A/N: I should mention this story happens after Stars in the Sky.
The liquor on your lips makes you dangerous
Saturday marked a break in the dreary spring weather. The snow was totally gone and she could convince herself that the warmth was going to last. She chose a dress for her night out. It was light blue and had black hearts stenciled on the tulle bottom. There was a white belt around her waist. There were no sleeves. She put on a pair of fishnets under them, ones with heart-shaped patterns in the netting. Over that went a pair of tall boots, lace-up because Ultear didn't believe in comfort concessions for fashion.
She grabbed her sunglasses before she left her room and put them on her head. They were her favourite pair, large and heart-shaped. They were red because her skin was pale and her hair was black and there was nothing she loved more than contrast. It made her stand out from a crowd of girls that were just exactly like each other. She was no Barbie and she didn't want to be one, either. She wanted to be like no one else.
Her look complete, she came downstairs and tried to slip out the front door but Silver was there in the foyer drinking his coffee as if he were waiting for her.
"Don't you have to work?" Ultear asked.
"I'm done already," he replied.
"Lucky you."
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"I know that. Where?"
"Why do you care?" She didn't have to be so difficult, but she wanted to be. Just because it pissed him off.
"Because your mom's worried about you after how you came home the other day," he said bluntly.
She bit the inside of her cheek. She wasn't a bratty kid anymore but she wanted to be. "I'm going to Tartarus."
"A girl got roofied there last weekend."
Ultear pushed away thoughts of dank showers with hard tiles, of the man giving her money for sex, of Flare kissing her cheek afterwards and asking, 'What's your name?' "Then I'll be sure not to take drinks from strangers," she responded.
"That's what every girl says."
"I'm not every fucking girl."
"That's right. You're our girl."
Like he had the right to say stuff like that. Anger tried to make her blind. "Stop patronizing me. I don't have victim written on my forehead."
"No, but you're not exactly cautious," Silver said.
She'd never been, that was true. She didn't like Silver telling her that, though, if only because it came out of his mouth. She pushed past him and snagged her coat from the closet. The red length covered her dress; she put her sunglasses on and started down the stairs but paused half-way. Something was missing.
"Where's my car?"
"It's your mom's car and she had to take it to work." He sounded so superior.
"You usually drive her."
"I had court today, I couldn't."
Ultear faced him. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"She did, the other night at your Nan's."
Ultear didn't remember that at all. Her mother probably knew that, and so did Silver. They were trying to make a point and she very much didn't appreciate it. "She could have mentioned it."
"And you could have shown up sober."
Ultear felt like screaming. She buried it all down with great effort and smiled instead. "That's fine. It's her car, after all."
Silver offered, "I'll drive you if you want."
No, she did not, thank you. "I got it."
"Be safe."
"Always." She felt him watching her all the way down the driveway and down the street, too, until she turned the corner and he could see her no longer.
At first, Ultear didn't think she had a plan, but that was a lie. She did the same thing she always did when Silver pissed her off. She went to Gray's because that was what would goad Silver the most. She wasn't sure if it was because he didn't really speak to his son or if it was because she thought he suspected that they were fucking, but it made him mad and so it made Ultear happy.
The Patch was far enough away that by the time she got there, she was hot in her coat and her feet let her know in no uncertain terms that her boots were not walking shoes.
Ultear circumvented the doorbell and invited herself in. Gray had music on; he almost always did. It was System of a Down today, Serj Tankian quietly telling her, dreams are made winding through my head. He was moody but he wasn't angry. So she supposed he was feeling like himself.
Ultear stepped around a case of water and a case of beer in the hallway and came into the living room. She found her step-brother immediately. He was leaning back on the couch and zipping up his pants. His shirt was gone and so was Cana's, though Cana had found hers and was yanking it up over her arms.
"Jesus, Ultear," Gray said when he saw her. "What the fuck?" He sounded startled and adrenalized like he was on the verge of getting violent with the intruder in his house before he realized it was her.
"Hi." Ultear sat her glasses on her head and pretended not to be bothered that Cana was there. They hadn't spoken since the Lucy debacle and Ultear wasn't keen on finding out what Cana thought of her after that. It had been a rotten moment in a lifetime of them, though that one was more pitted than the rest. Cana had cut right to her heart with very little effort and Ultear was still knotting up loose pieces so she didn't catch feelings.
"Text me or something," Cana told Gray as she yanked on her leather jacket. She pulled her hair from its collar and Ultear was thrown seven months into the past, when Cana had first moved into the Patch and Ultear used to absently-not-so-absently slide those locks through her fingers.
Cana had been fun.
She mashed the fuck out of those thoughts and kept her eyes trained on Gray so she didn't have to watch Cana leave. Cana's eyes flitted to hers as she passed. Ultear tried to read her expression without moving. She couldn't do it.
