Disclaimer: I don't own ME, Bioware does.


"...Alayne Shepard...missing...Thomas Shepard...found dead…Maya Z. Shepard...alive…"

Again and again his eyes kept on reading the message. His heartbeat dropped to normal again, but his head was spinning, and John was sure it was not the alcohol's fault.

Ten years. He hadn't seen them for ten years, and he spent most of the time blaming them. They could have said something. They could have denied. They could have hidden him. They could have done anything! Instead, in grave silence they had helped him pack his things, waved him goodbye and let them take him away, to the brain camp.

He could still see them, standing in front that wannabe house, looking at him with what was supposed to probably be a brave face, watching him walking away. "Missing…found dead…" His father had been holding his mother around her shoulders, protectively, reassuringly, compassionately…"Missing…found dead…"

He was always wondering. Was it indifference or just an attempt to make him stronger that made them so stoic? If the latter, they failed. He missed them. He missed the freedom, the sun, and grass under his bare feet. The warm summer air and the chilling winter mornings. For a very long time he missed it all, but eventually all his memories and desires turned sour, and he sent them his first spiteful message. Were they just as emotionless while reading it?

"Missing…found dead…"

"John? Love, is everything okay?"

At the sound, he let his arm fell to his side, the hologram projected by the omnitool in his hand gone.

He hadn't meant it, not really. Not somewhere deep inside. But when he realized it, he was too of a coward to come back and apologize when he still had the chance. And now there was no chance. There would never be again.

He felt a hand snake gingerly around his abdomen and a soft touch on his right shoulder as she rested her chin on it, tilting her face up to look at him.

But there had been another person. Small, with ablaze hair and big green eyes, with freckles over her nose and cheeks. There were tears streaming down those cheeks that day. His little sister. He couldn't remember seeing her cry that way before, not even when she'd skinned her knees, or broken her arm, or twisted her ankle. She had been always so brave, always fighting her tears, so that she wouldn't look weak in her big brother's eyes, he knew. But his last memory of her was while she was begging her unresponsive parents to stop them.

"…alive…"

"John…" she whispered again and he could smell the sweet scent of the drink she'd been drinking all evening. "You're pale…what…wait a sec, I have a protein bar here somewh…" He swiftly caught her retreating hand. "I'm not hungry," he assured her and finally turned sideways to see her.

Katherine, Katy as he liked to call her, was almost as tall as him. She had a round face with slanting eyes as dark as night. Her long hair, now bound in a firm ponytail, was straight and black, and it was, together with her eyes, hinting at her eastern heritage.

"Then what is it?" she asked and cocked her head to one side, as she always did while solving a problem.

At first he shook his head. His problems were just his problems, she didn't need to be dragged in them. But she'd found out anyway, there was no need to keep it from her. He smiled at her and touched her cheek with his fingertips. "How about going home? It's already quite late and we probably…need to talk about…well…"

He watched her eyes grew wide slightly at his response. "Talk? Now you scare me," she said weakly, but tried to smile nonetheless.

"Don't worry, it's…just…wait here, I'll go back to pay for our bill, and soon we'll be on our way." Leaning forward he placed a tender kiss on her lips, making her close her eyes in pleasure. They opened however, when the touch was gone, and with a frown she watched him disappear inside the club again. Shifting her weight she began chewing her lower lip, a gesture of her nervousness.

Discussions beginning with "we need to talk" were never a good sign. Casting a worried look towards the half-empty street, as if the whole talk was its fault, she sighed and tried as hard as she could to remember something she might have done or said, that could have upset him.

Was it because she'd been dancing so much with Jereth? But he'd told her to enjoy herself, that he wasn't feeling well and…okay. Maybe that was it. If she was feeling unwell and told him to go and do whatever he wanted, she would be upset if he actually obeyed and didn't stay with her to make her company.

No, now she was chewing her inner cheek, John's not like this. When he says something, he means it. He'd been behaving strangely all evening, so maybe the matter, whatever it was, happened much earlier.

A dark shadow crossed her face, making her turn her back towards the club in case he'd suddenly come out. What if someone had seen her? No, that wasn't possible. She was always so careful. Besides, if he had somehow found out, he wouldn't have asked her to the club. She knew him. She knew he was far too loyal to the Alliance and its laws to turn a blind eye to it.

"So are you ready?" His voice startled her, but when she winced, she immediately made herself laugh warmly. "Hey, you can't sneak up on me like that. You startled me." She expected him to smile, but his face remained unchanged and that made her own smile froze on her lips. "Wow, that must be some topic we're going to talk about," she added, and suddenly felt a stab of fear in her stomach.

