Sophie drummed her fingers into the counter top, exasperation flowing from her with every passing second. It felt like her feet were itching, her legs were tingling, and her chest almost felt hollow with the anxiousness she felt. She couldn't believe it had come to this. She sighed and looked at the clock. It was half past twelve. She was sure it had been the longest two hours of her life, and to make it worse she had only served three people since she had started her shift. Eileen with biscuits for work, milk for Emily to accompany the story of what had happened at morning service earlier on, and then bread and two tins of soup for Tommy who felt the need to slag off Amber and make a comment about Sian's legs. How she didn't throw the soup at his head she didn't know, but he soon left when she told him to 'get the hell out' and to never 'set his beady little eyes' on her girlfriend again. That had been half an hour ago and she had stood with a bitter expression on her face ever since.
Her mind kept going back to Sian every three seconds, to everything she had said that morning and to everything Sophie clearly had or hadn't done since, well, she had no idea when. But she knew something was missing, Sian was right, things weren't the same. They hadn't been for a while, but was that all her fault? Wasn't some of it Sian too? Sophie pushed her chest out and sighed, her elbows meeting on the counter, her one hand cupped around her other fist and she rested her lips against them, memories of her relationship flooding her thoughts, everything they had been through, everything they had experienced together. They had been through so much and they were both still so young. Sophie thought about it, was this the relationship she truly wanted? Was this all there was? Would she ever want anyone else? Was Sian forever?
She used to think so.
Sophie straightened herself up and took a step back away from the counter. That thought scared her. She still thought so, of course she did. Sian was her everything. Sophie folded her one arm across her waist as she brought her other hand up to her face, biting on her thumb as she held her clenched fist there. She felt tears form in her eyes, she didn't want to let her go, did she?
No, of course not.
She reached into her pocket desperately for her phone and checked it, no message from Sian. Sophie took another quick look at the clock and hoped Sian had believed her when she said she'd be home early. She had to be, and she was going to be. She quickly typed a message to Amber.
'You're still coming aren't you? When are you getting here?'
She pushed send and went back to biting on her thumb, feeling extremely agitated and just wanting to get back to Sian. She had to prove it to her. Sian was her girlfriend and she loved her. She would prove it to her, she would.
She grabbed for her phone again and quickly typed another message to Sian, just in case she was sat at home thinking the worst. Sophie didn't think it would take much at the moment, for Sian to assume the worst of her, like she wasn't bothered or something. And she was bothered, very bothered. She had wanted to stay there this morning, take Sian back to bed and prove how much she wanted her. Sophie got a little flustered thinking about it, she had missed Sian's lips kissing her, and Sian's hands roaming over her shoulders and her fingers roaming into her hair. Sophie felt her heart flutter at the recurring sensations and she had to close her eyes for a minute, a shiver running up her neck. Sophie breathed it all out but kept her eyes closed, her tongue slowly moistening her top lip. Why had it taken that argument? Why had it taken all that for her to realise how much Sian was hurting? For her to realise how much she was hurting herself?
"All right Webster!" a voice came crashing through the doorway, "what's the emergency?"
Sophie forced her eyes open and saw Amber barge in and lean her back up against the door in the most melodramatic way. Her eyes were wide and she looked like she had only just managed to crawl out of bed. "About time!" Sophie forced back, picking up and pocketing her phone. "I've got to see Sian I owe you one."
She was about to push herself past when Amber held her hands in the air stopping her. "Hold on Soph, you live with Sian, what's going on?"
Sophie pushed out a breath and flopped her shoulders, she didn't have the time to go over it all with Amber, but she was covering for her after all so she supposed she should tell her something. Amber was staring at her intently so Soph decided to give her the short version. The five minute short version.
It was one o'clock and Soph still wasn't back. She was sat on the sofa with her legs curled up underneath her, absently twirling her long hair between her fingers as she thought about what had happened. As soon as Sophie had left she had showered and changed into her comfort clothes, a pair of joggers and a long t-shirt and a big pair of fluffy socks. They were blue. Sophie had bought her them ages ago as she always had cold feet, apart from when Sophie was warming them up in bed of course, as well as other various parts of her. Sian smiled slightly at the memory, how she longed for intimate moments like that with her girl again. After what Sophie had said she was almost certain they would get it back, Sophie had seemed really upset at what Sian had said, as if it hadn't really occurred to her that their relationship was disintergrating, but then that was Sophie for you, bury your head in the sand and pretend bad things aren't happening. Just like her dad. Always ignorant to problems that were right in front of her, that was Sophie. Stubborn wasn't the word.
