Title - Looking For Heaven
Chapter title - I never want to leave this sunset town but one day the time may come...
Author - OblivionsGarden
Genre - Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror
Disclaimer - I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics.
Chapter Word Count - 6424 words.
Title Song - Good Times - All Time Low

A/n - I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x

WARNING - This chapter contains descriptions of graphic violence and sexual assault. If you are not comfortable with that then please do not read.


"Baby? Birthday's over, time for school." Gemma knocked hard on her daughters bedroom door. "If you're not down for breakfast in five minutes I'm coming and flipping the mattress, if you're on it or not."

She smiled to herself, recalling the old trick from Jax's youth. As she headed back into the kitchen, she idly wondered to herself if her Tommy would've been the same, had he reached those lazy teen years. She shook the thought from her head, Gemma was not someone to dwell on the bad past. Instead she settled on making Beth's favorite, honey and cinnamon porridge. Again, she remembered not to bother with the tea, lest it be wasted by her fussy daughter.

"It's been five minutes." Clay muttered over the paper when Gemma set the bowl down. "Give her five more. It was a hell of a party."

"Yeah, if she's anything like I was at sixteen she would've stolen some beer and sneaked out with that punk kid from her school."

"She did." Clay chuckled. "Tig saw her take three bottles from behind the bar when she thought no one was watching."

"And you let her?"

"Getting drunk at sixteen is a learning curve." Clay laughed, pulling his wife into his lap. "I bet you got up to all kinds of crazy shit at her age."

"I did. And she is so like me." Gemma teased. "I bet she made out with that boy round the back of the clubhouse." Clay's smile dropped as his protective step-dad role reared it's head.

"She should be up for school."

"Baby!" Laughing as she went, Gemma called her daughters name from the bottom of the stairs. "I can't hear you moving!" She knocked on the door again but heard nothing and so with a sigh, she headed in, shocked to see her bed empty, clothes still scattered from where she and Emily had got ready the day previous.

With a shake of her head she went back to the kitchen, picking up the landline phone and calling Emily's house. Her mom answered and happily handed the phone over when she heard about the new mischief that had occurred.

"Hi, Mrs Teller." Emily sounded chipper as ever.

"Hey kid." Gemma was smirking as she waited to hear what she thought she already knew. "I was just wondering where my daughter got to last night."

"What do you mean? She was tired and went home, remember?"

"Except she isn't in her bed this morning... Don't worry, no one is gonna get into trouble. Just tell the truth, did she go to that boy's house?"

"No, she-"

"Are you sure?"

"You're sure she's not home?" Emily's voice had changed, become quieter and shaky. Gemma frowned.

"I'm sure. You don't know where she is?"

"No... We... Oh crap. We stole some beer and we got a little drunk so she asked me to cover for her and said she was gonna walk around the block to sober up and then go home. I swear, she didn't go with the boys, they live on the other side of town and Beth always said she wouldn't sleep with someone she wasn't already dating so there's no way she went with them. If she's not home, she's not with me, then I don't know where she is. I'm so sorry Mrs Teller, I'm sorry I lied to you, I just thought that-"

"Emily, listen to me." Gemma's heart was pounding as she listened to the little girl on the other end of the line. "If you hear from Beth, you call me immediately do you understand?"

"Yes, Mrs Teller. I'm so sorry."

Gemma hung up, turning to Clay who was already stood waiting to hear what the confusion was about.

"What's going on, baby?"

"She's missing." Gemma's face was pale and Clay gently guided her into a chair. "She walked around the block to clear her head. She was supposed to come home straight after. Clay, where's my baby?"

"Call Emily back and get the names of those boys and let me know. I'll see if they know anything. I'll call Jax and everyone, get them out searching." He knelt down in front of her, pulling her chin to look him in the eye. "Baby is just as tough as you, if not more so. You know that and I know that. She probably just went to hang out with some of her other friends that couldn't come to the party. You know how some of their parents feel about Samcro. We'll find her, probably hung over but otherwise fine. You'll see."


