The next morning, I was running a tad late for the first class that I was to teach. I was planning on grabbing something from the dining hall and taking it with me so I could at least have some sort of breakfast. Blast Irving. I had lain awake half the night trying to find a way around this apprentice complication and also to try and figure out exactly what he expected. Unfortunately, I hadn't come up with any brilliant ideas to circumvent the situation, and I still had no real clue what he was hoping the results would be besides the obvious one of Aneirin doing well.
As I exited my room, I almost fell over a small figure that was sleeping in the hallway, propped up against the wall beside my door. As I looked down at him, I noticed the red hair and the pointed ears. I muttered to myself, but resignedly called his name. "Aneirin, wake up," I said softly so as to not startle him. As the boy's eyes opened, I saw a fleeting expression that I thought was fear. Whatever it was, it vanished with his first eye blink. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.
Aneirin stood up and hung his head. "I was told to report to you first thing today. They didn't give me a time. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
I juggled the books I had in my arms while closing the door. "How long have you been here?" I asked.
He just shrugged his shoulders while still staring at the floor of the hallway.
"Well, I don't expect to find you outside my door every morning," I said slightly disapprovingly. "I want you to go to the dining hall and pick up a couple of breakfast rolls for me and then come to my office. Do you know where that is?"
"Yes, Mistress," he said.
"It's just Wynne, Aneirin, or Enchanter Wynne if you are feeling especially formal."
"Yes, Enchanter Wynne," he replied.
"Go on now. I'll see you at the office."
He scampered off down the hall. A thought entered my head and I called down the passageway, "Make sure you get some breakfast for yourself, Aneirin."
He turned around, acknowledged me with a nod, and then was gone. As I made the walk to my office bypassing the hall to the dining room, I thought maybe having an apprentice wouldn't turn out to be too bad after all. When I arrived to what could only in the most optimistic sense be called my office (as it was so small and only held my desk and a chair for a visiting student), I discovered a report with Aenirin's records and a note from Irving on my desk. As I set my books down, I picked up the note. It seems he had one of the other instructors filling in for my morning classes so I could spend the time getting acquainted with Aneirin and setting his new schedule.
I sat down at my desk and started looking through the information that Irving had left for me. As I flipped through reports from instructors, notes that were obviously made by Irving, and various test results, I became a little concerned. The boy tested high for magic potential, but seemed to have very little drive to harness his talent. He was reported as having only mastered a few spells, Heal and Rejuvenate among them. He had no aptitude towards entropic spells (well neither did I, honestly). What worried me, however, were the personal comments about him, things like withdrawn, hostile, aloof from others, and taciturn. This is what Irving expected me to fix? How was I supposed to do that?
I was still mulling over possibilities for Aneirin when he knocked on the door to my office. "Come in," I called lightly. He entered and handed me two crisp breakfast rolls. "Thank you for bringing these," I said.
The boy just nodded.
"Sit down, Aneirin," I requested. "I want to talk to you."
He slipped into the chair, but didn't make eye contact with me.
"Did you have something to eat?" I asked him as I started on my food.
Again, he just nodded. Hum, this was going to be harder than I thought. I chewed in silence for a bit thinking. Irving wanted the boy to fit in and function well in the tower. If I could get Aneirin to that point, then maybe Irving would be willing to allow me to pass him onto another mentor. I let my eyes rest on Aneirin once again. He seemed a quiet, almost sullen sort. His red hair had grown longer and he had it braided back. He had a few eruptions of pimples on his face, but that was normal for his age. At least he looked to be a neat and tidy sort of individual. I knew there were some apprentices that had to be ordered to the baths. His robes were fairly clean, as well as his hands. He just wouldn't look at me. He continued to stare down at the floor in front of my desk as if he was waiting for me to pronounce sentence on him. I had found that a brisk, firm, but fair attitude went a long way when teaching classes. Surely, it would work in this situation as well. My course decided, I broke the silence between us.
"So, Aneirin, are you happy here at the mage tower?" I asked. I could tell my question surprised him because his eyes darted to my face before dropping again.
"It's okay," he finally said.
I waited to see if he would say anything else, but that seemed to be all he wanted to communicate. I'd have to try again. "What do you like here at the tower?"
After another long pause, he simply said, "The food."
As a child who had grown up never having enough to eat, I imagine arriving at the tower and finding food available every day in plentiful supply might be considered something of a dream. But again, this gets me no closer to getting useful information out of the boy. "What do you like about your studies?"
Finally, I saw something like a real response from Aneirin. He actually looked at me as if he was considering whether I really wanted to know and if he should chance telling me. I tried to keep an even, pleasant expression of waiting on my face. "Mixing potions."
Ah ha. Finally, something I could work with, along with the added benefit it was something I was good at. I proceeded to explain to him the schedule I had in mind for him. He would attend classes every weekday morning, but ones that I felt he should take. He would spend two hours every afternoon working with me. I was determined I would have the young man whipped into shape in no time and then I would be free to return to my own studies.
The next few months seemed to fly by as Aneirin and I soon fell into a routine. Unfortunately, I couldn't report any astounding progress. I had been so certain that with just a little effort I could have Aneirin on the right track. I was wrong. I had spent the first month pushing him to work harder and harder, but that just seemed to make it worse. His magic skills actually seemed to get worse (if that was possible). So, I changed tactics; I switched to being more of the encouraging older sister. That seemed to be more productive for a little while as he actually learned a glyph spell, but he soon slipped back into his old habits. What Aneirin did was put on the appearance of listening, but he actually spent most of the time he was supposed to be learning daydreaming. He seemed to have such terrible mood swings. Some days I felt that I was really reaching him as we worked together, and other days he would be sullen and aloof. Aneirin rarely talked voluntarily. I had to be very specific and persistent to get any information out of him, and he did the minimum of the work assigned to him. The only way he did any more was if I continually nagged at him. I found that fact extremely annoying. I had always been a self-starter, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was baffled by how to handle Aneirin.
