Disclaimer: these characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez and not me.

You know what, I just realized that this story is vaguely like the unmade episode Return of Keef. Ah well. You know what else? I love playing up the fact that Miss Bitters is like totally a supernatural creepy thing.

--

"Dib, there is no school today. "

"Ah Miss Bitters, I was just polishing your hideous earthworm infested apple," Dib replies as he chucks a handful of larvae into the trash and shines the surface of the apple in rhythm with his happy whistling.

"Nobody polishes my apple," Miss Bitters says slowly.

She presses a bony hand on his face and lashes her tongue through his ear so that it comes out the other side. Her clothes begin to billow and a deep sound seems to be coming from nowhere. She slinks back ward to let the deep sound sift through every particle of his being. His body jerks and twitches, and then he tips forehead first, crashing between Miss Bitters' feet.

The happy-probes in his brain shudder and crack and he gets up with a jaunty leap.

"Hey! I feel normal again!" His eyes bulge suddenly, "SO MUCH ANGER AND HATRED BOTTLED UP WITHIN! MUST RELEASE!"

"Dib, there's something drilled into your head. Go see the nurse." Miss Bitters commands.

Dib shuts his eyes and shakes his fist, no doubt about to say something very VERY angrily, but before he knows it, consuming happiness enslaves his brain once again as the probes reconnect.

His eyes pop open.

"Hey Miss Bitters, did you just stick your tongue in my ear and blast my body with ghastly waves of deep sound? Haha, you better lay it low before you're next on my list for paranormal inspection!" He says jokingly, "Of course, that will be after I speak to Zim about this whole brain drilling thing. No doubt he did it. Perhaps I'll buy milkshakes, yeah..." He ponders, leaving Miss Bitters to pucker bitterly as he heads out the door.

Okay, What!? His deep thoughts roar angrily. Milkshakes? Seriously what did Zim do to you?! I want to pulverize that slimy creature is what I want. Come on!

Dib stops abruptly, the tails of his jacket still swinging. These angry feelings surge and snatch at his consciousness and for a moment they fight the unholy surges of happiness, making Dib tremble with his eyes wide and ferocious.

"Zim! Man am I gonna, g-gonna-"

He screws up his face and jerks it from side to side as if he's having an internal tug-of-war trying to spit out the next words.

"-get you."

Dib crosses the empty hall and skips down the steps to the outdoors, waving to the singing robins. "But before I get him a milkshake I should ask what his favourite kind is." He grins as if it is the most brilliant idea since circuit grease.

--

"You know, GIR, I don't think anybody takes doom seriously anymore. I need a word that will shock my enemies with greater doomy fear!"

"Doomy?"

Zim sighs pitifully.

"You're right GIR, what could possibly be more amazing than my already ingenious vocabulary?

GIR gnaws on the bottom lip of his doggy disguise while galloping in front of a meandering Zim who's lost in thought. They begin to pass the school when suddenly Dib bursts from the front doors, waving at the birds in the trees and kicking up his heels.

"I hate to see the Dib so sickeningly jolly." Zim hisses as he ducks behind the fence to avoid being seen. Unfortunately he fails to grab GIR, who runs up to Dib and starts dancing.

"You all smiley! Wanna dance with me?" GIR says while bouncing up and down with Dib's hands.

"Zim's evil minion! Is Zim anywhere nearby? I want to talk to him about something." Dib asks while bouncing with the robot. GIR stops and looks to where Zim is crouched behind the fence. GIR frowns at him like a disaproving parent and gestures for him to come over at once. Zim growls.

"Here I am Dib!" Zim bellows and jumps out from his hiding place," Just so you know, your happiness would be nothing without me! It's all part of my evil plan, mark my words!" Zim cries. "I hate that putrid smile on your face so don't get used to it!" Zim makes a 'I'm ripping your face off' gesture with his hands.

Dib's insides leap with rage. Zim doesn't get that I'm pretty much dying here. He doesn't know how infuriating it is to be happy ALL the TIME!

But amid what he's feeling on the inside, his brain tells him to say something a little different.

"I think I get where you're coming from, yeah, " Dib says thoughtfully, "Have fun with your evil plan I guess. Me, I'm buying milkshakes! What's your favourite flavour anyways?"

"The taste of doom, Dib. The taste of doom." He narrows his eyes as if warning Dib not to take that word lightly.

"Sounds good to me!" Dib turns to head down the street to the ice cream stand. Once Dib is gone Zim begins to stalk in the opposite direction when suddenly he stops, one leg poised in mid-walk. GIR pushes it down like a lever and Zim bends forward, his head level with GIR's.

"I think it's time for the evil plan to show its true colours," Zim spits into his robots face. He leaps up and shakes a pointy finger to the sky. "I know what I must do! And It's going to be really neat and nasty! Come GIR the master plan waits!"

He grabs the shoulders of GIR's costume and blasts back to the base at top speed, leaving a burnt pit to simmer on the pavement.