Sodapop stood at the doorway, taking in the sight before him.
His eyes immediately went to Ponyboy. They always went to him first, no matter the situation.
The kid looked awful, curled up in Darry's lap on the bathroom floor. Soda could only assume the events that had occurred. The events he had known would occur.
He was still mentally kicking himself for going through with his date with Sandy, when he knew Ponyboy was ill. He'd been distracted the whole night. And she could tell. Hell, she's the one that told him to go home.
That's why he was here, well before curfew, staring down at his sick mess of a brother.
Soda ran his hands through his hair and met Darry's eyes regretfully. "How long have you been in here?" he asked quietly.
Darry stole a glance at his watch. "Hour and a half," he whispered. He let out a tired sigh and smiled sadly. "Guess you were right, huh?"
It was one of those times Soda didn't enjoy being right, but he was rarely wrong when it came to the kid. "I know my little brother," he said, shrugging his shoulders. And if he hadn't been so focused on Ponyboy, he would've seen how he'd hurt his older brother with those words.
Soda stepped further into the bathroom, crouching down in front of his brothers, looking Ponyboy over carefully. This was the first time any of them had been sick since their parents passed.
Soda knew Darry had taken good care of Pony. He could tell by how Darry had pulled the covers and pillows from his own bed into the bathroom. He could tell because Pony's face was wiped clean, ridded of the all remnants of being ill. He could tell because Ponyboy was sound asleep in his big brother's arms. But Soda also knew that Darry wasn't Mom.
And he knew that Ponyboy must be scared, being sick for the first time without his parents.
Soda couldn't help but be a little jealous. He should be the one in Darry's place. He should be the one holding his little brother.
That was his job, after all. Ever since Mom and Dad died, Soda had made Ponyboy his number one responsibility. If Ponyboy had a nightmare, he was there. If Ponyboy was upset, he'd calm him down. If Ponyboy and Darry didn't see eye-to-eye, he'd play peacemaker. Any time Ponyboy was in trouble, or hurt, or upset, Soda had a determined focus to make it right again.
Darry's job was to work, and pay bills, and clean, and deal with social services, and get dinner on the table. Soda's job was Ponyboy.
Soda took his eyes away from Pony to glance at Darry. "How long has it been since he threw up?" he asked.
Darry thought for a moment. "'Bout an hour," he answered. "He tried to drink some water but…" he trailed off, letting Soda fill in the details for himself.
"Maybe we should move him back to bed," Soda suggested quietly. "If it's been an hour since he hurled, we might be in the clear. And he'd be more comfortable that way."
Darry nodded in agreement, almost reluctantly. He could already feel Soda taking the wheel.
Soda reached forward to put his hand on Ponyboy's forehead, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "Pony," he said gently. "Open your eyes for me, kiddo."
Darry felt Pony stir and his eyes fluttered. "Soda?" he said weakly, before he'd even opened his eyes completely. "You h'me?" His words were soft and slurred, but Soda could understand him perfectly.
"Yeah, I'm home," he responded gently. "How you feelin'?"
Ponyboy opened his eyes a little more, swallowing thickly, as if the question alone caused his stomach to churn. Soda saw the realization on Pony's face, as the events of the night washed over him like a wave. He realized he was on the bathroom floor and he realized that he was propped up against Darry. And he remembered why.
Ponyboy looked up at his oldest brother and Darry gave him a reassuring smile. Soda heard Pony's breath hitch, and he looked back down, ashamed.
Soda knew Darry had taken great care of Pony - and he knew a part of Ponyboy was comforted and grateful. But he also knew how private Ponyboy was, and he knew the youngest boy was still humiliated about having to endure such weakness in front of his eldest brother.
"Hey, Pony…" Don't be embarrassed. Look at me.
Ponyboy blinked and looked at his brother who was crouched in front of him. His eyes started to well up with tears.