It was going to hurt, sting and throb in ways she'd never experienced. But she had to wake up, open her eyes, see the sun again. She could already feel some of it but her mind wasn't fully acknowledging the extent of what her body had been through. It was warm though, the Californian sun was just barely touching her skin through the shade of the trees. With a shaking breath, she opened her eyes, squinting in the light as she looked around her.

She could see her dress just a few feet from her, half covered by fallen leaves, but that was about all she could see that didn't already belong in the woods. Sitting up took her a few long minutes but it was that first push that got her going. She thought of her mum, realizing she was gone and sending Clay and Jax out to find her. She had to be somewhere someone could see her. She could hear cars and knew there was a road nearby.

With quickly dwindling energy but a determined head, she crawled to her dress, not surprised to see the huge tear down the front. She slipped it on anyway, pulling the fabric together over her breasts and holding it in place as she climbed to her feet. She yelled out in pain, a growling scream as her body was forced to finally feel the damage. She looked down, saw the blood running down the insides of her thighs, on her stomach and could feel it, caked and sticky on her cheeks and neck.

Another deep breath and she stumbled forward on shaky feet, heading towards the sound of the highway. It took her almost an hour of falling and getting back up again until eventually, she just managed to crawl into view of the cars. She thought about waving someone, anyone, over to her but she wasn't sure she would trust getting into a strangers car, even if she was close to passing out again. No. She had to wait. It wouldn't be long till she'd hear that familiar rumble of a bike engine.

She was right. The sound bought comfort and she once again forced her eyes to open, spotting a black dot in the distance, the sound arriving before they did. She tried to stand but her legs had given up and so instead, she stayed on her knees, waving one arm in the air as the other kept her dress closed.

"Please..." She murmured to herself. "Please see me."

The bike drew closer and for a heart stopping moment she thought it was going to go right by. But then she heard the engine cut off and the sound of footsteps behind her and tried to turn. The pain in her ribs stopped her and she dropped her raised hand to hold her side. She must have been a sight to see, all beaten up and covered in blood.

"Holy shit." Suddenly there was someone in front of her, hands pressing to her face so they could see her. She felt a shirt slip over her shoulders and she pushed her arms into the sleeves, letting them button it up to cover her properly.

"Opie." A laugh escaped the depths of her, she wasn't alone now, but it turned into a sob as she sunk into his chest, clutching his cut as if she were worried he would leave.

"I got you, sweetheart." He was moving but she couldn't let him go. He didn't try to make her either, just shifted so he could pick her up, seating her in front of him on the bike. "I need you to hold onto me as tight as you can ok? We're gonna get you to a hospital."

Beth barely nodded, just found comfort in the smell of leather and motor oil and kept her grip tight.


The white, harshly lit corridors of the hospital were familiar to all the members of Samcro and most of the people who associated with them. But not a single one of them ever thought they would be there for this. The boys all got there within minutes of Opie calling them. Clay was last, heading back to pick up Gemma, knowing she was in no state to drive herself.

The boys had all glanced in through the door, saw the damage done to their princess. None of them had anything to say or knew what to do. Chibs was angry, pacing the corridor, clenching and unclenching his fists. He was muttering about the things he'd do to whoever did this to her as the others sat around on the chairs in silence. Jax was at the door, looking through the small pane of glass, watching the doctors every move. His eyes stung with tears and his chest was tight with anger but he couldn't pull himself away. Not until Gemma arrived.

"Where is she?" Her voice was an octave higher than usual and Jax spun around to see his mother marching for the door. "Is she in there?" He caught her arms, guiding her from the window.

"Don't look, mom." He whispered. "Don't see her like that."

Gemma pushed him off and Clay gestured for him to let her go. She pushed through the door, ignoring the nurses that tried to usher her out. A gasp rose from the pit of her stomach as she saw Beth, tiny in the bed, all bloody and bruised. She clutched at her chest, feeling her heart pounding out of beat and Jax was quick to pull her out and sit her down. He held her to him, letting her cry into his shirt. She didn't stop for all of the hours they had to wait to hear from the doctor.

