Another fairy tale I can't stand is Les Trois Petits Cochons.
If you think for a moment, it makes no sense at all! First of all, how do you build a house completely of straw anyway? You'd need something sturdy for the frame. Second, did the third pig have a history of being paranoid? If he was so afraid of some unforeseen danger, why didn't he warn the other two? No one builds a brick house out of sheer boredom.
The wolf, I believe, is the most confusing part of the story. Most people who say the wolf was wicked have eaten sausage, ham, and other foods made of pork. Hypocrites!
Why did the sow send her offspring away to fend for themselves if there was a wolf in the area? How was the wolf able to blow down the first two houses? Did the first two pigs build their homes somewhere the wind never blew? Wouldn't the wind have knocked down their houses before the wolf even got there? In fact, why didn't the wolf burn the houses down instead? It would have trapped the pigs and cooked them instead of allowing them to have the chance to escape.
As for the brick house, a smart wolf would have waited until the middle of the night and broken a window or gotten his friends together and besieged the house. There was no need to allow the third little pig to continue to outwit him.
These had to have been the kind of pigs that farmers raise. If they had been wild boars, the story would have been much shorter. A wild boar can kill a wolf. I have many scars to remind me of unpleasant memories of feeling tusks during a battle to see which opponent could tear the other to pieces first.
However, wild boars are generally harmless to humans. There are occasional attacks, but most of the time, they won't bother anyone who doesn't try to harm them first. Human beings, on the other hand, are notorious for unprovoked attacks, especially to those of their own species.
"Aren't you supposed to be working in the forest?!"
I looked up from the shafts in my hand to see Cogsworth standing beside my chair.
"The length of time I need to finish my chores is none of your concern!" I retorted as I continued to fletch arrows.
"The masters wish to see you in the West Wing."
I nodded without looking up from my work.
"At once!"
"They can either wait or talk to me where I am. I have never allowed my employees to go without anything they need, and I'm not about to start now!"
Cogsworth frowned. "A good servant does not delay when the masters give orders."
"Who in this castle has ever considered me to be a good servant?"
He was silent for the longest time before replying, "I'll let them know you'll be there shortly."
The masters informed me that they were sending some of the other servants to visit a nobleman in his castle and attend to some business matters.
"Most of the roads leading to the castle will be through heavily wooded areas, so we would like you and your brother to accompany them," King Adam concluded.
"Translation: You don't want them to get lost by making a wrong turn, and they're afraid of wild animals and robbers," I responded.
Whatever the true motives may have been, they are still our masters. They need not explain their reasoning for anything; we servants simply do their bidding because it is our duty to obey.
At first the journey was pleasant, an easy walk down clear paths through meadows with patches of trees in the distance. By sundown, many of the servants were complaining that their feet were tired, and we had reached an area of the forest where trees grew so close together that it was nearly impossible to walk between them. The path was so overgrown with weeds and small shrubs that it had become almost nonexistent.
"Take heart," Cogsworth stated. "We should reach the nobleman's castle before nightfall, and then..."
As if in reply, the wheels of the royal carriage hit an unseen rock, jolting the passengers and breaking a wheel.
"Can this be repaired?" Cogsworth asked the other servants.
"To have the wheel repaired is not impossible," one of them answered, "but it would take nearly an hour in broad daylight, and it's difficult to see at dusk."
An eerie sound pierced through the darkening forest.
La Plume shuddered. "Excuse me? Forest caretakers? What was that noise?"
"As the Latin scholars and scientists like to call it," I explained, "it is the rallying cry of Animalia Chordata Mammalia Carnivora Canidae Canis lupus."
He sighed with relief. "Thank goodness! For a moment, I was afraid it was the howling of a wolf!"
Ignoring the sound, Cogsworth began, "We could abandon the carriage and walk to the castle, but it would be too far to reach on foot before dark. Since we don't want to get lost in these woods, I think we should stay here. The knights will protect us from any robbers who may be lurking in the shadows. In the morning, we'll have the wheel repaired and be on our way to a good breakfast."
"You mean we have to spend the night in the forest?!" I sank to my knees. "Whatever will we do?! Where will we find any food?! We'll have to build houses of straw, but that still won't be adequate shelter! The wolves will pull us down by our sides so they can rip out our internal organs until we finally die of blood loss! Those of us who survive will shiver in the night air, too cold to sleep on the hard rocks in the mud!"
My brother was trying not to laugh at my sarcasm. We've been sleeping in the forest overnight since before we were hired as servants. As children, we found the woods were often more comfortable than our hovel.
"We're going to find food and shelter for the evening," I announced. "Would anyone else like to come with us?"
Lumière frowned. "What makes you think we would hunt like wild animals?!"
"Suit yourself." I shrugged. "Just don't go over that hill on the southern horizon."
"You know this area of woodland?" Loup asked as we left, keeping up with me easily despite his limp.
"I used to steal food from the wolves out here during the spell."
My brother sighed. "Louve, it is both foolish and dangerous for a lone wolf to challenge a pack over food!"
"It is also both foolish and dangerous for anyone to stand in my way when my friends are in need," I replied. "Besides, there's no reason to outfight anything you can outwit. There are ways of stealing a recent kill without risking a direct confrontation."
He changed the subject. "How far do you think we are from the masters' land?"
"The masters are royalty. It's all their land. As for their castle, by the road, it's about a day away if you have wagons and carriages, but if you go by foot and take shortcuts, it only takes a few hours to get here. Speaking of castles, the nobleman's castle that we're visiting should be right…around…here…somewhere…" I pointed. "There it is! Not more than a five-minute walk from where the carriage lost a wheel! You just have to take paths that aren't on main roads and know how to move through these thick patches of trees."
As soon as we explained to the gatekeeper that we were the servants of the rulers of France and had come to discuss a business matter, we were welcomed into the castle and led to a table where a splendid feast had been prepared. The nobleman's own servants entertained us with music and witty anecdotes. After our meal, we were shown to comfortable rooms where we could spend the evening.
When we had finished our breakfast the next morning, we discussed the purpose for our visit. Thankfully, the business matters didn't take long at all, and we moved on to more pleasant conversations.
At that moment, the other servants burst through the door, glaring as they scolded us for "abandoning" them.
"Have you been here this whole time?!" Cogsworth demanded.
"No, we've been on the roof," I answered. "We just climbed into this room through the nearest window when we saw you coming so we could greet you."
He rolled his eyes at my sarcasm.
"Ne me regardez pas comme ça!" I replied evenly. "We invited you to come with us. It's not our fault you didn't accept our offer. Turn your condescending gaze elsewhere!"
"By the way, what was over that hill you warned us to avoid?" La Plume inquired. "The one that was on the southern horizon?"
"Their den," I responded. "You were far enough away that you weren't bothering them, but if you'd gotten any closer, you would have been digging your own graves."
"Whose den?" Lumière asked. "Have we been surrounded by wolves this whole time?"
"See? We told you they're a timid species that avoids people unless unhealthy or provoked." I couldn't resist adding, "Even then, they'll usually give you a warning before they attack, such as snarling, growling, or blowing your house to the ground if you were dumb enough to build it of straw instead of staying in a stone castle."
I bet Blanche Niege never had to deal with people this ignorant.
