There's far more humor in this than I planned, but meh. Do you really think a story with Misato in it could be serious 24/7? I sincerely hope you don't. Anyway, this piece is turning out to be more dialog-driven than most of what I write, which seems to work reasonably well. I hope everyone agrees. Enjoy.


Rei Ayanami calmly departed the Katsuragi household, traversing the nearby stairway with light steps. A few moments passed and she emerged from the apartment complex, finding herself enshrouded by the bright light of the noontime sun. That did not go well.

The blue-haired girl walked automatically toward the train station, keeping her head low enough to avoid eye contact with anyone who approached her. There were not many people on the sidewalk at that time, but whether it was ten or a thousand did not matter. The First Child disliked crowds, even small ones.

With the sun beating down and the breeze conspicuously absent, the walk was very unpleasant. However, Rei did not see any merit to acknowledging this, as she had no alternative method of transportation. Thankfully, her thoughts distracted her from the heat and kept her focused on the problem at hand. Shinji.

Perhaps I was too abrupt, the First Child thought, avoiding a break in the curb. The Commander's son seems rather excitable. Living with the Captain must strain him. I wonder why he chose to stay.

The truth was that Shinji really didn't have anyone else to go to. His father wanted nothing to do with him, of course, and no one else at NERV seemed to want a roommate, so his options were limited to living with the Operations Director or living alone, like Rei. Had Misato not insisted, he would no doubt have ended up in the same low-income housing as the First Child. But since the Katsuragi woman wouldn't take no for an answer, and Shinji never put up more than a token protest, he ended up several miles from the other pilot, in a residential district at the edge of town, where alcohol flowed like water at all hours of the day.

She is quite... Loud, Rei settled on. But Shinji does not seem to mind. There was that word again. That name. His first name. It would be improper for me to continue to call him by his surname. I am no longer his acquaintance. But where did their relationship lie now? She could not call herself his fiancée, for he had not accepted her proposal. Nor could she call herself his girlfriend, for they had never dated, or been intimate before that afternoon's conversation breached the subject. It was as if she had fallen between the cracks, into a gray area of her own creation. I do not know what I am to him.

Were Rei the type to worry, this might be a very, very large problem, but as she was she saw it as just another fact and filed it away with the others. It was not very important, as she expected it to be resolved presently. Even a boy such as Shinji Ikari could not think forever. Sooner or later he would have to decide how to address her query. Do I wish him to say yes? If he refused would I be able to ask another?

Shinji was correct. She had no other options, at least at the moment, but she was also unlikely to acquire any others, now or ever. Only the Commander and his son could understand her. Only the Commander's son could marry her. If she wished to experience the feeling that so many others had the time to look forward to and plan, she would have to do it through Shinji. Rei Ayanami had been taught to be completely self-sufficient, but to form this "bond" she wished to have, she would have to depend on another, trust them, open up to them, perhaps even love them.

The blue-haired girl arrived at the train station more confused than she had been when she left, intent on asking for her fellow pilot's hand in marriage. This dilemma is most odd. Must every bride-to-be experience these feelings?

As the train departed, Rei was no closer to an answer than when she started.

Back at Misato's apartment, Shinji felt the same way, and his esteemed guardian certainly wasn't helping much.

"You'll invite me, right? I can go to the wedding, right?" the Captain pleaded, leaning over the kitchen table, her face as close to her seated charge as she could get it.

"You're not helping," Shinji grumbled. "This is a serious problem."

Misato did her best impression of a sad puppy. "Oh, have you got the jitters already, Mr. Groom? You haven't even set a date yet! Maybe fourteen is a little too young to get married... But Rei seems really mature, and-"

"Dammit!" Shinji cut her off, burying his head in his hands, "We're not getting married!"

There was a short, pointed silence. The charming songs of several birds carried through the open window.

Misato's gaze turned serious. "Did you turn her down?" she asked, settling into a chair beside the Third's.

Shinji shook his head. "I told her I'd think about it," he answered. His voice was muffled by his sleeves. "Help me." This is ridiculous.

There was a tiny squeak as the fridge door opened and closed, then a snap as Misato popped the tab on what must have been her eighth beer since ten. She chugged half of it at once, moaned, and said, "I don't see what you need help with. A beautiful girl asks you to get married so you can both get it on before you die... Like something out of an old war movie." She swallowed the rest of the beer and crushed the can against her head, discarding it carelessly. "It's actually kind of romantic."

Who said anything about getting it on? "It- It's not that simple," Shinji told her.

"Like it's ever simple," Misato scoffed. "I say go for it. You can always get divorced later," she fetched another beer, "But with these Second Impact repopulation laws you might not get out of it before she cranks out a couple of kids..."

"That's disgusting."

The purple-haired Captain slammed her hands down on the table. "What? What are you saying? Are you saying she's ugly? Are you saying you don't want to do it?" she stood up quickly, knocking her chair over as she pointed to the sky, exclaiming, "Stop the presses! A teenage boy's refusing nookie!"

There was a snort, and Shinji lifted his head a little, unable to contain a laugh. Damn you, I don't want to laugh right now. But he couldn't contain himself, especially when he opened his eyes and saw his guardian's hilarious expression. Then he really lost it.

The festival of giggles continued for several minutes as Misato tried her hand at impersonating the Commander and Fuyutsuki at the same time, while drinking three different beers. At one point PenPen wandered in, and left just as quickly as he saw the elaborate dance moves and heard the strange grunting noises the humans were making. The poor penguin thought he was about to be sacrificed. No more national geographic!

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Shinji sighed, holding his sides in agony.

Misato reluctantly set down the empty cans and climbed down off the table, sorry that it had ended so soon. If he was older I'd take him out with Ritsuko. That woman does some crazy shit when she's hammered.

