CHAPTER TWO
Bill's birthday came and went and people talked about what a great party it had been for weeks afterward. Pepper knew it would be a success because Bill is loved by everyone, but she had to admit it was one of her better parties. Despite being apprehensive, she and Bill were back to normal and they both seemed to have forgotten the incident in her pool house. Pepper still thinks about it from time to time and smiles. Her mind wanders to what might have happened if she'd given in to him. It's been a long time since she thought about Bill that way, but after that incident she can't seem to get him out of her head.
Bill, if anything, is even more casual around her and treats her like one of the guys. This makes it easier for her to keep her mind off of dangerous topics like what Bill would be like as a lover. She is just going through another phase where her body let's her know it's been over two years since she's satisfied it's desires. For that matter, it's been over two years since she's even let herself indulge in them at all. Pepper just isn't ready to take that risk again... not after what happened last time. Most of the time, she never had any trouble controlling her emotions and on those occasions when she did, she just buried herself in her work until the feelings went away. Now, those feelings refused to go away and Pepper was getting worried.
Bill had seen the fear in her eyes when he kissed her and felt her tense at his touch. He had nothing except her rejection to go on, but deep down inside he still thought there was a chance. If he pushed her before she was ready, she would run and he would lose her for good. She made it perfectly clear that she wants no part of him, except as a friend. Just the thought of not having her as a friend is too painful to consider. So for weeks after the party Bill has tried very hard to make sure things went back to normal between them.
He's been involved in the investigation and spends most of his time in meetings with internal affairs. It keeps him busy much of the time and by the end of the month he is mentally exhausted. He has turned all of the open cases over to Pepper to supervise and only sees her once a week when she briefs him on their progress. He hasn't even gone to her place for their usual Friday night routine since the party.
Friday afternoon, five weeks after his party, and Bill is totally spent. He has been spending every waking minute working on this investigation; even at home. Now that his part of it is almost done he can turn in his report and just sit back to wait and see how the chips fall. In his opinion it wasn't that big of an error, but according to the defendant's lawyer it was a crucial misconduct that could cost them their jobs. Bill knows how the city views negative publicity.
He did everything he can to ensure that his guys are protected from any unnecessary headhunting, but his guys, being the brutes they were that night, had been too aggressive in concluding the case and arresting the suspect. He didn't think they deserved to get fired for it though. Bill sit's at his desk now, staring down at his notes and trying to visualize how he'll word his report to minimize the damage to his unit. He doesn't hear Pepper come in, but looks up tiredly when she says, "You look beat."
"Oh, hi, Pepp. What can I do for you?"
"It's time for our weekly run down on the active cases."
"Already? Well, ok, let's get started." He sighs heavily and closes the file with his notes in it.
He pushes it aside and tries to give Pepper his undivided attention. A nagging head-ache makes it hard for him to concentrate and he keeps rubbing his temples. She gives him a run down on each case in progress, but after several minutes she stops and stares at him as he sighs heavily and again rubs his temples. He closes his eyes in pain and when he opens them again he sees the concern on her face.
"Why don't we put this off until later? You look exhausted."
"No, I'm ok. Sorry, I didn't catch the last file info."
"I doubt you really heard anything I've been saying since I came in here. Why don't you just leave early today, Bill."
"I've got to get this report done by Monday for the internal affairs committee."
"That's Monday. I tell you what, why don't you leave early. Go home and take a nap, then say about seven o'clock you come to my place and we'll do our usual Friday night dinner and laundry routine. I've got four new movies for you to choose from and I know you could use some mindless distraction. Then you'll feel refreshed and able to work on this investigation. You'll still have plenty of time to get it done before Monday, ok?"
"I don't know, Pepp. I'm not very..."
"Bill, that wasn't a request."
"Ok, boss. But I'm warning you, I won't be very good company tonight. I'm so worn
out from the stress of this thing you may kick me out after a while."
"I doubt it."
"I know you will when you see how much laundry I have stacked up."