In slow pace they began walking down the street. There were still a lot of people, most of them happily drunk, but the pavement wasn't crowded like it usually was during a day.

"I…don't know where to start," John admitted and took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. He knew that his parent's death would have serious implications for his and Maya's life. For a second all he could think about was what exactly it would mean for him and Katy. He didn't know Maya anymore. What if she was a troublemaker who'd turn their lives into hell within a fortnight? However the short journey inside the club and back outside was enough for him to realize one thing – Maya was the victim here. She'd been probably still at school when the attack came - if she had been home with her parents she would have died as well - but it still had to be a dreadful experience for her. "There…has been a raid," he said eventually. It seemed like the easiest way to start.

"A…raid?" Katy repeated and took a sharp breath. "What? Where? Are they…are they going to send you out?"

"No, no…nothing of the sort," he hurried with a reply to calm her down. "It's already dealt with. It…was Mindoir."

There was a short pause. "Weren't you born on Mindoir?" Katy whispered and looked at her lover with wide eyes. "Oh, John…how…how is your family? Do you know?"

He nodded slowly. "Mother is missing and they've found my father's body."

Again she sucked in the air sharply and covered her mouth with her hand. "John, I'm so sorry. I…I don't know what to say. Now I understand why you were so upset all evening," she went on in apologetic tone as if she had been holding his mood against him.

Though his mood was another thing that worried John. Why had he been so miserable? Was it some kind of a premonition? Was it only a coincidence? It had to be, biotic or not, that wasn't not how it worked.

Being a biotic meant you could create a mass effect field using the element zero in body tissues. A certain race – a mono-sexual species known as Asari – could develop such abilities naturally. Other races could have biotics of their own as well; however the mentioned specimen had to be somehow exposed to eezo, like it had happened in John's mother case.

"May survived though," he added.

That seemed to take Katherine aback. "May? Who is May?"

John frowned and touched the back of his neck. "I haven't told you about her? She's my little sister."

Katherine gave him a look which was answer enough: no, apparently he had never mentioned her. "You have a sister?" she asked, confirming what he'd already figured from her eyes. "Well…yeah, I…do. And with our parent's dead…" he let the rest hang in the air.

"Our flat is small!" she protested and the outburst made John think she was strictly against the idea. "There's no way another person can fit in. We don't even have a spare room, or a bed for her. Or a space for her things," she reminded him in softer tone.

But to be completely honest, John wasn't exactly thrilled either. He didn't even know how to be a brother again after so long.

...

Tobias was sitting on the edge of a bed, his hand covering hers, gingerly caressing her knuckles with his thumb. His expression was a sad one, his mood was dark. He was an orphan, practically homeless at the moment, heading to a world he barely knew and only through stories and the extranet.

His eyes were scanning her face. It was calm and as close as it could get to a peaceful, considering the situation. Though she was probably oblivious to it now.

His hand squeezed hers a little bit more. He frowned and closed his eyes for a moment. This was probably the last time they were together. In a matter of few hours they were to land on Earth and they would most likely get separated. He'd lost everything, his life was simply gone, just like that, because…because…he didn't really know why. One second everything had been fine, the other his world was turned upside down. And now he was about to lose the last light of his life as well.

He loved Maya. He loved her with all his heart and simply couldn't imagine being without her. She'd never been interested in him, he knew it. He recognized the glances she'd been sending towards that stupid marine back on Mindoir, though Sean always seemed only amused by that child's infatuation. Anyway, he knew he never had a chance with her, she was made for better than him, but he at least wanted to be with her. He loved it whenever she embraced him, whenever she combed his hair or touched him. He loved the way her lips turned into a smile and her eyes narrowed in the cutest mischievous look ever.

Her hand moved slightly in his palm. Tobias frowned when he noticed that her eyes had started moving under her closed eyelids. She wasn't supposed to dream.

"Why did you do it?"

A tall brunet straightened and casually tossed an empty injector to the bin. "Do what?" she asked with a smile.

"She asked you for sedatives to help her sleep and you…gave them to her," Tobias said and his hands made a questioning gesture, his palms up.

The doctor nodded, understanding. "She was obviously tired. Bleeding from such a wound can be exhausting. Sleep combined with the medigel will get your friend better. Don't get me wrong," she added immediately. "The leg will take time to heal, a few days at least. But…" she licked her lips and her brown eyes wandered away from his face, searching her surroundings as if she was looking for the right words to say. "What you've been through…" she said quietly. Tobias expected her to add something else, but then she only shook her head.

"What's going to happen to us now?" Tobias finally asked the question that was burning on his tongue all the time since they'd been found by the Alliance.

