Caitlin thought about this the whole day. She knew, she had done something very bad. She kept a part of the Stone and she felt bad about this. The young woman tried not to think about it, just found excuses that told her, that she did the right thing. But she couldn't even convince herself that she was right.
Covered in her thoughts she didn't realise Julian entered the room and sat himself next to her. "You okay?" she heard his voice, his warm British voice, worrying about her. Impatient with herself she looked at her hands, felt guilty. She knew what she did and she couldn't even look at his face. "I'm worried." she replied, still not with him, punishing herself in her head. "Yeah, I understand. I keep back to the thought that.." it seemed him challenging to talk about it, because he paused but shortly after that he kept talking. "..I could be the cause of all this."
- No you are not! - Her thoughts run. - Its all my fault. I'm the reason Wally stucks in the eternity in whatever that place is. Caitlin really was in a bad mood, tried as hard as she could to cover it. "What do you mean?" she said instead of what she had in her mind. Instead of what she should have said. But she felt so god damn guilty and was afraid he would abandon her after what she did.
Julian talked about Savitar's prophecy.
"One will betray you." that's what Savitar said.
"You may well have invited Judas into the group, Caitlin." Julian talked about him, he was afraid that he was the betrayer. But Caitlin knew it better and he will hate her for what she did. She decided to tell him, she couldn't hide this any longer, especially when it came to him. Fear filled her whole body, she was afraid about to loose him. "It's not you." she said after a while, well aware of the fact that it would have consequences. "It's impossible to tell. Savitar could be controlling me, and none of us would know about it."
Caitlin felt how it got more difficult and worse. Never before she felt such remorse.
"None of us, not even me."
She regretted to say this, but she had to. "But this time, we know who it is." Julian just looked at her and he didn't seemed to have a clue whats going on. "How?"
Barely able to think straight she stood up, went to the glass case where she kept science stuff, pulled it open and took something tiny. It was a small casket and in it layed a small piece of the philosophers stone. Caitlin put it out of the case and showed it Julian. "Because I'm the one who betrayed everyone."
Julian lost every colour. This couldn't be the truth. Why did she do that, he asked himself. He was shocked, wasn't able to think clear. "Julian.." she began but he stopped her. "See Caitlin, I don't want to talk about this now. Just...Go!" he said angrily. Sadly Caitlin left the office.
After Barry persuaded Julian to walk into that mind control thingy again, so that they would be able to track down Savitar, Julian walked angrily out of the room, preparing himself to be a transmitter again. While he left, he was able to hear that H.R also was not amused about this.
But at this moment he wasn't really interested in thinking about this or the session that would happen in some minutes. With his thoughts he was still busy thinking about Caitlin and how she could do this to him. She knew that that stone made him literally speaking to Dr Alchemy and he was also afraid what could happen to him if he gets in contact with the stone again. Julian judged her for keeping a part of it for her own egoistic reasons. He was so angry with her.
His angrily behaviour made him sort of deaf because he wasn't able to hear the heels of that woman walking behind him.
"Julian please. I should have told you." she said desperate. -Yes! You should have. You should have told me, that you kept a piece of that bloody stone! - He thought.
"I can't believe that you would keep part of that Stone. Do you not remember what Savitar had me do with that?" he yelled in his strong British accent. His mind was blended with anger, so he was not seeing that Caitlin was really sorry and felt terribly bad. "Yes I do." Her face showed a full amount of sadness and despair but he didn't saw it. He only thought about his own fears. "But you're not concerned, are you?" he asked. "You just want your own personal meta-human specialist to try to find you a cure." Bulls Eye! That hurts him to say, but her much more to hear it because she realised that he was partly right. It was true that she first had the intention to invite him, so he would be able to find her a cure because he had connections to Savitar. Bur then she found out about his character and what he really is for a person. She felt comfortable in his company and that's the real reason she want him to be around her.
If she had the opportunity to change what she did, she would have. But she can't! Caitlin regretted that she haven't told him, wasn't honest with Julian. Sadness came up in her. She knew, he wouldn't listen to what she would say. However she tried. "Julian, I don't want these powers. I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if or when I'm gonna lose this battle and become Killer Frost."
Yeah he totally understood that, heard what she said but didn't want to listen to her. She was egoistic and he wasn't accepting that. Sure, he would think about the situation and maybe or probably forgiver her but not now. Then in the moment he was hurt and he couldn't stand that.
So he turned his back on her and went into the elevator, judging himself that he trusted her.
"I thought you more than anyone would understand that." Yes, yes he understood how she felt. The reason was that he felt the same as her but he won't admit it. Not now.
"You know...you know what I understand? I understand the real reason that you invited me on this team." And at the moment he really believed, that this was the only reason. There was nothing else, no other reason for her to invite him. She used him. That was at least what he told himself.
- "That's not the only reason." Caitlin was desperate, she knew that she lost him for now, asked herself if he would ever forgive her for what she did.
"Yeah, I wish I could believe that."
Angrily Julian left S.T.A.R Labs and arrived home exhausted. Not only because of his Caitlin dilemma but also because of their session. Every time, he used to be a transmitter to Savitar Julian felt drained after it. He wasn't able to think clear and took a shower. After he got rid of his clothes, he went into the shower, felt the warm water falling down on his body. It felt good. All his worries washed away. He also couldn't find sleep the night always thinking about Caitlin, thinking about what she said. Thinking about, if he wasn't to harsh to her. In the end the young man didn't came to a conclusion but finally found some sleep.