The front door opened and closed again and they were alone. Gray grabbed a pack of cigarettes off the coffee table. "Why do you just invite yourself into my house?"
"You always leave the door unlocked. I have to assume that's for me." Ultear put as much of her flirty nonchalance into her words as possible.
Gray shook his head and lit his smoke. "What's up?"
Ultear came in the rest of the way and dropped down onto the couch. It was still warm and smelled like body spray. Vanilla, she thought. "I need you to drive me to Tartarus."
"When?"
"In like, an hour," she said.
"I have stuff to do tonight."
"It looks like she just walked out of your house." Ultear forced a catty smile.
"Real stuff. I have a delivery I have to make."
"A delivery? What are you, some kind of pizza man now?" Ultear cackled.
"Car parts," Gray told her. "Cana hooked me up with her garage; they needed a driver."
"Did she also hook you up with that new car?" Gray's silence spoke volumes. Ultear asked, "What kind of shop delivers once the sun's gone down, huh?"
"I never asked."
That was some shady shit, they both knew it. Wouldn't Silver be proud? Ultear plucked the cigarette out of his hand and drew on it. "So deliver and then drop me off. Or drop me off on your way and pick me up when you're done."
Gray took the cigarette back from her. "What if I wanted to do something tonight?"
"Cana never fucks the same guy twice in a day," Ultear clawed. "No worries."
"You feeling a little tetchy, Ultear?" Gray asked dryly.
"Nope, just thought I'd tell you how it is before you get roped in by her, too."
"Too?"
"You always have unrealistic goals. First, there was Erza."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Yeah, remember how you used to give her Valentines cards every year with fucking gross mushy stuff on it but you were never brave enough to sign your name?"
Gray's neck reddened some. "I was like, ten. And you ruined that by telling her I ate dog food."
"You were twelve, and someone had to spill the beans. But then there was Sherry. Remember her?" Ultear did. She'd laugh and laugh and laugh like she was happy and then race into the bathroom to throw up her dinner and cut herself.
"You chased her off."
"Because she was a lunatic. When you finally figured out how fucked up she was, you moved onto fucking sighing about Angel."
"Which you also fucked up."
"You should be thanking me for that."
"Thanking you for fucking up every relationship I've ever had?"
"Yes. Because after Angel—"
"There was you," Gray interjected with a bite in his tone.
Ultear snagged the burning out cigarette from him again. "I was going to say then there was Juvia but you're right, I'm in between there, aren't I?" His expression was dark and Ultear delighted in it. "Gray's dirty fucking secret. And then came Juvia. Was she supposed to be the nice girl you brought home to Daddy?"
His fists were clenched so hard that his knuckles were white. "Why do you do this shit?"
Because it was easy. "I'm just reminding you that she had a doll made with your face on it."
Gray unclenched his fists so he could light another cigarette. The smoke choked the apartment. Ultear delighted in that, too. He only ever chain smoked when she was getting under his skin. When he opened his mouth, though, it wasn't to yell at her. He said, "It wasn't that bad."
Ultear dropped her spent cigarette into one of Gray's empty beer bottles. It sizzled out in the centimetre of liquid. "Pardon?"
"It wasn't."
"You came home that night to tell me how fucked up it was," she reminded him. "And then…"
"I know what happened afterwards, you don't have to remind me."
But she liked to relive it. He never fucked her as well as when he was feeling anxious and guilty and totally at war with himself. "It was fun."
"It was wrong."
"And that's why it was fun."
"You're fucked."
"Then we both are."
"You're the instigator."
"So what? You still participate."
"I'm done."
In contradiction, she spread her legs a little and skimmed the inside of her thigh. Gray watched her from beneath his lashes, cigarette in his mouth. He was wearing his conflicted face and she loved it. She spread her legs a bit more and touched a bit higher. It always felt nice when she touched herself but never as nice as when he was watching her.
"Stop it, Ultear." There was no command behind his voice; it was Gray's way of daring her to continue.
"No." She dared and leaned back on his couch and spread her legs wider. He positioned himself so he could see her more clearly; he probably wasn't even aware of the movement. His tongue was tucked into his cheek contemplatively; his cigarette burned down between his calloused fingers. Ultear pressed in between her legs, through her tights, and slowly, gently, rubbed. He let it continue like she knew he would. She bowed her back and made a small noise of pleasure just for him.
"I hate you." His dick was hard; she could see its outline through his jeans. She'd sort of been fucking with him before but everything got a little more enticing after that.
"No, you don't."
Gray dropped his cigarette right on the wood of the coffee table and leaned forward. His mouth pressed against the inside of her knee, and then her thigh. Ultear hoped that when he looked at the burn mark in the future, it reminded him of her.