"I don't know," the doctor answered frankly. She sighed and touched her cheek lightly. "Tobias, am I right?" The boy nodded. "I must check on the other children again, but could you stay with her? The sedatives I gave her should grant her a dreamless sleep, but just because they should doesn't always mean they will. Besides, with biotics you never know," she shrugged.

She managed to make three steps towards the exit before Tobias processed her last words. "She's not a biotic," he protested.

The doctor stopped and whirled around. "She is," she stood her ground. "I've detected a certain level of element zero in her body."

"Her mother's been exposed to it. But that was more than…twenty years ago. Her brother is a biotic, but she's not."

"Maybe she just hasn't pursued to develop her abilities?" she asked him with slightly raised eyebrows as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole universe. "Though that would explain why she doesn't have any implants. Anyway, if she starts having a dream, a nightmare I mean, wake her up. She's been through a hell and doesn't need to relive it. I should be back shortly."

"I'll keep an eye on her," Tobias promised.

"I thought you might," the doctor answered with a strange smile, as if she wanted to imply something. With that, she left the infirmary. Unlike Maya, the children were mostly unharmed. Since the primary school was right next to the secondary school, they were brought to the bunker immediately after the first explosion. Some of them had minor bruises, scratches…nothing serious. Their true wounds were much deeper, though, and would take much longer time to heal…

...

There were screams and a fire kissing the sky. Columns of smoke were rising towards the clouds, mingling with them in their black and white game. A great source of bright light behind her made her shadow come alive. It was monstrous, huge with long arms and legs. Its head was round and two pairs of eyes were shining from the dark face with a terrifying black light. She wanted to scream, to run away, but her leg crumpled under her and she fell. Her voice was hoarse, her throat sore and she could scarcely breathe. Suddenly a burst of light blinded her and she lifted her hand to shield her eyes from it. And when it faded away she saw them; two corpses lying at her feet, one headless, and the other with bloody mush with specks of skull for a face. The scent of burnt flesh filled her nostrils. A sharp pain from her leg beneath her was dulling her senses.

Maya's heart was pounding loudly in her ears when her eyes snapped open. She felt drops of cold sweat on her forehead. She lifted her hand to wipe it off. When she looked at her right arm a vague thought that something wasn't right started tugging at a corner of her mind.

Burnt. It should be burnt, she realized.

"Are…are you alright?"

She looked to the left and was amazed to see Tobias sitting on her bed. She hadn't noticed him until now.

"You were having a nightmare so I woke you up," he smiled at her, but it lacked any merriness. She wanted to say something, but she had no idea what it should be. Tobias didn't seem to need her answer though. "You were sleeping almost all the journey, we're three hours from Earth," Tobias added and only when he squeezed her hand she realized his touch. "Earth," she finally repeated. "I was hoping it was a dream," she added. "I wanted to…sleep, hoping once I wake up I'd be in my bed in my bedroom. Or in our living room fast asleep after searching the extranet for anything about Turian anatomy…"

The pain written all over the girl's face was almost too much for Tobias. As if all his problems were meaningless now, while she was suffering. "May…" he said quietly, but felt silent again. He had no idea what to say to stop the tears in her eyes from brimming over.

She shook her head and used both of her hands to comb her hair. A sob escaped her lips when she closed her eyes. It seemed to Tobias like she was still trying to deny everything. She begun sitting up, but a pain in her leg stopped her and her hands instinctively moved to press the wound, making her hiss some more. She clenched her teeth and, frowning, looked at her friend. "I want to get out," she growled, the tears still shining in her green eyes.

"Er…out?"

"Of this bed. Of this room. I just…want to…" she let the rest hang in the air. She knew what she wanted, but she'd never have it again. Mindoir was gone. Her parents were gone. But she was alive.

"O-of course, let me help you." He took her arm and carefully slid it around his shoulders as he helped her off the bed. She was leaning against him for support when they made first few steps. They were half-way to the door when it suddenly slid open with its typical swoosh sound and revealed two women standing in the doorframe. One of them was the young doctor. The other had a dark blue alliance uniform with several gold stripes on her shoulders. She was shorter than the doctor, but her hair was the same dark brown colour. Her eyes were kind, but she had the air of respect and authority around her, and Maya suddenly wanted to shove Tobias away, to show that she could stand on her own.

The doctor's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "What are you doing? Stop it! Put her back on the bed, now!'"

"I'm fine," Maya protested while Tobias was backing to the bed obediently, murmuring an apology while his eyes were on the other woman. She walked slowly inside the room, her hands behind her back casually. He turned his attention back at his friend however when she hissed silently. "You okay?" he whispered when he reluctantly let her go. She nodded.