"Okay," the Third Child breathed, calming himself down. "What am I going to do about Rei and the- um- the thing?" he coughed.

"Take her on a honeymoon, you jerk. Okinawa's nice," the Captain suggested, tipping her chair right-side up and plopping down in it. "I'll have to take her shopping," she said mischievously, "I doubt she even knows what lingerie is."

Shinji took a seat, glaring momentarily. "Seriously..."

"Geez, lighten up, would ya? You're so tightly wound it hurts!" Misato shouted.

"Sorry."

Still so quick to apologize, the woman thought. "You don't have to sulk, you know. I just thought you needed a little cheering up." Poor kid.

Shinji's expression softened. "Thanks. I guess I did."

"So what are you going to do?" the Captain asked, looking into the Third's eyes. He was scared, just like most guys facing that kind of commitment. It was said in several different ways.

The boy's face sank into his hands again. "I don't know." No running away.

"You have to do something," Misato urged, "You can't just sit here and mope all day. Tell her how you feel."

"I don't know how I feel," Shinji admitted.

Misato sighed, leaning back as far as she dared. "Tell her that, then. I'm sure she'd understand. She probably doesn't know either, it's not like she knows any more about this than you," she mused, reaching for a bag of chips.

"Right..." the boy agreed, wishing he could just lose himself in his SDAT like always. It was a lot less painful just dealing with things when he absolutely had to. But I can't do that this time, can I?

As she crunched down some oily, fattening goodness, the Captain tried without success to figure out what the hell was going on. Rei proposing to Shinji was about the last thing on the list of things she expected to happen, right behind the Commander going to Disneyland. Sure, the threat of the Angels destroying the world made her want to do some crazy things too, but she had settled for swearing vengeance and killing them all. What in God's name made the quiet little red-eyed girl want to marry Shinji? Did she even have a motive to speak of, was it all just on a whim? She always seemed so controlled, keeping everything inside, secret from everyone else. It was kind of creepy, if you thought about it for a while. Zombie creepy.

This is the most ridiculous shit ever. "What do I do, What do I do, What do I do..." Shinji ruffled his hair, trying to think of any advice, any advice at all, that would help him through this weird-ass situation. What would Toji or Kensuke say?

What, are you nuts? Toji would shout, punching him playfully in the ribs, Go for it! There ain't no reason to say anything but hell yes!

I agree with the jock-master, Kensuke would state, adjusting his glasses. If you could get some pictures of her, that would be pretty awesome, too. He'd grin. You want to borrow my camera after school, just in case?

Shinji sighed. "That was no help."

"What was that?" Misato inquired, stuffing the chip bag back where it belonged, in the cupboard of shame. It was unnerving how she could almost feel her hips getting bigger.

"Nothing," the boy answered. "Come on, advise me, oh great and wise Operations Director," he said reverently, bowing to the woman with a large smile on his face.

The Captain shrugged. "Whatever. What's with you today, anyway? You're not as gloomy as usual," she observed with a smirk, "Thinking about married life already, huh? Waking up next to Rei in the morning, feeling her soft-"

"Stop!" Shinji interrupted, blushing.

Misato folded her hands under her chin. "You're no fun. Maybe I'll just shove you in the car, take you to her apartment, and stand guard at the door until you do something manly."

She wouldn't. The boy's face contorted. "You can't do that."

"Oh, can't I? I could order you to feel her up, you know," the purple-haired woman asserted, winking. "I bet she wouldn't complain. After all, you are engaged."

"We- We're not engaged, Misato. I can't do that."

Misato sighed. "Such a gentleman. The world doesn't deserve you, kid," she leaned over and palmed his head, messing up his hair and giggling girlishly. "But in all seriousness," she settled back down, allowing her charge time to fix his appearance, "I think you should just tell her you want to get to know her better first. Take her out someplace, actually talk to her once in a while, see where it goes."

After a moment's consideration, Shinji decided that that was, pretty much, exactly what he wanted to do, though the prospect of getting to know anyone better was frightening. Mustn't run away. "That's perfect. Thanks, Misato," he said happily.

"Yeah, yeah," the Captain replied. "Learn from my example, young one, and start solving your own problems. I won't be here forever you know," she laughed, smiling.

Shinji grinned. "But you never solve your own problems."

"Hush. Go play with your wife."

"Please don't say that..."

And so it continued, for well over an hour, until Misato was satisfied that she had tortured the boy enough. He still had absolutely no clue what he was doing, and in fact he had probably decided to just avoid the issue until he saw Rei, at which point he would repeat exactly what the Captain said and then fall silent like an idiot. It was a work in progress, as always.

That night, Section 2 (NERV's resident spooks) delivered a large file to the office of one Gendo Ikari, the Commander of the most powerful organization on Earth (besides Seele). Among this file's contents were a bundle of transcripts, most of them uninteresting, and a small device which stored all the audio the spies had recorded in Tokyo-3 that day. As usual, Gendo perused the reports, ignored most of the transcripts, and played back only the most intriguing parts of the audio record, using a handy little computer concealed in his desk. Fuyutsuki, as usual, stood off to the side, looking bored and wishing he had a chair.

After running through the section of sound that piqued his interest several times, Gendo stuffed everything back in the folder and said, broodingly, "This could be a problem."

"What are you going to do about it?" the Sub-Commander asked.

The Commander folded his hands. "The First Child's personal life is none of my concern, so long as it does not affect her duties negatively. I will treat this... Incident... In the same way."

"You mean you're going to give her a warning, and if her synch ratio drops or she disobeys your orders, you'll do something drastic."

"Precisely."