She just laughs and reminds him to be there at seven o'clock before leaving him alone. Bill sit's there for a few minutes and smiles to himself as he realizes she knows him too well. He finally closes up his files and puts them in his briefcase before following her advise and leaving early. He is tired, but doesn't think he'll be able to sleep when he gets home.
******At exactly seven o'clock Bill rings her doorbell and when she opens the door he is leaning on the door jamb grinning at her and looking much more relaxed. "How is it you know me so well?"
"Magic. Did you sleep?"
"Like a baby. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, but I was out as soon as I laid down. It's a good thing you called to remind me to bring beer because I was still asleep."
"I thought you sounded sleepy. I hope you're hungry because dinner is ready any time you are."
"I'm starved, what is it?"
"Come find out."
They eat in the living room so they can watch the movie of Bill's choice, a western. Bill loves her cooking and isn't embarrassed to go back for his third plate. Pepper, as usual, teases him about being a bottomless pit and he just grins. It makes her feel good to see him enjoy her cooking enough to gorge himself on it. She knows he isn't one to cook for himself and frequently eats frozen meals that he can microwave. She likes to make sure he has a good meal at least once a week and tries to make something special for their Friday nights. Every once in a while she allows him to grill, which is one thing he does do very well.
Now, as the movie ends, his laundry is almost done and they are both relaxed. Bill is reclining in his favorite chair with sleepy satisfaction that makes her smile. She picks up their dishes and starts to walk past him as she comments.
"It's good to see you looking relaxed again."
He stops her as she would have walked past him by gently grabbing her free hand. She stops and looks down at him as he slowly presses her palm to his lips before he says, "Thank you for looking out for me, Pepp."
She doesn't know what to say and just stands there, mesmerized by his eyes. Slowly her hand curves up to caress his rough jaw and it sends chills up her spine. The intense feeling jolts her back to reality and she quickly pulls her hand back as if he bit her. She hurries on to the kitchen, not trusting herself to be near him.
"Do you want coffee?"
"Sure. Do you mind if I watch the news?"
Bill feels Pepper is hiding her true feelings from him. He smiles as he ponders on her slight slip. When she returns from making the coffee she has her emotions back under control. Bill is still in his chair watching the weather forecast. Pepper sets the cups down as the newscaster is talking about a particularly harsh snow storm in Poland. The newscaster ends the broadcast by zooming in on a sign outside the polish town of Helsinki. Due to heavy snow coverage on the sign all that is readable is 'Welcome to Hel'. The newscaster laughs as he says, "...and that's all for this evening. So in closing I guess we could say it was a very cold day in hell today! Goodnight."
Pepper isn't listening to the news until Bill suddenly sit's forward in his chair. "Well, well, did you hear that, Pepp?"
"What?"
"That weather guy said it was a cold day in hell today. See?"
He points to the TV and Pepper looks up to see the snow covered sign still on the screen. She suddenly realizes why he is so interested in the sign, but pretends not to understand as she steps away from his chair.
"Oh, yea, that's cute."
"It's more than that. This is my lucky day."
"Wha... What are you talking about, Bill?"
She sits down on the couch, trying to act casual as Bill playfully steps closer with a determined look in his eye. He can see her nervousness and only intends to tease her about her 'terms'. He advances on her slowly as he reminds her of her ultimatum.
"Remember, Pepper? 'a cold day in hell?' That's when you said I could kiss you again."
"Don't be ridiculous, Bill. That was just a phrase."
"No, it was a statement of fact, if you ask me. You said..."
She is too nervous sitting on the couch, feeling trapped by his presence as he slowly walks towards her. She suddenly jumps off the couch and tries to get around him so she can leave the room, but he anticipates her move and cuts her off. Pepper tries to remain calm as she steps back, bumping into the arm of the couch she just left.
She catches her balance as she tries to reason with him. "Bill, you know that was only a figure of speech. I didn't mean it literally."
"I did... and we had a deal, lady."
