Notes: Thanks to all reviewers, who encouraged the story to go on, and especially to Stacey, who assisted with the developments in this chapter, and to Lisa, who suggested how to bypass the technical problems in order to upload this chapter! Sephiroth's line about going sane is based on something said in the excellent Star Wars book Shatterpoint, by Matthew Stover.
Chapter Two
Even in the Lifestream, there was both day and night, and some locations possessed only one, or neither. Night had long ago fallen on Zack, but he was unsure whether it was the natural darkness or if he had passed into a land where only the velvet, royal blue and purple sky existed. He had heard that there were many strange creatures and dangers in the places of eternal night, and he kept his sword in his hands as he moved forward.Somewhere in the far distance, reflected by the light of their moon and stars, he could see something sparkling. He stopped, frowning as he studied it. What was it? It could be any number of things---another pool, a waterfall, or even some kind of crystal. There were many things in the Lifestream that he had not seen, but of which he knew. Aerith had told him of beautiful caves with glowing stalactites and stalagmites. And some of the pools were said to be able to reflect the past and the future. But the future was always changing, she said, so such devices were unreliable.
Well, he would not come to it for several hours, at least. But whatever was there, he felt a strong pull in that direction. Something was there, something important. He doubted that Seph was so close, but maybe . . . maybe it was something that would help him in this quest.
He was still following the direction of the earlier wind, but he had not heard anything more from Seph. Was he still okay? Did he know that Zack was coming for him? The brunet had tried to call to him, to send him a reply, but he did not know if Seph had heard. He hoped that his friend knew he continued to care. Seph had sounded so despondent, so hopeless, when his message had reached the other. He probably believed that Zack hated him for what he had done. And the raven-haired young man could hardly stand to think of it.
"Seph," he whispered, staring ahead to the twinkling spot, "you're still my friend. . . ."
He sighed, raising his sword as he walked ahead.
Spirits, of course, did not need to sleep---but some still did at times, to conserve even more energy and strength. Zack did not, instead pressing on with his journey deep into this unfamiliar valley. How could he waste even a couple hours resting when he now knew that Seph was out there, somewhere, in pain and anguish? He had to get to the silver-haired man, no matter what it took, and he had to be quick about it. Seph's dark side had probably already gotten control again, and if not, it was undoubtedly putting up a tough fight.
As the hours fell away, he could see that the sparkling place was in a very narrow channel in a towering and ominous canyon. It seemed an odd place for something that appeared so delicate. Was there something more to it?
He had paused for a short respite, and was leaning against a tree as he gazed ahead. His arms were crossed over a low-hanging branch, and he smiled wistfully. Aerith would love such a place. Maybe sometime in the future, when all of this was over, he would bring her here. He could see her happily walking over the meadows, guided by the silver moonlight, and exploring the sparkling channel.
Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz would likely not have much interest in it, but they would probably find something they would enjoy. Maybe they had already been here, for all he would know. They enjoyed going all over the locations in the Lifestream. It was a new and great adventure for them. And they were happy, now that they had "Mother."
How would they react, he wondered, when he brought back Seph? How would Aerith? Should he even do it?
He knew that Kadaj was not especially fond of Sephiroth, as the boy was always afraid that "Mother" would love Sephiroth the most. And Aerith . . . it did seem wrong, even cruel, to return with the one who had sent her here, to the Lifestream. But . . . he would not be coming back with that man. He would be bringing his comrade, his fellow SOLDIER, his best friend. Still . . .
Seph was no doubt alone, wherever he had gone. Once he and Zack were able to conquer his madness, Zack did not want him to stay by himself. He was likely very lonely, and there was always the chance of a relapse, especially if he had the company of only his memories. But on the other hand, if he did fall back into insanity, it would not be safe for him to be around Aerith.
Zack would not expect that Seph would live with him and Aerith, of course, but if he could just rescue his friend, he did hope that the silver-haired man would live nearby. Then Zack could go to him often, be there for him, make sure that nothing else horrible happened to him.
He sighed again. He should have thought all of this out, discussed it with Aerith, before leaving. He had acted impulsively, the only thing on his mind being that Seph was still there, that he had not been entirely consumed by his dark side. Poor Aerith. . . . It would only be understandable if she was uneasy and afraid of Seph. He did not want to do anything that would hurt her. What kind of a solution was there that would make everyone happy?
