Even if nobody likes this story, I'm going to do it for the sake of my friends and of course for the ongoing joke of Itachi the sleeve rapist and other weird jokes that manage to return to my memory. Enjoy the further torment of canon sues.
She finally relaxed in an onsen somewhere in the Fire country, glad to be out of Sound. If she saw that weirdo bird-head again she wasn't sure if she could live through his angsty rambling. What a pain! The warm water was enough of a distraction tonight and she was grateful for a little peace of mind. Only a few other women were here tonight, though a flash of pink emerging from the water caught her eye. Wasn't she just thinking about pink hair earlier that day? Yeah, that color was definitely too weird. Still, she didn't care, and sank further down into the water, trying to relax.
"Oh, sorry." Someone bumped into her shoulder accidentally. It was the pink haired girl. She just shrugged it off nonchalantly.
"No problem. It happens." She closed her eyes again, intending on just getting back to the relaxation.
"So what's your name? Mine is Haruno Sakura!"
She opened her eyes reluctantly, glancing at bright green ones. Weird. Her head stretched back on the edge of the spring, wondering if she should bother. "Miyomi." Then her eyes closed again, hoping this would really be the end of the chatter.
"Are you a ninja too?" Again with the questions!
She sighed to herself. Really, she was too polite for her own good. "Yeah."
Her green eyes widened. "Oh! So what kind of techniques do you use? I'm a medical ninja and I use my chakra to enhance my strength and break the ground with my heel and punch rocks."
It was amusing to think of this petite woman breaking rocks with her punches, but really, she didn't care. Why the heck was she telling her anything at all? Well, she did ask, so she decided to keep it short. "Mid-range, mostly fire jutsu." She didn't wax eloquent about the details of her techniques. Heck, she didn't even really feel like talking, but again, she was just too damn polite.
"Where are you from?"
She gave up on trying to dodge the questions and resigned herself to her polite nature. At least she was in a hot spring and could relax while she was talking, otherwise she wouldn't have bothered. "Hoshigakure."
"Oh, the land of bears! You know, I went there once, and they were doing all kinds of crazy training involving the meteor in town, and we took the mission to mediate the whole thing! It was so horrible what they were doing. They were practically killing off their ninja with their dangerous training..."
At least she could relate to that. "Yeah."
"What's worse is that I feel so inadequate compared to Naruto and the rest of the other Konoha ninja from our same year, it seems like I'm always one step behind. I've watched their backs for so many years, it makes me feel so bad that I can't be there to help."
Oh good lord. Not another one. She was really getting tempted to leave. "Yeah."
"Do you ever feel like that, Miyomi-chan? Like you just can't compare to other people and you can't help but cry at night?"
CHAN? "No."
Her eyes widened. "No?! But you're a kunoichi, females have it so hard in the ninja world, we can't compare to the boys at all, that's why there's two boys on each squad and usually only one girl. We can't hope to fend for ourselves!"
Since when did being female become synonymous with being weak? She seemed to do just fine considering all the crap she had to deal with. Speaking of crap... "Yeah, you'll never get anywhere with that attitude." She rose abruptly from the spring, exiting with enough speed to lose the little pink haired nin. Seriously, she couldn't bear to hear another life story so soon after that idiot Uchiha shared his. She needed a drink.
It was strange to find peace and quiet in the middle of a noisy bar, but she had had enough of people coming up to her while she was alone. Maybe she would get a bit of peace if she blended into the crowd. Her eyes drifted lazily to her drink as a pair of cloaked men sat next to her casually. One had a strange, gruff voice and towered over his shorter companion that had sat right next to her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the shorter man order a plate of dango quietly as the larger man yelled for sake. She mentally shrugged to herself and continued with her own drink. Whoever they were, it didn't matter. True, at first it bothered her that someone was sitting directly next to her, but she got over it.
The taller man removed his concealing hat first, revealing a very interesting shade of blue. Hair AND skin. Forget what she said before about blue hair... blue skin was much worse. This guy even had gills on his face and looked for all the world to be half shark. Heck, maybe he was. It didn't bother her as much as it should have. Although, it wasn't like they meant her any trouble, she could ignore it.