She backs away from him blindly as he easily moves in to trap her. Pepper gasps softly as she realizes he has just backed her against the wall with no escape. There is a large lamp on one side and the couch on the other. She doesn't dare take her eyes from his to look for a way out and anxiously presses herself against the wall as he moves even closer. She is afraid of the wicked glint in his eyes, but he can't seem to stop this crazy game. For two years he's controlled his passion for her out of fear of scaring her away. Now, as the one thing he wants most is only moments away he knows she is truly afraid of him. Bill stops when he is one foot away and looks down at the hands she has pressed against his chest in an attempt to keep him away. After a moment he looks back up at her wide eyes and huskily lays out the terms of her surrender.
"You said I could kiss you when it was a cold day in hell. Now, I want my kiss."
"Bill, please, don't do this. It's not funny."
"I'm dead serious. I want to kiss you, and you know what I mean. That's all I want... then I'll leave you alone."
He leans his body against her stiff arms and feels them tremble with the effort to hold him back. She is panting shallowly like a trapped rabbit with her lips parted slightly. Bill feels his pulse jump as she unconsciously licks her dry lips in a very provocative way. She is held spellbound by his eyes and can't seem to resist as his hands close around her wrists to pull them back against the wall on either side of her head. Bill imprisons her hands as his body presses her against the wall.
She is helpless to escape as her body responds to the physical contact with his. She can only watch as his mouth comes closer to her own in slow motion. When his lips are a mere inch from hers he stops and huskily orders, "Kiss me..."
If she does her defensive walls will come crashing down around her feet. She's been feeling too vulnerable lately to withstand this sexy man who is determined to make her kiss him. Pepper can only whimper helplessly as his hard body presses seductively against hers. She feels her self control slipping as he places his lips against hers and huskily growls again.
"Kiss me, Pepper..."
The heat of his mouth on hers is more than her frayed resistance can stand and her lips mold themselves to his. Her head is spinning as a voice inside screams a warning, but every fiber of her body screams to let go and indulge in her needs. At first her kiss is tentative, but Bill is patient and tenderly urges her lips to part as he guides her into a deeper kiss. When his hot tongue gently probes her own she moans softly and finally gives in, losing herself in a deep kiss. She relaxes and reaches up to kiss him with a passion too long denied.
Bill had been playing, but when she suddenly opens up to him he is rocked to his very soul by the desire rising up to match hers. He never knew such intense emotions existed in him as he returns her urgent caresses with a need of his own. He releases her arms as his hands come to gently frame her face. Pepper's hands creep up around his neck with a will of their own. Her fingers wind frantically through his thick hair as he glides his hands down over her body to draw her into the circle of his arms. He holds her tightly against his male form and it is a long time before either is able to tear away and draw a shaky breath.
Bill looks down into her eyes with naked desire and Pepper is afraid of the intensity she sees there, but she can't stop herself as she again draws his mouth back to hers. She kisses him with endless desire. In the back of his mind he knows he should stop this insanity, but he also knows that he won't… he can't stop. He never expected such a response from her and he can only hope she has secretly wanted him as much as he's longed for her all this time. Bill is lost in her sweet, talented lips as they now travel hungrily along his jaw to his ear. Afraid to destroy this magical moment he doesn't move as she nibbles on his ear. He simply sighs against her throat when her delicate caress sends shivers through him.
After several minutes she has become very still, not moving and barely breathing. Fear fills his heart as her head rests on his shoulder in a defeated posture and a heavy sigh escapes her. Bill knows the next few moments will decide their future... for good or bad it all depends on her next words. Bill's breathing sounds harsh in the stillness of the moment as he waits for her to decide his future. It is several seconds before he feels her sag, almost inwardly, and his heart aches for what he knows will come. Pepper doesn't lift her head from his shoulder as she finally speaks and her voice is low and sad.
"Damn you, Crowley..."
He can hardly hear the words, but he can definitely hear the pain and resignation in her voice. From this moment on their friendship will never be the same... his life will never be complete without her. As he hoarsely whispers his understanding, he draws her in close. "I know..."