Sian rested her head back on the sofa, did Sophie really still want her? Would she even try? It had been three hours. Her phone vibrated, and Sian tilted her head towards where it was resting next to her. Sian reached out and picked it up.
From Sophie: Just waiting on Amber babe, I'll be there, promise. Don't give up on me xxxxx
Sian ran her thumb over her phone's display, Sophie was being cute. She loved it when she was being cute, Sophie was amazing when she was all cute and sweet and stuff. Sian was certain she wouldn't give up on her, or it would take a whole lot more for Sian to just walk out and leave. This was just a blip, she was sure of it. Soph would come through that door at any second and they would talk some more, or finish that kiss from earlier. Sian's lips curled up in a faint grin, she had missed Sophie kissing her like that, had missed the closeness of her body and Sophie's firm hands on her. She wanted to feel her hands on her skin again. It was as if that small taste of it had made her crave Sophie more, like somehow in the time it had been since they had last been intimate she had sort of forgot how Sophie made her feel, forgot all the emotions and sensations that she could elicit and she could live without it. But now she was remembering all the times they had been intimate, all the times Sophie had touched her, where she had touched her, the things her fingers could do and especially where she would go with her tongue, and Sian definitely missed it.
Really.
Sian bit on her bottom lip and tried to breathe normally. Right now she couldn't be thinking about sex, she needed Sophie to show that she wanted this relationship. That she needed it. Needed it as much as Sian did. Sophie had promised she'd be back early, three hours ago. Sian was certain she would be; she had to be. Sian looked at her phone again and thought about replying. She opened a new message and her thumbs paused over the display. What should she put? Okay babe? Hurry back? I miss you?
She sighed and put the phone down. She did miss her, she missed every single thing about her, but then Sophie already knew that. She had already poured her heart out to her that morning, what use was a half hearted line in a text message? Sian was frustrated, she stood up and groaned out loud. This was getting her nowhere. She went into the kitchen to make a brew.
Sophie legged it across the cobbles with a look of sheer panic on her face. It was half past two and Sian hadn't text her back and she was certain she would be breaking up with her as soon as she entered the house. All kinds of things were running through her mind, like what Sian would say to her. Let down again, I trusted you and I waited for you. Sophie was upset, it wasn't like she hadn't tried to get out, Amber wouldn't let her go until she had heard everything, so Sophie had pretty much spilled everything that had happened that morning. And then of course Amber had to have her opinion which Sophie didn't really care about at all, and then finally she had left.
Sophie reached for her key and fumbled with it in the lock, she didn't even take a breath before she practically fell through the door and into the living, slamming the door shut behind her. "Babe I'm so, so sorry," she panted coming to a stop in the middle of the room behind the sofa. She took a look around and saw that Sian wasn't there, "Sian?" she asked, her eyes moving around the empty room. She hoped to God Sian hadn't gone, and then she told herself to stop being dramatic. "Upstairs," she said to herself before she bounded up them two at a time. She ran into their bedroom and again stopped in the middle of the room. It was empty. Fuck. "Sian?" she shouted again, turning around and running back down the stairs. Panic was setting in as she was getting more and more upset, she was certain she had fucked it up before she had even had chance to put it right. She got to the bottom of the stairs and the tears were apparent in her eyes, her cheeks were all flustered and her hair clung to her neck and shoulders from all the running.
"Soph?"
Sophie spun around and saw Sian stood there in front of the conservatory door. She breathed a massive sigh of relief and her shoulders visibly relaxed. "Where've you been?" she asked, her voice trembling a little.
Sian was taken aback by how worried Sophie looked, it was making her start to worry herself. She pointed behind her, "The conservatory, I was just having a brew." She held up her empty mug as evidence, "what's wrong?" Sian put the mug down on the kitchen counter and took a step towards her girlfriend, she didn't touch her, however.
Sophie looked away and tried to rid herself of the panic, she actually thought Sian had gone and it had terrified her, more than she ever thought that idea could terrify her. She looked to the side and swallowed before bringing her gaze back to Sian. "I thought you'd gone," she answered in a small voice and then looked at the floor. Her chest was still hitching from her panting and she desperately tried to calm it. She must've looked a mess.
