Chapter 2: Shards

'But I always wondered something, something that many people probably never bothered to ask. If you dropped the porcelain doll to the floor, just how many pieces will it break into?'

~(Pacifica's P.O.V.)~

I didn't know that the third grade play ground had so many swings and jungle jims. I always thought it was a patch of dirt or even had less than what I'm looking at now. I see my friends over on the swings with a few other girls, but I'd rather stay over here on the jungle jims, especially being up at this high with no way to get down! Why did I ever climb this high? What was I thinking? Now I can't get down and when the bell rings, I'll still be up here with no way to get down! That is until a teacher finds me up here and asks me the same question I'm asking myself right now.

With my legs hanging over the fourth bar and fifth bar, I could try climbing down, but that wouldn't do me any good considering how high up I'll still be with again, no way down. Tomorrow, if I ever get down from here, I'm going to play on the swings and those only! I'm not making this mistake again!

"Hey, what are you doing that high up?" I hear a male voice ask me. I'm still asking myself that question right now, I don't need an echo. "I didn't think anyone can get that high, but I guess I was wrong."

Ok, I am already in a compromising position, I don't need someone laughing at me as well! Looking down to see just what guy is laughing at me currently, I now see a guy with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes looking up at me from the bottom of the jungle jim. Just staring at him, I now feel time just stop and all of my problems are slowly disappearing, especially when it comes to being at the top of the world with this jungle jim. Oh why did I remember I was up here?

"Did you get up there by yourself?" The guy asks me, even though he sort of looks like an ant from here.

"Yea, I did and I can't get down." I reply loud enough for him to hear.

"Hey, don't worry, I'll help you get down, but you have to follow my lead." The guy continues, talking to me. He is kind of cute. Ok, now is not the time to start flirting Pacifica! "Now this maybe a bit scary, but trust me, you'll be fine."

I nod to the guy, but I doubt he saw me do it.

"Ok, grab onto the bars you're sitting on and stand up slowly." He continues instructing me. "Turn around slowly, but don't look down."

Oh I wish I were on the ground already, but here goes nothing! Getting to my feet, I do as he instructed and grab the bars I'm sitting on and stand slowly. I then turn around and shut my eyes so I don't look down.

"Hopefully you don't shut your eyes." The guy says. "That's everyone's mistake. Now continue climbing down slowly. Some of the bars might be slippery so be careful of those, but climb down slowly."

How did he know I did that?! Oh well, this might be scary, but at least he's here to help. Having done what he said before, I begin climbing down slowly, making sure I grip every bar along the way. Thank god I wore pants today or else this would be worse than it is right now.

"That's right, just ease it on down." He continues speaking with my doing just that or I'm hoping I am. "If you slip, I got ya."

I'm glad he said that because that fourth bar was slippery and my hand didn't grab it! Oh goodness! I now feel myself fall off of the jungle jim with a thousand thoughts racing through my head. If I get hurt, how much school am I going to miss? If I break a leg, my mom and dad don't have the money for the hospital stay, and if I miss school, how far behind am I going to be with being out of school to heal? Shutting my eyes tight, I prepare myself for what is to come next which is pain and a lot of suffering from hitting the ground, despite it being solid dirt.

"I'm going to die!" I hear myself scream as I continue falling through the air.

"No you won't because I got you." I hear the guy's voice say in close proximity to my ear. Opening my eyes, I notice that he is staring down at me and has the most beautiful smile and brown eyes that I've ever seen now that I see him up close. "Maybe tomorrow you can try an activity close to the ground?"

"I-I could do that." I nervously reply back as I look away from his vision.

He then sets me down on the ground on my feet while helping me straighten up my jacket.

"See told you I would catch you if you fall." He continues smiling at me. "My name is Johnathon Larson. What's yours?"

"Um, Pacifica Northwest." I reply back, returning the smile. "And thanks for catching me."

"No problem and you have a pretty name." Johnathon replies. "Wait Pacifica, aren't you in Mrs. Thatcher's home room?"

I nod in reply.

"Sweet, so am I." Johnathon continues. "I sit in the back of the room behind you. I always noticed you, but never knew your name. That is, until now Pacifica and if you don't mind me saying, you have the most beautiful golden blonde hair I've ever seen. Your beautiful name matches your beautiful hair."

Wow, no guy has ever complimented me on my hair before! This guy is so sweet!

"Shall I walk you to your home room Pacifica?" Johnathon questions as he extends his right hand out to me.

I feel a blush cross my cheeks at seeing him do that. Out of all of the guys here, he is the only one who wants to hold my hand. Oh! My! Gosh! Reaching my left hand out, I now take his hand with him squeezing mine slightly.

"I'll make sure you get there safely." Johnathon affirms as he continues smiling at me. "And I promise there will be no jungle jims along the way."