She finally lifts her head to look up at him with haunted eyes. "Why?" He can see the pain there and hates himself for what he's done to them. She makes no attempt to push him away as she studies him for a long time.
He wants to hold her until the pain in her eyes goes away, but if they stand any chance for a future together he must be totally honest with her now. "I should be sorry, but I'm not. I've wanted to do that ever since I first met you."
She doesn't answer and simply looks down at his chest. Bill feels her slipping away from him as her defenses rise at his words. He hurries to explain how he feels in the hope she won't hate him.
"Pepper, you know how I feel about you. I've never lied to you about that. I think I've loved you from the first day you came in my office." A scared little gasp escapes her and he tips her chin up to look into her eyes. Bill is surprised to see her tears and holds her close against his chest as he tries to soothe her fears. "Baby, don't cry. I'm sorry I messed things up... Ssshhh..."
Several minutes go by before Pepper again raises her head and looks him in the eye. Her tears are shed and she tries to smile as she wipes the moisture from her cheek and gently scolds him. "Why couldn't you just keep your distance? I had no problem controlling things when you behaved yourself."
"Maybe I knew you really didn't want me to keep my distance. At the party... I thought I imagined it, but now... I think the two of us have been hiding things."
She doesn't answer for a long time as her eyes stray to the dark hair curling from the vee of his shirt collar. She is very confused and doesn't know how she is going to handle this new complication in her life. Her friendship with Bill will never be the same, but a part of her is glad she no longer has to pretend. Everything seems to be moving so fast she can't keep up. Her logical side tells her to put distance between them and rebuild her defenses before something worse happens. Yet, she knows it's too late. She released that inner most part of herself tonight and it won't allow itself to be buried again. Finally she looks back up and decides to tell him the truth.
"This isn't all your fault, Bill. I'd be lying to both of us if I said I wasn't attracted to you, but there's more to it than that. I... I don't even know where to begin..."
He studies her for a moment and sees her struggle with memories from her past. He gently strokes back her hair and offers his support to help her through this. "Start at the beginning. I'm a good listener and I promise I won't attack you; unless you want me to."
He grins and she can't help but smile back. Pepper has never had a friend like Bill and she trusts him with her darkest secrets. She just isn't sure she can trust him with her heart. "Ok, but you're not going to like it."
"I won't care, whatever it is, but there's one thing I have to ask first..."
"What's that?"
"Let me kiss you again... please?"
Pepper doesn't answer him as his lips hover above hers in anticipation. She needs to feel the tender strength of his kisses again too and stands on tiptoe to close the last fraction of distance between them. Bill is tender, but intense as his kiss pleads for her inner sweetness. When her lips part he groans softly and skillfully ravages her tongue with his own. Pepper feels his soul pouring into her through this kiss and feels alive for the first time in two years. One kiss blends into the next and it is several minutes before they can bare to separate.
Bill's eyes are stormy with passion as he takes a deep breath and releases her. Then almost immediately he steps forward again, swinging her into his arms. "I can't stand it. I have to have you close to me."
He carries her to the couch and sits down with her on his lap. He loosens his grip, but holds her close enough that he can inhale her sweet perfume. Pepper turns so she is resting against the arm of the couch, but still on his lap as she shakes her head and teases him about his possessiveness.
"What have I gotten myself into this time?"
"Trouble as usual. Now, tell me this dark secret of yours. Then I'll tell you mine, ok?"
She hesitates a moment before she looks deeply into his eyes, gently stroking her fingers along his jaw as she'd done earlier. Finally she leans in to kiss him tenderly before she begins her tale.
"I'm not good at relationships, Bill. I'm cursed actually. The last time... I remember like it was yesterday. Every painful detail seems to be permanently etched in my memory forever."
Bill feels his stomach tighten at the thought of Pepper pining away for a lost love. He is suddenly jealous and wants to demand answers, but he controls himself and waits until she continues.
