Zim searched in the bag and pulled out a ridiculously huge sucker and waved it in front of Gir. "You want this?" he asked.
Gir nodded quickly. "Uh huh!" he said and held out his hands.
"What do you promise?" Zim asked, pulling the sucker out of Gir's reach.
"Uhhh…" Gir murmured, his face blank. He brought his hand up to his chin and attempted to look thoughtful even though for the life of him he had no idea what Zim was talking about.
Zim sighed exasperatedly. "You will not come downstairs while I fix the Voot Cruiser, right?" he asked.
Gir nodded. "Right!" he agreed. "I will not go… ummm…"
"Downstairs…" Zim prompted him.
"Downstairs," Gir repeated. "Candy?"
"Very well," Zim said as he rolled his eyes. "Here," he said stiffly and handed Gir the giant sucker which Gir began to lick comically as he sat down on the floor. Minimoose floated over and squeaked once. Zim eyed him and sighed. "I got you the uhh… lick…red rope stuff you like. Whatever it is," he muttered and handed Minimoose some red licorice. Minimoose squeaked happily and took the offered treat.
"Now both of you will leave me ALONE!" Zim said dramatically. "Got it!"
"Uh huh!" Gir replied and continued to eat the sucker and Minimoose squeaked out his reply as he downed the piece of licorice and rooted in the bag for more.
"Good," Zim muttered and walked over to a corner of the room. "Computer, take me to the Voot repair hanger," he sighed. A disc underneath Zim's feet hovered to life and he disappeared down into the depths of his house.
"Bye mastah!" Gir yelled, waving wildly as Zim disappeared. The second he was gone he turned on the TV and continued his treat.
Zim came out of the elevator to see his ruined ship still randomly spurting electrical sparks and steaming from a crash that had happened over ten hours before. "Honestly, that stupid robot can't do ANYTHING right," Zim growled as he ran over to the Voot and grabbed the first tool off the table next to it.
Without a second thought he opened the hood and coughed loudly as more smoke billowed out. "WHAT?" he yelled. "It's…oh great. This is going to take DAYS!" he hissed as he leaned over and began to try and fix the part that was most damaged. "Computer!"
"Yes master?" the computer's voice chimed overhead.
"Why couldn't the auto repair system handle this?" Zim asked. "Nothing's been fixed!"
"The initial diagnostics revealed that the speed thruster matrix has been damaged beyond the repair of the system. If the computer tried to fix it, then the rockets would have been impossible to repair," the computer explained.
"LIES!" Zim yelled as he pressed a button under the hood. "You liiiiiieeee," he told his computer.
"Yes master," the computer sighed.
Zim eyed the computer and returned back to the work at hand. The engine purred to life and lit up under his touch and Zim grinned. "Ah well, I could use the excuse to stay away from Skool and Dib-stink-face for a few days. Computer, hand me the sharp pointy tool, this part is loose," he muttered and held out his hand.
Above them Gir and Minimoose were happily eating their candy and watching TV. Minimoose squeaked and Gir looked at him. "Think mastah will want something to eat after he ish done with the Voooot?" Gir asked.
Minimoose squeaked again.
"Me too! Let's go make stuff!" Gir cheered and abandoned his treat on the couch as he ran to the kitchen.
Down below Zim blinked. "Computer, status on Gir and Minimoose."
"It appears they are making something in the kitchen, master," the computer answered.
Zim's eye twitched before he busied himself with whatever part he was working on at the moment. "Don't let them in here. I'm not getting sick today," he growled.
"Yes, master," the computer answered and locked the door.
Cyborg shut off transmission and sighed. "Well… he's not… he doesn't seem to be a good guy but I can't exactly bring myself to say he's an evil, emotionless, bad guy either."
"I agree," Robin said slowly. "At the very least, I'm not sure if he's evil enough to risk Earth's involvement in an interplanetary war."
Starfire looked perplexed. "I still do not understand," she sighed. "I was not aware that Irken's were capable of any emotion, let alone care for their own."
"I'm not sure if he actually likes the two things he was with," Raven said dubiously. "But he doesn't seem quite like what was explained to us."
"What are we going to do?" Beast Boy asked.