Sian was a little confused but it soon dissipated when she heard the emotion in Sophie's voice. "Gone?" she asked, "gone where?" Her tone was soft as she tried to help calm Soph down.
Sophie was still looking at the floor and she just shrugged. "I dunno, just gone." She looked to the side again and licked her lips, her hair hanging around her face as if she was trying to hide. "Got sick of waiting for me maybe."
Sian's heart pretty much melted at the hopelessness in Sophie's voice. Maybe she did need her after all. "Babe I'm not going anywhere, you said you'd be back so I waited."
Sophie lifted her head and looked in her girlfriend's bright blue eyes, the concern there seeming to reach out and touch her. She wished Sian would touch her right then, hug her or, reach out and hold her hand or something. "I tried to be quicker but Amber took ages to come and then she wouldn't let me leave until I told her why I had to go and then Dev called and said he needed an inventory check on the frozen peas and-"
"-Soph shhhh," Sian said as she stepped forwards, grabbing both of Sophie's hands and gently squeezing her fingers, "it's okay."
"Yeah?" She couldn't quite believe that Sian wasn't disappointed that she wasn't back sooner, she honestly thought that she would be and they'd be arguing, right about now.
Sian smiled and tilted her head a little, "Course, you're here aren't you?"
Sophie straightened where she stood and shook her hair back from her face, "Yeah, but I'm still sorry."
"What for?"
"Everything." She let go of Sian's hands and took a step back, pushing her hair over her head as she did so. She felt a little more confident now, like she hadn't lost everything all in one morning. She looked into Sian's eyes and tried to see, see if she had lost her or not, if Sian was just putting up with her or if she really wanted her. "I'm sorry I pushed you away," she continued, her voice once more becoming small. She swallowed before the next bit, the idea of what she was about to say hurting her before it even crossed her lips. She shook her head. "I'm not sure when it happened, but I felt like you didn't want me, like I had disappointed you..." She looked away again, her emotions threatening to overload her again and she couldn't finish her sentence.
Sian took a step closer, she wasn't sure she liked what Sophie was saying, if she liked this honestly at all. But she had to hear it. "When did you feel like that Soph?" Her voice was quiet as her body went rigid, what exactly was Sophie trying to say? Had she really made her feel that way?
Sophie scrunched up her face as she tried to hold it in. "I don't know," she started as her voice began to crack, "I don't know. But I don't want you to go," and this time she looked into Sian's eyes and she did everything she could not to cry. She felt pathetic, like she had caused it all and now she was the one falling apart. She didn't want to be the one to mess things up, she wanted to make Sian happy, make her laugh everyday and she knew she could, if Sian would just stick by her and give her another chance. "I can't lose you Sian, I can't." And she dropped her head again, bringing her hand up to wipe away the tears.
Sian closed the gap between them and cupped either side of Sophie's face, bringing it up so she could look her in the eye. Her gorgeous blue eyes were dark with tears and she looked completely flustered, like this had been weighing on her all day. Had she been thinking that Sian would just leave? End their relationship just like that? Surely not. Sian tried to look right into her and spoke with determination. "Babe I'm not going to leave, I want us to fix this, that's why I said all that earlier."
Sophie met her eyes and felt Sian press her body into hers, leaning into her as Sophie leaned against the wall. The warmth of her body seemed to fill Sophie with a reassurance that echoed her words and she felt all of a sudden she needed to make it up to her, like she had to prove she needed her. Sophie grabbed Sian's waist, "I want to fix this," she whispered, "I need you."
Sophie crashed her lips to Sian's and immediately deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth with dominance and force as she grabbed at Sian's shoulders, pulling her body as close as she could and pushing her fingers into her back. Her mind was clouded as her body took over, it was as if she had to have her right there and then, had to prove she needed her, that she was everything Sophie would ever need. Her breaths were ragged around the kiss and she pushed her thigh between Sian's legs, moving her hands to Sian's hips and pulling them flush against her own. It was pure need that was pulsating through her and she felt it pounding in her ears as if she had to prove something to herself, too.
Sian moaned as she felt Sophie's hands on her, everywhere. She felt overwhelmed by her touch and her body flooded with heat, Sophie's leg pushing against her immediately heightening her desire. Sian wrapped her arms around Sophie's neck and forcibly held onto her as she battled back against the kiss, forcing Sophie up against the wall as she swirled their tongues together, remembering how her girlfriend tasted and automatically wanting more of it, more of her, more of Sophie, over and over again. Sian instantly felt her body take over, like it was making up for lost time and had to have everything right then. No talking, just unadulterated desire.
