#2 - The 'Daniel and His Glasses' Theory
a description
According to the Season 7 episode 'Birthright,' Daniel's glasses still have prescription lenses in them (as proven when Nessa looks through his glasses in the episode, and everything is blurry). But remember - he went through the sarcophagus in the Season 2 episode 'Need' about nine times - that should have corrected his bad eyesight. My theory is that Daniel has prescription lenses in his glasses that make everything appear blurry to a person with 20/20 vision, but wears contacts to then make him able to see just fine through those corrective lenses in his glasses. So his contacts make his good eyes bad, then his glasses make his bad eyes good.
Wild enough for you?
#3 - The 'What Does Jack Say to Daniel During the Wedding in
the Season 8 Episode 'Sacrifices'' Theory
Master Bra'tac goes on with the wedding ceremony as Jack carefully leans towards Daniel to quietly ask, "The VIP Room where the newlyweds are staying tonight isn't sound proof... is it?"
In answer, Daniel gives a soft chuckle. "No, it's not."
Jack's smirk widens. "So what you're saying is that we should sell tickets?"
Daniel nods, his grin as evil as Jack's.
#4 - The 'Jonas Hansen = Control Freak' Theory
Jack sent another disgusted grimace at the shelves of supplies surrounding him and his team. "This isn't what I had in mind, guys, honest."
Jack's apology-that-wasn't-an-apology sounded loud in the tiny supply room. Sam sighed along with him, then winced at the lilt of complaint in the sound. "It's alright, Sir, really. This isn't taking me away from anything too important." She thought of the simulations that she could be running just then, and her wince deepened.
Glancing at all the supplies surrounding them, Jonas Quinn optimistically said, "Besides, it's important to know what's in here, in case..." There he paused, unable to come up with a dire enough situation that warranted knowing that the SGC had twenty boxes of number 2 pencils ready for immediate use. Doggedly, he continued, "General Hammond wouldn't have assigned this inventory to us if he didn't think it was important to the SGC."
"You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better," Jack instructed. "I bet he's laughing his ass off right now thinking of us, counting rolls of toilet paper. I bet this is on account of me saying that no job in the SGC was too unimportant for anybody." He shook his head in frustrated sarcasm. "Ohhhhh, this is just like him!"
Teal'c voiced a sliver of wisdom sure to further irritate his friends. "We must work as quickly as possible. Hard work is fast work."
"Teal'c," Jack called from his perch on a ladder. "I love it when you drop those wonderful Jaffa witticisms. Have I ever told you that?"
"Repeatedly, O'Neill," Teal'c answered in as dry a manner as he could produce.
Sam tried to cover her giggle from the Colonel, who everyone knew didn't particularly like her giggling, but wasn't very successful at it.
Jack surprised them all when he instructed, "Go ahead and giggle, Carter. All previous orders pertaining to giggling are hereby suspended while being bored to death due to inventory."
Sam was so shocked that she blurted, "Really?" as if she couldn't believe her luck.
Jack glared at her. "You sound like you don't believe me, Major."
Sam gave an innocent shrug. "I don't."
Jack growled a sigh. "I figure that we could use all the laughter we can get. It'll almost make inventory worth it."
Sam gave a pensive frown - the Colonel thought that her giggling made counting things like the number of Bic pens a worthwhile way to spend the afternoon? Sam was thoroughly amazed. "Should I start giggling right now, Sir?"
Jack grinned at her. "By all means." He turned to the two men of SG-1. "Hey guys, pay attention. This might be the only time that Carter actually giggles with consent - this may never happen again."
"Not if you have anything to say about it," Sam added under her breath.
Jonas spurted a laugh, but bent to take more inventory the minute that Sam began giggling, almost as if her laughter propelled the inventory forward with or without them.
They worked as the team they were fabled to be in the quiet that stole through the supply closet. Sam kept up a steady stream of giggling as they all called out the occasional number of an item that they had chosen to count.
When they finished inventorying all the supplies in the closet on level 28, they moved up to the closet on level 27. Then they moved up to the one on level 26. Then 25. Then 24. Then 23. 22. 21.
It was already 1600 when they reached the closet on level 20. "Okay," Jack wearily handed over the inventory sheet they had just completed. "Who gets to be the lucky dog and give this to Siler?"
"We should draw straws," Teal'c said, his hands held firmly behind his back so that he wouldn't just grab the sheet and run. Anything to get out of another inventory in another cramped closet. He viewed a run to Siler as a break from a truly onerous duty. Yet... It was much more fun to experience first hand O'Neill's newest creative way to complain. So he waited for the Colonel to speak.
"We drew straws last time," Jack informed. "I think that it's Jonas's turn." Especially since he just won't SHUT UP! Jack was starting to yearn for that first closet they had done oh, so long ago, back when Jonas was too motivated to talk... much.
Sam had climbed the ladder this time, and wearily piped up from her place aloft, "Teal'c should get to go with him, then. And they should stop off at the Commissary for a break, if just to get out of here."
Jack noticed that Sam's giggles had stopped several closets ago. Jonas's prattling was barely tolerable to begin with - no giggling added a certain pall to his prattling that was driving Jack crazy.
Using his super-duper Jaffa O'Neill-dar, Teal'c sensed this. "I shall endeavor to down some coffee," he promised. "And I will take JonasQuinn for coffee as well."
"But Teal'c," Sam protested. "You don't drink coffee."
Teal'c gave a final glare at the staples that he wouldn't have to count. "I do now." Then, without missing a beat, turned to Jonas and said, "Come JonasQuinn - I will introduce you to what the Humans call a 'coffee break.'"