Giggling at his response, we begin towards the building while continuing to talk, including about the teachers that we hate and the school lunches that we are forced to eat.

That memory and a few more after that, are the only shards of memory that I have of my best friend and will be the only shards of memory I have left, all living in my mind while in reality, he no longer exists.


If only those times were still the same and the guy I met back in third grade wasn't the jerk I know now. The guy I know now isn't him and wish more than ever that the Johnathon that helped me from the jungle jim was still here. I don't even know who he is anymore, but he's someone, a shard of who he used to be, if even that.

"Pacifica!" I hear Mrs. Mahoney yell, her voice shrieking in my right ear. I went so far back in my memories of the Johnathon that I once knew that I blanked on today's math lesson! Now I'm going to never hear the end of this and might even be sent home with a note again from my wonderful teacher explaining to my parents that I'm not talking in class again. With this teacher, the surprises are never ending….

"Pacifica, did you hear me calling out to you?" Mrs. Mahoney asks. No, that's why they call it blanking!

"No ma'am." I quietly reply.

"I asked you about the problem on the board." Mrs. Mahoney continues barking as I now look ahead and notice the algebra problem on the board. "I asked what does four x plus two x equal?"

"Don't worry, I'll answer the question." I hear Johnthon's voice in the background. Brown noser! "The answer is six x. I guess some of us have the smarts while others just try!"

And now the laughter comes from all over the classroom. Why do I even have to be in this class with him everyday while he does this to me? Couldn't I be in another homeroom that doesn't have him in it? Everyday it's the same thing with him! I try to answer the question and then he beats me to it so he can show everyone just how smart he is! Why doesn't she just call on him from now on instead of me? Thank goodness I can go home after this.

"Ok class, that's enough and Johnathon, no more bragging!" Mrs. Mahoney replies to him.

Finally! Someone tells him!

"Ok class, that'll be all for the day and Pacifica, I expect you to speak up tomorrow." Mrs. Mahoney speaks up before walking away to the front of the class. Man I hate this class. Why do I even need to learn math anyway?!

Gathering up my books, I slowly rise from my seat only to catch Johnathon glaring at me from the classroom's doorway as he is normally the first to leave the class. You got caught for bragging, not me! Turning away from him, I pull my seat up to the desk and make my way out of the class with my head held down so not to make eye contact with any students from the class since Mrs. Mahoney just had to call me out in front of everyone. With a pep in my step despite my sore ankle that is wrapped up in bandages, a poor job done by me, I make my way to my locker and quickly work the combination lock. Hearing the lock click, I open up my locker, only to have it slammed back nearly on my hand, Johnathon being the reason. Just seeing the angry look on his face, I shrink back against the locker next to mine as he blocks me in using his body and arms.

"I didn't like being embarrassed Pacifica!" Johnathon hisses as he grinds his teeth while gripping my hair on the right side of my head and roughly yanking it. "The only reason why I even spoke up was because little miss blonde here had one of her blanking blonde moments! I guess it is true what they say about blondes!"

"Johnathon, just stop it ok?" I stammer out, while doing my best not to upset him further. As angry as he is now, anything is possible and after yesterday, I don't want to find out what that is.

"I don't get embarrassed and because you had to do it, you're going to pay for that!" He threatens. "And that ankle won't be the only thing bothering you after today! Now get out of my sight you stupid air head!"

Gripping my books against my chest, I now feel a hard shove with me hitting the floor on my right arm and my books falling out of my hands. I can hear a break out of snickering behind me, but don't bother looking up to see who it is coming from. Lifting myself up, I notice my reflection in the marble floor, but quickly turn away, not wanting to see the mess that I have now become. Feeling tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, I jump to my feet, scoop up my books, and hurry out of the hall so not to endure the embarrassment that Johnathon may be planning next. With him, you'd never know. Rushing out of the school building, I begin my journey home along the main street road while hoping that along the way, Johnathon doesn't show up with his limo and try to run me down. If my ankle weren't causing me any trouble right now, I'd run home so he doesn't get the chance to try it! I really wish I could tell my parents about my ankle and who's behind it, but the last thing I want to be blamed for is them not getting what they want because Johnathon decided to make me look back instead of him, something that he is very good at!

Now reaching the small dirt road, I quickly walk onto it, far out of sight of any potential danger, that danger being my ex best friend and any weapon he may use to track me down with. I just want to go home and forget this ugly day ever happened, despite the fact that I have this horrible homework to do. Algebra! Ugh! Who was the loser who came up with this subject?! Whoever invented this subject needs to be killed! But I'm almost home and can just relax before getting into my homework. Maybe change my ankle bandage when my parents aren't looking so they won't ask any questions about what happened to it.

Ok, now I'm home and am making my up the little pathway to the door, noticing that the screen door is open and from here, I can hear my parents.