They were all taken into a private family room and told to take a seat. They knew that was bad news. The doctor seemed nervous to deliver the message, whether it was their Samcro affiliation or just the news itself they didn't know but Jax quietly encouraged him to just get it out.

"You're the mother, yes?" The Doctor was looking at Gemma, noting the clear distress as she clutched Jax and Clay's hands either side of her. The rest of the men were seated around the room, leaning forward to hear what had happened.

"Beth has been through a horrific ordeal and has multiple injuries. However, she is going to be ok." He smiled reassuringly but Gemma was still waiting for the rest. "Most of her injuries are superficial and will heal within a few weeks."

"What are they?" She asked, voice struggling to stay steady. Clay nodded for the doctor to go on.

"She has alot of bruising. On her wrists, ankles, back, neck, hips and her eyes. She has a split lip, a shattered cheek bone, three of her back teeth have been knocked out..." The doctor paused to look at his notes, never having told the extent of injuries like this to a family before. "She has multiple stitches in her head, two cracked ribs, knife wounds on her lower stomach and beneath her right breast and it seems her attacker attempted to cut her throat and leave her for dead. However, the cut was not nearly deep enough."

Gemma could barely breathe, her grip on Clay and Jax stiff and unmoving. Jax wanted so desperately to be strong for his mom and his sister but he couldn't stop the tears from running down his cheeks. None of them could.

"There is one other thing, Mrs Teller." The doctor began, his voice unsure again. "Your daughter was raped, brutally-" Gemma flinched at the word. "But the attacker didn't just stop there."

"What do you mean?" Jax asked, frowning.

"Beth was sodomized." He began. "Something metal and sharp. We've tried to repair the internal damage but I'm afraid Beth will never be able to have children."

Gemma bolted to the side of the room, vomiting in the trash bin on the floor. She sank to her knees, clutching the bin as she sobbed. Jax vaguely heard the doctor say something about letting them know when they can see her before he left. He knelt down beside his mom, pulling her close to his chest as Clay stood to address his men.

"Tig, Chibs, I want you two here in case this is some sick fuck who realizes he didn't manage to kill her. Juice and Opie, head back to the clubhouse and check the cameras from last night. Emily said she was supposed to walk around the block before she went home, see if you can see anything. Bobby and Piney ask around town, see if anyone saw anything and Happy... Call everyone who was there last night. Someone has to know something."

The men left, Tig and Chibs heading to guard Beth's room as Clay looked down at his broken family on the floor. He and Jax got Gemma back on her feet and into a chair. Her eyes was glassy as she looked down at her hands.

"I should've been watching her." She whispered. "I should've kept her in the clubhouse."

"Don't blame yourself for this mom." Jax held her hand again. "It's not your fault. And when we find the sick fuck who did this to Baby, I'm gonna tear him apart."

"We will." Clay nodded. "But right now, Beth is gonna need us. No doubt Unser will be here soon to talk to her."


It was another hour or so before the doctor said that Beth was awake and able to have visitors. Jax, Clay and Gemma went in together, each taking a seat around the bed that she looked so small in. Her eye and cheek were slightly swollen, the bruising making it look even worse. Gemma rushed over, almost hugging her daughter before pulling back, worried that she may hurt her. Instead she opted for pressing a kiss to her forehead and taking one of her hands in hers. Jax had the other, holding the back of it to his lips.

"How you feeling, Baby?" Gemma asked in a quiet voice. "The doc told us everything."

"He hasn't said anything to me." Beth's voice was hoarse, her eyes refusing to look anywhere other than her feet. "I know there's something bad but he won't tell me."

"Nothing you need to worry about yet." Gemma glanced to Jax who nodded.

"Beth, did you see him?" Clay asked, itching to dish out some revenge.

"No." She lied. She knew him, knew his face and couldn't forget it. It's all she could see when she closed her eyes. "It was dark. They were wearing black, had their hood up... Sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for." Jax said softly. "Only thing you need to do is rest up and heal. We'll take care of finding that asshole."

"No." Beth finally looked into her brothers eyes. "Just leave it alone."