"Zack? It's alright. We're fine here. Don't worry about us, and especially me. Just think about saving him. I'm anxious to meet the man who's been so special to you."
He blinked, but then smiled softly. Yeah . . . that was Aerith. If she was afraid, she would never say so. Or maybe she had the confidence that Seph would be able to get such a good grasp on his sanity that he would never fall back into madness. Zack wanted to have that confidence too. If he did not, he would not be able to help Seph.
He pushed himself away from the tree, taking up his sword again. As he set out once more for the canyon, he sent a short reply that he hoped would be carried back to her.
"You'll meet him, Aerith. I promise! Love ya, as always."
The sky was still dark when he finally reached the sparkling pass, even though he knew that enough time should have gone by so as to bring the day. The constant night had not bothered him before, but now, somehow, it made him uneasy.
The channel was an innocent-looking place, with reflective crystals all along both sides of a long, twisted path. Instead of the space being open, there was also a roof, from which hung many stalactites of varying size and shape. But as he stood there, gazing inside, he felt a chill run down his spine. Something was wrong.
He could feel a presence there, an unwelcome presence. He remembered it all too well from the mako reactor room. Was Sephiroth in there, waiting in person, or was he watching from afar? Zack could feel eyes upon him as he took the first, cautious step into the narrow cavern. His drawn blade caught the glow of the crystals as he slowly advanced.
Even though he had known he would have to meet and face Seph's hate-filled and angry side again, he dreaded it now that it was upon him. But he narrowed his eyes in determination. Now that he knew that he could still try to reach out to the Seph he had known, that would give him the courage and strength he needed. No matter what Sephiroth said to him, he could not listen, he could not take it to heart.
"Seph?" he called, his voice echoing off the crystal walls. "It's me. . . ."
A dark chuckle reverberated down the glistening corridor, and Zack gripped his sword all the more fiercely.
"It's you?" came Sephiroth's answering, taunting words. "The traitor, the one who always preached in vain of friendship and loyalty. And yet you turned your back on me when I needed you the most!" He spoke in a dangerous tone, dripping with anger and hatred and devoid of humanity. It was the voice that had made Zack's hope run out, during that life and death battle at Nibelheim.
Now the brunet drew a shaking breath. How should he even respond to that, when he feared that he had abandoned confidence in his friend much too soon? If he had given up when he should not have, then it would be as though he had, indeed, turned his back on Seph.
He stepped forward again, trembling. It almost seemed that he could see the scene being played out around him, on all sides of him, within the crystals. He could see himself being seriously wounded, and Cloud stepping forward to take his place. He heard himself tell Cloud, "Finish him off."
"You wanted me dead!" Sephiroth's voice came again, coldly, darkly.
Zack shut his eyes tightly. "No!" he cried, his voice rising. "No, Seph!" His shoulders slumped. "I . . . I thought you were already dead. You destroyed Nibelheim. You killed the townspeople, when they hadn't done anything to you! You . . . you lost your mind, Seph! You went nuts!" He could not let this get to him. He could not become weighed down by his own guilt. He had to be stronger than that.
"No," came Sephiroth's voice again, as it started to fade. The tones sounded so tired now, not anything like the hateful scorn he had possessed a moment earlier. "No, Zack. Something much worse happened. I went sane." A pause. "There isn't anything more dangerous than a man who has gone sane." Then there was complete silence.
Slowly Zack opened his eyes again. Had he gone? No . . . he could still feel the other's presence, but now it was further away. What was he planning to do? Was he in here, somewhere, and would come out without warning to attack? The dark-haired man knew that he would have to be careful.
Again he advanced into the cave. He could still fancy that the crystals were showing scenes from Nibelheim, but now it had changed. He saw himself running to Sephiroth in the reactor room, finding him, and realizing that everything the other said was true. He allied himself with the renegade SOLDIER, and together they took Jenova's body out of the tank and prepared to leave with her.
The scene changed again, before he even had time to feel alarmed and sickened. Now he was looking at a strange city, one that was dark and desolate, with a fiery sky overhead. The buildings were mainly old, and vacated, but there were others that seemed more recent. The people who passed by on the sidewalks mostly seemed frightened of something, or someone, and walked quickly, skittishly, to arrive at their locations. Others were led down the streets by guards, chained hand and foot, and prodded along with electropoles. Obviously, these were slaves. What sort of treacherous, abominable world was this?!