Sophie felt like she would hyperventilate, her chest was heaving and she had no control over it, she felt like she had to be surrounded by Sian, she needed to feel her, taste her, touch her. She opened her eyes as she felt Sian pull away, the movement was abrupt and she was momentarily lost as to what was happening.
Sian took half a step backwards and lowered her hands to Sophie's wrists, her gaze was towards Sophie's body and she had to force herself to think about what she was doing. It felt different, like a necessity rather than an emotion, if that made any sense. She lifted her eyes and peered at Sophie from beneath her lowered brow, her breaths shaky and every inch of her twitching. Or at least that's how it felt. Twitching with heat and absolute need.
Sophie looked at her confused, and then necessity took over.
Sian spun Sophie around and pushed her backwards over the arm of the sofa, looking down at her for a moment as she lay there, partly in shock but the rest of her ten times more turned on.
Sophie licked her lips as she looked at her girlfriend, inching herself across the cushions to bring her legs off the arm, forcing them against Sian's knees as she did so before she came to a stop. The contact was heavy and she tried to pull Sian to fall on top of her with her feet, but she remained standing as she looked intently into her eyes.
Sian's blue eyes were heavy with desire and she couldn't calm her chest as much as she tried to, it was useless. She pushed her blonde hair over her head and flicked it to the side, biting her top lip as she climbed over the arm and straddled Sophie, pinning her to the sofa. She put her hands either side of Sophie's head and leaned down to kiss her, immediately sliding her tongue over Sophie's and lowering her body to her chest, eliciting a deep moan from Sophie's throat as she felt the contact.
Sophie snaked her hands around Sian's waist and down her back, pushing her fingers into her lower back as she knew it was one of her sensitive spots. She felt Sian shiver under her touch and the force of her kiss intensified, earning a moan from Sian that only served to make the tingling in Sophie's body triple, and a wave of heat rippled through her making her shudder. Her eyes were clamped shut as she felt Sian begin to trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck and she tipped her head back a little to expose more skin. Her whole body was alive and she couldn't believe she had been without this for so long, it was as if her heart was beating for it and she could feel the effect Sian was having on her right the way through to her toes. It was electric, and she just had to touch her more. She ran her hands from Sian's back down to the back of her thighs, squeezing through her joggers and pulling Sian's hips closer to her, guiding her to start grinding against her.
Sian pulled her lips away slightly as she moaned, biting down on her lower lip as Sophie seemed to touch her through her joggers. The sound was guttural and her heart leapt in her chest. Her entire body was on fire and she forced her lips back to Soph's neck, sucking on her skin desperate to leave a mark, claiming her girlfriend back as her own.
Sophie seemed to cling to Sian even harder, desperate to touch her and feel her need. She trailed her one hand round the side of her thigh and moved it towards her heat.
Sian's eyes opened and she looked at the mark she had left on Sophie's neck, her breaths still coming in pants as she felt where Sophie's fingers were inching to. She sat up quickly and rested her weight on Sophie's hips, pushing her one hand to her chest to stop Sophie following her up.
Sophie's eyes shot open at the sudden movement and confusion crept over her face as she furrowed her brow, looking up at Sian as she raised herself up slightly on her elbows, Sian's hand stopping her from moving any more. She swallowed a few breaths and looked curiously at her girlfriend, sitting on top of her with flushed cheeks and puffy red lips. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, unsure of the expression that was peering down at her.
Sian let them sit there for a few minutes, waiting for her breathing to calm down and for her thoughts to become clear. She looked into Sophie's eyes and she saw how much she wanted her, like right at that moment Sian was the only person in the world and the feeling made a small smile pull on her lips. She wanted her girlfriend, of course she did, but this felt hurried and like they were both trying to prove a point. She didn't know how to convey this to Soph who just looked up at her anxiously, confusion still etched all over her face. Sian sighed and rubbed her palm against Soph's chest, she was going to have to tell her she needed to wait.
A ringing sound came from the coffee table and they both turned their attention to it, Sian's phone lighting up and vibrating in short bursts atop the glass. Sophie brought her eyes back to Sian first, still wondering what the hell was going on as her chest's rapid movement slowly began to ease. Sian turned her head and smiled at Sophie briefly before jumping off of her and grabbing the phone.
"Amber?" she asked aloud as she looked at the display, sitting on the sofa this time as Sophie moved her legs and came into a sitting position herself.