"Wha-" Jax shook his head. "Baby, this fucker has got to pay for what he's done to you."

"And he will. But not yet, please. Just drop it."

"You wanna know that bad thing?" Jax dropped his sisters hand, standing from the chair. "The thing the doctor won't tell you?"

"Jackson." Gemma warned, seeing the fire in her sons eyes.

"You can't have kids." His lip curled as he spoke, knowing the filthy things this man had done to his baby sister. "He damaged your insides so badly you won't ever have your own baby."

"Mum?" Beth turned her head. "Is that true?" Gemma didn't say a word, not knowing what to say. Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she pulled her hand away from Gemma's, shaking as she touched her head, trying to process the information. She had always dreamed of having children, meeting a nice guy, getting married and having two boys and a girl, just like her mum did. And now that dream was gone, just like that. "Please get out." She cried, ignoring the pleas from Gemma. "Just leave me alone. Get out!"

The family left, Gemma hitting Jax's chest for what he had said but Clay pulled her back. They were all hurting, no one knew how to handle the situation. Jax left, rage filling every fiber of him. He needed to hurt someone, get it out of his system so he could focus of Beth's recovery. He passed Unser by the door who upon seeing the chaos of the family torn apart, decided he could come back and take a statement tomorrow.


After a few days of shitty hospital food, Beth was able to go back home. Things had gone back to normal between the family, Jax had apologized and she had forgiven him, understood how he felt. She was angry too. And everyone could see it, see something brewing deep within her and it had everyone worried.

"It's a dangerous combination, Clay." Chibs had said as they sat around the old redwood to discuss what they had managed to find about the attack. "She's scared and she's angry. It's only a matter of time before that comes to the forefront and someone else gets hurt."

"We know, that's why I've got Juice at the house keeping an eye on things. If she leaves, we'll know about it."

"Someone's gonna pay for this brother." Tig nodded at Jax, leaning forward as they began to discuss their findings. So far, they had nothing. Not a single damn thing.

"Only thing we could see on the cameras was this." Opie turned Juice's laptop for the group to see. A grainy cctv footage of Beth, moving fast in the top corner of the screen only to be dragged backwards. "That's all we've got."

"If she was grabbed right outside that means she was moved in a car or something. No way he dragged her all the way to the highway." Piney said. "Did the cops find any tracks?"

"Not a damn thing." Tig groaned. "Whoever this was cleaned up good. They couldn't even find Beth's boots."


Over the next few weeks, the pain in her body subsided. The internal damage had made it painful to walk for a while but now it felt like mild cramps and she'd had worse than that when she had her period. Her bruises were fading, the swelling around her broken cheekbone was almost gone and her ribs didn't ache when she breathed. Physically, she was almost back to normal.

Mentally? That was a whole other situation. She was good at pretending during the day. Acting like she was ok and just dealing with it in her own way. Or at least she thought so. But night time brought the nightmares, the flashes of memory that she couldn't fight off. She'd lost count of how many times Gemma had woken her up after being roused by her screams. She wanted to tell Gemma how she felt, how helpless and scared she was, how much anger she had inside at this man. But every time she tried the words seemed to get stuck in her throat.

She knew now who the man was too. She had started to go stir crazy, locked up in her room like Rapunzel and begged Juice to let her go out with Emily. He agreed to take them both to the ice cream shop, letting them sit outside together whilst he stayed by his bike. Even the young prospect knew she needed some level of normalcy back in her life.

She could feel someone watching her and at first, thought it was just Juice, keeping check. But when she looked, she could see him. He was hiding in the shadows but he was wearing his uniform. The red shirt from the 7/11 stood out and his name suddenly popped into her mind. Roy Bishop. A local boy she knew, Kip, had served with him. He told her he was always on edge whilst they were away serving their country, always made Kip nervous. She had thought Kip was trying to be funny, get on the good side of the Samcro princess and maybe he'd be able to prospect one day.