The one positive thing I did discover about Aneirin during that time was he really enjoyed working in the greenhouse. Most of the apprentices' access to the greenhouse was severely limited and supervised as we didn't want priceless plants ruined by the careless antics of the younger members of the tower. Since I was one of the mages responsible for overseeing the running of the nursery, Aneirin had more access than most, and he loved every minute we spent there. I must admit I greatly enjoyed sharing my love of growing things with him. He paid much more attention to my lectures on plants and their uses than he ever did on those dealing with spell work.
Through our time and conversations in the greenhouse, I came to realize that Aneirin had a fascination for the Dalish elves. They were the one topic he would talk about incessantly. He had read all the information available on the them in the library and had quickly picked my brain for what little I knew of the reclusive clans. I suspected from what information Aneirin did let drop that many of his daydreams included escaping the tower and finding one of the reclusive bands of the Dalish.
One night, about nine months after Aneirin and I had begun working together, I arrived back at my room and was planning on an evening of research. These days, with as busy as my schedule was, the time I had to actually work on my own studies was severely limited. I found this situation extremely frustrating, but there was nothing I could do about it until Irving decided to release me from my duties with Aneirin.
The past few weeks had been worse than usual. Aneirin was withdrawn even when we were working in the greenhouse. I tried repeatedly to reach him and find out if something was bothering him, but to no avail. I was worried about him. He seemed even more isolated than before. Aneirin seemed to have no friends and made no effort to join the other apprentices in their leisure time activities. He seemed perfectly happy to be by himself; in fact, he seemed to prefer it. I had never met such a self-contained person, and I was at a loss as to how to really connect with him.
As I started assembling my various materials I would need for my planned evening of study, I realized I had left my most recent notes at the greenhouse this afternoon. Aneirin had been unusually taciturn and withdrawn that day. I had given him the chore of seeding some of the herbs that would eventually be transplanted to the gardens when the weather improved later in the spring. We not only grew plants used in our magical work, but we also grew some of our own food. We didn't actually farm, per se, but we did grow some of the special herbs that made meals at the tower a cut above the normal bland Ferelden fare found elsewhere. I was working in a separate section on another task, and when I returned to check on Aneirin's progress just before we were due to leave, I found he had only completed about half of what I had expected. In exasperation, I had pitched in and helped him finish the planting. Of course, this made me late for the last class of the day I was to teach back in the tower, and in my rush to leave, I had left my notes behind. Muttering to myself the whole way, I trudged wearily back to the greenhouse to fetch them.
At the time, I blamed my tiredness for what happened that night. Over the ensuing years, I came to realize that it was simply my own self-centeredness coming into play. I was frustrated with having to deal with Aneirin when all I wanted to do was continue my research. I acted the part of a spoiled child that night, but another paid the price for my behavior.
When I arrived at the greenhouse, I was surprised to find the door unlocked. I knew I had locked it before leaving today and any of the others who had access should have done the same. How careless! I thought to myself as I knew I would never do such a thing.
By the light of the single candle I carried, I entered. The nursery seemed different than it did during the day. There was almost a malevolent feeling as the flame from my candle flickered and danced, highlighting various plants and then throwing them back into darkness. I pushed such fanciful thoughts from my mind as I moved towards the back of the large open area to the table where I had left my notes.
I almost dropped my candle when I jumped as a shadowed form rose up before me.
"Wynne?" came a tentative voice that I recognized as Aneirin's.
"Aneirin!" I retorted, sharper than I meant to. "What are you doing here? You know the greenhouse is off limits to apprentices."
"You're here," he said.
"Now I am. How did you get in here anyway?" I asked suspiciously.
Aneirin dropped his head. "I-I picked the lock," he admitted.
"Aneirin! I can't believe you would do that! What are you doing in here anyway?" I asked, looking around suspiciously.
He seemed to withdraw into himself even more. "I was reading," he said quietly.
'Where?" I asked.
He pointed under the table, and I saw he had been sitting in a spot on the floor underneath the table with a stub of a candle (now blown out) and a book lying on the floor. I picked up the book and looked at it. It was another book on the Dalish.
"Aneirin! Why aren't you studying some of your lesson material? You know you have examinations coming up in Enchanter Penelope's class and that pathetic attempt at a Rejuvenate spell earlier today could certainly use some work as well. Why are you sitting in here wasting time on the DALISH when there are other subjects that need your attention. You will never fit in here if you don't at least try to master your magic!" I said my voice rising with each sentence. "It is so frustrating to try and try to help you when you won't help yourself!" I finished by slamming the book down on the table. The sharp crack of it hitting the surface brought me back to myself, but it was too late.
I finally had a reaction from Aneirin. Unfortunately, it wasn't one I was trying to get. I'll never forget the stricken look on his face as he turned and fled from the room. I chased after him, calling to him, but he was too fast and well outstripped me even before I made it to the tower. I knew I would never catch him. I stood at the entrance to the tower with the rising wind blowing through my hair and a feeling I had never truly felt before: Failure.
