14 April 2016

"Have you cried yet?"

"No." She sipped her beer. "Have you?"

"No." Meredith shrugged. "Do you want to cry?"

"No."

"That's not very healthy."

"I know."

"Okay."

Alex eyed the two of them. "Can we not talk about this? It's depressing."

"Thank you." Cristina agreed.

"Okay." Meredith picked up her beer and took a sip.

The bar was crowded. Then again , the bar was always crowded.

Cristina watched as the occupants carried themselves through the bar , unaware of the three lawyers with a dead friend.

"I always wondered if things would've been different if we knew." Meredith spoke up again.

"You shouldn't wonder." Cristina looked at her. "We can't change anything now. You shouldn't wonder."

"I know."

Alex rolled his eyes and decided that it was his turn to speak up. "Look , the guy is better off where he is now. He's away from whatever fucked him up. He's away from harm. He's good now."

The two of them looked at Alex as he carried on. "Cristina's right , Mer , you need to stop wondering. Wondering won't change anything. Wondering won't bring him back. Let go." Meredith looked away for a second and back at him. "And you , Cristina , you need to deal with your grief. He was your protégée and now he's gone and you need to deal with that. Stop suppressing. You're already fucked up as it is."

They were quiet for a moment.

"When did you become the wise one with his shit together?" Cristina broke the silence.

"The same day I met the two of you. I realized that there wasn't any room for me to be messed up."

The three of them laughed and then Alex held up his beer. "To Shane."

Meredith and Cristina looked at one another and the held up their beers as well. "To Shane."

\

18 April 2016

Cristina found herself sitting on the staircase outside of her therapy building.

She just couldn't get herself to go in today.

She sighed.

She knew she had to.

Her job depended on it. And she needed her job. She lived and breathed law and if she didn't have that , she wasn't sure what she would have left.

She spotted Owen Hunt making his way over to her and sighed even louder. She wasn't in the mood for him. Not today.

He came to stand in front of her. "Did they kick you out?" He smiled.

She looked up at him. "Yeah. They didn't appreciate my booing as much as I thought they would."

Owen laughed. "Do you mind if I join you?"

She hesitated for a second and then gestured beside her. "Go ahead."

He nodded and then sat down , removing his hands from the pockets of his leather jacket. "So , has your firm fired you yet?"

"I wouldn't be here if they did."

"Right."

She looked at him sideways , resting her hand on her hands. "Why are you here?" She repeated her question from two sessions ago.

He smiled and then looked down. "I'm not ready for you to know the dark side of me just yet. I'm still trying to get you to like me."

"You're not doing a very good job." She shrugged.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

He smiled. "I'll have to step up my game then."

She was quiet for a moment. "Can I at least ask what you do for a living?"

He thought about it for a second. "I was a U.S army trauma surgeon. But I got dismissed a while ago."

Cristina sensed that was part of the reason he was there. "Woah. Army surgeon." She nodded approvingly. "What do you do now?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon down at Seattle grace hospital."

"Impressive."

"Thank you." He gave her a soft smile and then looked away.

She watched him for a moment. Ever since they met , she hadn't been able to look at him and now that she could , she wasn't hating it. He had a strong jawline that was covered in a ginger stubble that matched his ginger hair. He had a strong nose that complimented his face well. And then his eyes. His eyes were the icing on the cake. They were a beautiful shade of blue but Cristina could see that there was something dark behind them and she wondered if she would ever get to know what it was.

He looked back at her and she looked away , mildly embarrassed that she got caught.

She stood up. "I think I should head inside before the therapist calls my boss."

He smiled at her as she walked up the steps and pulled the door open.

He turned around when he didn't hear the door close and she was standing there in the door way , watching him. "Coming?" She asked innocently.

He couldn't say no so instead , he nodded and stood up , following her inside and as they made their way over to the empty chairs , he just had a feeling that if she allowed him to be in her life the way he wanted to be , he'd have trouble saying no to her a lot more in the future.

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