Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, though I really wouldn't mind owning a few of them. It's very sad, I know. I could do so much good with them. Alas, they are owned by EA and BioWare and any other company that backed the ME games.
A/N: This is a FemShepxGarrus and it's meant to be around the beginning of ME3 (meaning if you haven't played it yet and you are really sensitive about even the slightest spoiler, don't read it), so tell me if I get some details about things wrong because I have only played ME3 once and I refuse to play it again. There aren't any real warnings I should post, unless you're sensitive and prone to crying at every slightly sad thing (if that's the case then you get a hug for braving this slightly angsty drabble). Perhaps there should also be a warning for an unoriginal idea, though. I don't know if anyone else has written about it, but I'm sure they have and I'm sorry if you don't like that I'm writing it my own way… which probably sounds more offensive than I mean it to. So I'm sorry for that too.
I still want you all to enjoy it though!
My Fault
It had started almost as soon as they were finally reunited. Or, that was when he'd noticed it anyway. He'd been a bit busier when they were gunning for the Collectors, so he hadn't really had time to notice if Shepard had been giving him weird looks or not. Maybe it was that she hadn't been giving them to him then, he wasn't sure. He didn't even know what the looks were about either. It had gotten harder for him to get a read off of her since they'd parted ways a few months back.
At first he thought that she was just trying to mess with his head, maybe play a trick on him in some sort of human ritualistic need to screw around with people they care for. He'd only thought that briefly, however, because Shepard wasn't the type to do those things when she had bigger problems to worry about. Then he thought that the imminent Reaper threat had finally caught up to her and she was beginning to feel tired. Of course, anytime that he got near her they were surrounded by the rest of the crew or they were off-world.
He couldn't figure it out. He had even gone to Liara at one point because the looks were driving him crazy, and not in the good way. Liara and Shepard were good friends, and he knew she had listening devices planted all over the ship, he'd figured that she would know something about it that he didn't. She had noticed them, but she didn't know what they were about. She did say that Shepard generally seemed to be staring at his scars. Hearing that hadn't helped at all.
Now he wasn't self-conscious, but knowing that Shepard was staring at his scars that way made him uneasy. He didn't know what she was thinking and she just smiled when he gave her a questioning look. He knew that most humans didn't like scaring, but she hadn't seemed to mind when they were skirting the Terminus systems. Had her time back on Earth changed the way she saw them? Or had Liara been wrong and it was just him that she was giving the looks to? There was also a chance that he was just reading too much into it and Shepard was fine. He didn't have experience with human relationships and he didn't know how to handle the issue, but he was going to ask anyway. Do it Vakarian style.
When he'd finally gotten her alone, she didn't seem too interested in talking. He had to admit, the months they'd spent apart had him a bit eager when he'd walked into her room, but he still wanted to talk. He just hadn't planned on her walking out of the shower at the exact moment he had walked in.
He ran his hand up and down her back as she lay next to him with her arm on his shoulder. He'd found early on that it calmed her more than anything else he did and her muscles completely relaxed when he did it. If there was ever a time to ask it was now, before they were violently thrown back into their work. He wasn't sure if he should ask. They had so few moments like this just to themselves; he didn't want to ruin it. But when she gave him that look again he wouldn't pass the opportunity up. "What was that for?"
"What was what?," she asked tiredly, looking up at him.
"Don't play dumb, Shepard," he warned her lightly, "You've been giving me that look since you saw me on Menae."
She remained silent for a moment, tensing in his grip before relaxing again. Her soft laugh rang through his ear and he saw her smile wryly. "I guess I wasn't being as subtle as I thought," he watched her hand reach up and stroke the scaring on the side of his head.
"You? Subtle? Those two words don't even belong in the same sentence," he chuckled. Her amused smirk made him relax a little. He was certain now that she hadn't come to hate them, like he'd feared. He watched the look in her eyes switch from amusement, to that look. Her cabin was lit up in the soft glow of her fish tank and the lighting cast shadows over her face that made her look sad. "So what's with the looks, Shepard?"
