to human skin so I don't have to hold it."
He slowly lowered his arm back into the pillows again.
Jack remained silent for a moment as he let that sink in. Finally, he cracked open his can of soda, and sat down next to his creator.
"All right, Frank. Talk to me. What's wrong?" he said, taking a sip.
"Nothing."
"Frank."
"Nothing's wrong."
"Frank, tell me what's wrong or I'm calling your mother. You want to talk to me about it or her?" Jack looked over at Brainstorm, where he saw tears beginning to form in the scientist's eyes.
"I just… I just don't see what the point is anymore…"
Jack paused. "What do you mean?"
"How long have I been trying to take over the world? Thirteen, fourteen years now? There are YouTube channels that get closer to that goal in that amount of time. Every single time, I'm just met with the same obstacles stopping me that I can never overcome… None of my inventions even work…"
The remote fell out of Brainstorm's hand.
"See? I can't even get that right."
"No, Frank, you can't be taking on this defeatist attitude. This isn't you. Come on."
Jack stood up and began tugging at Brainstorm's sleeve, but the scientist simply let it drop back to the couch.
"Frank, I'm genuinely worried about you. Do you not think that maybe a few hours in the lab would perk you up?"
"Maybe later…," Brainstorm mumbled.
Suddenly, a woman with blonde hair ran up, holding a small device in her hands.
"Master!" she shouted. "The proximity alarm just went off again! Shall I check for intruders?!"
"We live under a tourist attraction, Ashley," Jack groaned. "The proximity alarm is always going off."
"But this time it's beeping really fast!" Ashley shouted, shoving the device in Jack's face.
"It's beeping at the exact same rhythm it always is!" Jack snapped. "This is the third time you've come to us about this today! Go do something else!"
"Master, what should I do?!" Ashley shouted.
"I dunno. Whatever Jack said," Brainstorm mumbled, still not looking away from the TV.
Ashley looked back and forth between Brainstorm and Jack, helplessly. Jack rubbed his temple.
"Go help Larry with the kitchen or something I don't know!"
"Yes, master's robot!"
And with that, Ashley raced out of the room. Jack shook his head and looked back at Brainstorm.
"Would it help if I got rid of them?"
"Got rid of who?" Brainstorm asked.
Jack sighed.
Although the end of summer was quickly approaching, the weather definitely did not reflect it. The sun beat down remorselessly onto Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates as they strolled down the sidewalk towards the park. Socrates had his face buried in his smartphone, while Calvin and Andy lead the charge.
"Do we actually have a plan when we get to the park or are we just twiddling away the day at this point?" Calvin asked, grumpily crossing his arms.
"Oh come on," chided Andy. "Would you rather spend the day in your bedroom complaining?"
"Partially..." Calvin grumbled.
"Hey everybody! Socrates back here and welcome back to The Tiger Diaries!"
Everyone turned and looked over at Socrates who was holding his arm out and speaking into his smartphone with a giant grin on his face. "Today I'm joined by my apprentices, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman and today we're going to be going to the park! Who knows what adventures lie ahead for the day?"
"Socrates, what are you doing?" Hobbes asked.
"You bet we will, Hobbes!" Socrates went on, grinning broadly at his friend. "In the past we've saved the planet, saved other planets, traveled to other universes, met extraordinary people and aliens, and overall had ourselves a good old time making sure we didn't become slaves to a rather stereotypically evil alien race bent on enslaving mankind. Over here, we have our resident hamster, Sherman. Sherman, do you have anything to say about the things we've accomplished in the past few years?"
Socrates shoved the phone into Sherman's face, who reeled back, annoyed.
"Please don't film me."
"Amazing!" Socrates grinned, pulling the phone back. "So, I'll be checking back in with you all, and we'll see what little adventures we manage to find ourselves into! Also I'd like to give a shout-out to all my amazing people on ! Without you, none of these videos would be possible! Links in the description and be sure to leave a like and subscribe for the free iPhone giveaway at the end of the video! Talk soon!"
Socrates pushed a button on his phone and pocketed it, still grinning. Everyone continued staring at him.
"Don't ever do that, again, please…," Calvin said, slowly.
"I'm glad you asked, Cally!" Socrates grinned. "I've decided that before we actually start on our adventure I'm going to make sure to vlog it all for my loyal viewers!"