"Bill, I'm tired of living this way!" I her my mom shout to my dad. "When I married you, I said for better and worse, but I didn't think worse meant this!"

Oh no, their fighting again!

"Nancy, I'm trying to work as many hours as I can so to provide you and Pacifica with a great life." I hear my dad try to defend himself again my mother's tirade. Good luck with that daddy!

"Well you're not doing a good job Bill!" Mom continues fuming. "Eighty hours isn't enough to keep a roof over our heads! Have you seen these bills? A few of them are past due! And your daughter needs to have cavity filled! Can you afford that?!"

By now, I have stopped moving and haven't gone an inch more towards the door as I don't care for their fighting. It scares me and the things my mother says to my father is horrible, but even I can't convince her of that.

"My father was right about you Bill!" My mom continues. "He said that you'll never amount to anything and if he were alive today, he'd see just how right he was!"

"I'm doing the best I can Nancy!" I her my dad shout back to her. "I'm tired ok? It wouldn't hurt for you to pull your weight around here and stop relying on me to bring home the bacon!"

"Then who would be there for our daughter?!" My mom shouts back.

As much as I would like to stand out here and avoid them until they are done, if I stay out here, Johnathon may find me and put me through the ringer like he does at school. No matter what, I lose! Well I might as well go in here, force my way though this, go to my room, and lock myself in there for the rest of the night. Why does this always happen to me?!

Making my way up to the pathway, I walk through the door and notice my parents look my direction.

"Hi honey, how was school?" My mother questions with a happy plastered smile, my knowing already that she is far from it.

"Fine, I just have to study." I quietly say to them both, now rushing off to my room. I know their eyes are on me right as I head to my room, but I can care less as I just want to get as far away from them as possible! Now reaching my room, I run inside despite how painful it is to do so and shut the door, the sound of a ceramic lap now smashing into the living room wall. I bet that was my mother's favorite lamp…

Hobbling to my bed, I fall down on it with my tears beginning to heavily fall, my overwhelming day now crashing down on top of me all at once and now I come home where things are and never will be better! My parents fight all the time, my best friend hates me, and I'm in the center of it all! This can't be my life can it? This is just some horrible dream that I have yet to wake up from! Someone please wake me up!

"I'm done talking to you about this and I will be giving them a call!" I hear my mother shriek, her voice ripping through my already pounding head from being shoved to the hallway floor. "And I don't care if you like it or not!"

"You said you'd love me for richer or poorer!" I hear my dad scream back.

"But never this poor!" My mom yells back.

Oh god, just get a divorce already! She's been threatening that for the longest time so why not stick to your promise because I'm honestly tired of coming home to the same thing almost every day! I don't think there is a time where I haven't heard them screaming at each other. With my face wet with tears, I now turn my blurry vision to the china doll on the shelf across from me and once again notice its happy expression with not a care in the world. I wish I were as happy as that doll is every day. I envy that porcelain object as nothing in the world can bring it down, not even the worst person in the world or two feuding parents who are constantly at each other's throats about money! The mom who is constantly threatening to walk out on us and a dad who is doing all he can for us and for that, I respect him for that. If only my mom saw that.

"I wish I were as happy as you are." I whisper the doll. "I really hate you for being so happy every day!"

With more tears surfacing to my eyes, I turn away from her and lay my face back flat on the bed while I'm continuing to cry. I now hear a knock at the door and I can bet it is my mother. I really don't want to see her right now.

"Who is it?" My broken tone of voice calls out.

"It's your mother." Ugh! Done fighting with daddy are you? "Can I come in?"

"Hold on." I shout back to her. Grabbing the edge of my blanket, I wipe my face the best I can so to wipe away any traces of tears that she maybe able to detect just by looking in my face. I really don't want a lot of questions tonight after the day I've had! Ok, just one more wipe! Now that should do it. "Come in!"

Sitting up straight and fixing my hair, my mother now walks into the bedroom with a smile. Drop the act mom because I know what happened between you and dad earlier!

"Pacifica, I know you heard your father and I fighting when you came home." She begins, now taking a seat on the bed next to me. Duh! Tell me something I don't know! "We were just settling some creative differences."

I honestly have no words for her, but nod my head in response.

"I know that it's not healthy for parents to fight in front of their child and I'm glad you chose to come back here instead of watching us." She continues. "I don't want you to get hurt by that."

Just hearing you two is hurting me enough already!

I honestly would rather be anywhere but here when they go at it, but there is nowhere else to go. It's like being in a room with no windows. The tiny space alone can choke you or make you feel like you are choking! That's exactly how I feel right now!

"I just want you to have a better life than this." My mom now rises from the bed and begins walking around my room. "I don't want this life for you, I want more for you Pacifica. I want you to have a walk in closet, an endless wardrobe, and as many shoes as you can wear. I even want you to have a pool to swim in in the summer in the front court yard."

