Chapter 2 Perfect Sunday two
For those that wanted more...
Monday passes in a blur
Tuesday as well
Wednesday Ma is crying and Frankie tells her It will be ok
Thursday I want more painkillers
Friday I want less so I don't feel so sick
Saturday is nice, just a warm hand in mine brushing the back of my hand, and occasional strokes on my face
My face is tender still, my eyes are starting to open a little but everything is fuzzy, the room is always too bright
I still can't talk, can barely sip fluids, Maura said my Jaw was dislocated
I can move but I still ache
Every bone, every muscle, every joint feels like glass shards in them
Sunday again and Maura sits by me she talks about everything and nothing, its calming just to hear her voice
Monday they start physical therapy, moving me while I remain still, Maura said it's to help the muscles heal well
Tuesday I had a bath in bed, it would probably be nice if it was my choice
Wednesday I panicked, I couldn't feel my legs, but Maura in her infinate wisdom seemed to understand me even though I couldn't speak
"You are fine Jane, there is nothing serious I haven't told you about, you will recover and be the same as you were"
I still had my legs, I can make out leg shapes under the sheets if i focus hard
Pain is a funny thing, you hate it till it's gone, and when it's gone you think something must be wrong, then it comes back and you hate it even more for tricking you
Thursday more of everything yet I do nothing
Friday Maura tells me more about what happened to me physically, I don't understand a lot of her google-speak but what I do understand sounds promising
Saturday Ma tells me that Maura was able to see me almost immediately after I arrived in the hospital, feels nice to know she was there to look out for me
Sunday, Sunday again, I can see little bits clearly sometimes
I see my friend, she looks tired like she hasn't slept
I see my Ma, she just cries, I must look bad
Frankie jokes, says I am still invincible, then asks how I feel, he look worried
Monday they move my limbs, my arms everything, it all hurts, they say I did good today but I felt like a rag-doll, they could have had a marionette show with me for all the control I had
I sleep better these days, feel better, maybe the drugs aren't as strong
I can see better now
I sleep on and off for six days letting everything around me continue, daily muscle manipulation, sponge baths, hand holding, the days blur together in tiredness
Monday I can sit by myself now, I get a ride in the hall in a wheelchair, it's nice to see different walls, different windows even though the people are the same, I see a reflection of me in the glass door, it's not clear but I know its me, my face is a purple yellow colour, my eye sockets sunken and dark, my body thin and weak and pale, I am close to the colour of my hospital gown, no wonder Ma can hardly look at me
Wednesday I have new tests done and they all come back clear, no brain injury, bones healing, swelling almost gone, bruising has made it through all the colours of the rainbow to mainly yellow, at least on my arms and legs, I still haven't seen my face
Maura is delighted at my progress, She helps me change,
I get to see myself in a mirror, finally, I have a dark line across my torso where the seatbelt must have been
I look like a zombie, still pale, sunken eye sockets, messy hair, bandage around my face holding my jaw in place
Maura just holds me in a hug while my eyes leak and sting, it passes
Thursday they remove the bandage and ask me to talk, I just shrug, They look worried, honestly I am having a massive pity party and the extra attention is almost nice, lots of extra hovering, plus I have nothing to say right now, nothing nice anyway, I am not sure I even can talk, I don't care to try. I think they worry mostly that I don't even try
Friday Maura takes me outside in a wheelchair, I am wrapped in so many layers I can't move, Maura talks away to me holding my hand, stroking my hair, touching my arm, She tells me to move my jaw in exercises even though it's painful. I do it for her.
I still look like I was in a bar fight but otherwise ok, getting better, almost healed.
Saturday Maura takes my hand, "Talk to me" she whispers gently, I squeeze her hand.
"Tell me how you feel"
She is clever that Maura, a yes or no response by way of hand squeeze won't answer that question, I decide to shrug, It is actually a good representative of how I feel. Maura responds with a smile and brushes the hair away from my eyes.
It's odd the things I didn't notice before, like how she looks at me like she always does, everyone else look at me with pity or even repulsed. She doesn't shy away from touching me like I might break.
And she doesn't take my crap either. She won't let me have my pity party like I never let her have one.
"Tell me how you feel, Jane" I want to shrug again, I really don't know, I'm in pain but less than I was, I am tired but less than I was. I am probably ok but I have little comparison now. But shrugging, I imagine, will not get a good response, she lets me away with things only once.
I open my mouth to speak, my jaw is stiff and hurts a little, it hurts a lot, I breath out slowly then in again, I lick my lips, "fgghhhhh" Is all I can manage, my lips haven't remembered how to form shapes
Maura has a great sense of humour when I am unable to tease her, she grins widely at me a twinkle in her eyes as though she just won the first prize riding trophy a her horse competition. "Glad you don't feel bad, or yuck, or feel like ice-cream and pizza."
I want to laugh and demand pizza, I am unsure how I could chew it
I must have smiled because Maura smiles and says "Glad to see you aren't so glum now"
By Monday I can almost string words together, most people appear to understand me, or are too polite to tell me I sound like a i'm drunk all the time, It hurts to open my mouth, I am still not on real food yet
Tuesday I have a psychologist visit, maybe they are worried I am depressed, I smile at her reassuringly, at least I hope it looks like a smile
Maura shows me pictures of after the accident, It might help, I looked like I'd been attacked by a lawnmower, it was frightening, I had a gash on my head, both eyes were swollen shut, I can't look at it anymore "Enough"
Wednesday I can get around with the help of crutches although my right arm needs to rest occasionally, They think I threw it up to protect myself and it got in the way of the high velocity airbag, much like my face did
It saved my life though, that and the fire department that cut me out with the jaws of life, and the ambulance workers who got me to the hospital
Thursday I can go home, supervised, Maura drives, I feel anxious, sick, the car goes too fast
We go to my place first to get clothes and then to Maura's to stay and recover.
She drives down a stretch of road, it's familiar to me, there is no little girl anymore, no dog, no mangled cars, or sirens
I finally speak "What happened to other driver?"
I feel sick, how selfish of me not to ask, although I wasn't sure I should feel sorry for him, I should be angry at what happened to me
"He is fine, recovering as well as you are"
I am relieved, I am not sure guilt would have helped my pity party much, Maura just calls me grouch nowdays, I'm sure the name suited when my bruising was green
I arrive at Maura's, time for Red Socks bingeing, time to catch up on missed games,
"Beer?" I whine even though Maura shakes her head no.
I don't watch much tv in the end, I fall asleep on the couch repeatedly, waking up everytime to changes, it's like eye-spy without the guessing
The chair and lamp moved
The dirty plates on the table vanish
The drapes are open
Water and pills appear next to a magazine
The sun peeps through different windows
Drapes closed again
Maura asleep in the chair beside me
Maura gone from her chair again
I sleep less and less and wander more and more, it's good for me don't you know.
Physical training is good everyday, gets me out of the house
Soon I will be back at work
Sunday, another beautiful Sunday rolls around, I'm on the love-seat outside in the garden relaxing in the warm breeze, rocking slowly, enjoying the silence and the warmth, today is eerily like another Sunday I remember outside hospital walls, It could almost be the same day
Maura comes and sits beside me wrapping an arm around me resting her head on my shoulder
"Such a perfect Sunday isn't it"
"Yes it is Maura. Maybe we could watch a documentary later"