He stepped closer to the crystal, trying to see better. One of those poor souls looked familiar . . . too familiar. The spiky blond hair could be recognized anywhere. "Cloud?!" he gasped, not stopping to realize that he was speaking aloud. Of course Cloud could not hear him, and he shuffled down the road with the others, as if resigned to this life of misery. But . . . if Cloud was there, then . . . then he had to be looking at Gaia, at Midgar!
That was impossible! Where was the blue sky, the canyons? Where was Aerith's church? The Seventh Heaven bar? He could see what looked like the Shinra Company building in the distance. And as soon as he noticed it, it suddenly drew closer until it filled the mirror. It was definitely the same building, but all signs and logos belonging to Shinra had been removed. In their place was what almost looked like a silhouette of a woman, an alien woman. Jenova. . . . The icy feeling in Zack's heart only grew stronger.
Now he could see inside, into what was the president's office. Jenova's body had been placed in another preservation tank that was against the corner of one wall. To the side of it, gazing out the window, were two familiar figures. While both had crossed their arms, one had long, silvery hair and the other spiky, black tresses. It was himself and Sephiroth, both lost to the darkness. But while Seph had gone mad, Zack was with him willingly, despite still possessing his reasoning and sense.
Zack stared at his mirror self, aghast. The other's eyes were cold and hard, just as Seph's were, and he was smirking wickedly as they surveyed what had become of Midgar. What had become of the world, of them?
"This is what you wanted, Seph," the mirror Zack spoke at last.
The mirror Sephiroth nodded slowly, pleased. "For a beginning," he answered. "Before long, all of Gaia will be the same, and you and I will rule over the planet as its gods." His green eyes flashed with a crazed fervor, one that made the real Zack's heart twist and ache anew. "Then we will unleash divine punishment against all of those who have kept us, the last of the Ancients, from our rightful inheritance! Then they will wish that they had never taken it away!"
Zack backed up, shaking his head slowly. No . . . no . . . what a horrible future that would have been! His eyes narrowed. Sephiroth was still there. He was toying with Zack's mind. He was using these crystals to do it! Abruptly he swung his sword, shattering the mirror as he drove the tip of the blade into it. Then he shielded his eyes as the fragments flew in all directions.
"I'm sorry, Seph," he said quietly. "I never could have gone along with you. You never would've even wanted me to, if you'd really known what'd happened to you . . . !" He straightened up, looking around the cave. Again, all was silent and still. None of the other mirrors were displaying anything. Had destroying one broken all of them? That was probably too much to hope for. He should remain cautious.
He walked forward again. This cavern really did seem to go on forever. Now it was turning a bend, and around the corner, the glistening walls could be observed stretching forth as far as he could possibly see. Seph was not anywhere in sight. With all of the power he had gained, it was seeming all the more likely that he was not here at all, but was watching everything from a distance. Zack wished he knew how far away the other might be.
The crystals came to life as soon as Zack began to head down that path. Again they began to show Nibelheim, but even though it was being portrayed as it had happened, something still seemed . . . off. Zack frowned as he walked deeper into the mysterious place. He should just keep his eyes focused ahead of him, and not even look to either side, at those mirrors. They were there to upset him. It was all a trick of the insane Sephiroth, the Sephiroth whom he did not want to meet again.
And yet, he could not help but look over, when he caught a glimpse of himself holding the sword to Sephiroth's throat. The sensation that something was off had only increased, and as he stared at the recreation of the scene, he saw why.
"Now that you've done this," the image of himself was saying, "I have the excuse I need to fight you to the death. Then I'll be rewarded for stopping your reign of terror by being given your position in SOLDIER." He smirked coldly. "That's what I always wanted."
Sephiroth's expression twisted in rage and betrayal. And even in his wild state, it looked as though there was also hurt in those sea green eyes. "TRAITOR!" he screamed, and turned to lunge at Zack.
Their battle was furious, and accurate, as far as the swordfighting went. But Zack's cruel expression, his look of sadistic delight, was completely false! Was that truly how Sephiroth remembered things as being? Even though Zack had said none of those horrible words upon discovering him, did Sephiroth believe that Zack had said it silently yet loudly with his sword? The brunet felt sick.