The shorter, raven haired man finally deigned to look at her, red eyes blaring in her direction as his uncomfortable gaze didn't budge. She looked up at him with a "do you mind?" gaze and held his glance fearlessly. They wouldn't start anything here if they knew what was good for them. Then she saw his eyes a bit better, remembering something very similar from earlier in the day. That moron- Sasuke?- from before must be his brother. Which makes him... "You must be Itachi." It wasn't like her to initiate conversation, but maybe if she did see that Sasuke idiot again, she would have more information to give and he might just leave her alone sooner. She tucked her arms in self-consciously, keeping her sleeves close to her body. He was a sleeve rapist, after all.
His elegant eyebrow raised slightly but his even tone betrayed no emotions. "I am." He glanced at her hitai-ate, blatantly declaring her status as a missing nin from Hoshigakure. "And you are a former Star nin."
She didn't even glance back at him. "I am." Her eyes drifted to his slashed Konoha hitai-ate, remembering what his brother had said. "Oh, yeah, I met your brother today. Said some stupid stuff about revenge and that he was gaining hatred. I wasn't really listening but he mentioned you so I thought you should know."
He turned his own gaze to his plate. "Foolish brother... he will never have enough hatred to defeat me. He may detest me, despise me, desire to kill me, but he can never have enough hatred to complete his revenge."
Oh here we go again. More crap about revenge and hatred. She decided to say nothing, hoping his obviously quiet nature would keep him silent. The larger man turned with a sharklike grin to him, commenting in a snarky voice. "Itachi-san, why do you even bother with that little runt? Just kill him already, it will do all of us a world of good."
Well... that was a surprise. She actually found herself liking this other ninja, and agreeing that it would do everyone a favor to kill the young Uchiha. Heck, it would be nice to do away with the older Uchiha, but at least he was quiet enough. She nodded politely at the shark nin. "Agreed."
He turned his wide grin to her. "Cheers." His hand grabbed his sake glass with a salute, drinking the entire thing in one gulp. A big guy like that must have a high alcohol tolerance. At least this guy was amusing. Maybe he would be tolerable. She spotted the red clouds on their cloaks with interest. Akatsuki, right... crap. Well, she really didn't want to run into these weirdos either today, but this just didn't seem to be her day at all.
"Nice to meet you, fellas, but I gotta go now." She waved as she left her pay on the table, intent on leaving without incident, but the shark man called out to her.
"Yo, you ever think about joining Akatsuki?"
Well, he was a tolerable person, and she figured he deserved a full answer. "Nah, it's all a bit too emo to bother with, you know? I really need to get going."
He shook his head reluctantly. "Too bad. It would be nice having someone sane around..."
Itachi grunted with disapproval. "She wouldn't even pass the entrance test. She's not worth our time."
She nodded with agreement. "Yeah, I don't want to anyway, so at least we agree." She turned away before they could stop her again. Well, the shark man was amusing and would probably be good to have a decent conversation with, but not while he was around the Uchiha that was practically spewing dark, emo radiation. If she remembered right, he was Hoshigake Kisame, and the Uchiha's partner. Too bad. He really was interesting.
She relaxed in bed in the small inn she had found for the evening, exhausted from a long day. Relaxation and long, lazy days were her favorite, and today had been just too much emo overload for her. The low moonlight was soothing, and for a moment she was able to forget everything that happened that day, discarding the irrelevant pasts that had been forced upon her as she laid back. With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes, sleepily hoping that tomorrow would be better.
An intense chakra pressure woke her from her rest, and she honestly hoped that idiot Uchiha (either of them!) hadn't come to find her. She opened her eyes reluctantly, inwardly groaning as a brand new set of eyes stared at her. Not the Uchihas, then. This guy had steely gray eyes, ringed and whirling slowly as he stared at her from a dark corner. Couldn't even come into the light, huh? "Who the hell are you?"
His eyes narrowed as he approached her, still keeping his form in darkness. "That is none of your concern. You're coming with me." Before she could react, she was swept into his grasp and away from the inn, cursing her horrible luck lately. All she could see of him were his ringed eyes and red clouds on his cloak. More Akatsuki. Well this was just great. She was being captured by what was undoubtedly another emo bastard, to be the prisoner of more emo bastards, and to be honest she really wasn't strong enough to fight him. This meant she would have to deal with Itachi the sleeve rapist again. But the shark would be there. Either way, this was far more trouble than she intended to be in right now. All she wanted was to live out her long, quiet life. Darn emo bastards...
A/N: Oh don't worry, there will be more upcoming jokes besides the whole sleeve incident. Once Konan gets into the picture, there will be a lot more hilarity. Again, I don't care if you like this story. You were warned at the start, after all. This is for myself and my friends, and if you happen to like it, feel free to review.
