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I have been really busy this week, but its holidays as of next Monday so I will try to write heaps then.....
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Enjoy :)
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Brennan's POV
I sat, waiting for hours. Time seemed to move at a ridiculously slow pace, but I didn't really notice. I looked down at my hands, covered in Booth's blood, and felt numb. I knew I was still in shock. Every time my eyes closed from exhaustion I saw Booth's face as he lay there bleeding to death, each time I saw the life leave his eyes and I would jump up again, only to repeat the cycle.
Angela sat next to me, crying silently into Hodgen's shoulder while gripping tightly onto my arm. On my other side sat stunned Sweets, staring forward intently and a mark on the wall. I looked up as a nurse walked pass and caught my reflection on a window.
My face was stiff from dried tears, and my makeup had run. My hair was in a messy bun, and bits of dried blood flecked my cheeks. My shirt was covered in blood, as were my arms and hands, and I decided that to anyone passing by I would look rather frightening, but I couldn't bring myself to care, and once again looked down and continued staring at my hands.
"Miss Brennan?" A solemn faced doctor asked, his eyes searching the crowd, finally resting on me and my blood covered clothes.
"Dr Brennan." I corrected him in a toneless distant voice, standing stiffly after being seated for such a long time.
"I'm very sorry Dr Brennan, but Agent Booth didn't make it. We did all we could..."
I froze, and let the words wash over me, trying to comprehend what the doctor in front of me was saying. I watched his mouth move, I listened to the noises his voice made but I just couldn't understand.
I felt like I was all alone, even though to ER's halls were filled with people, rushing to find out the fates of their loved ones.
I looked over and saw a woman my age sobbing in relief as she was informed that her loved one was alive. I felt a wave of jealousy wash over me.
All I could hear was my heart beat pounding in my ears, cruelly reminding me that I was alive. I was alive, and he was dead.
This is your fault Temperance, she was aiming at you.
Finding that I no longer had control over my limbs, I shakily sunk into the plastic waiting rooms chair.
My legs were urging for me to stand up and run, leaving the doctor and my friends and the pain behind. The doctor and his words had managed to make me feel so numb and detached from the world, a way that I hadn't felt in the four years since I met Booth, but the doctor had managed to change that in little less than 1 minute.
I just wanted to run, feel the cold numbing wind hitting against my tear stained cheeks, feel the burning ache as my legs protested , pleading for me to stop, but I wouldn't, I couldn't, and I would keep running, trying to forget the pain, but I knew no matter how hard I tried the ebbing throb of the pain would still be there.
I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind, tears were running down my cheeks but I had given up at my attempt to hide them long ago.
It should be me, not him.
I jumped as I felt someone's arms snake around my shoulders and tried to shrug them off, but stoped as I felt Angela's sobbing form against my shoulders. I was grateful, but she wasn't the one I wanted to be comforting me.
The one person in the world who I would want to comfort me, envelope me in his arms, whisper into my hair that it was going to be alright, is the person that I mourn for now.
I let a sob escape my shaking lips.
I would never be able to see his charming smile again.
I would never be able to get lost in the depths of his warm chocolate eyes again.
I would never be able to share a guy hug with him when I was sad ever again.
I would never be able to laugh at his gaudy ties and garish socks, and never laugh at his belt buckles that he wore as tiny symbols of rebellion to resist regimentation ever again.
All these little bits made Booth Booth, and they were all gone.
He is gone, and he left me.
After spending four years with Booth, him by my side mostly every day, I was not able to imagine what my life would be like without him. Even when one of us was away, regular phone calls through the day kept us going.
Booth was the person who had listened as I told him about my time in the foster system, he had been there to save me from Kenton and the Gravedigger, been there as I found out the fate of my mother, been there when I had found out that my father was a murderer, been there and taught me to trust another again, been there and taught me that love could be more than a chemical reaction in the brain, not that I would ever admit this to anyone.
I can't be sure when it was that I had decided that I loved Seeley Joseph Booth, the only thing I am sure of is that I never told him, and I never am going to be able to tell him because I am never going to be able to talk to him again.
I saw some men that I vaguely recognised from the Hoover building walking through the halls, holding briefcases and talking to some doctors. They all turned to look at me, offering sympathetic smiles, but I turned around, finally deciding that I couldn't spend another second here.
