Revival
Mello remembered how he hurt him. And he deeply regretted it. No matter what reason, he shouldn´t have done that heinous act. He loved him and he destroyed him, crushed like a blooming flower. It was unforgivable. He was sure Near never forgave him, even after the second time. The first time was burned into each other´s memory. That´s why Mello left after L died. Near deserved to be L, not him. Mello took the second letter in his shaky hands and read.
Dear Mello,
You´ve hurt me the most. I´m sure you remember it. You raped me. I tried to stop you, but you were far more stronger. My new life wasn´t starting in a good way. Not that you minded. You ruined my mental health. I was so afraid of you that I tried to transfer to another oprhanage, but Roger wouldn´t let me go. My chances of escaping from you were crushed. I couldn´t ignore my own feelings no matter how much I wanted. One week later, I have visited you in your room while you were sleeping. You have already broken me. You hurt me mentally- I tried to kill myself several times. Physically – you beat me up and you raped me in my own room. And yet, I loved you. I came closer to your bed. You were sleeping peacefully. I sat down and gazed at you. "I love you." I whispered. You slept on. This was one of those moments I was looking forward to. Even thought you said repeatedly that you hate me, I knew that deep inside you love me. I laid down, in your arms. I kissed you lightly. My kiss was light as a feather. You stirred a bit and said my name. I stared at you until I finally fell to the land of dreams. Next morning, I looked around. You were sleeping. I´ve never been so close to you before. I savoured this moment. I had to go. You wrapped your arms around my waist, not wanting to let go of me. I turned around and kissed you again. I couldn´t resist. I love you, I love you... You slowly opened your eyes and saw me. You stared at me for a minute. Then you gave me a passionate kiss. I was shocked at what was happening. This must be a dream. I must be dreaming, I thought. But that was reality. You unbuttoned my shirt and licked my nipple, my ear and you slowly made love to me. I was beyond happy. You finally gave up on hating me and embraced my love. That´s what I thought... Later that afternoon, we were both called into Roger´s office. He told us about L´s death. I knew what that meant. It´s either you or me. "Who did L choose?" You asked. "None. He didn´t decide. Why don´t you two work together?" Roger suggested. I was let down when you said that you can´t stand me, that I should become the next L and you´re leaving. You left me. This time, for good. After everything I went through for you. My life felt even emptier than before. I only wanted us to be together. Was it too much wishful thinking? I knew that you couldn´t control your emotions, for example when you beat me up or raped me, but I never blamed you. I´ve just then realized that I drove you to this, I was the one who changed your personality. The kid who kissed me and hugged me was still there, but he was burried very deep under your armor you made. Jealousy, rivalry and all that stuff changed you into an abusive person. I am terribly sorry. I want the "you" to wake up when you read this. I love you.
N
When Mello finished reading, he was struck by guilt and self hate. Then followed pity and thankfulness. Near never hated him. Near never blamed him for what he´s done to him. Every normal person would blame the other one in that kind of situation. Near was truly too kind. Mello´s tears intensified. Near´s love had no limits. Mello clutched at his heart with his free hand. Why did it hurt so much? Shouldn´t he feel relieved and better after reading this? Mello gritted his teeth and dropped the second letter to the third one is going to be the worst of all. This describes how he is going to sacrifice himself for him. HIM! "Near, you big idiot. I should have died, not you!"