His tongue was hot but its wetness was delayed with her tights in the way. For some reason, that made it better. When he got right between her legs, she spread as wide for him as she could and watched his tongue press flat against her. His breath came through first, searing, and then the warm wetness. She didn't think she'd like it as much with material between them but it made her focus on everything more and because of that, she could pick out the nuances. He never went too fast or too hard, though he gripped her ass hard enough, she was going to be bruised.
Gray lifted her hips and swiped his thumb over her underneath his tongue, pressing against her opening in a maddening way. Ultear arched her hips, forcing him to press harder. He backed off. Frustration welled up inside of her, the kind that let itself out in a needy moan. That seemed to be what he was waiting for. His mouth locked around her completely, his tongue sliding solidly against her. She was soaked now and Gray knew what she liked. Ultear orgasmed the kind of orgasm that left her muscles twitchy and weak.
Gray pulled away and picked up his cigarette again. It was still burning, though it was almost finished now. "I'll drop you off on my way by."
She wouldn't ask him to fuck her; that would be too much like he won. Ultear sat up and straightened her clothing. She'd be wet between her legs for a while; she didn't mind.
Flare waited for Ultear outside of the nightclub, a smoothie in her hand, the straw in her mouth. She was in a black V-necked T-shirt dress that read number seven on the front. She watched Gray's truck, and then Gray, not breaking eye contact with him until Ultear stepped out of the vehicle and closed the door, blocking her view.
She popped the bubble gum she'd been smacking and flashed Ultear a bright smile that didn't reach all the way to her eyes. That was part of the reason Ultear liked her, she supposed. She was insincere. "Hey."
"Is that one of your friends?"
"My brother." Ultear sneered the word though Gray wasn't around to hear it.
"Oh." Flare smiled a little brighter. "I thought it was your boyfriend or something."
"Who the fuck has the time for a boyfriend?" Especially when girls were that much more fun.
"Agreed." Flare linked their arms and turned them towards the club. Ultear's steps faltered. Angel stood by the front door, handing off a small package of something to the bouncer. Ultear would bet her entire paycheque that it was pills.
Her hair was crimped like a Victoria's Secret model, her body showing through cut-outs in her black and red hatched dress. She looked nasty, a mean girl through and through, and fantastic. She narrowed in on Ultear like a wasp on a fly and moved in front of the bouncer.
"Oh, Ultear." She practically simpered her name. "Did you hear? Tonight is No Sluts night."
"Guess you should go home, then," Ultear quipped.
Angel's smile grew. "Funny. Hey, I meant to ask you how Zeref was."
"He's in jail, Angel. How the fuck am I to know?"
"I thought you were his biggest fan. It seemed that way, anyway, the way you'd hang off his side, though he told you he wasn't fucking interested."
What bothered her most about that was that it was true. Ultear clenched her fists at her sides and imagined, not for the first time, hitting Angel. She was a little wearier after being arrested with Natsu those months ago, though. Angel knew it, too, and always exploited that.
Flare wasn't as concerned. She let her smoothie drop from her hands and when it hit the ground, it splashed up Angel's legs and over her high heels. Angel looked at the mess in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Oops." Flare laughed. It sounded slightly unhinged.
The bouncer spoke up. "I think that's enough, ladies. Miss Corona, if you would." He waved Flare towards the inside.
"You're not letting her in after that," Angel swiped. "Tell them to fuck off."
The bouncer's lips pressed together. He remained stoic. Flare took up Ultear's hand and pulled her close. She smelled like nutmeg and sticky smoothie. Ultear heard Angel said, "Why the fuck are you letting them in?" She looked back and saw the bouncer had blocked her entry into the club and was explaining to her something in a low voice.
Ultear asked Flare, "Do you know that guy? Why did he call you Miss?"
Flare whispered to her, "Daddy owns the club."
"Your dad does?"
She lifted her shoulder an inch. "He's not really my dad, but he likes it when I call him that."
Ultear pushed aside some streamers and stepped into a dark hallway. She could see lights from the club's innards bursting through another set of streamers that separated the main part of the building from the entryway with its bathrooms and water fountains. "How do you know him?"
"He was a friend of my family. I live with him."
"You do? Why?"
"My mom had cancer when I was little and then when she died, my dad was sad and—" She mimed putting a gun to her head and pulling the trigger. "It was a mess." She said it all with very little emotion, never raising her voice above the loudening throb of music. "So I moved in with Ivan and everything's better now." She laughed again. Unhinged. Again.
Ultear shivered.
"We get everything for free here. The bartender knows me and the bouncers never check me, so it's not like I have to hide Molly up my cunt. I saw a girl do that once, you know? I walked into the bathroom and she had her leg up on the counter and her friend was helping her. They didn't care when I walked in. People are fucked, did you know that?"