I hastily pushed back my chair and began to walk, my muscles aching with each step. I ignored Angela's questioning glance, and pulled away as Sweets tried to grab my arm. He is gone. He is gone. He will never come back. He is gone. Tears began to flow down my face more rapidly as I rushed through the halls that I knew all too well. As I stepped out of the hospital into the gardens I ran to the closet bench and collapsed. I gasped, it felt as though a fire was raging in my chest, burning and growing hotter and bigger with each second. I wrapped my arms around my torso in a vain attempt to stop the pain.
I felt as though a part of me was missing, even though I knew it wasn't possible, but as Booth would have put it; the rational side of my mind was currently in neutral, and my heart was in drive.
I had experienced loss before, my mother and father had left when I was a teenager and my 19 year old brother had walked out on me soon after that, so I was no stranger to the emotion, but this time it was different. I felt as though someone and clawed their way into my chest and ripped out my heart, leaving me there to bleed to death.
I had been able to compartmentalize my emotions before, lock them away with rational thoughts and reason so that I didn't need to deal with them. I had begun doing this after I was sent into the foster system. I had been made to go see a councillor twice a week when I was in my first house. The councillor had given up on me after 3 weeks as I refused to answer any of his questions. He was the first of many to give up on me. There were only two people in my life that I had trusted enough to tell about my time in the foster system, and one of them just left me like the rest.
I was so absorbed by my thoughts that I hadn't noticed that Sweets had followed me out.
"Dr. Brennan?" he asked weakly, stepping forward and sitting down next to me, studying my face the whole time. I looked up at him, not saying anything, hastily sweeping away the remaining tears from my cheeks. I looked back at him expectantly, waiting for him to go on. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again and looked away as a single tear made its way down his cheek.
I had never really not liked Sweets, even though I knew from the outside it would seem that way. I had always admired the way he was never disheartened, no matter how uncooperative me and Booth were, he was always there next week with a smile on his face and genuine enthusiasm. No, I had never disliked him. I had though despised what he represented. I always found myself feeling like I was 16 again and back in the councillor's room being told that I was socially inept, that I was useless. In my opinion Psychology was a soft science.
Seeing Sweets trying to hide his tears and put on a brave face to see if I was coping made me see him in a new way, and I found I had a new respect for the man. I leant over and hugged him.
In his embrace I felt the reality of the situation crash over me again, and a fresh round of tears slid down my face onto his shoulder. He patted my shoulder and whispered comforting things into my ear, but I couldn't help but compare everything he did to the way Booth does things. Did things, Temperance. Booth doesn't do anything anymore, he is gone. My thoughts caused me to sob.
"It's ok Dr. Brennan, don't worry..... Dr Brennan, I'm going to drop you of at your apartment now on the way to the Hover building." He said, and I nodded weakly into his shoulder, still not lifting my head. Slowly and gently he pulled me up and guided me back to the car park.
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Booth's POV
My head felt as though it had been pounded against a brick wall repeatedly then filled with lead.
Every muscle in my body ached, protesting at each breath I took. I groaned loudly.
I tried to roll over to get out of bed and a sharp pain from my chest caused me to gasp, my eyes flying open.
As I looked around the room I noticed straight away that it wasn't mine and that I was in a hospital bed. I looked down to where the pain had originated and saw that the majority of my bare chest was dressed with a white bandage. As I looked back up it all rushed back to me, Bones singing, Pam calling me then trying to shoot at Bones, me lying on the ground and the pain dimming as he looked up into the depths of Bones beautiful blue eyes.
As I was thinking a doctor slipped in, causing me to jump when she began to speak.
"Agent Booth, good to see you are awake! How are you feeling?" she said in an overly perky voice.
"Ummm fine.. I guess..." I said, still straining to remember the finer details of what had happened. The last thing I remembered was looking up at Bones then a gunfire.
Bones!
I jumped up again, ignoring the hot rush of pain from my chest as I grabbed the doctors arm.
"Bones... my partner Dr. Brennan... is she ok? I need to see her." I said, trying to keep my voice stable even though every fibre in my body was filled with fear.
"Your partner is fine Agent Booth, but you cant see her." She said, looking slightly uncomfortable. I furrowed my brow in confusion.
"Im.. well... umm.." She continued to stutter and I looked away and towards the door as it opened and Sweets walked in, looking slighly nervous and frustrated.
"Agent Booth I need to talk to you," he said in a proffesional and very serious tone, and turning towards the doctor he added, "Alone."
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