Soda knew he was feeling overwhelmed, and he knew he needed to lighten the mood before Ponyboy got too upset.
Soda yawned theatrically and raised his arms over his head to stretch. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty beat." He winked at Pony. "I know you wouldn't understand, but girls take a lot of energy out of you."
Ponyboy's mouth started to twitch up into a smile. "Whatever," he breathed, knowing Soda was only teasing.
"What about you, kid? Wouldn't you prefer sleeping in a bed?" Soda glanced at Darry. "I'm sure Darry would." Even though it seemed like Darry would be perfectly content with staying on the floor all night with Ponyboy tucked beside him.
Ponyboy looked up guiltily at his big brother, and nodded. He pushed against Darry and started to stand up.
"Whoa," Darry and Soda said simultaneously, reaching for Ponyboy as he swayed backwards.
"Take it easy, kid," Darry said. "We'll help you."
Darry and Soda both stood and hoisted Ponyboy up by the armpits.
Once upright, Ponyboy rested his head against Sodapop's shoulder, leaning his weight on him. Darry released his grasp on the kid, trying hard not to feel offended.
Sodapop, noticing the obstacle of pillows and blankets and sheets blocking their exit to the doorway, looked to Darry. And Darry knew what he was asking without Soda having to voice the question. Darry sighed heavily and bent down to collect the linens in his arms, clearing a pathway for his brothers. He disappeared out of the room.
"Ready, Pone?" Soda asked, keeping one hand wrapped tightly around his lean brother's form.
But when Ponyboy didn't answer, and instead moaned softly into Soda's shoulder, Soda knew it wasn't a good sign.
"Pony…?"
He didn't respond, but Soda could hear him swallowing thickly. And when Pony tightened his grip around Soda's middle, Soda knew what was about to happen.
Keeping one arm around Ponyboy, Soda reached into the sink and tossed the soiled washcloths and T-shirt from earlier into the bathtub.
Ponyboy swallowed again, panic starting to creep into his voice. "Soda…"
"I know," Soda assured him, walking Ponyboy over to the sink. "It's okay." He wanted Ponyboy to remain standing if he could, which is why he opted for the sink instead of the toilet. Ponyboy held onto the edge of the sink tightly, his lips in a thin tight line, his face getting paler by the second. His head was down and he was breathing shallowly through his nose.
"Don't fight it, Pone," Soda suggested easily, standing beside his brother, a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"But…" Soda saw tears start to leak from Ponyboy's eyes. "I don't want to throw up again."
"I know," Soda told him, starting to rub his back. "But I don't think you get a say in the matter. So let's just get it over with, huh?"
Ponyboy opened his mouth to respond, but gagged instead, hunching further over the sink. Nothing came up. He froze, spitting as he felt saliva start to pool in his mouth.
"Soda…" he whined again, his voice breaking.
"It's okay, Ponyboy," Soda soothed. "I'm right here with you." He felt a pang of panic in his gut - the way he always did when Pony was in this much distress. But he quickly shook it off, reminding himself that he could handle it. That he had to handle it.
"Is he okay?" Darry had appeared back at the doorway, and seeing his brother hunched over the sink warranted a fresh wave of concern.
"We're good," Soda answered calmly, not taking his focus off Pony. "Just give us a minute…"
Darry nodded, and turned away, feeling unneeded at best. Darry sighed and headed into Ponyboy's bedroom to set things up in there.
Soda sensed Darry leave the doorway, and he was secretly grateful. There was no need for more than one person to be hovering over Ponyboy when he was like this. But he did wonder about Darry. He was getting strange signals from him…
Soda's train of thought was interrupted when Ponyboy vomited into the sink, finally letting his stomach do what it needed to do. Soda jumped, surprised at the sound.
"Easy, kid," Soda said, calmly collecting himself. He turned on the faucet to rid the contents more quickly. Then he replaced his hand on Ponyboy's back, feeling him lean into the touch, his entire body trembling.