This was far worse than any strange future in which he and Seph took over Gaia together. It was a scene that had happened, warped by his ally's ill mind. Seph did feel betrayed, he believed that Zack had never truly been his friend, and he believed that Zack only wanted power for himself. He believed that Zack had wanted to cheat Sephiroth out of something else that was rightfully his, his position in SOLDIER!
"No," Zack choked out. "No! Seph, it isn't true! Seph, I'd never . . ." He struggled to move, to raise his weapon in order to break this mirror as well, but it was as if he was paralyzed. And suddenly his sword seemed to weigh a ton. He pitched forward, crashing to his knees as the blade plunged into the ground. What was this!? Desperately he tried to pull his hands free, but it was as if they had been pasted to the hilt. He tried to lean on the weapon and pull himself to his feet, but that did not work either. His legs were suddenly made of lead.
Over and over, he heard the voices play all around him, on both sides and above him as well. He was forced to listen to his voice speak of treachery and schemes to convince Sephiroth of his loyalty when in actuality, he only held allegiance to himself. He heard himself laughing wickedly, bragging that Sephiroth had believed him, that Sephiroth had honestly thought that Zack wanted to be his friend.
And the real Zack, bound to his spot on the floor, felt as if the Masamune had pierced his flesh again. It had been driven into the depths of his heart and soul, instead of tearing him apart physically. Its blade had been sharpened by the mirror Zack's words. How could Seph think it of Zack? Had he always been suspicious of the other, believing him to be insincere? If he had, why? Had Zack been a terrible friend? Had he said and done things to make Sephiroth question his devotion?
Yes, he had. He must have! In his outrage and confusion over Sephiroth's actions in Nibelheim, he had not appealed to the Seph he knew. He had only said that the man he was facing was not that Sephiroth. It was as he had feared, he had not tried enough. If he had, could he have gotten through? Could he have still drawn Seph out of that pit of madness and into the light? He would never know now.
"No, Zack . . . it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself."
What? What was that? Was he hearing the sane Seph talking to him again? Quickly he looked up. No . . . no, it was the mirror! It had changed again. Now it was showing the fight as it had truly happened. Zack was not saying anything unkind or traitorous. His expression was filled with indignation and agony. He looked exactly the way Zack had felt then, and now---as if his heart had been shredded.
But wait . . . there was still a difference. For one moment, as their blades had crashed, Seph's eyes had cleared of the madness. Now they were filled with a deep sorrow and regret.
"It was my fault, Zack. It was my fault. And I know I can never make up for this . . . but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I would take it all back, if I only could." A sad, wistful smirk. "Even a god can't turn back time."
The images all faded.
With renewed strength, Zack pushed himself to his feet. He was not paralyzed! It was a trick of his mind! All of this was a trick. The mirrors revealed his worst fears. He had allowed himself to be manipulated. And only this last scene had been able to pull him back to reality.
As soon as he came to these conclusions, all of the crystals began to crack and break, the cavern trembling. It might even collapse. He had to get out of there! He had to get out now! Up ahead he could see an opening, leading out into the world of night that he had left. He ran towards it now, hearing the mirrors shatter behind him as shards soared every which way. One scratched his arm, and another his cheek, but he barely paid attention.
He did not stop his flight even after gaining the opening and rushing into the meadow. He still ran, and ran, until at last the adrenaline rush gave out and he collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. Then he sank down into the grass, on his back, staring up at the darkened sky as he slowly calmed down.
Sephiroth had definitely been there all the time, in some way. He had been responsible for all of the ugly scenarios Zack had witnessed. He had wanted the other to become despairing, so he had encouraged the warped images, bringing forth Zack's anxieties as well as Sephiroth's own distorted views of the Nibelheim events. But . . . for him to believe that it would truly affect Zack, that seemed to say that somewhere even in his warped mind, he really knew that the brunet had not betrayed him.
And that last manipulation of the mako reactor battle . . . it had been different from the rest. It had felt as if a friendly hand had done it to bring him out of his anguish. The words the mirror Seph had spoken then were sincere. And Zack knew the answer with complete surety. Seph had gotten control of himself again, long enough to help his old friend. He had twisted that scene, but he had done it with positive intentions---instead of negatively, as his dark self had done previously.
Zack smirked weakly. "How about that, Seph . . . I'm trying to help you. . . . But you're the one who saved me, this time." He continued to gaze up at the blinking stars. "Thanks. I owe you everything."
And he had the feeling that this time, Seph had definitely received his words.
