Author's Note: Longer chapter. Purely fictional. Clearly Anna Kendrick didn't help produce current songs and Pitch Perfect is fictional but I'm enjoying the song riptide a lot. Oddly reminds me of Sweater Weather with its west coast vibe. I also love quotes and will be incorporating random quotes and will apply them to hopefully add to a scene/part. Chloe, Aubrey and Beca are in their mid 20's-hopefully the more mature dialog is realistic.


A dark blue frame captured a print out of a quote by one of Beca's favorite actresses. Chloe had memorized it but reread it again and found the quote too fitting in her current position. "We're all emotional, we all cry by ourselves and have moments of not really knowing what to do with our lives."-Kristen Wiig. Even though Chloe was an art, music therapist she knew that people more often than they wanted to admit felt stuck or like they were lacking momentum.

Beca though inspired here to want more in life, to not settle and as the brunette had once said as they were laying on the couch together listening to her "mixes in progress" as she called them and explained how she didn't think she'd be bored with Chloe if they got married. Chloe could remember the conversation verbatim. "If I married you that wouldn't happen to us because we'd work but also try to enjoy life versus being in a little suburban box, talking to our friends about their suburban life boxes." Beca made Chloe feel calm. As the brunette slowly touched Chloe's hands, finger by finger, trailing the sense like a sensual crawl the red head suppressed a chill. The smallest gestures would turn Chloe on and she wanted to focus on what her girlfriend was saying. "You make me calm," Beca said softly, as though she had the ability to read Chloe's mind and the therapist let what the producer say sink in. That Beca's words were layered. Her anxiety and feelings of being socially awkward, though Chloe thought she wasn't, only a little quirky made the four words have more weight given how she knew the younger woman could feel very self-conscious.; except with her, when they were together, in their bubble. But it was still wonderfully surprising when Beca started factually and ended with a curious tone that was unintentionally charming, "you know I want to marry you, right?"

The brunette clicked a few things on her computer and played Regina Spektor's 'little boxes' cover and smirked. A smile from Chloe followed and she marveled at how Beca could use songs to aid her sense of humor. She enjoyed building a life together, there were still many things to learn from Beca and she felt secure knowing she'd contently take the time to do so.

Until the bubble wasn't enough.


"I was at a record store buying something for you actually. Beca had her large headphones on, wandering around and ran into me. Literally. I had a small bruise after. We talked briefly and that was that until I saw her on campus." Chloe explained with a soft smile as though she were replaying it in her head.

"I'm still in shock that you dated for 2 years." Aubrey said with a slight frown then added, "that's when you gave me that Dixie Chicks cd isn't it?" She asked as an afterthought. A small nod was all Chloe offered and her shoulders fell a little, as though she were letting some of the tension out. This was new to her. Telling someone she loved and trusted everything she could remember. "I still don't get it, you're so open and passionate about life, but you…in a way hid Beca. It seems unlike you," Aubrey said as gently as she could. She didn't want to sound critical but facts were facts. And Aubrey knew if she dated someone and they kept her a secret she'd be livid. Though she never saw Beca angry, now that she was thinking about it, but she was certainly sad on and off. "And Chloe, this is just honesty, my perspective here-it was obvious you liked Beca before I knew of you dating. In retrospect it's because you already were dating, but you didn't really hide it well."

"I know. Things we do for our family's approval right?" Chloe asked knowing her best friend was pushed to be a lawyer by her father and the expectations that came with being a Posen.

"Chloe, I love you, but I'm going to have to disagree. Love is different. I know being bisexual isn't all to you. It's a small part and love is something you should be passionate about. You were passionate about Beca. Looking back-she was to you but I was hyper critical of her and her attitude." Aubrey admitted, rather begrudgingly because it looked for a second as though she were swallowing acid or sour milk. Being that Aubrey was lactose intolerant it was a heightened look of disgust.

"I loved her attitude." Chloe voiced gently. Even after Beca became a producer and worked her way "paying her dues" as she said she still wore her flannel shirts, skinny jeans, tank tops and overall grunge look with layers of eye makeup. What Chloe referred to as her signature look that never failed to have a piece of grey included.

"She's not dead." Aubrey noted firmly.

