A/N: i am sooo sorry i didnt post this sooner ! i was going to , but then i remember that i had this HUGE social studies project which was due , so i had to work on that , and i havent found any other time ! cuz i got piano lessons and homework and skating and HERPADERP :/ but im gonna try and update again real soon ! thanks for all the comments too o3o


Mathieu's eyes fluttered open lazily, and he looked around the bright white room. Am I dead? he wondered. A low beeping sound rang in his ears, and he grimaced in annoyance. He stared at his wrists and realized they were bandaged up, with multiple tubes sticking in them. Wait a second...He looked to his right to see his papa sleeping in an uncomfortable-looking plastic chair, and Alfred and his other father asleep in chairs to his left. They all appeared to have red, puffy eyes, as if they had been crying. He looked down to see thin white sheets tucked up to his chin. He wasn't...Was he? No, he was...His eyes widened. He was in a hospital. He was in a hospital? No, this couldn't be happening! He had passed out from blood loss long before Alfred was home! He should be dead right now! Dead and gone and out of everyone's way! That's where he wanted to be! He began hyperventilating, causing the heart monitor to beep five times as fast. The three others stirred in their sleep. Arthur was the first to wake up.

"Mathieu? What are you doing? You need to calm down!" He ordered Mathieu to take big, deep breaths, which eventually slowed down his heart rate, but not his mind, which had about a thousand thoughts racing around it at once. At this point, Francis and Alfred had woken up and were rubbing their eyes sleepily. As Mathieu stared at everyone, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Oh, mon cher Mathieu douce," Francis murmured as he stepped closer to the bed and pulled Mathieu into a hug. Mathieu squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. "Please, don't ever do that again." Mathieu just nodded, his fingers crossed ever so slightly under his sheets.

"You scared us to death, Mattie!" Alfred said, and instantly regretted his choice of words. "But I'm glad you're okay now," Mathieu nodded again, wishing that more than anything that he had not survived. The look of depression on his brother's face felt like a stab in the heart.

Arthur stepped forward awkwardly. "Mathieu, I'm so sorry this happened. We should have noticed there was something wrong," Mathieu stopped listening to his father's words and focused on his eyes. They looked glassy. Was he on the verge of tears? Mathieu had never seen Arthur cry, so that meant he must really have been worried, and not just feeling guilty for forgetting his son. That's when the wall holding back his emotions broke. Whatever willpower and strength he had been using to fight his tears was gone, and they poured down his cheeks. Francis, Arthur, and Alfred all looked at each other with equal faces of guilt. They all knew that this was not the first time Mathieu had cried so hard, and they felt to blame. Mathieu lay back on the pillow and let out heart-wrenching sobs. He cried for making his family feel bad, and for wasting their time. He cried for not succeeding in his attempt at death, and for all the hard times that had pushed him to do it. He cried until he eventually fell asleep, small hiccups and deep uneven breaths accompanying it. Francis, Arthur, and Alfred sat back in the plastic chairs by Mathieu's bedside. A silent agreement seemed to fill the room as they all thought the same thing: they would do their best to make Mathieu's life much better than it was now.


Mathieu sat in the kitchen, eating small bites of pancakes and maple syrup. Francis sat next to him, Alfred sat across from him, and Arthur was in the kitchen, fixing tea for himself.

"These are awesome, Mattie!" Alfred declared as he shoved another forkful of the maple-soaked pancakes into his mouth.

"They are very good, Mathieu," Francis agreed. "You get your cooking skills from me, of course,"

"I can hear you, Frog!" Arthur shouted from the kitchen, causing Francis to chuckle. Mathieu just blushed. It was all a bit overwhelming, really. Ever since he had been let out of the hospital, his family kept a close eye on him. Not just to acknowledge his existence, but to make sure he wasn't going to do anything like he had done ever again. This meant removing all of the kitchen knives, razors, and scissors, and putting screens on all of the windows. And for the most part, Mathieu's family believed he was going to recover from this experience and was improving. But they were wrong.


Mathieu walked through the crowded hallway, invisible to everyone. At least, he thought he was...

"Matvey, where have you been?" a mocking voice shouted from the front of a large group of kids. Mathieu ducked his head, quickening his pace. "Where are you going?" the voice said yet again, with choruses of "Yeah, Mattie!" echoing it. Mathieu turned to stare back at none other than Ivan. The flow of students in the hallway lessened, leaving Mathieu much more vulnerable. "So, I hear you've been missing for a while, da?" Mathieu nodded and stared down at his shoes. Then, without warning, Ivan yanked Mathieu's arm, and pulled back the sleeve of his sweatshirt to reveal the red scars that made their way up his wrist. He stepped aside to show his group of friends the cut marks. Ivan chuckled. "So, you tried to take the easy way out, huh?" Mathieu tried to pull his arm back, but to no avail. Ivan leaned in close to Mathieu's ear. "You are so weak. You deserve to die," He pulled his head back, laughed, and walked away with his posse, leaving Mathieu alone in the now deserted hallway. Mathieu blinked, and turned around, going back the way he came, distancing himself from Ivan even more. And all the while he kept his composure. He walked up the stairs and into the boy's bathroom, a blank expression still present on his face. He walked to the last stall, locked the door, and sat on the floor. He hugged his knees to his chest, and then, only then, did he cry.


A/N: aaaah im so sorry ! this chapter is so darned short ;3; im sorry , ive been putting this off for FOREVER ! but insomnia hit , and i have nothing better to do ;P please dont hate me for making this so late , i promise the last chapter will be up soon ! *pinky swears* thanks for reading (^-^)