Robin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Well… we're going to try and avoid a war if we can. I don't know," he admitted softly. "Come on, let's go home…" he said slowly.
Cyborg stood up and narrowed his eyes. "Robin…" he murmured, letting his voice trail off as he seemed to be paying close attention to something else.
"What's wrong, Cyborg?" Robin asked, looking at Cyborg with a concerned expression.
"Looks like our Warlord's pride isn't quite what he claimed it to be," Cyborg said pointing up. "I'm not sure, but I feel interference up there. I think there's a cloaked space craft above us."
"You sure?" Beast Boy asked.
Cyborg nodded. "I felt the interference a bit ago but I thought it was coming from that alien's house."
Behind the Titans, a dark shadow emerged.
Zim stopped working on the burned out Voot for a bit and looked around. "Computer, are they still…"
"Not anymore, master. They have eaten everything and are watching the Scary Monkey Show," the computer replied.
"Good," Zim said happily. "Take me up to the top floor then. I wish to take a break. And fix the rest of the damn Voot. I changed the thrusters so nothing will be all explodey and it's your job anyway."
"…yes master," the computer answered and transported Zim up to the top floor.
"GIR!" Zim yelled as he came out of the trashcan. "GIR WHERE ARE YOOOOU!"
"Heeeeeey," Gir said, waving frantically from the couch.
"Gir, I need you to…." Zim's voice trailed off. He walked over to the window and gazed outside at the sky. Frowning he summoned the goggles from his Pak and placed then over his eyes, turning the knobs until he could see the faint outline of a battle cruiser. "GIR!"
"Yeeeees?" Gir asked.
"There is a large alien ship OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!" Zim yelled, pointing outside. "Can you not SENSE it?"
Gir blinked. "Oh yeaaaaah," Gir giggled.
Zim snarled at Gir and retracted his goggled. "I'm going out to investigate. Gir, you stay here and guard the base," Zim ordered and left the house, slamming the door behind him.
Gir turned red for a second and saluted the now gone Zim. "Yes sir!" he said gruffly and then turned back to his normal cyan color and curled up on the couch to sleep.
Starfire squealed as she was thrown into a tree. "STAR!" Robin yelled and ran over. "Why are you here?"
"Well, the plan was to use you to distract the Irken if he sensed you and then capture him but it appears that we overestimated him," the Vertian captain snarled. "So, now we may as well just get rid of you before catching the Irken."
"Like hell," Raven snarled and flew at the Vertian. She raked her hands through the air like claws and left jagged black marks in their wake. With one gesture the long black marks flew at the large aliens and threw them into the ground.
Beast Boy jumped into the air and turned into a lion. He jumped at the nearest alien and began to snarl and tear at him with his sharp claws but whatever armor the alien was wearing seemed to be claw proof.
Robin pulled out his bo-staff and brought it down on the captain's head as hard as he could. The force of the attack pushed his back and he flipped neatly over the alien, landing facing his opponent and putting his hand on the ground to stop his momentum. With a smirk he looked up at the alien who merely blinked. "Was that supposed to hurt, earth child?"
Robin looked surprised and jumped up as the captain pulled a gun out from his belt and began to fire at him. He brought up his bo-staff and blocked several energy bullets before twirling it to create a shield and backing off. With a grimace he stepped back and jumped behind a tree and raised a hand to signify to his team that they could pull back as well.
Cyborg shot one blinding energy beam at his own enemy before joining Robin and the others soon followed. The alien that Cyborg shot looked down at himself and dusted off his armor. "It appears that the humans are as weak as we were led to believe."
Robin's grip on his staff tightened as he growled. "The armor is preventing any attack from getting through. Star, do you have any suggestions?"
"I am not used to such things. I have never seen any armor such as this before in my life," Star said breathlessly as she held her side.
Robin eyed her. "Are you all right?" he asked in a concerned voice. "Maybe we should pull back for now. They're not after us, they're after that alien."
"I agree," Raven said as she came up from a shadow beneath them. "We need to regroup and figure this out for ourselves."
"Heh, pathetic humans. Don't think we'll let you go so easily!" the captain yelled. "After we finish you off we'll go after the pathetic Irken Invader."