"Before I came here, you know I worked in San Francisco. Well, what I never told you is why I left there. It had to do with my last partner. I can look back now and see that it was doomed from the start. I guess back then I was just too naive to see what was happening."
Again she pauses, the memories too painful for her to discuss. This is the part of her life she has never told anyone about and after another heavy sigh she forces herself to go on.
"To put it bluntly I became involved with a man I worked with. We weren't partners at the time, but we hung out with the same people, went to the same parties, and saw each other at work. I enjoyed all the attention he gave me and I didn't realize how controlling he was becoming."
"Who was he?"
"His name isn't important."
"Do you still love him?" She is stunned by his question, but realizes that he rightly came to that conclusion from what she's told him so far.
She smiles tenderly and shakes her head as she teases him again about his possessive nature. "No, so there's no need to get all huffy."
"I wasn't... I just..."
"You weren't, huh?"
"Ok, so I was. I can't help how I feel about you."
He slips his fingers into her long hair to guide her mouth to his again. She allows him to kiss her lightly, but avoids his attempts to deepen the kiss as she firmly pushes back. His words only enforce her belief that men and relationships are dangerous.
"Bill, stop. I won't ever tell you this again if I don't do it now."
"Ok, I'll behave."
"Now, as I said it was getting more serious. I never gave it a thought until one day I find out that he got transferred so he could be my partner. Before I could say anything he and I were working together. We were together all day, all night... we were never apart. It didn't take me long to realize I needed some space. That's when the problems started. I told him I felt like he was smothering me. The more I tried to get away; the more possessive he became."
"It can be like that sometimes."
"I know that now, but it was a hard lesson to learn. After a few months we were fighting so much we both got disciplined for our arguments at work. It got so bad I requested we be separated. I explained the whole sordid thing to my boss and luckily he understood and re-assigned him. We were still in the same unit, but at least I could leave the building without him... or so I thought. He started to threaten my new partner and make
terrible accusations that I was fooling around with him. It was awful."
She hesitates, mulling over painful memories while Bill studies her down bent face. He now begins to understand her reluctance to become involved with him... since they do work very closely together. His fear is that she sees all men, the same way.
"Is that why you've been alone so long? Are you afraid all men are like him?"
"Not exactly. There's more. After one especially bad fight, my new partner, who was happily married, stepped in to defend me. He told this guy I wasn't any of his concern any longer because I had broken up with him. He punched my new partner and told me it wasn't ever going to be over. After that I was afraid for myself as well as for Jimmy."
"Jimmy?"
"My new partner. Jimmy tried to warn me he was a hothead who would do anything to get me back. I thought he'd forget about me in time and move on. Unfortunately I was wrong. It just kept getting worse. He followed me constantly, he made scenes in public, and threatened me in private. I finally went to the captain and told him what was going on. He took action, ordering him to stay away from me or be fired."
Again she stops as painful memories come rushing back. Bill gently rubs her back and wait's. She finally continues in a low pained voice that makes Bill's heart ache to hear.
"That was the last straw for him. He blamed me for almost losing his job, for being unhappy and for everyone turning against him. I guess it was my fault in a way."
"You know it wasn't. A man that insecure is mentally off."
"Yea, that's what they told me when it was all over. The day after his talk with the captain he went to Jimmy's house to 'enlighten' his wife about my affair with her husband. When Jimmy found out he was furious and confronted him in the office. A fight broke out between them and he shot Jimmy. He went insane, running around pointing his gun at everyone. He said that if he couldn't have me no one would. He was going... going to kill me for turning against him."
"Oh, Jesus, Pepp... I'm sorry."
"He almost did it, too. Except someone distracted him by throwing a book at him. It knocked his gun from his hand and I was able to get away. Several people jumped him as he tried to get his gun back, but they couldn't stop him. He got his gun and killed himself before… it all happened so fast. Right there in front of everyone he yelled that I had done this to him and blew his head off."
She starts to cry again and Bill holds her close. He had no idea she was hiding such a horrid secret. It's no wonder she hasn't wanted any man's attention after that happened. He comforts her until the tears have stopped and she rests her head on his shoulder, breathing shallowly. "He was a sick man, Pepper. It wasn't your fault at all."