"What loyal viewers?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"On YouTube, obviously. I just hit the one million subscriber milestone, so I need to make a particularly good video to celebrate it. I figured now would be a good time to start it."
"You have a YouTube channel? What the heck do you do on it?"
"Movie reviews, political commentary, response videos, you know, the norm." Socrates nodded.
"Why have we never known about this?" Andy asked.
Socrates looked at Andy with a somewhat hurt expression.
"Wait... you guys aren't subscribed to me?"
"Socrates, none of us use social media except for you," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.
"I mean, I have a Facebook…," Andy offered.
"Calvin, you don't have a Facebook?!" Socrates gasped.
"Socrates, our computer is from 1992, I'm pretty sure it doesn't even load Facebook..."
"Also, we're getting off topic here…," said Hobbes, shifting gears. "Why are you vlogging this now? Nothing's happening…"
"Oh, we have something big coming," Socrates nodded. "I can feel it."
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"What do you mean you can feel it? There's literally nothing happening…," Calvin said.
"You know that feeling you get right before a thunderstorm comes?" Socrates asked.
"No…"
"Well, it's like that. Something cool is about to happen, and I need to make sure I get it all on this vlog. Once I have all the footage, I'll edit it together and upload it for my awaiting audience."
Hobbes started, "So what, you're just going to randomly film us doing stuff until something happ-"
"Yup!" Socrates grinned.
Everyone heaved deep sighs.
"Great…," Calvin mumbled under his breath.
The five rounded the corner and finally, the park was within sight. At this point, their eyes all fell onto four figures standing next to the swing set and the distinct sound of shouting reached their ears.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances as the group moved ever closer. Finally, they were able to make out the features of Moe and his two nameless friends who were standing around Susie. One of Moe's friends was holding a small Raggedy Ann doll, flipping it in between his comically large fingers, and Susie was shouting at them, tears welling in her eyes.
The group stopped and stared at this moment. Hobbes raised an eyebrow. "Huh…," he started. "I honestly forgot he still existed."
"Yeah..." Calvin agreed. "I feel like we forget about him every time he's off-screen."
They watched for a moment in silence as Susie become more and more visibly stressed. Calvin smacked his lips. "Alright, let's go do something about it," He sighed.
Andy gave Calvin a weird look. "I thought you didn't like Susie." He said.
"I don't. But even I have to be fair." Calvin conceded. "As much as I love to see Susie miserable, it should be for reasons of fair outcomes. The stealing of one's personal property through physical prowess is reprehensible compared to that of being soaked with a water balloon during strategic combat."
"Oh, that's your new moral justification?" Sherman asked.
"You're darn right it is," Calvin said. "Okay, so here's the plan..."
"Moe, just give me the doll back! Just go away!" Susie shouted. She tried to push the larger child away, but the bully didn't even budge, as if Susie had tried to shove a boulder.
"Why, aren't you having fun?" Moe taunted, as his other two friends snickered. "We don't want to leave when we're just kicking off the party…"
"We'll be fair," one of the other kids offered. "We'll split the doll in half and you can have the half you want."
"No!" Susie wailed, as the other thug began tugging at both ends of the doll. "Please stop! Please!"
"Sir Maurice," a calm voice suddenly was heard, causing everyone to look around. Calvin was standing a few feet away with his hands in his pockets, looking at Moe with a bored expression.
A wide grin spread across Moe's face. "Well, look what we have here. I didn't think I wasn't gonna see you again, Twinky…"
"Same here, but then again, I actually passed first grade."
Moe and his thugs moved away from Susie and towards Calvin, surrounding him. Calvin remained still as he watched this happen.
"You here for one last pounding before school starts?" Moe grunted, cracking his knuckles.
"Moe, may I ask you a question real quick?" Calvin asked.
Moe stared at him. Calvin stared back for a moment, before he decided to continue.
"How did I act when we first met?"
Moe chuckled. "You ran away like a scared little runt."
"Indeed. And how have I acted the last few encounters we've had?"
Moe paused. His two friends exchanged glances.
"Like a scared little runt…," Moe said, a hint of insecurity in his voice.
Calvin smiled, kindly. "I'm afraid not, old friend. I happen to have a certain confidence to my tone, do I not? Why do you suppose that is?"
Moe moved in closer to Calvin. "Got me stumped. Cuz you're stupid?"
"I feel like there's a lot of things that stump you, Moe," Calvin said. "But consider this, when was the last time you actually hit me?"