"Who are you to DAAAAARE call ME the almighty ZIIIM pathetic, you large headed Vertian space trash!" a voice called through the trees.
The captain twitched and turned slowly to see Zim who was supported by his spider legs and looking impressively menacing, silhouetted against the full moon. He stepped forward once and one of his spider legs fell into a gopher hole and he pitched forward, rolling down the hill and yelling out as he landed in a heap at the foot of the large alien.
"You've got to be kidding me…" Cyborg said softly.
"We are so dead," Beast Boy whimpered.
"That was pathetically easy," the captain chuckled. "I'm almost tempted to leave you here that was so sad," he said with a grin as he reached down to pick up Zim.
Zim opened one red eye and activated one of his spider legs so that a laser cutter glowed at the end. He stabbed blindly and through some amount of sheer luck he managed to hit the Vertian in his eye. The Vertian roared in pain and brought his hands to his face in order to stop the blood that came from his eye as Zim jumped back and once again supported himself with his Pak. "Stupid earth digging animals," he hissed. "You will rue the day I ZIIIM stepped onto this dirt ball planet!"
"Get…him…" the pained captain hissed, pointing at where Zim's voice came from.
"HA!" Zim yelled and twisted the upper two legs to focus a ball of energy between them. It grew larger and larger until Zim fired it off as a beam at the two aliens coming up at him. "You think you stupid smelly…trash…jerks can take on ZIM?"
"He needs some new insults," Raven noted.
"My superior hearing…hears you little worm-baby child!" Zim yelled as he jumped over the now fried Vertians and landed closer to the Titans. "Zim's insults are far more mighty then your pathetic earth insults will ever be."
"Says the alien who refers to himself in the third person," Raven noted.
"What's wrong with that?" Zim asked in a normal tone, turning to face Raven, looking genuinely confused.
"Dude, look out!" Cyborg yelled, pointing somewhere behind Zim.
Zim turned around and sunk to the ground, letting the Vertian who had just jumped at him plow face first into the ground. Zim smirked and raised himself back up. "Ha, stupid space trash. It's about one hundred years too early for you to be taking on an Irken Invader!"
The Captain stood up and drew his weapon with a shaking hand while still covering his bleeding eye and leveled his weapon at the gloating Zim. Through another stroke of luck, Zim saw this out of the corner of his eye and used the two spider legs he was using to support himself to launch himself off the ground. In mid air he stuck the legs out on either side of himself and formed a circular shield that surrounded his body. This deflected the two shots that the Vertian had managed to fire at him while also causing quite a bit of pain to the Vertian that he landed on as he came back to Earth.
"Damn Irken!" the captain hissed. He looked around at his defeated soldiers and hissed, "retreat, we're going back to the mother ship."
"The mother ship…" Zim murmured. "This planet is targeted by the Vertians? I don't think so," he said with a wicked grin and launched himself at the alien captain. "Watch closely worm babies!" he yelled in the direction of the Titans. "This is how you kill a Vertian!" He landed behind the Vertian and drove one of his spider legs through the back of his neck.
The Vertian's lone eye widened and went dull as his other hand fell away from the eye that Zim had already ruined. He twitched once then fell to the ground as Zim pulled the spider leg out of his neck.
Starfire gasped and brought her hand over her mouth as if she was going to be sick. Beast Boy also looked rather ill and the remaining Titans were just in shock.
"HOW DARE YOU!" one of the felled foot soldiers yelled. "DIE IRKEN SCUM!"
Zim grinned wickedly and jumped up into the trees, using the darkness for cover and appeared over the enraged Vertian ending his life as well. The rest of the Vertians were so angered that they too came at Zim who merely used the same tactic and ended their lives as well until there were five dead soldiers and one dead captain and a very happy, gloating Zim.
"Ha! Your pathetic race stands no chance against the Irken empire, FOOLS!" Zim snarled as he landed, catlike on the ground. "Once again the superior ZIM is victorious." Zim pumped his fists into the air. "VICTORY FOR ZIM!" he yelled.
"Did you have to kill them?" Robin asked softly as he stepped into the moonlight.
Zim turned around and raised an 'eyebrow' at the oddly dressed human. "And you are?" he asked rudely.