"But mom, it's not so bad." I now speak up, interrupting her. "And daddy does the best he can for us."

"But it's not good enough Pacifica!" My mom snaps as she whips around to me, her expression in a snarl. Wow, she really is upset about this! "Your father is not doing his job of proving himself and providing enough for us. We have bills past due Pacifica, one being your dental bill! I don't know how much longer I can live like this!"

Ok something deep down is telling me that she did something that even she was against in the start, but please don't tell me she went forward and did it! Somehow that feeling is just gnawing at me, telling me she did it.

"So I have decided."

I'm dreading what I will hear next.

"That Johnathon's parents."

No, No No!

"Will be your father's and I business partners. I called them and they are on their way to discuss partnership."

NO! I feel the color drain from my face at what I hear her say with a gun now sounding off in the background, someone having pulled the trigger and shattering what little bit of a world and sanity I have left! If crying my eyes out over what he did to me at school today wasn't enough, I have to see him even when I don't have to?!

"Which means you'll be seeing a lot more of that little sweet heart Johnathon." My mother happily says as if that demon was a child of hers.

"No, mom, wait!" I shout as I jump to my feet, my ankle instantly reminding me of the mistake I just made. "Mom, I can't visit with Johnathon today because I have homework today and—"

"Pacifica, don't you want a better life than this?!" My mom repeats herself as if she is shouting at me. "I want what's best for you since your father isn't doing his job as the man of the house! Now Johnathon and his parents should be here any minute and I want you to get along with Johnathon, bottom line! He is vital to this process!"

"But mom, I can't because-"

"I won't hear any more of it Pacifica!" My mom snaps at me. "Now go get cleaned up to make yourself look presentable as you look a real mess right now! Now go and don't make me repeat myself!"

Turning and leaving my room, she closes the door behind her, leaving me to sulk before my torture begins again. If him pushing me to the floor in school and pulling my hair wasn't bad enough, I have to tolerate him on my property while he tortures me here too! I just can't win here!

Taking a seat on my bed, I now remove my shoes and socks while sadly getting a good look at my right ankle and the poor job I did with wrapping it. Well at least I tried, that much I can say. Carefully getting off of my bed, I begin towards my dresser when I hear my door open. Turning towards the door to see who it could be this time, I feel my blood run ice cold, my heart leap into my throat, and a tiny whimper escape my throat at who is standing in the door way. This has got to be a bad dream of some kind because I keep seeing the same horrifying face every time I turn around!

"Hello Pacifica!" Johnathon snarls in a low tone. "While our moms and dads talk business, I have a word or two to share with you about today. Oh yea, it's not over!"

"Johanthon be sure you and Pacifica play nice." I hear my mom say to him.

Don't you mean make sure he tortures me?

"I will Mrs. Northwest." He pleasantly replies to her, never turning around to reply. "I certainly will."

If only I had a bathroom in my room to run into so to escape from him and evade any further pain he may want to cause me now, but the only bathroom is across the hall from my room and that would mean getting passed Johnathon to hide in it from him so that's out! Just seeing the look on his face as he glares at me, I can feel my heart beginning to race at seeing the hateful look in his eyes, one that spells my demise right across his forehead!

With Johnathon now stepping in my room, he closes the door behind himself and locks it, making sure that I have nowhere to run.

"So you love embarrassing me do you?" Johnathon continues, now taking one step closer to me. "Us Larsons do not take kindly to such actions!"

Turning from my dresser, I begin hobbling to my closet as a means of temporary escape, that is until a pair of arms grabs me around the throat and begins squeezing the life out of me, on the verge of choking me!

"Where do you think you were going huh?!" Johnathon asks, his voice barely above a whisper. "We're not done talking!"

Tears now rush to my eyes as I begin trying to pry him off of me, wanting more than ever for him to let me go as his tight grip is hurting my beck!

"Stop it please!" I beg with tears spilling down my cheeks. "Just let me go!"

A growl is heard in my ear as I am now thrown onto my bed, landing on top of my school books with tears pouring in droves down my cheeks. I then feel my right arm being yanked with me now facing Johnathon, only to be met with his open palmed right hand slapping my across the cheek and knocking me back onto my bed. By now, I have begun crying harder, my being muffled by my school books and horribly noted algebra homework while placing a hand on my stinging left cheek.

The entire area has fallen silent except for my quiet sobs that can only be heard by me and the monster I am forced to play with, my not having to look up at him to know more pain is coming and the bad part is, there will be no one to hear it, not even my own parents!

The shards of memories of my best friend are the only memories of the real Johnathon that I will ever have because through this, I know I will never see him again.

Review Please and Gideon's EndGame will be updated next weekend!