And chapter 2 is live on ! I already have this and chapter 3 on AO3.
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This buoyancy of mood continues through the week as she weans herself off of her medication, she feels ravenous and curious. Little things she never really thought of keep popping into her mind at odd moments.
Though she keeps all of that under wraps, Lili already knows her Dr. wouldn't approve of this. The man is incredibly dry and clinical. During her therapy sessions he's the one who drones on and on about things she couldn't care less about. Isn't she supposed to be the one talking? He should know better.
Her mind is preoccupied else where.
She is wondering if she really made those mugs float earlier in the day or not. Was that purely her imagination? Was that what happened when she didn't take her medication? The 'incident' is a blur in her mind beyond the intense disapproval and disappointment that came as its aftermath.
When she gets home she pours all the pills into her toilet, flushing the bottles worth of medication away. Lili lingers at the toilet watching the water settle for a moment before striding back into the main part of her apartment. The redhead searches for her prescription, she needed to know what exactly she was taking. Lili tears apart the apartment, rifling through whatever paperwork she has. Finding nothing at all just frustrates Lili enough to sit down the floor, glancing over at the plastic potted plant.
"I need a real plant." Her parents always told her only poor people had real plants in their homes. She doesn't care if it makes her seem poor, she'd rather have something real in her apartment. She can't stand the 'tasteful' white stucco walls. She can't stand the black throw rugs and barely used beige furniture. Something real and green would be nice. The fake plant isn't cutting it for her anymore.
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Her phone rings, rattling on the hook for a long moment before she manages to pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Lilian, I just wanted to let you know I have the refill for your prescription." Her doctor even over the phone has the dryest voice possible. It makes Lili parched from listening. She eyes her sink with some idle desperation. "When you come in for your next appointment I'll give them to you." Likely in another unlabeled bottle. Lili was fairly sure that was illegal somehow.
"Thank you, doctor."
"Be good." With that he hung up. She frowned at the phone uncertainly before placing it back onto the hook. "Lilian... Lilian." The name isn't quite right. She's Lili. Not, Lilian. The redhead steps over to the sink, filling up a glass with water as she turns the name over in her head.
Lilian Frances Crenshaw.
Lili.
What was really the difference anyway?
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After her appointment, Lili swings by a florist shop. After some deliberation she buys a cactus and an air plant. She doesn't know much about plants, so both should be simple enough to not accidentally kill. The florist himself is nice, offering her some basic tips and tricks. His slow explanations leave her irked in a way she can't really explain.
She doesn't know anything about plants, so this is helpful, yet... irritating. She simply smiles throughout every explanation, paying the man and taking her plants with her back onto public transit.
Lili is almost sad when both plants are silent when she brings them home. Maybe her imagination is just running wild the past week or so? Either way she finds a sunny spot for both in her windowsil and quietly names them.
"You're... Razzle." She points to the air plant. Her attention goes to the cactus. "You, well, you're Mia."
Both names feel right.
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Her bosses hand lingers too long on her shoulder, those fat sausage like fingers settled too close together and too close to her neck as he looks at her.
Lili remembered thinking that expression was pride once, now she isn't sure. It's not anything comforting.
"You did good work today."
"Thank you sir." She pitches her voice to that irritating shrill sound all the women in the office use when addressing him. Unsurprisingly he smiles at it, squeezing her shoulder as he leans in a little closer. She can feel his breath now.
"You keep this up and you'll be getting a raise. Make you parents real proud."
"Oh, thank you, sir." She repeats, not sure what else to say. Lili only knows she's relieved when he leaves. She waits a few minutes more before excusing herself to the bathroom, ducking into a stall to roughly dust off her jacket where his hands had been. Once she's satisfied she exits the stall, her heels click loudly against the tiles underfoot. Something angry settles in her chest as she stares at herself in the mirror. She runs her hands through her limp red hair. Was her hair always this short? It would look better long.
###
Lili wonders why most of her wardrobe is white and grey. Why? The only real 'color' she finds is a black dress, a casual black dress with grey shapes on it. She picks that one, sliding into it reluctantly as she glances up at the clock on the wall.
She has a lunch date with her parents, Lili is vaguely afraid they'll notice she's different. Will they see past her ruse she's been wearing? Will they know she's skipped her medication?