"I should have seen it coming."
"How? You said yourself he was nice in the beginning. No one can predict something like that. I'm just sorry you had to live through that because now your view of men is scarred. We're not all like that guy, baby."
"I know, but it's different when you're involved with someone."
"What happened to Jimmy?"
"He was ok, the shot wasn't life threatening. His wife knew me and the problems I was having, so she didn't believe the lies. By the end of the investigation I was so stressed I had to take a leave of absence. Then, when I was strong enough to return to work I just couldn't go back there. I couldn't face those people again so I came here... and you know
the rest of my story."
"Now I know why you looked so terrified when I made you kiss me earlier."
Pepper is shaken from her memories by his words and she looks up at him, shaking her head. She can't let him believe that she was comparing him to that other monster. She strokes his jaw and ruffles his hair as she explains.
"No, Bill... that's not it at all. I didn't see you like he was. I was scared, but not of you. I was scared of myself. I knew that if you kissed me again... like that day in the pool house, I wouldn't be able to control myself. You were right when you said I've been hiding something. I've been trying very hard to ignore how my heart beats fast when you touch me. How I can't sleep at night for missing you sometimes."
There is a long pause as they stare deeply into each other's eyes searching for the truth. Bill is afraid to ask the question that is screaming in his head. Afraid she'll think he's moving too fast and associate him with that guy. He decides to keep a tight rein on his emotions until he knows exactly how she feels.
"I may be strong willed, but I don't think there's a woman alive who could deny being attracted to you. At first I was too scared to even look, but after a while... I began noticing little things like your aftershave, your deep sexy laugh, your kindness, your cute butt..."
Bill laughs as she arches her eyebrow suggestively. She sighs and lays her head back on the arm of the couch, totally relaxed in his arms before she continues.
"That's when I decided I was never going to make that mistake again. I loved my job here and I was just realizing how nice it was to have a friend. A good friend that I could depend on. I didn't want to give those things up so I decided you would never know how I felt about you."
"So you'd rather have me as a friend?"
"I don't know what I want now, Bill. All I know is I can't allow anything to happen as long as we work together. I know relationships like that don't work. I won't go through that again and I won't put anyone else in that position either."
"So what do we do now? We know how we feel, we still have to work together and if I understand you correctly we're not allowed to touch each other ever again, right?"
"Bill, I'm sorry. I tried to tell you... several times. I never should have let things get this far out of control in the first place."
She gets up and goes to stand across the room. She can't stand being that close to him when her defenses are so weak. All he has to do is kiss her again and she'd do anything he wanted... for the moment. Then when the cold light of day came she would be back in the same position she had been in two years ago. She just couldn't let that happen again.
Bill sit's there watching her, trying to decide how he should proceed with this situation. They were meant to be together, but Pepper is determined not to get involved with a man she works with. Bill is tempted to tell her he'll transfer to another division, but then dismisses the idea. He's been the S.C.U. sergeant for six years now and there isn't another position on the whole department he'd rather have. He shakes his head tiredly as he dismisses the idea of asking her to transfer. She loves her job and he doesn't even want to think about how miserable his life would be without her there working with him every day.
They work well together, but deep inside he knows it's much stronger than that. He suddenly wonders if he's more like that other guy than he realized. He sighs heavily, frustrated with the fact that there is a wall between them. The best thing to do for now is go along with her plan and just hope he can win her over in time. He silently rises from the couch and goes to stand directly behind her. She is startled when his hands come to rest on her shoulders. She was a million miles away, deep in the memories of the past. Bill's voice is low and soft as he brings her back to the present.
"Pepper, I understand your fears. You can't trust me... at least not yet. So I'll abide by any conditions you set. If that means being your friend instead of your lover, ok. It won't change the fact that I love you."
"How can you love me, Bill? You don't even know me... not really. It's just your hormones talking."