Ponyboy moaned, his knuckles turning white from gripping the sink.
"Shh, you're okay," Soda said, using his free hand to push the sweaty hair out of Pony's eyes.
Ponyboy made a strangled noise in his throat as more bile rushed up and he threw up again, splattering watery vomit into the sink.
He let out a distressed sob, his body trying to curl into itself.
"You're okay," Soda said again, shifting his hand so he could massage Pony's stomach muscles. "Just breathe through it, Pony."
Ponyboy did as he was told, taking deep breaths the best he could while Soda continued to rub his sore stomach muscles. Pony continued to spit into the sink, his breaths starting to steady.
Finally, Soda felt his brother relax in his arms, completely drained.
"You good?" Soda asked uncertainly, pulling the kid closer to him.
Pony nodded, his eyes struggling to stay open.
Soda, seeing this, maneuvered Pony over to the toilet, and had him sit down on the lid.
"Hey, Darry…" he called out the door, as he wiped Ponyboy's face with a fresh damp cloth.
Darry appeared almost instantly, holding a bottle of liquid Tylenol in his hand. Their mom always had the liquid stuff on hand in case one of them came down with a stomach bug. She knew that the gag reflex was sensitive and swallowing pills would be near impossible. There was still some left over from before she'd passed.
Soda smiled at Darry and set the cloth down. "You read my mind." He was worried about how feverish the kid was.
Darry returned the smile and handed the bottle over. "How's he doin'?" he asked, nodding at Ponyboy. He rested his head against the doorframe
"I'm okay," Pony answered for himself, even though he didn't look it. His eyes were closed and his shoulders were sagged.
Soda laughed lightly as he measured out the correct dosage of Tylenol. "Not sure you convinced him, Pone." He knelt down in front of the sick kid. "Here," he said, handing him the tiny cup of medicine. "Bottoms up."
Pony took the cup reluctantly. "What if it doesn't stay down?" he whispered.
"It will," Soda said confidently, even though he obviously didn't know that for sure. "C'mon, Pony, you're burnin'. We need to bring that fever down."
And because Pony trusted Soda more than anyone on the planet, he tilted his head back and took the Tylenol.
Sodapop and Darry both held their breath, praying that the medicine would stay down.
And somehow, miraculously, it did. Soda's coaching might've helped. Keep it down, kiddo. You can do it.
After the victory, the boys took their opportunity to get Ponyboy back to bed. Soda wrapped his arm around Pony's back and led him down the hall while Darry hurried ahead to the bedroom, straightening out the sheets and fluffing up the pillows.
Darry had a trashcan set up by the head of Pony's bed, in case his stomach decided to go haywire again. Soda carefully eased his brother onto the bed.
Pony was too tired to get under the covers on his own, so Darry and Soda helped him, pulling the covers up , snug, to his chin.
"Thanks," Ponyboy mumbled. And both Darry and Soda knew how much he meant it. He wasn't just thanking them for helping him get under the covers, or staying with him while he was sick, or being an adequate replacement for Mom and Dad. He was was thanking them for everything. For being his big brothers.
"Of course, Pony," Darry said softly, and Soda could've sworn his voice broke slightly.
Soda tilted his head at his older brother before kneeling down next to his younger one.
"Ponyboy? We're going to go clean up the bathroom and then we'll be back in here with you, okay?"
Pony nodded vaguely, his eyes closed.
"Get some sleep," Soda whispered, running his hand through Pony's hair. "We love you, kid."
If Ponyboy hadn't already been slipping out of consciousness, he would've told his brothers he loved them too. More than anything else in the world.
He was asleep before Darry turned off the light and closed the door behind him.
xxx
Once in the hallway, both brothers let out a deep sigh. Darry leaned his back against the door, closed his eyes, and ran his hands over his face. Soda noticed his hands were trembling, and frowned slightly.
"Darry…?" he said softly.