She had made Juice take them both home, no longer interested in Ice Cream. Her anger was overshadowing any fear she had and she made her plan. There was no way Samcro would take care of this for her. She wanted him to feel what she had gone through and only she could make him feel that. She also knew the boys would never let her get involved in something like this and so she did one thing she never thought she would. She called her father.

It took a few phone calls back and forth but she eventually managed to convince him to sign over access to her old savings account. Rather than pay Gemma child support they had decided his monthly payments would go into an account that she could have when she was eighteen, be it for college or a down payment on a car or her own place to live. She told him she wanted to pay for her own driving lessons and get her own car two years early. She told him he wouldn't have to pay into the account anymore and he would never have to deal with Gemma again. Mark had been waiting years for the day the Gemma Teller would truly be out of his life and so he agreed.

The court had ordered him the standard of $430 a month in support and after two years there was just over $10,000 in that account. She spent the next few weeks going to various banks and atm's, taking out cash bit by bit so as not to alert anyone. She also convinced the boys that her attacker must be long gone, since they haven't found anything in town yet. It was around three months after the attack that she headed into town to find Kip. She asked about Roy, if he still worked at the 7/11 and he confirmed the fact. She passed off her curiosity as her just being extra cautious around creepy men nowadays. Kip was all too happy to offer to go into the store for her if she needed something, sweet as he always was, but she declined the offer.

With five thousand dollars in her pink and white striped back pack, she headed just outside of Charming, to territory she knew for a fact was dangerous for her to be in. If Jax saw her now his head would explode. She saw two of the cuts first, nervously clearing her throat to draw their attention. Both men's hands went to their guns, resting them there as they stared down at this tiny little thing, dressed in denim and pink.

"I'm looking for Marcus Alvarez." She kept her voice steady and clear, her head held high as she looked them in the eye.

"And what's the Samcro princess want with our president?" Asked one of the men. His cut read Sargent at Arms and Beth knew immediately why he was so defensive. It was the same reason Tig would always jump in front of Clay.

"I have business to discuss with him."

"Business you can discuss with your own familia little girl. Run along home now."

"My familia don't know I'm here, little boy. I'm here to talk to Alvarez and I can wait if I have to."

"You got some guts, Teller, I'll give you that." Alvarez came out from the building they were stood in front of. "Stay out here ese, keep an eye out for any trouble." He gestured for Beth to follow him and so she did, shooting a smug smirk at the man outside.

They went into a small room and sat down at a large desk. Alvarez, despite his affiliations, had some kindness in his eyes. Beth had seen it before when she'd passed him in the street during a school field trip. Whether it was because of her age she didn't know but she hoped it would come into play today.

"What's the business?"

"You know what happened to me, I assume? Everyone else in town seems to know." She had become the local gossip. People in the street would stare and point, whispers of 'she's the girl that got raped' followed her for weeks.

"I heard." He nodded. "You're family haven't found him yet?"

"Because I haven't told them where he is."

"You know who it is?"

"I knew who he was when he was on top of me." She took a breath, forcing images from her mind. "This revenge is not theirs to take. It's mine."

"Revenge is a dangerous path. You could-"

"I know exactly what it could do to me, who it might turn me into. I don't care. I have to do it."

"Ok." Marcus watched her for a moment, seeing the rage and fury in her. He had it too, so did her brother, her mother and no doubt Clay when he was younger. He knew what path this girl was on, where her life would lead her if she did this. But he also knew how they all felt at her age, at the point their lives changed forever. No one would dissuade her from this. "Where do I come in?"

"I need you to get him for me. Take him somewhere secluded where we won't be found for a while and keep quiet about it. I'll take care of the rest."

"And I'm supposed to just do this out of the kindness of my heart?"

"No." She unzipped the backpack, pulling it open so he could see the cash. "I have five grand right here. I have a little more, but not much."

"Where does a sixteen year old get five grand?"

"College fund." She shrugged. She waited whilst he counted the cash, nodding as he placed it on his desk and handed back her bag. "He works at the 7/11."