The thought is shunted aside when she tries to shift in the dress, realizing it's grown a little tight in places. The fabric pinches uncomfortably at her hips and sides.
"How big is this anyway?" The past few weeks she's simply slid into clothing and went to work, came home, worked out, ate dinner and went to bed. She slides back out of the dress to check, surprise nearly knocks her off her feet.
Size 0.
"Shit." She breathes, suddenly feeling sick. "I've never been a size zero, how did that-?" She stops mid sentence, realizing something very vital.
She has never been a size zero in her life, and she remembers it clearly. She has always been a size 16. Always.
She's not sure where this sudden recollection comes from, but it's strong enough to make her crumple onto her bed clutching her dress against her body. The terror is only set aside when she realizes she needs to get dressed. She needs to keep up appearances. Her parents are waiting.
Lili realizes she needs to go shopping later. The thought makes her uncomfortable. Usually mother buys things for her. Mother did all the buying whilst Lili simply let it happen. The uncertainty of calling mother and asking her to shop is scary.
Maybe she doesn't have to ask mother...?
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"Have you gained weight?" The question was simply aghast. Lili had barely sat down at the table and her mother's first words were that. The redhead felt her hand curl into a fist in her lap under the table.
"No, mother." A little irritation crept into her voice without her meaning it to. That much surprised her parents given their expressions. Lili almost felt guilty, almost. She is struggling against a sharp feeling in her chest she can't quite describe in the moment.
"I'm sure your mother is concerned about you." Her father scolded in turn, his light colored eyes focus on her disapprovingly. "No need for that tone, young lady."
A rush of anger burned through her, far more than was needed for something this simple. Lili knew as much. She has to wonder why she's so angry. Lili managed to look admonished outwardly, shuffling away the confusing feelings for simplicity. "My apologies. I'm just sensitive about it."
"As you should be, you're getting fat." With an apology spoken, her mother had settled back into her usual behavior. "I'll order lunch for you. You're clearly overindulging."
"Yes, mother." The menu is taken away from her side of the table entirely by the older woman. All Lili can see of the menu is the logo of the restaurant being partially covered by her mother's manicured fingers.
"It is for your own good, Baby doll." Her father reached out to pat her head obligingly. "Just proves you need the medication your doctor gave you. We want our sedate little sugar blossom back."
"You were so well behaved before…" Her mother trailed off, waving a hand to finish the sentence. "The 'incident'."
"I'm doing what the doctor is telling me to do." She squeaked back at them. "It's helping loads!"
"We know. Too bad the side effects for your medication seem to be weight gain." Her mother sighed lowly, tilting her head back gazing at the ceiling as if asking the heavens why weight gain had to affect her daughter of all people. Her gaze drops back down in time to lock eyes with Lili. "You had a figure people were envious of, now…"
"Don't worry, dearest. I'm sure things will be fine."
"Of course."
The conversation fades into silence then. Lili loses focus as her parents talk amongst themselves, mostly trying to focus on the anger still lingering and working on containing it. Her apparent empty silence doesn't seem particularly odd to her parents as they chat. They don't bother to ask her much of anything, nor acknowledge her presence when the waitress arrives. Her mother orders a salad for both of them. Her father orders a tuna sandwich. Everyone gets water. Lili realizes she wants a coffee when a waiter walks by with a fresh pot in hand to give someone a refill.
The meal continues this way, her father occasionally asks about work or her friends but cuts Lili off midway through her explanation with a simple, "That's nice, sugar blossom."
The nickname makes Lili's stomach lurch uncomfortably. Something about it feels disgusting, hearing it repeated emphasizes as much. Lili sticks to silence turning thoughts over in her head and awkwardly trying to eat the shockingly small serving of salad brought to her. Her parents insist on paying for the meal cooing about her saving up money for some kind of trip. A trip Lili has no recollection of.
By the time the meal ends her mother pats Lili's shoulder gently. "I can tell you're feeling much better! You're acting like your old self again!"
"It's so nice to feel normal again." She states blandly back with a smile. Internally wondering if blank silence was her normal before. They part with hugs exchanged and mother handing her a number for weight watchers.
When Lili gets home she spitefully stuffs her face.