Moe stared at Calvin. "How would I know?"
"Take a guess. Humor me," Calvin said, raising an eyebrow. "Then you can pound me all you want. I won't even run away."
Moe continued staring at Calvin suspiciously. "Last week…"
"No, actually." Calvin shook his head. "Try again?"
"I don't care, Twinky!"
"You haven't hit me in fourteen years."
Moe and his friends burst out laughing at this.
"What kind of idiot do you think I am?" Moe growled.
"Well, I think that's is the first three syllable word I've ever heard you utter, so clearly not the right kind," Calvin shrugged.
Moe grabbed Calvin's shirt collar. As this happened, a loud splash was heard followed by Moe immediately dropping the boy back onto the ground and sputtering and coughing.
Moe's friends stared at Moe in shock, who was now soaking wet from head to toe. He looked around in all directions, but couldn't find the source of the water.
"What the heck was that?"
"What indeed," Calvin said. "Are you a perhaps a bit in over your head, dear Moe?"
"Why you…"
SPLASH
Another splash was heard, and this time Moe's friends jumped as another water balloon appeared out of nowhere and struck Moe upside the head.
Moe whipped around and continued looking for the source.
Of course, he couldn't see what Calvin saw, which was Hobbes and Socrates hidden in the trees, throwing water balloons at the gang of thugs. Andy had the regular hypercube and was passing them off to Hobbes, while Sherman was using MTM's own hypercube to pass more off to Socrates. Every once in a while, MTM would teleport them to a different tree to make the balloons look like they were coming from several directions at once.
"Dipped into the deep end of the pool, if you will," Calvin continued.
Moe took another swing at Calvin.
SPLASH
Moe's friends began backing away.
"Took a little too large of a bite out of the proverbial steak, if you will."
"Pound him!" Moe shouted.
One of Moe's thugs made a lunge for Calvin.
SPLASH
This water balloon struck the thug who collapsed onto the ground.
"Missed a step going down the stairs of life, if I may."
SPLASH
This balloon hit the other thug, who squealed in terror as he threw Susie's doll into the air in shock. The doll flew through the air and landed safely in Susie's hands. Susie stared at the doll for a moment before looking up at Calvin in confusion.
"Tripped over the rock of overwhelming essence, if you'll forgive me."
Moe and his friends finally began backing away from Calvin, scanning the skies for the other balloons in pure terror.
"I'll get you for this, Twinky!" Moe growled.
"I'm afraid not, Moe," Calvin said, taking a step forward, causing Moe and his gang to jump back in fear. "For I feel as though this may be our final encounter. Just know that it has been a pleasure. If nothing else, go through your life with the knowledge…" A grin spread across the boy's face. "… that I win, you big jerk."
Moe glared at Calvin as he continued backing away. As he finally reached the edge of the park, he did a complete 180 and sprinted off down the sidewalk. His friends looked all around the park one final time before sprinting off after him. Calvin watched them go, with a satisfied grin.
"Well, that was good for the ol' ego," he chuckled.
He turned and stared at Susie for a moment.
"Erm… Thanks…," she said, slowly.
Calvin blinked several times. "Um… Yeah… No problem."
A very long awkward pause followed this. This was very much new ground for both of them. They were much more accustomed to Calvin being the instigator of Susie's misfortunes, not her savior.
Suddenly, the sounds of tree branches cracking was heard, following by Andy tumbling out of a nearby tree, gripping with him a CD player and two stuffed tigers. A small hamster landed softly on top of them.
Calvin and Susie stared at him.
"So, do you guys want to play something?" Susie said, slowly looking back and forth between the two.
Calvin and Andy exchanged glances.
"Not reall-"
"We have other things we have to get to," Andy interrupted Calvin. "Another time?"
"Okay," Susie said. "Um… Thanks again?"
Calvin grunted and walked away, effectively ending the awkward situation. Susie watched him go, before turning to Andy, who shrugged.
"Midlife crisis, I guess," he said.
Susie shrugged in return and brushed her doll off. "See you later, Andy," she said, walking off.
"No problem, Susie," Andy said, turning around.
"Come to me, friends."
Andy stopped. In that instance, he had heard whispering directly where Susie had been. He turned back around and looked. Susie was walking off down the sidewalk, her doll over her shoulder. He looked back around. Hobbes and Socrates were walking off after Calvin. Sherman perched on Socrates' shoulder. Socrates turned and waved after Andy to follow them.
