"I'm not gay," Kakuzu stated.

"What about the love shack," Konan questioned, a little disappointed.

"Nope."

"What about the leather," Zetsu inquired.

"I found some cheap leather air freshner, yeah. That's convincing right?"

"Well then what are you two doing every night," Pein asked.

"Nothing," Kakuzu stated excusing himself from the meeting.

"Sasori, Deidara," Pein commanded. "You haven't done much. Try to catch them in the act." Kisame cleared his throat but Itachi put a hand on his shoulder and nodded his head from side to side. Tobi placed his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground with a hefty sigh.


"You failed me," Mr. Generic spoke. The four robbers were bowing down before him. "I planned that robbery so you could kill me and I could escape! You disappointed me, I should dispose of you!"

"No," they pleaded.

"We'll try harder!"

"Wipe out The Super Duper Zombie Buddies for good!"

"Kill them once and for all!"

"Idiots," Mr. Generic yelled. "They're called zombies for a reason. Death escapes them. They are, dare I say, immortal." Mr. Generic chuckled to himself. "You'll need my help to take them down. Yes, I think I have just the plan to capture them."


Sleep time befell the Akatsuki and this was Kakuzu's chance to sneak around. He silently ran into Hidan's room and shook him awake. "Mhmm," Hidan grumbled. "Ah! Tentacle rape!" Kakuzu's tendrils gagged him which made Hidan's eyes become wide with fear. He started to emit a cold sweat and freak the fuck out. Thrashing within the grasp. When he realized Kakuzu overpowered him he sent silent prayers Jashin's way.

"I'm not gay," Kakuzu hissed. "Come on we need to save the world, do it for Jooshin."

"Jashin! Fine, I'm changing my disguise though." Hidan searched through his closet, looking for the most covering thing he could find, which is hard when your whole outfit consisted of pants. He dug into the back and pulled out a few sweaters Tobi knitted. He threw them all on, with the visible one being an argyle light yellow mess with a snowman on his chest. Hidan sighed and reached into the layers to try to pull out his necklace. He struggled through the thickness of the shirt but eventually overcame it. "If you try anything," Hidan threatened.

"You'll kill me? Yeah, whatever. Let's go." The pair jumped from Hidan's window and into the alleyways of the city below. Kakuzu scolded Pein many times about having the Akatsuki base at the tip of a city but he thought it made them look evil.

"You hear that, Danna," Deidara asked.

"Yes," Sasori answered. "We can't be bothered with their Zombie Lovin' tonight, we have other matters to attend to."


"Hidan put the damn pants on," Kakuzu hollered, waving Hidan's super hero pants in his face.

"No," Hidan pouted. "You picked those fucking tight things out anyways. I ain't wearin them."

"You are so-" Kakuzu was cut off by the Zombie Scanner beeping. A map appeared before their faces as a red dot was blinking on the screen. "Oh! We can collect alot of money from there."

"Awe, it's probably closed. I'll only convert a guard or something." Kakuzu groaned and jumped on his pogo stick. As he was hopping along he let his tendrils form his trade mark beard. Hidan quickly tied on his mask and followed him into the night. They bounced around the city streets causing the few people out to stare at them in wonder. They continued hopping until they reached the Rain Village Art Museum. Kakuzu saw a hole and wearily stepped in, Hidan's bitching not far behind him. They walked inside and saw all the work covered in paint, broken or on fire.

"Danna! The Super Duper Zombie Buddies are here," a blonde dressed in an all red outfit shouted from the top of a stair case.

"Brat, I told you I'm The Toy Maker at night," The Toy Maker hissed. He was wearing a red spandex jumpsuit, a top hat, a black flowing cape, and a spiffy monocle. He was holding a black cane and was sporting a very curly mustache. He looked like a slightly more ridiculous cartoon villain.

"That name is just too cool for you, un."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Me? Sarcastic? Never, yeah!"

"I'd hate to interrupt," Fluffybeard Gorightly bellowed. "But I think it's time for a justice sandwich, no condiments needed!"

"Jashin! Fluffybeard Gorightly, that was so gay. Like you. Don't rape them okay?"

"I thought it was catchy."

"I'd hate to interrupt," The Toy Maker stated. "I have evil planned. Don't you want to know my villainous back story?"