Jonas gave a start of surprise. "I thought coffee was a liquid - how do you break it?"
Teal'c's dark eyes sent a mischievous twinkle in Jack's direction. "Very carefully." Then he disappeared through the door, followed by Jonas carrying the inventory list for Siler they had just finished.
Leaving Sam and Jack alone. Alone in the closet. Alone, as in surrounded by the sudden quiet of a Jonas-free zone. Alone, as in 'totally without cameras' alone. Alone, as in 'able to do or say anything they wanted to without repercussions' alone. Alone, as in 'first date' alone. Jack tried not to seem terrified as this thought entered his mind, but it was hard. He concentrated on his inventory counting as if his life depended on it.
Sam hummed as she counted. Jack grimaced as he counted. Geez! Here he was, alone with the woman of his dreams... and they were stuck doing inventory. And he couldn't think of anything interesting to say. Could there possibly be a more boring way to spend what constituted a first date? Uh, this wasn't a date. Then this must be the first time they were alone, together, in the SGC, with no camera recording their every move. She was surely going to end up thinking he was boring! And he wasn't sure that he would blame her.
Sam's humming stopped as Jack frantically scrambled to think of something intelligent to say. Something that was not only intelligent, but not boring.
"Whatchathinkin?" he asked in a spurt of non-creativity.
"I guess I was thinking about Jonas," Sam told him on a sigh.
"Don't worry... Teal'c will have him breaking coffee with the best of them."
"Not that Jonas. Jonas... as in Hansen."
Hansen? "What in God's name are you thinkin' about him for?" It didn't pass by him that his invocation of a deity was particularly appropriate to this topic of conversation.
"In God's name... good one, Sir. Very... apro pos."
Jack grinned again. "I try, I try." When Sam didn't continue her explanation, he prompted her, "So, what in particular were you thinking about the God Man?"
Sam smiled again. "'The God Man?'"
Jack gave a shrug, but only interrogatively raised his eyebrows.
Prodded, Sam went on. "I was thinking about how he always had to control everything, me in particular." She gave a grimace. "I should have remembered that when I had to deal with him a few years ago. I didn't. I let my personal feelings about him get in the way of that mission."
"Oh," and Jack gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "That was a very personal mission for you. How could you not let your feelings get in the way?"
Sam's snort surprised him. "But this time, more than just me was riding on what I decided to do at the time, and I should have kept that in mind." Her self chastisement was as if the mission had happened just last week instead of years ago. "When I had that gun trained on Jonas, I should have taken my chance and shot him - it certainly would have made things better for you in the long run."
It was Jack who snorted this time. "It wouldn't have changed a damn thing in the long run, and both you and I know it."
Not change anything? "Huh?"
Jack glanced up at her on the ladder. "I read about that incident in your report, you know."
Which surprised Sam anew. "You read my report?"
He'd read every one of her reports in those days. Anything to be that little bit nearer to her. But he wouldn't tell her that - he didn't want to embarrass her... or him. "I read everyone's reports back then."
Sam gaped. "Of every mission?"
Jack grinned at her astonishment. "Yep. Jack can read," he quipped.
"That's not what I meant," Sam told him. "It's just that we had a lot of missions those first few years."
"No more than now," Jack countered. "I just wanted to learn as much as I could about the Goa'uld, and back then the only way for me to learn was to read reports... which was waaaaaaay more interesting than writing my own reports."
Sam had to grin back at him. "True."
Jack then turned to more firmly gaze at the Major. "So, you think you should have shot him, huh?"
Instead of answering, Sam reiterated, "And you think it wouldn't have made any difference if I had."
"Nope," Jack replied in a firm voice. "I've always thought that he unloaded all the weapons before giving you the opportunity to grab them."
Sam's jerk almost upset the ladder. "Before?"
Jack shot her an amused look. "He wouldn't have been much of a god if he hadn't controlled every bit of every encounter he had with his prisoners... would he?" He marked a number at the side of 'folders - top secret,' as he continued, "You said it yourself - he always had to be in control. That was just his way of staying in control."
"He did say that I 'appeared' to have all the power, but that he was still obviously in control when I didn't fire the gun," Sam admitted. "I never quite understood that before."
Jack's snort filled the closet. "Special Forces rule numero uno: Never leave anything up to chance if you can help it. It's my guess that that gun you were holding on Hansen wasn't even loaded."
"He said it was."
Jack snorted again. "Oh, and Hansen was just sooooo trustworthy."
Sam gave a thoughtful pause. "Oh. No, he wasn't." She sighed, clearly disgruntled. "I still failed you, though, Sir. I should have pulled the trigger even if I had suspected the gun wasn't loaded. I should have at least tried to do something."
Jack went on as Sam continued to contemplate. "You would have failed no matter what you did. Hansen would have made sure of that."
Sam gaped at him. "You mean it was a test?"
Jack shrugged. "Of sorts." He pushed aside the number of pens he'd just counted, trying to keep track of what he'd done versus what he had yet to do. "He probably wanted to see how far you would go to end things in your favor. But there's no way that such a control freak would put himself in front of a loaded weapon, trusting that he knew you well enough not to shoot his balls off."
Sam burst out laughing. "I was aiming at his head, Sir, not his..." And she indicated the area of a man's genitals.
Jack grinned again, glad just to hear her laughter. "Yep, you surely missed your chance," he agreed.
Sam kept giggling. Of course, she suspected that's what the Colonel was trying to do - make her see the humor of this situation so that she would stop yelling at herself about that mission.
And she had to admit - she would never think of Jonas Hansen the same again.