Andy remained silent for a moment as he waited for something to happen. The surrounding area was eerily silent as he waited. Finally, he decided it best to shake it off. He heaved a nervous sigh, and walked off after his friends.
"POD DOOR DEADLOCKED."
"Dang it!" the Zokian scientist murmured, as he typed furiously on the keyboard before him. He was sitting in a large laboratory, with a large pod wired into several computers and suspended above him. He continued typing, even as he heard the sliding doors behind him open. "I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" the scientist grumbled, without even looking up. "This technology is so primitive, I can't even get the computer to recognize it's there..."
"Well, you should do it faster," Earl said, blandly.
The scientist looked up and quickly straightened himself as he saw who had entered the room.
Rupert and Earl slithered up to him, with Rupert disinterestedly glancing up at the pod and around the room. Behind them, two royal guards were following, each equipped with their own pulse rifle.
"Yo-Your highness…," the scientist stammered. "I almost have it, I should only be a moment…"
Rupert grunted coldly, sitting down in a nearby seat.
"What do you suppose is in it?" Earl asked, sliding his tentacle over the pod.
"Who knows?" the scientist said, turning back to the keyboard. "I've tried scanning for life signals, but the pod has a certain prevention mechanism for that. Possibly a security measure. Either way, I have it to the point where I just need to unlock the door, but the computer doesn't want to unlock it."
Earl approached the computer. "Why not?"
"I don't know. It keeps saying it's been deadlock sealed even though I know it isn't. This pod isn't advanced enough to have that kind of technology."
Earl studied the screen for a moment, before pointing at it. "Link the commands to that code."
The scientist stared at the screen. "Erm... Okay..."
"You're probably wasting your time," Rupert said, leaning back and glancing at the pod. "There probably isn't anything in there."
"Let's… let's see…," the scientist typed on the keyboard for a moment while Earl watched, intently.
"POD DOOR ACTIVATED. DECONTAMINATION PROCESS IN PROGESS."
"Oh… How did you know that?"
"The crew's broken the computers many times…," Earl said, straightening up. "I've needed to learn a bit of code to get a system back online on quite a few occasions."
The sound air hissing was heard as the pod shifted and a door like opening lifted up from the pod's otherwise smooth surface. Smoke bellowed from the pod, as the door swung open, and a figure came tumbling out onto the ground. It was a man.
"Don't move!" one of the guards shouted, as they rushed over and aimed their rifles at the man. Rupert and Earl watched with dull interest. The scientist began backing away, slowly.
As the smoke cleared, the man was revealed to be wearing a lab coat. He looked to be in poor shape, covered in dirt and grime, and had a distinctively odd haircut jetting out from either side of his head. He slowly looked up at the guards, who were still aiming their guns at them.
"Who are you?" the man shouted, backing away from them in shock.
"I said don't move!" the guard shouted again, priming his weapon.
The man froze after holding his hands up and waiting for something to happen.
"Orders, sir!" the guard shouted, looking to Rupert.
Rupert looked the man up and down boredly. "I don't know… throw him in the dungeon or something, I don't care."
"Oh, of course you have a dungeon!" the man groaned.
"Shut up!" the guard shouted, slithering up to the man, and grabbing his shoulder. "Get up! Now!"
The man stumbled to his feet, grunting and groaning as the other guard came up as well and grabbed his other shoulder. "Ow! Be gentle!"
They started leading him away. Earl looked back at Rupert. "Yeah, that was admittedly pretty disappointing."
Rupert nodded, still maintaining the same dead expression. "Told you," the king sighed and stood up. "Well, now that that little bit of excitement is over, I'm going back to the throne room."
Rupert turned and started walking in other direction towards another door. Earl watched him go with a bit of annoyance at his king's growing non-caring persona.
"I swear I will find that spiky-haired brat and put him in the ground when I am out of here!" the man shouted, as the guards lead him out the door.
Rupert stopped. Earl stopped.
There was a moment of silence, before Rupert turned to Earl. Suddenly, his expression was different. Gone was the solemn and deadpan Rupert. In its place was an expression of sinister malevolence. An expression of pure insanity that even put Earl on edge. Rupert opened his mouth as he stared at Earl with his mad gaze and spoke.
"What did he say?"