"Ugh fine," Kakuzu sighed. "We are still looking for an arch enemy."

"Oh good, our secretaries will get in touch. Actually, Gender Confused Shemale and your sidekick can write down the details."

"Damn it," Gender Confused Shemale yelled. "That's not my name! I'm the Artistic Bomber, un!"

"No. How about, Un?"

"Un, un? Fine." The villain formally know as Gender Confused Shemale approached The Dude and wrote down their contact information.

"Now where was I," The Toy Maker pondered. "Oh yes! My back story! Well like most red heads I didn't have parents so that made me sad. I devoted my life to making puppets and other various toys to fill the void my parents left. Over time, I came to realize-"

"Danna! Where's our secret lair," Un asked.

"We don't have one."

"Fluffybeard," The Dude called. "Are you sure you want them as arch enemies? Look at them, they suck. Toy-based villains, thats so common."

"I think you're right," Fluffybeard Gorightly answered.

"No," The Toy Maker exclaimed. "I promise I'm deep. Just hear my story."

"Alright, hurry up."

"I realized that I posses epic pawnage in art so me and my so not artistic side kick made it our life goal to help the people of the world by destroying all the crappy art people made. Well, he thinks art should be fleeting, so by destroying it, he somehow believes it's becoming real art. Anyways, my art will be the only one left and I'll become famous. My art will last an eternity! My art will be world famous," The Toymaker laughed. "My art kicks ass." The Dude slapped himself.

"I don't want them as arch enemies," The Dude wined. "Art? Toys? What is this preschool?"

"Well, I'll admit," Fluffybeard Gorightly spoke, "they suck beyond belief. Maybe with their stupid ideals we can get the art demographic. Increase our profits by about fifteen percent."

"Fluffybeard! You are forgetting about hardcore comic book nerds. If they see this becoming an artistic thing, they'll drop us faster than Jashin drops sinners in the fiery pits of hell."

"Your right! That would be a loss in most of our audience, thanks."

"I'll force us to be enemies," The Toy Maker laughed. "Go army of toys!" A rainbow of cotton burst into the museum's windows. Teddy bears, rabbits and every other adorable creature one can imagine surrounded our two heroes. "Come, Un, we have to find a evil lair."

"Un," Un called, following The Toy Maker outside.

"They're getting away," The Dude obviously stated.

"I know," Fluffybeard Gorightly answered. "We have to take care of these things first." The Super Duper Zombie Buddies ran at the stuffed critters and attacked. It didn't take anymore than a simple kick to take most of them down. "Wow," he remarked.

"Told ya they fucking sucked," The Dude spat taking out another twenty stuffed animals with his swear. "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me! These pieces of shit are so fucking PG they can't take a fucking swear! Jashin damn it! These are the most pussy cock sucking things I have ever seen, well besides you of course Kakuzu." At the end of The Dude's little rant the stuffed animals were dead, covered in a cotton grave. One lone survivor, a stuffed snail, struggled to get up and avenge his comrades. The Dude spotted it and sent a middle finger solute it's way. It instantly exploded.

"Don't use my real name, idiot. Grab all the not ruined art you can carry and let's get back to the hideout. I still have to convince everyone I'm not gay."

"That's going to be hard," The Dude snickered.


"Rough night," Pein asked as Kakuzu and Hidan stepped into the meeting room. They both grunted in response. "Where are Sasori and Deidara?" Konan's yaoi senses were tingling. "No," Pein stated, feeling her vibes.

"Sorry I kept you waiting," Sasori apologized. "I was busy last night."

"Hopefully doing your mission."

"Um, yes?"

"Well, what are the results?"

"Kakuzu is most certainly, without a doubt..."


Will Kakuzu convince everyone he's not gay? What did Sasori find out from his mission? What of the Toy Maker and Un? Who are the dastardly Toy Maker and Un? What is Mr. Generic planning? Will Tobi, Kisame or Itachi ever get a speaking role? Find out next week on Super Duper Zombie Buddies!


Author's note: Woah, people like this stupid idea? Well, since you asked for it, it's becoming a story! Thanks to those who reviewed who helped pushed this idea and inflated my ego to that of a small car. Anonymous reviews are always on.