"Oh yeah," Sophie immediately answered, lowering her head to her hand as she smoothed her hair and then ruffled it up a little over her head.
Sian looked at her just before she answered the call.
"I said we'd go out with her tonight."
"Hey Amber," Sian responded as she caught the tail end of Sophie's sentence, her tone a little abrupt as she didn't really know what to make of it. "Yeah Soph's here...I dunno, ermm..." and she looked to Sophie, "where's your phone?"
Sophie settled back on the sofa and shrugged, she had no idea and in that moment didn't really care. Maybe she dropped it when Sian forced her up against the wall and shoved her tongue down her neck ? Stood a good chance. Sophie rolled her eyes and rested her chin against her fist as she leaned her elbow on the arm of the sofa.
"She doesn't know...no she didn't mention it, uhmm I guess yeah we're not busy."
Sophie glared at her and tried to get her attention but it didn't work. She supposed she had already promised they'd go out, it was in exchange for Amber covering for her this afternoon but hello? Horny, much ? She went back to glaring at the side of Sian's face.
"Oh yeah I'm defo up for that! Yeah okay, well I'll see you later then...okay bye." She smiled at the phone before she dropped it back on the table. She pushed herself back into the sofa and brought her knees up to her chest. She looked sideways at Soph who was regarding her still with her head in her hand. Sian raised her eyebrows and clearly expected her to say something.
"I forgot to mention it, we kinda got distracted."
Sian giggled a little bit and flopped her one knee onto Sophie's leg before bringing it back up. "It's okay babe, we've not been out for ages, it'll be fun."
Sophie gazed out in front of her, "Can think of funner things," she muttered under her breath.
"What?" Sian enquired.
"Nothing," Sophie sighed as she looked back to her girlfriend. She rested her head back on the cushions. "I shouldn't really though, what with paying my dad back and that."
"Soph c'mon!" Sian whined, "it's been aaaaages since we've gone out-"
"-but Sian! Really how can I? Plus I don't really wanna drink since my accident..."
"You don't have to drink to have a good time do ya?" Sian got up from the sofa and perched herself on the arm Sophie was busy getting miserable leaning on. She wrapped her arm around Sophie's shoulders and gave them a squeeze. "What else are ya gunna do? Stay in and watch TV?"
Sophie looked up at her. "Well, you could stay in with me!"
Sian straightened up and looked at her frustrated. "I really wanna go out Soph, all we do is stay in and do nothing-"
"-Yeah but," and she was really getting frustrated now, Sian was acting like she hadn't just straddled her and made out with her like she wanted to rip her clothes off. "What about...you know..."
Sian stopped and looked at her, she still hadn't explained had she? She softened her eyes and looked at Sophie, running her thumb down the side of her cheek.
Sophie moved her eyes to look at her.
"We've got plenty of time for that babe, promise."
She still didn't look satisfied. Sophie just looked at the floor.
Sian bit on her lip for a second and tried to think how she could make her understand. She knelt on the floor in front of her so Sophie couldn't avoid her gaze. "I want you Soph, more than anything and I know you want me, you just proved that. That's what was missing before." Her words were heartfelt and she felt her voice tremble a little bit, she reached forwards for Sophie's hands and she entwined their fingers, lowering her eyes to watch as Sophie gripped them back. "Can we just keep that for a bit? Go a little slower?"
Sophie felt her heart swell at Sian's words, she seemed and looked so vulnerable right then, like she was still a little lost with the relationship and Sophie didn't want to do anything that might delay Sian from finding her. From finding them. She would wait forever. Sophie smiled as Sian looked back to her, running her fingers through her grasp and then linking them together again. "We can go as slow as you want," she whispered.
Sian beamed a beautiful smile which made Sophie giggle, she really was beautiful, every last thing about her. Sophie couldn't believe she had stopped telling her.
Sian bit on her lip. "So are you coming out, with me?" and she flashed her best Sian Powers smile.
Sophie grinned, how could she say no to her? "Yeah go on then!"
Sian squealed and jumped up wrapping her arms around Sophie's neck in a tight hug. "C'mon!" she enthused as she grabbed Sophie's hand. "Let's go get ready!" And she dragged her up the stairs as fast as she could.
Sian wasn't quite sure if they were back, but they were definitely on the way, unless of course something got in the way. But she was sure that there wasn't anything big enough to get in the way of them. Well, nothing had been yet.
