Chapter Two: No, I Am Not a Lord of the Rings Fan!
It was nighttime outside of Treasure Town. A Bagon carried the horseshoe crab in his arms, barely managing to keep his short arms up. The blue dinosaur stood near a manhole cover, the very one that led to the Pink Army base. "This is it," Kabuto clarified, eyes sparkling. "I saw them going in here!"
"Alright, then," replied Bagon in a gravelly voice. "Frodo!"
A Larvitar, about his height, seemed to poof into existence right in front of him. "Yes, sir!" he said, as if the Bagon were an army general.
"This is our entrance. Proceed with caution." His eyes flattened out into slits.
"Yes, sir!" The rock-skinned dragon tossed the cover away noisily, then leaped in carelessly.
"Wait, no! Freddy, wait here!" The Bagon set Freddy the Kabuto on the grass before diving in after Frodo.
After a tunnel about ten feet deep, Frodo landed on a plushy pink rug, releasing dust and making him cough. As he got back up, he realized that around him was a massive underground cavern, fully furnished with basic items such as a pink couch, some pink cabinets, a pink oven, a toaster, and some other things that would never have possibly been able to fit. Maybe he'd like to live here.
"FRODO, YOU IDIOT!!!" Bagon landed on the Larvitar family's trademark head spike, then sent both of them onto the rug again. "JUST JUMPING IN IS A TERRIBLE PLAN!!!"
"Sorry, Bilbo…I just wanted to help the lair…"
"It's alright…but DON'T DO IT ANYMORE."
"Yes, sir."
All of this discussion awakened a certain Private Puff, who was sleeping in a crib even though she was no longer much of a baby. Her eyes were pulled open, cracked and riddled with red lines from lack of sleep, much different and scarier than they normally were. "Huh…..?" she moaned. She squeezed her rubbery body through the wooden bars, then bounced out. "Ow! Ow! Ouch!" Puff dreaded the rough terrain of the base, but she also dreaded uncontrollably bouncing, and especially hated the two together. She eventually slowed to a halt, and got back onto her feet.
"Which way do you suspect the bedrooms are, sir?"
"Hmm…how should I know?"
The voices were getting quieter, but were obviously noticeably closer now that she walked behind the doorway.
She silently entered the room and asked, "Um, why are you here?" The room fell silent. "S-state your business."
"Oh, uhh, could we see the Jigglypuff who runs this place?" requested Bilbo.
"Your business with her?"
"Well, we just want to talk to her-"
"About nearly killing a Kabuto, sir." Frodo saluted, for some reason.
I'm not a sir… A tear developed in Puff's eye. "I'll see what I can do."
Soon, a cranky and tired Jigglypuff was brought in. "What, what is it?" Puffster asked, rubbing one eye. She was so tired, she wouldn't even resort to beating these kids up right away, the reaction she expected out of herself.
"What is this place, exactly?"
"Why do you ask?"
"We're in a team, and…..we just…..wanted to know who our allies and enemies are!" Bilbo wasn't sure how to get the information he needed out of her.
"Name yours."
"Well, in that case, we're from the Dragon's Lair!" The Bagon smiled and rubbed the back of his head.
"Then we are the Pink Army. Now go away."
"Wait!" Frodo pulled Bilbo off of the rocky ladder that led to the surface. "A Kabuto tells us that you tossed it carelessly into the ocean after gripping him by the neck! Is this true?" He demanded she speak.
He still remembers that? Oh no. Looks like I'm in trouble, she thought sarcastically. Oh. Wait. This could be a dream. Which means I can give them the right information and be safe. But what if it's not a dream? Oh, the conundrum is killing me!
"ANSWER ME!!"
"Alright, alright. We only use peaceful methods. That Kabuto must have hallucinated."
"H-he's really old! And prehistoric!" Puff blurted out. "You can't expect him to have perfect memory!"
"Correct. And I suggest you leave now, or I have to resort to battle."
"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!"
"Come on, Frodo. Let's go." The two sighed, nearly in unison, then climbed up the ladder to modern civilization.
The duo entered a cave, one of the smaller ones in the Dragon's Lair networking. Still, it was roomy and could house about twenty or thirty Pokemon. The Dragon Soldiers, regardless of letter rank, stayed here. Bilbo was talking to a blue, serpentine Dragonair just inside about last night.
"…the Kabuto knows what he saw. That Jigglypuff couldn't have good intentions, I swear. Her tone was that of an evil mastermind! How could someone like that only use peaceful methods?"
"I know how you feel," Kaori replied solemnly. "Once a Pachirisu almost gnawed my tail off."
A tail? Bilbo started to ponder where her tail started and the body began. "Well, that's odd…like a crime ring leader who isn't the stereotypical Honchkrow. Anywho, this team could be VERY dangerous. Do you have any ideas about how I could prove their evil?"
"Do you have to?"
"It's practically our duty!" the Larvitar butted in. "They pose a threat to our peaceful lair! We have to build a strong defense! We should form an alliance, or destroy them here and now!"
"Whatever you do, I won't be helping."
"YOU WON'T!?!?"
"Sorry, Bilbo. It's just that I want to enter the drawing competition this week and I've barely even thought of what egg to draw. So, good luck." She squiggled away.
Dragonair can draw? Bilbo pondered a second question.
Puffster entered Beach Cave once again. She walked through as usual, thinking over the usual enemy tactics. They throw mud at you, they harden their shells, then they strike… She stepped on a Kabuto, which reared its menacing head at her. She proceeded to knock the living daylight out of it by slamming it against the ground to her opposite side, with all of the power and speed you'd expect from a level one hundred. Its shell cracked, and it lay there to, presumably, faint and/or die.
Bilbo and Frodo hid behind some rocks. Apparently they figured she'd come here, which was a pretty good prediction. "She's attacking!" Bilbo whispered. "Get the camera!"
"Yes, sir!" the ignorant Larvitar boomed.
"Hunh?" The Jigglypuff turned around but saw nothing unusual. "Meh." She continued to walk.
Bilbo headbutted him square in the chest, his gray crest somehow harder than Frodo's rough skin. "Anything else that loud and I'll kill – uh, make you faint."
"Yikes!" he squeaked, fumbling somewhat with their video camera. It was a recent bit of technology found mysteriously on the beach, then reproduced by Xatu Industries. Hence the Xatu head on the side of the camera.
Puffster punched a pink little Shellos in the squishy stomach, pulled an Omanyte from its shell, and stabbed a Gastrodon multiple times with a stalagmite she ripped from the cave. It was all caught on camera, along with a bunch of other gruesome deaths.
"That should be enough. Now let's go play it," Bilbo suggested.
Just outside, they replayed the video, only to find that the images were too dark to actually see. "Oh, shiz!" Frodo near-cursed in what I suppose was an endearing manner. "It's too dark."
"We can always go in and take another video, you know."
"Oh, right, sir." A sudden tidal wave somehow snatched only the video camera from the Larvitar's hands, but not anyone else on the beach. "Crap, sir."
"Curses! It'll take forever to raise enough money and/or Dragon Points to buy a new one of those!"
"Curse our fate!"
"You're not helping. You know that, right, Frodo?"
"Now that you've told me, yeah…"
"Ah, forget this crap! How about we come again after a long while, go home and get some cookies?"
"Works for me!"
That was how the Dragon's Lair intersected with the Pink Army…and how they might intersect again.
End of Chapter Two
