"Dean!"
The urgency in Sam's voice made Dean's eyes to leave the surface of the crumpled paper reluctantly and lift up to Sam's face. The worry and terror he saw in those eyes came like a punch to the gut. Sam looked like he was about to lose all control and put his fist through the cheap plaster walls. Anger and fear burned in his eyes, and for a split second, Dean was scared. Scared of Sammy. Scared for him.
The next moment, Sam rushed forward, catching Dean by surprise and pinning him to the wall, his gargantuan body pressed against his brother, crushing any hope or idea of escape. He manipulated long fingers between their bodies and pried the wrecked paper off Dean's clutching fingers. Turning around, he tore it into bits and threw it out of the window before Dean could get his stunned brain to react.
Dean took long strides to the window, watching Sam's secret float away in pieces on the wind. It just managed to increase the fear he had building in him lately about Sam's ideas to get him out of his damn deal. He was up at late hours on his laptop and calling Bobby everyday. Dean knew that Sam would do anything to save him from the deal, but he also knew that things would not be good for Sam if that demon bitch knew about these efforts. Sam would fall down dead and then Dean would be broken, dead, he didn't know how he could survive going through that heart wrenching agony again.
"Sam."
"No."
"No? That's all you can say? What was that?"
"Nothing that you need to know about."
Dean fixed his little brother with a stare.
"Is this another brilliant idea to save me, Sam? One more sorcerer, one more miracle healer, one more witch, one more hunter? Sam, I know you think you can save me from the deal, but it doesn't make any sense if you get yourself killed in the process."
"I don't care"
That did it. Now Dean was skirting the limits of his patience.
"Sam, whatever scatterbrained idea you have about saving me, let it go. You gotta accept this, dude. I'm a goner, the deal can NOT be broken. You gotta focus on the hunts, man."
"No."
"Damn, Sam, cat got your tongue? A little explaining here? What was in that paper?"
"I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back in a few."
And with that, Sam turned on his heels and walked out of the motel room, leaving Dean with his mouth hanging open in surprise and his mind in confusion. Why the sudden regression? Sammy just turned down a fully baited chick-flick moment!
Sighing, Dean suddenly felt weak and tired. He flopped on his bed, stretching his arms over his head, thoughts scampering around his head like terrified rabbits. Sammy, what are you doing? Are you even aware of how scared I am for you? What do you want me to do? The deal's done, Sam. You can't do anything to jeopardize my reason for living. I won't let you.
Sam walked blindly down the road, hardly caring about the traffic flitting all around him. His throat was tight, and if he wasn't a Winchester, he would have been bawling his eyes out. But somehow, with all the fear and the worry, there was a great deal of anger surging through his body. He could feel the blood rushing to his face when he thought of the words his big brother had spoken just minutes ago. Can't get him out of the deal, huh? Well, he can wait and watch. When Sam was determined to do something, nothing could stop him, not even Dean.
He stopped in front of a small coffee shop, entered and seated himself in a corner, thumbing through the dog-eared menu. There was no telling how long he was gonna stay out of the motel room, how long it would take for him to screw up the courage to face Dean. He was angry, hell, he was furious, but remorse stabbed at him at regular intervals. Dean did not deserve this. The endless guilt trips, the constant worry that he was going to lose Sam.
In the end, he just settled for a cup of strong coffee. Sitting there and sipping the steaming liquid, Sam suddenly felt a wave of helplessness wash over him. He was trying so hard to do something almost impossible, and he needed Dean. He needed Dean to back him up, to turn his fears into sarcastic jokes, to see the care and concern in Dean's eyes. He missed Dean. But he was not going to let this sliver of hope die down after these long months of searching. He saw his first ray of real hope when he found out the deal could be reversed, swallowing down the bile when he realised the sacrifice involved in such an act. But he could do it, he would do it. He had to save Dean. But Dean would never allow him to attempt this, never ever. Nuh uh. He had to keep his secret. Dean, you can't do anything to jeopardize my reason for living. I won't let you.