Alvarez had made her agree that his involvement of this wouldn't get back to Samcro, even though she had no intention of ever mentioning the meeting to them anyway. It was three days later when she received word. Nothing more than an address, scrawled on the back of a leaflet one of his men was handing out in disguise. She knew the place vaguely. An old barn, way off the beaten track. She had heard of it because Oswald had intended to buy it a year or so ago but ended up getting a bigger chunk of land closer to town.

Something she had begun doing in recent weeks to help with her plan, was waking up at the crack of dawn and going for a long walk, leaving a note behind for Gemma and Clay. She did it randomly, but often enough that it wouldn't seem abnormal to do it that morning. She had a bag packed and ready the night before so all she had to do, was dress and leave. Everything had already been taken care of.

She pulled out her old push bike from the garage, wanting to have as much time as she could in that barn. It was only eight thirty when she arrived. The place was deadly silent as she checked all around the outside and the surrounding area for any Mayans that may be waiting. Inside she did the same, heart thudding loud when she spotted the man that attacked her secured to a chair.

He had a bag over his head and was slumped forward slightly, making Beth wonder if he was asleep. She kicked his foot and he jerked upright, sounds of panic coming from him. He asked who was there, begged to be released, begged not to die. Beth ignored all of it. There was an old crate in the corner and she dragged it forward, tipping it onto it's side to sit on. She lifted the bag from his head, giving him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the poor lighting.

"Shit." He gasped. "I fucking knew it would be you. Where are they?"

"Where's who?"

"Your family? The Sons?"

"They're not coming." She was surprising herself with how calm she sounded. Inside her heart was hammering and stuttering over beats, mind whirring with all the things she wanted to do to him. "But Jax isn't the only Teller you should be scared of. I want you to hurt and my imagination is pretty damn vivid."

She stood from her seat, moving over to her bag and pulling out a smaller plastic carrier from it. Inside there were various instruments that could hurt someone, things to make him suffer. But first, all she needed was scissors. He flinched when she turned back around but he wasn't crying yet. Beth was going to make him cry.

She cut off all of his clothes until he was sat naked before her. She watched him for a moment, let him squirm as she did. He asked what she was going to do to him. Truthfully, she hadn't thought that far ahead. All she did know was that it would hurt. She had all the tools she could need but first, she needed to get out the brunt of her frustration.

She punched him, once, twice, again and again until his chair tipped back, trapping his hands beneath it. She didn't stop, couldn't stop. Just kept hitting him and hitting him until she could hear his breathing become garbled. She paused just enough to see him choking on his own blood and moved him back upright, letting him spit it out. He couldn't die yet. She looked down and saw a tooth in the blood and saliva and smiled to herself, her tongue moving around to find the three holes in her own mouth. She got up close to him, inspecting the damage and releasing a small chuckled when she saw the imprint of the ring Chibs had got her for her birthday.

"Go ahead." He grunted. "Doesn't change the fact that I destroyed your little cunt."

"Go ahead, be all pissed off and brave. Doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna cut your needle dick off."

He spat at her, blood covering her face as she grimaced at him. She slapped him again, calling him a dirty bastard before moving back to her hastily made tool kit. She had knives, a hammer, shears... Anything she could think of. She picked up the knife first and stood in front of him. He watched her, smirking. He didn't think she would do it. Leaning forward she pressed the knife down hard along the top of his rib cage, cutting him as he had her and again on his lower stomach. He grimaced and tried to pull away but said nothing.

She continued her torturous plan long into the early afternoon, taking breaks to make sure he could really feel every ounce of pain. Eventually though, even she was tired and nearing the end of her rage. She could feel it waning, she had almost had enough. Almost. But before she ended this, there was just one thing she wanted to know.

"Why did you choose me that night?"

He looked up, face a bloody mess as he tried to focus on one of the three wobbling images of the girl in front of him. "You were pretty." He slurred. "I saw you before at the store... talking to Kip." He spat on the floor again. "Knew you'd be a virgin. Never had a virgin before."

"But why all the pain? Why not just rape me and move on?"