The doctor made a move to rush over Maya, but the woman in dress blue uniform stopped her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "She's fine," she said quietly and the doctor, after a second of hesitation, nodded. Then she beckoned to Tobias to follow her out of the room. Maya watched her friend leaving with a mix of fear and worry, and was very close to shouting at him not to go.

The woman calmly crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed right next to the girl. "Do you know who I am?" she asked with a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Captain of this ship," she said. "I've seen a lot of vids to know the uniform."

The Captain smiled. "Yes, I am. You may call me Hannah, if you want. Do you have any idea why I came?"

The girl looked at her from the corner of her eye. "I haven't lost my memory, if that's what you're asking...eh...ma'am," she added and made an unsure face.

Hannah nodded. "I've spoken to Corporal Kranog and Jackson."

"Alan and CJ are alive?!" Maya gasped. "You saved them!"

"No, you saved them," she opposed her. "Your drone, to be more specific." Something in her tone sent chills down Maya's spine. "It requires both certain skills and a special omnitool – or at least the right illegal application - to create a combat drone, you know…"

"I didn't steal it!" she started defending herself. "Sean was already dead and it was my only chance to kill the two Batarians!"

"Maya, calm down," Hannah said slowly and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not accusing you of anything. We, of course, know the owner of the omnitool, and we found his body, thorn to pieces by a shotgun. I assume the bullets in his body would be similar to the projectile Julie put out of your leg."

Maya hung her head and closed her eyes. "He wanted to protect me," she said quietly. "They took us by surprise."

"No one's blaming you for his death. Corporal Kranog has already described the attack to be very quick. They were probably aware of my ship coming and intended to make it fast," Hannah said carefully.

Maya nodded. "They blew up the base first. They knew exactly where it was," she started saying.

"The attack was well-planned indeed."

"They sent two of them to finish what was left of the garrison."

"And you killed them," she helped Maya over the difficult part.

"I...killed them," Maya nodded, determined to see the steel floor, not the dead bodies. "Then I walked inside the colony and Alan found me."

"I know," Hannah nodded and gave the girl a searching look. Her head was bent down so Hannah lifted her hand and put few strands of her hair behind her ear to get a better view of her face. "Where did you learn how to…handle the omnitool this way?" she asked. "A plasma sphere and a combat drone…that's not a common knowledge."

"Extranet," Maya whispered sheepishly. "I…am good at it. I mean…I was always interested in numerous ways omnitool could be used and…" she shrugged. "I know I was breaking the law by downloading those apps, but…"

"It was illegal, yes. The curiosity sometimes gets the better of us all however. And in your case it helped you survive. And I must say, Maya, that in my book you're a very brave and strong young woman. Not many would react so cool-headedly," Hannah said quietly and paid the girl a soft smile.

Maya slowly shook her head. "I...just wanted to survive, ma'am. I couldn't think of any other way and…I was just terrified. "

"Can you keep a secret?" Hannah asked and leaned closer to her as if the two of them were long-time friends. "When I was just a rookie, and served in the First Contact War, I was afraid too. And I'll never forget my first kill. Turian's blood is blue and they are as different from us as they can be, but they are living, breathing creatures. They have feelings, emotions, dreams. Just like us. They wanted to protect what was theirs. Just like us. And I killed him...or her," Hannah shrugged, "With them it's difficult to tell."

"But…I…didn't feel anything, when I killed them. It was them or me and...I desperately wanted to live," Maya whispered. "But I...was dreaming about them. I...saw what was left of them after the...the...plasma sphere exploded in front of them."

"In any armed conflict it sooner or later becomes just a fight for survival," Hannah tried to reassure her and put a hand on her shoulder. "In a beginning, you walk to the armoury to get your weapon and your gear, you head is full of ideals of how much you want to make humanity proud. You are the chosen one. You fight for Earth and everyone back home. But eventually, you fight to save your own skin. It always comes to it, no matter what they say. It's you, or them."

Maya turned her head towards the woman. Her features were soft and there were no wrinkles around her eyes or mouth. She looked younger than someone who'd been serving in the First Contact War should. She had to be in her late thirties or even forties for all Maya knew. "Why are you telling me all this?" she whispered.

"The pain from losing so much is enough. You don't have to torment yourself for being a coward as well, especially when you weren't," she explained and took Maya's hand in hers. And when Hannah pulled away and stood up, Maya felt she'd left something in her palm. Tentatively she turned her hand around in a slow motion and looked at the small device. Sean's omnitool.

"Captain!" she called after the woman who was almost at the door. "I don't understand..." She reached out with her hand, showing the omnitool in her palm.

"I thought you'd want your omnitool back. Maybe one day you'll need it again."


Thanks for reading everyone. And don't by shy, hit the review button, I don't bite :)