"Yeah," Ultear mumbled. Totally fucked.
"If you don't want that girl in here again, I can make that happen," Flare said.
"Angel?"
"You hate her, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"Then so do I." She smiled widely and pushed aside the final set of streamers and the music poured in around them.
Tartarus was like every other nightclub Ultear had ever been in. Loud, seizure-inducing.
Flare dragged her to the bar where the bartender poured them drinks without asking for payment, just like Flare said. Ultear sucked back three big mouthfuls and whatever had been bothering her inched back a few steps.
Flare asked, "Who is Zeref?"
"A guy I used to know," Ultear said.
"An old boyfriend?"
She sighed. "Things were complicated."
"How?"
She was sure Flare would hear it anyway if she asked literally anyone. "He fucked around a lot with other girls." With Angel. Though Ultear supposed she was fucking his brother, so all was fair. "And then when I was fucking fed up with him and thought nothing was ever going to happen, he decides that he wants to fuck. And then—" she laughed and sounded unhinged herself. "He killed someone." Zeref killed someone. She still couldn't wrap her head around that completely. He killed someone with the same hands he used to touch her. "I sound insane."
"Did you ever watch The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus?"
"I hate that movie. Doctor Parnassus is a fucking pig. And then Valentina gave herself over to Mister Nick."
Flare smile softened. "That's what men do to girls like us. They make us do crazy things."
Ultear finished her drink and got another and that little seed of unease shut up completely.
They danced until Ultear was dizzy. She changed partners often, sidling in with a tall, blonde brute who didn't look like he was there for the scene, and then a small, lithe girl with pink hair. She was replaced by a guy Ultear was pretty sure she'd kissed before but couldn't remember his name. She returned for Flare always, though, because Flare always seemed to be right there.
She was drinking again and shared it with Ultear. It was supposed to be a mixed drink but the bartender had given them mostly vodka. It made Ultear's throat burn in not an entirely pleasant way. "That's gross."
"Do you want to try something better?"
"What?"
Flare reached between her breasts and pulled out a small golden bottle. Once she drank from it, her lips and tongue turned the same colour.
"What is it?"
"Salvia."
She'd never had it before but had heard plenty about it. Ultear shrugged noncommittally and took it from her. It tasted like chemical and almost immediately twisted her down a weird rabbit hole with decaying sides.
Music throbbed in her ear, separate. Lights bounced off her skin, they had weight. Flare laughed in her ear. She was frenzied. Ultear suddenly was, too. Laughter bubbled up in her chest and burst its way out and she was afraid her body was breaking apart. She clutched her torso, all at once afraid, and felt wetness. She was bleeding. She was fucking bleeding. She was screaming and bleeding and Flare was laughing and there was a raven overtop of her, pinning her down, watching her bleed out, watching—
"Stop." His voice punched through her. Ultear blinked. The walls got stiffer. Her chest stopped feeling so open. The music stopped trying to eat her alive. She was on Tartarus's floor and she was wet, not with blood but with alcohol. She could smell it. She'd had a drink and she spilled it on herself and Gray was standing above of her.
He crouched and lifted her up, his arms behind her back and beneath her legs. He held her against him until Ultear could get her feet under her and then he loosened his grip, but not by much. That was just fine. She was unsteady and clutched his shirt like a lifeline. She found Flare over Gray's shoulder. Her eyes were hard and narrow and her mouth was like a gold-tinged papercut. Her expression morphed and she looked concerned.
"Are you okay?"
"She was on the fucking floor, screaming," Gray said. They'd drawn attention; people were staring. Ultear's chest and cheeks were hot.
"It's just Salvia. She's sober now. Come on, Ultear." Flare held out her hand. Ultear stared at it. "Come on."
Ultear's throat was raw. "I want to go home." Salvia had not been as fun as she was hoping and she was soaked in alcohol and totally wrung out.
"Then I'll walk you home," Flare offered.
"I'll drive her," Gray said.
"Ultear?"
"I'll just get the drive," she said.
Flare looked like she'd been smacked in the face. Ultear turned from her and Gray helped her towards the door. His Malibu was in the back of the parking lot. There were a few people around to watch them leave. Ultear didn't look at any of their faces and didn't listen to them speak, though she was sure that the ones that were whispering were whispering about her.
Gray opened the car door and helped her inside. He even tried to do up her seatbelt for her. Ultear took it from him and did it herself, though she didn't protest when he drove her back to his place instead of her mom's, or when he helped her off with her clothes and waited for her to shower. She didn't protest, either, when instead of offering her his couch, he made room for her on the bed, kicking his discarded clothes onto the floor. Ultear climbed in and dreamed of gold-tinged papercuts.