"I was going to... But if your brother found out-"

She stood up, grabbing the garden shears from her bag. She untied his hands and tipped him from his chair. He was too hurt to run anywhere or even put up a fight. Using her foot, she rolling him onto his back, leaning to place his flaccid penis between the blades of the shears.

"You know I always wanted kids when I grew up... Always had that dream, ever since I was a little girl." This was it, her anger was at it's final stage, overtaken with her sorrow at everything he had taken. "I can't have them anymore... All because you thought I was pretty." Her tears spilled over, running down her chin as she tilted her head back, dropping the shears.

"M'sorry." He tried desperately to lift his head. "Please..." And just like that the anger was back.

"Please? Please? That's what I said to you." She grabbed the shears and forced them closed, erupting into hysterical laughter at the scream that came from him but it soon subsided into loud sobbing, hunched on her knees beside the dying man.

Once she had composed herself, she stood and moved to her bag. She pulled out a package of wet wipes, cleaning off her hands and face. She changed her clothes into some she had brought with her and then pulled out a notepad and a pen and began to write as she watch Roy Bishop bleed out across the room, his dick lay between his knees.


Jax Teller had been on edge for months trying to find the sick bastard that hurt his little sister. The boys knew better than to push him and so whenever it was time for Chapel, the atmosphere was still as tense as when they first heard about the attack. Club matters were still present and needed to be dealt with but it remained that finding this man was priority.

Clay was in the middle of talking when there was a knock on the doors to Church. Everybody knew better than to knock when they were in there and so with a frown, Chibs answered. Kip was there looking a little worried in front of the surly Scot but he held up an envelope in his hand.

"Beth asked me to give this to you guys, no matter what you were doing." He said quietly. "Sorry for disturbing you." He handed over the envelope and quickly took off again.

Chibs handed it to Jax who opened it to find a letter, written in Beth's curling girlish hand writing. He began to skim read, hands shaking when he got through the beginning. The guys were waiting to hear what it said.

"She's gone." He said. "She's fucking gone." Clay took the letter from Jax's shaking hands and began to read it aloud.

"Boys, if Kip does as he's asked then when you get this letter, I won't be in Charming." Clay glanced at Jax who's fists were clenched and knuckles white. "Please don't come looking for me. I knew all along who attacked me and I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't get the words out. I wanted him to pay and to feel what I felt. I wanted him to suffer like I did and I knew I had to do this myself."

"For the love of god tell me she didn't go after this fucker." Chibs closed his eyes as he waited to hear the rest.

"His name was Roy Bishop, he served with Kip and was working at the 7/11. I took him to the old barn, the one that Oswald was going to buy but never did. I know what revenge can do to a person but I'm sure you can all understand why I had to do this. I hurt him and I hurt him bad. I made it last all morning, for hours. I made him beg. I asked him why he chose me. I don't know why but I guess something in me just needed to know. He thought I was pretty. That was it. Just a pretty virgin..." Clay paused to compose himself before he continued. "He screwed me up inside so I screwed him up outside. I cut his dick off. He won't rape any other girl, ever again."

"That's my girl." Tig murmured but there was no smile on his face.

"As I sit writing this, he's bleeding out across the room. I had planned to come home and tell you this myself but I know now that I can't do that. Charming is always going to be the place that I lost everything that made me who I am. To people who live here I'm always going to be that kid that got raped on her birthday and I don't think I can handle that. The nightmares aren't going away and I don't think any amount of that bullshit therapy the doctor sent me to is going to help. I just can't be in Charming. Not right now at least. I got the money from the account my dad made so don't worry about me. I know enough now to take care of myself and survive on my own. I only need one thing from you and I wish I didn't have to ask. I've never killed anyone before and I don't know the first thing about cleaning up after myself. You know where the barn is. One day I'll come back to say thank you in person. One day when I can forget about what happened, when it's just a distant memory. I gave Kip another letter for mum which she should be reading soon. Just know that I love every last one of you, to the moon and back and it hurts me to leave you. But not nearly as much as it would hurt to stay. Take care of mum, of each other and please keep an eye out for Emily. I'll come back one day and I expect one hell of a welcome home. I love you. Love, Baby."