"My name is Robin. I'm leader of the Teen Titans," Robin said, putting a hand on his chest.
"Teen…what?" Zim asked dubiously.
Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg and finally Starfire appeared behind him respectively. Zim eyed them and nodded slowly. "What? Is it some weird human club where you worm babies have contests to see who can dress the weirdest?"
"We're superheroes," Beast Boy said.
"What? Like those weird cartoons Gir watches?" Zim asked, narrowing one eye and looked at them oddly.
"We all have powers that we use in order to protect this planet," Robin explained. "We fight against evil and make sure our planet stays safe."
"Uh huh…" Zim said slowly. "So what, you're here to try and fight me?"
"We were fighting them!" Robin said angrily.
"And loosing," Zim snorted. "I just ended the battle, that's all."
"You slaughtered them!" Starfire yelled, pointing at the bodies of the aliens. "You killed them without a second thought! Does life mean so little to you?"
"Duh," Zim said as if this was the most obvious thing ever. "I'm an Irken. I came here to take over this stupid planet for my empire and I refuse to let anyone else do so. They were trying to kill me so I'm just doing what I need to do in order to stay alive." Zim narrowed his eyes. "What's a Troq like you doing on this backwater planet anyways?"
Starfire clenched her fists until they shook at the use of the racial slur. "Don't you DARE call me that!" she yelled and flew forward to try and punch Zim. Zim jumped out of the way and landed safely in another tree so Starfire merely punched the tree behind him and obliterated it.
"Ha ha, stupid Tameranian," Zim jeered. "You are no match for the superior ZIM," he held onto the branch and pulled out two of his spider legs, letting them glow a dim blue in the dark.
Before anything could happen, a silver and blue blur crashed into Zim's back, knocking him out of the tree and sending him to the ground below. Zim landed on his back and looked up dazedly to see a grinning Gir right before the little robot slammed into his chest, knocking the air out of Zim. "AH MY ORGANS!" he yelled.
"I wanna do that agaiiiiin," Gir said clapping his hands like a five year old.
"Ow…" Zim said slowly. "Gir, what are you doing here?"
"Well, you said that there wassa ship! And so I came to help! I'm supposed to help you master, right?" Gir asked, in an eager to please voice.
"Twenty minutes after I left?" Zim asked, obviously annoyed.
"The Crazy Monkey Show was on," Gir pouted. "I wanted to see it."
Zim sighed heavily. "Get off me Gir," he said while pushing the robot off his chest. He sat up and rubbed his head. "I thought I asked you to guard the base!"
Gir's eyes widened in a slow realization. "Oh yeeeaaaaahhhh…" he said slowly. "Huh."
"Who is that?" Beast Boy asked, pointing at Gir.
Zim stood up and dusted himself off. "That is Gir, my robot minion who is helping me to take over this planet. He is the prime example of Irken engineering," Zim said proudly.
"Lookit, I can stand on mah head!" Gir said while flipping over.
Zim looked at him silently for a second before shrugging. "He's… special," Zim explained.
"I see that," Cyborg said with a raised eyebrow.
Gir flipped back over and latched onto Zim, giving him a very painful looking hug. "OW!" Zim yelled. "Gir… you're squishing me…UNHAND YOUR MASTER!"
"Awww, but you looked upset! The TV says when someone's upset you give em a hug and they feel better," Gir gushed happily. "Feel better?"
"No," Zim replied flatly. "I'll FEEL better when you release me."
Gir hugged Zim again, even more tightly then before. "Feel better now?" he asked.
The Titans looked on silently as Zim fought for breath from his overly affectionate robot. "Let goooooo ooofff MEEEEEE," Zim groaned.
"Feel better?" Gir asked again.
"Yes, I feel better. NOW LET ZIM GO!" Zim screeched.
"Okies!" Gir said and released Zim who began to gasp for breath as he fell to his knees. "Hee, you looks lots better."
"Ow," Zim said softly.
"If you are an Irken then why do you not get rid of the flawed programming in your robot?" Starfire asked, crossing her arms and looking down at Zim.