Darry dropped his arms and looked helplessly at Soda. He had tears overflowing in his eyes, and the sight of it made Soda feel like he'd been punched in the gut.
"What's the matter?"
Darry shook his head slightly, unwilling to let Soda in on what was bothering him. There were too many emotions swirling around in his head, and he didn't know how to put them in words. "I'm okay," he said hoarsely.
But Soda wouldn't accept that, mainly because he knew it wasn't the truth. "No you're not," he said decidedly, taking Darry by the arm. "C'mon."
He walked him out to the TV room so they could have a discussion without waking Pony. Darry followed reluctantly.
They flopped down onto the couch, exhausted from the events of the night. Darry leaned forward to his put elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Soda watched him carefully. He knew Darry didn't like to show his emotions, and Soda could tell he was struggling to keep them at bay. He waited patiently for Darry to speak.
After a long moment of silence, he did. "I didn't know he was sick," he said finally, sighing heavily. "I had no idea. None. Not until you said something tonight." He paused and glanced at his brother, a sad look in his eyes. "I'm no good at this, Soda."
Soda frowned. "At what?"
"This!" Darry said, exasperated. "Being a guardian."
Soda couldn't help it. He started to laugh.
Darry looked offended, a bewildered look plastered to his face. "Sort of pouring my heart out to you, man," he said. "It's not funny."
Soda shook his head slightly, trying to collect himself. "No, I know it's not," he said gently. "But Dar, you can't be serious. You're amazing at this."
Darry huffed, obviously not taking what Soda was saying with much conviction. "Sure."
"I mean it. C'mon, Darry, you went from being a brother to being a parent overnight. No one expects you to be perfect. But I have to tell you, man, you're damn near close to it. You work hard at your job, you pay the bills, you keep food on the table…" Soda trailed off, hoping with all his heart that Darry was hearing him, because he meant what he was saying. "You have a lot on your plate, Darry. It wouldn't be human if you caught every single detail."
Darry nodded, allowing Soda's words sink it. But then sighed again, prepared to let Soda in on what was really bothering him. "I just wish Pony trusted me as much as he trusts you."
Soda smiled sadly at his brother. "He does, Darry. He loves you and looks up to you so much."
Darry shook his head, not believing. "You were clearly who he wanted tonight," he objected.
"Maybe so," Soda agreed. "But it wasn't because he doesn't love you or trust you." He took in a deep breath. "Darry, you have to remember that Ponyboy is six years younger than you. You're tough and strong and brave in his eyes, and that's because you never let him see you when you're down. And I get that. I do. You want him to feel safe - like everything's okay. I want that for him too." Soda paused, collecting his thoughts. "But it's hard for him to show weakness in front of you because you always hold such a strong demeanor in front of him."
Darry took in a wavering breath and nodded, amazed by Soda's insight. He knew what Soda was saying was true.
Soda relaxed, knowing he'd gotten through to his brother. "You've got to let him in before he lets you in. Ponyboy's a lot like you, Darry. Private and stubborn."
Darry laughed lightly and wiped his tears from his cheeks. "Then thank god we have you, little buddy, to keep us in line." He reached his arm out and pulled Sodapop in for a hug.
Soda hugged him back with all his might, feeling Darry's muscles relax. They held that embrace for a long time while Darry composed himself.
"Let's go to bed, huh?" Darry suggested finally, into Soda's shoulder.
"What about the bathroom?" Soda asked, pulling away.
"It can wait until morning," Darry said simply. "C'mon."
The two brothers quietly made their way down the hall and tiptoed into Pony's bedroom, being careful not to wake him. They slipped under the covers, one on either side of their ailing brother.
Tonight had been rocky and full of emotions, but as Darry and Soda snuggled up close to Ponyboy, and heard him sigh lightly in his sleep at the presence of his brothers, they knew that everything would be okay.
As long as they were together, everything would be okay.