He suddenly spins her around to face him as his grip on her upper arms tightens in his anger. He forces her to look up at him and his eyes are stormy with emotion. She gasps softly as she sees the truth in his eyes even before he says the words.
"I've loved you ever since I met you and I won't deny it any longer. I've kept it inside for two years now, hoping you'd show some sign of interest in me too. Now that I know some day you might be able to love me too I can't deny it any longer. I love you, Pepper."
"But, Bill... I just can't..."
"I'm not asking, Pepp. I'll be your friend and your partner… for now. Just know that when the day comes… when you are able to love me… I'll be waiting and I'll love you for the rest of our lives."
His voice is so serious she has no doubt of his true feelings. She can't reply and only stands mesmerized by his eyes. Finally she relaxes in his grasp and softly whispers,
"I wish I could love you..."
"That's enough for now." He draws her securely into his arms and cradles her against his warmth.
Pepper knows how dangerous it is to indulge in his comfort, but she desperately needs someone to hold her after her forced trip into the nightmare of her past. She ignores the warnings to move away and slips her arms around his waist as she snuggles closer. Bill desperately wants to kiss her, but he doesn't dare. After several minutes she tips her face up to his throat, breathing in his aftershave. Almost unconsciously she begins to place tiny kisses on his throat. He stands motionless as her lips strain towards his ear. He lowers his head so she can reach him easier and his heart pounds wildly as he forces himself to remain still. She places soft kisses across his cheek and down his nose until their lips touch once again. She stops, with her lips resting on his, as if suddenly realizing what she is doing.
After an endless moment Bill finally takes the initiative and presses his lips to hers in a slow, gentle kiss. She sighs softly as her lips part to him. Bill takes the sweetness she offers, but is careful not to lose control and scare her. She moans huskily and molds her body to his as his arms tighten around her and the kiss becomes more urgent. She craves his kisses even as she fears where her passion will take her. Her body seems to have a mind of its own and refuses to listen to her warnings. She gives herself up to the pleasure of his caresses and is helpless to deny him anything he wants at this point.
Each kiss blends into the next with increasing urgency as her hands search the tight muscles of his back. His hands glide roughly down her back to mold her hips more firmly against his. She feels the heat of his desire and gently rubs her hips across the hot bulge in his levis. Suddenly Bill's hands become hard as he grips her hips to stop her teasing movement. He firmly forces her body away from his and breaks the kiss to take ragged breaths. He fights for control of his passion as he refuses to let her snuggle back into his arms. "I better be going. I'll stop by tomorrow to pick up my things."
He releases her and walks away, intent on putting space between them so he can think clearer. He knows how close he came to losing the little self-control he has over his emotions. He doesn't dare look back at her for fear of being spellbound by her intensely blue eyes again. Bill busies himself with picking up his keys and carrying the cold coffee cups to the kitchen. When he returns Pepper is still in the same position, staring at the carpet in stunned silence. She is shocked at her behavior, only minutes after she told him she couldn't allow herself to pursue her feelings for him... she practically attacks him. She sees his feet enter her line of sight as he comes to stand before her again. When she looks up his emotions are tightly under control again. He smiles tenderly and quickly kisses her on the forehead just has he has every Friday night for the past two years.
"Thanks for dinner, Pepp. I'll see you tomorrow."
He turns and hurries out the front door before she can move and then she only manages two steps before she sags into a chair. She sits there in a daze wondering how her world got so confusing in such a short time.
Once Bill forced himself leave his strength faded and he stood on her front porch, holding onto the rail for several minutes. He breathes in the cool night air in deep gulps in an attempt to cool his hot blood. It had taken every ounce of his self-control to leave her at that moment when she would have given him anything. He knows how easy it would have been to ignore reality and take what she was offering in a moment of weakness, but tomorrow he would surely pay a heavy price for it. A price he wasn't willing to pay. He tells himself over and over again that it's better this way as he drives home in a whirl wind of emotions. Once home he knows sleep is impossible so he sits down with a glass of scotch to work on his internal affairs report.
