The Letter
Granger,
You'll never forgive me for this. I know you won't, but that's alright. You see, this was always the plan. My plan. I know you're the brightest witch of the age, but I will always be the sort of wizard that disregards such notions in order to protect you. They were targeting you. Your infinite stubbornness and horrible Gryffindor nature would have seen you in the thick of it. They would have killed you and I, I couldn't have that.
You're probably wondering why you're sitting there holding this bit of parchment and well, that's my fault. It was spelt to disappear if— but, if you're holding it, it's probably best to assume the worst and for that, I will never be sorry. It means you're alive and fuck, Granger; Potter hasn't a chance without you. You are the most important piece to ending this blasted war.
I know you and you're probably shouting for Potter, but it doesn't matter. We're all gone. Polyjuice is a fascinating Potion, though I can't say Essence of Granger was particularly appealing.
I love you. I should have said it while you were awake, looking at me with those hypnotizing amber flecked eyes of yours, but I didn't. I couldn't. If I heard the words fall from your lips, I doubt I could have left you and even now, I'm struggling. I don't want to leave you. I don't want my last look of you to be your pink lips slightly parted and your ridiculous hair tangled on my pillow.
I've always been labelled the coward, and perhaps I was, but I like to think, in this moment, as I walk into the darkness, I'm better than that. As I leave behind the only light in my life, I go with my head held high and dammit, Granger, this is all your fault.
Why couldn't you just have stayed that buck-toothed little twat? Oh, that's right, the teeth bit, that was my fault. Well, you didn't have to fix them so perfectly. Who the hell taught you to tame that mane you call hair anyway? It was so much easier when it looked as though bird's nested in it. Why did you have to be so fucking nice to me? I didn't deserve it. I should be hating you instead of feeling my heart rend in two.
I don't know when it happened or even how it happened, but it did. Suddenly, I didn't care that your hair was this awful tangle of curls that reminded me of Devil's Snare. I knew that one day, they'd tangle all around me. They would never have let me go and I found that I didn't mind that idea one bit. I would have happily been your captive, Granger. In fact, I was, wasn't I? I was yours and you were mine.
I can't tell you the number of times my heart felt a bit lighter while basking in your smile. I can't tell you the number of times I was overwhelmed by all the chaos around me and you were that beacon that led me home. You made me into the man I am, so really, this is all your fault.
I had plans for us. I never told you. I should have told you, and now it's too late.
I've got to do this. I can't be that wizard that hides in safe houses, especially when I know what they've got planned for you. I can't subject you to that. I won't. Fuck, this is killing me.
My favourite bits were the ones we shared in the darkness. Whispering over tepid cups of tea. Stolen kisses in darkened corners. I'd shagged my fair share of witches and probably Weasley's share as well, but I'd never felt anything until you. I'd never taken the time to study every inch of porcelain skin and yearn for breathless whimpers, until you.
I carry every moment with me, but I don't want that for you. I don't want you to dwell upon white picket fairytales, because let's face it, the Manor is entirely too large for that sort of nonsense. I don't want you to dream of curly haired blonde children running about causing mischief. I don't want you to meticulously analyze where our children would have been Sorted and whether they'd have my eyes or your brains. I don't want you to be sad for always, love.
I want you to recall that pompous git that sneered at you as soon as look at you. Perhaps not the Mudblood bits, those were definitely not my finest moments. Hate me if you must, but Granger, let me go.
I love you until my last breath. How many people can honestly say they've been on the receiving end of that?
It would have been a beautiful life. I would have made sure of it. Now go live it. For both of us.
-Draco
P.S. For the love of Merlin, don't marry Weasley. I'll fucking haunt you.