Zim rubbed his side and stood up. "Gir isn't flawed, he's advanced!" he proclaimed loudly. "Besides, I tried already and I prefer him this way."
"I loves you too master!" Gir cheered then burst into a fit of giggles.
Zim pointed at Gir and rolled his eyes. "I don't love him. Irkens don't love," he emphasized for clarification. He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Besides, he does help. Sometimes."
"Are you going to fight against the Vertians?" Robin asked suddenly.
"Pfft, of course, bird-human," Zim. "The only one worthy of taking over your pathetic dirt ball is ME!"
"Bird-human?" Robin asked.
"You called yourself… what's it… Robin? That is a bird, is it not?" Zim asked while raising a non-existent eyebrow.
"Well…" Robin replied slowly while trying to wrap his mind around Zim's weird logic and speech patterns.
"So, BIRD-HUMAN, to answer your question, yes I plan to take on the Vertians," Zim answered.
"You're going to save the earth so you can take it over," Cyborg asked.
"Yes," Zim replied. "That's exactly what I intend to do weird… robot…human thing…" Zim blinked. "What ARE you anyways?"
"I'm a cyborg. Part human, part machine. Kind of like you," he noted. "My name is also, Cyborg, by the way."
"You, a lowly human compare yourself to the superior ZIM? Ha, don't make me laugh. My Pak is far more advanced then anything your pathetic planet could ever hope for," Zim snarled.
"Is that why it's sparking?" Raven asked, eyeing Zim's back.
"Wha?" Zim asked and turned to see his Pak letting little jets of sparks come out from a rather large crack near the middle. "Oh Irk," he sighed rubbing his forehead. "Gir, you're never allowed to knock me out of a tree again."
"Okeh!" Gir said and skipped off into the darkness.
Zim rolled his eyes and growled. "Great, now not only do I have to fix my damn ship but I have to fix my Pak too. This is just…perfect."
"So we'll be seeing more of you, I take it," Robin asked.
Zim glared at him. "If you and your weird friends plan on going up against the Vertians then fine. But don't think I'll help you just because we have a common enemy. I need no one and I help no one. I AM ZIM!"
"We kinda figured that," Beast Boy said, starting to get a little annoyed by the narcissistic alien.
"Hmph," Zim snorted and walked out of the clearing without another word.
"This is going to be interesting," Robin sighed.
"Tell me about it," Cyborg said, rolling his eyes. "Dude, he was annoying."
"But different," Starfire said softly. "When he was killing those aliens, that's how the Irkens I saw were all the time. They did everything they could to damage and harm. But he seems almost… nice when he's with his robot."
Cyborg shrugged, "Ponder it later Star. We gotta go before these guys' leader comes and finds us."
"Good idea," Robin replied and together the Titans fled the scene of carnage that Zim had created.
Okay, I just saw the episode "Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars" and... wooooow... That was the best episode EVER!
Zim: Go...shave you large head of smell with your bad self
Dib: There's so many things wrong with what you just said
Okay, best lines ever XD my goal for this fic is to try and write a bit of dialogue that memorable XD
By the way, no I was not trying to copy the 'Vort' people. Actually, when I saw the Vort Llardnar (sp?) he looked to be about as tall as Zim. I figure that the Vertians are a lot taller and look quite a bit different, truth be told. Anyways, this fic gets kinda serious later but I try and keep the humor as much as I can. Also, it's fairly long, the issues with the Vertians are just a small amount of the problems that Zim will have to face. Poor guy.
Glad you guys like this! I'm having a grand time writing it. Really, it's so much fuuuuun.
BTW: It has been brought to my attention that Zim seems a little too compitent in the battle scene. I just want to say this, the impression I got from Zim is that he's an able fighter and a very able mechanic and inventor it's just that he's so obsessed with one detail that he can't get beyond it and thus ruins his own plans. He's self thwarting! Amazing! Anyways, plus, in Plague of Babies I recall him being quite skillful with his Pak and quite compitent. But again, that's just me XD I just thought I'd give you my impression on this.
Also, I've only seen like... 6 episodes XD I'm catching what I can on Nicktoons Network on the weekends and a friend's tapes while I babysit. Still, I'm saving up for the DVD's. Something tells me they would be a riot.