"Love, you're right." Chloe conceded to her friend's pattern of thinking.

"So you jumped her in the shower, she came to auditions and the rest is history?" Aubrey asked rather impatiently, but also wanted to get a rise from her best friend. Served her right for not being honest.

"I didn't jump her. I..pressured her to sing a duet with me, she happened to be naked. If she were singing in the hallway I would have stopped her then too," the red head defended herself.

"I'm still a little confused. You dated a few weeks into the semester?"

"Yeah, after auditions. The honey moon period. I think we were both nervous when it came to our first date. You know she loathes formulaic movies and tv shows so she picked me up, she made a playlist for the car and we went to a used book store a town over. Talked about our favorite books and she showed me the psych section since I mentioned I was a psych major in passing and"

"So she listened from the start?" Aubrey cut her off as she pieced it together.

"It strangely sounds like you're defending her," Chloe observed and pushed down her desire to defend herself because she knew she needed a wake-up call and sometimes Aubrey was a professional at delivering a bitch slap.

"I'm taking in a side to Beca I didn't realize was there and its unexpected you were with her for as long as you were. It sounds like it wasn't fair to her Chlo. ' The blonde said evenly.

"She could be amazing, creative, thoughtful and equally cruel. I know she said certain things as a reaction to being treated as a secret and I know I've done a lot more wrong that right, but I do miss her." Chloe said with more life in her eyes. Aubrey noticed they turned a lighter shade blue as her recently sullen friend talked.

"As you miss her she's busy with her career and possibly meeting someone. Chloe it's been 2 months. She could have met someone new. You could have met someone. So you're holding onto her?" The lawyer asked though she was certain she already knew the answer.

For a moment Chloe looked off at nothing in particular. I miss lying down with her, sharing space and not needing words. Instead of voicing her thoughts she pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through until she found a screen shot of what Beca had said and held it out for Aubrey to take.

I don't want to keep doing this. It doesn't help. Someone cries, someone acts cold, someone possibly says biting remarks, someone says nice things and it's the same cycle. Infinite words cannot and do not change the situation Chloe. You have to see that its overwhelming in the same space. Overwhelming is the most fitting word for it because of the ambivalence of knowing I'll want to touch you for hours, I'll want you to touch me and I'll love those hours but feel empty when you leave. I'll be able to look at you and think…well I won't kiss her through Europe like she wanted, I won't get to take her to dinner when she graduates, I just won't have a life with her.

"Oh Chlo…"

"She was more honest than I was."

"And surprisingly eloquent," Aubrey added under her breath. Chloe narrowed her eyes at her friend who consistently under estimated the 'music snob' as her best friend called her ex.

"In the end she said we were friends with benefits. Remember when I moved in with my sister before grad school?" Chloe paused for Aubrey to nod. "It made it hard to see Beca. I'd have to leave really early or I'd stay over at her place once every couple weeks, see her for 15 minutes here and there, a half hour, whatever I could because it was better than nothing, but she said she felt,"

"Used?" Aubrey cut her off, following the conversation.

"Yes, but she knew I was working towards a career so I could support us."

"Listen, I'm going to stress again, I love you, you shouldn't include but. You put her in a difficult situation." Aubrey tried to sound diplomatic.

"I know that!" Chloe said, finally letting her voice raise.

"I'm just saying, if I was bi or gay and dating you I'd want more than 15 minutes. Anyone would. In any relationship that's healthy."

"She said she felt selfish for wanting more. And then stupid for knowing it wasn't really selfish because it wasn't unrealistic to want a relationship. I couldn't give her a relationship."

"Playing devil's advocate here-I think you wanted a relationship too and were too scared to work for it. Maybe you were focused on school, maybe you weren't confident Beca would stay since she's always wanted to go to LA. Whatever your reasoning-do you want a relationship now? And more importantly are you willing to put in the effort? Cause love isn't easy. I think people have this disillusioned idea that it's all about romantic intentions and actions and about being equal, but I've never met a couple that's 50/50. I've handled too many divorce cases and noticed someone has a stronger personality than their partner, but it's a shame when I see people who could work and could bring out the best in each other if they worked on their issues as individuals." Aubrey said, smoothly switching into her professional tone. After all she was the best friend, the lawyer, the sister figure, the protector, the tough love. Chloe had many roles as well. The blonde was realizing Beca wasn't just a friend, girlfriend, music obsessed alt-producer, etc etc.

"She suggested that. How she thinks I'll stay with my family or might as well because I love them and they love me, even though their love comes with conditions. She's bitter about that, but she's not wrong," Chloe said with an edge of anger because it couldn't be denied.

"You're an adult. Chloe, you're 25 and no one should control your life but you. It's this beautiful word called autonomy." The blonde said with her rare snarky tone that was reserved for certain moments.

"Don't you find it ironic that as a therapist I can't take a step towards something I want but know my family's restrictions…which is what they are..are unhealthy but I'll stay in the…chaos instead of be with someone who wanted a life with me?" Chloe questioned with a frown.

"You're deflecting," Aubrey challenged after taking a sip of her mimosa. "Answer my previous questions." The therapist almost grumbled that Aubrey was being her therapist in a way, a role reversal that was needed but difficult.

"I'm going to explain my reasoning first…I didn't want to struggle with losing my family and struggle financially then strain our time together from my lack of ability to support. Beca was still in school too and I thought I'd apply myself, finish my education, find a job and not only see her but do the crazy, long list of things I wanted to do with her. Though it'd be emotionally difficult in losing my family somehow it'd be okay or bearable because I'd have one with her and an actual job and we'd get a place, adopt, we could travel…instead of just being thrown into a new environment with nothing under me. I thought it was smart to plan bigger and think beyond the present of it'd be nice to fall asleep with her and wake up together each day…but what happens when we're awake? I wanted more for us and I felt responsible to be able to support and pay it forward after I've never been able to fully open up resources to her before. I don't know…its stupid looking at it now but…I was trying to see beyond the now."

"Many things to comment on-she opened up resources to you? Also, in my opinion you were too focused on the potential and maybe weren't living in the moment enough." The taller woman said and finished off her drink to gently set it on the counter.

"She would make breakfast and bring it to me in bed, she'd make these amazing grilled cheese sandwiches that had different ingredients every time, bring me lunch because she knew I didn't get a long enough break between classes, she offered to pay for a couple semesters which I said no to."

"Hold on, minute details but where did she get the money?" Aubrey wondered.

"Some savings and she worked a lot..even when she was a teenager. She could be very generous."

"Apparently. Answer my other questions," Aubrey said without demand but led the conversation back.

"I would put in the work. I have the career now, she has hers, but I don't want to lose my family, but I don't know if she'd want me back. I mean…she was very vocal about how we were just friends with benefits in the long run… how I let my fear control me, that she shouldn't have kept trying..among other things," depression was seeping in as she explained and could remember the conversations and heated words Beca threw at her. That in itself said a lot when Beca rose her voice.

"Do you think she's right?" Aubrey asked to gauge if Chloe had thought it from Beca's perspective.

"I know I didn't treat her as a priority and I don't blame her for resenting me. I worry I'm not going to fit into her life now…which is almost funny because she used to say I didn't make an effort to fit her in mine."

"Well I know you're crazy because I read an interview about indie bands and how she's influenced them by co-writing lyrics, not just producing. She's still interested if the lead from Vance Joy is a good source. He said she basically wrote it all but had to change the pronoun to man. He seemed nice for giving her so much credit." The blonde explained.

"Since when do you read music articles?" Chloe questioned with a frown.

"Luke leaves them lying around, he and Beca are still friends, I stay out of it due to loyalty to you, but the singer's ex apparently looked like Michelle Pfeiffer so that might be why..I'm assuming you had no clue that song is mostly about you." Aubrey said honestly.

"No, I didn't." Chloe offered after she finished her own drink and twirled it in her hand. One of her tells that she was overthinking.

"Alright. All this talking and analyzing, but what matters is what are you going to do?" Aubrey said neutrally, wanting to leave everything to Chloe. Influencing her wouldn't be fair and at this point she thought it a little absurd that Chloe held back with Beca when she committed herself to really throwing herself into other areas of her life.

What are you going to do. What are you going to do? Chloe repeated in her head.