Again she remained silent for a moment, but then she sighed deeply. With her hand still on the side of his head, she rubbed her thumb over his cheek lightly. "It's these. I'm going to assume you remember how you got them?" He snorted at this question, something he'd picked up from her. Of course he did. "That gunship on Omega tore you up. I won't lie and say that I didn't take satisfaction in destroying it, because I did, but I was worried. I had no idea if you'd live or not, you scared the shit outta me Vakarian." He remained silent, watching the look on her face grow sadder by the second.
"I didn't really have time to think about it when we were going after the Collectors, there was so much new information coming in and I had to deal with Cerberus sniffing around everything... But I spent those months on Earth, without a Collector or a Merc to shoot at. It gave me all the time I needed to think about everything that had happened." She stopped stroking her thumb across his cheek and pulled her hand back. "It was my fault you almost died. Had I been there to tell you to get your ass out of the way or create a biotic field, they wouldn't have hurt you."
It hadn't occurred to him that she'd thought that. He knew that there were risks when he'd hunted down all of those Mercs; being gunned down by a ship was the least of his worries. But he'd grown up knowing that you couldn't save everyone, Shepard hadn't. Humans always strived to save every last person. Hell, if there was a dog on the battle field they'd go out of their way to save it. It was commendable, but the guilt would tear you apart if you ended up having to choose to leave someone behind.
"Then the entire fate of the galaxy was placed on me once again when the Reapers attacked Earth… Shit… One would think that I'd be used to being in charge of so many lives. Seeing you though… I was happy, of course, but it made me start thinking… If I can't save one Turian sniper from being gunned down by some ass hole Blue Suns Merc, how am I supposed to protect the entire galaxy from an army of Reapers?"
Her eyes were watery now and it dawned on him just how tasking it was on her. Three times now, countless lives had been placed in her hands. She'd saved countless lives by taking down Saren, Sovereign, and the Collectors, but she'd almost lost one life to some Merc who wouldn't know what a real fight was if it slapped him in the face. And now life as everyone knew it was being threatened by the Reapers. "You can't go blaming yourself, Shepard. It's not good for you," he scolded gently, lifting her head back up to look at him. A couple of tears had fallen, but she smiled tiredly anyway.
"If I don't who will?"
"Al-Jilani, the Council, any important public figure," he said this slowly, wiping her tears off her face. Now that he knew, he could apply some of his usual style to make her smile again.
Shepard laughed softly and looked down, "Alright, Vakarian. I get it."
He grabbed her chin and forced her head back up. "Do you? It wasn't your fault, Shepard. I should have jumped for cover and waited for you, Jacob, and Mordin to come and help. I had time to do it, but I wasn't thinking about it right then," he let go of her chin and ran his hand through her hair. He'd found it very fascinating when he first got to touch it. It was so soft. "You don't get to blame yourself for my mistakes."
It seemed that he'd gotten through to her, because she relaxed again and gave him the same slightly crooked smile she always did. He didn't have a fetish for other species, by any means, but she was beautiful.
"Then I'll make you a deal, Garrus," he heard her chuckle in his ear.
"Can I have the details before I promise?," he asked jokingly.
She lifted herself up again and straddled his hips with a mischievous smile on her face. He knew that smile very well and he chuckled. "You keep yourself behind cover during missions and I'll stop blaming myself for all of the stupid things you do." He trailed his hand up her thigh and rested it on her hip.
"Is that all?," he wondered aloud, setting his other hand on her other hip. There was a small scar there, just over her pelvis bone that she'd gotten when she tripped in the drive-core, she had scraped against a sharp piece of metal and neither of them could find out what had done it.
"No, there's fine print." She leaned over him and he rolled them over when she bit her lip. He'd never get used to that simple gesture. "But don't worry, I'll go over it with you," she assured him, kissing his nose lightly. The usual glint in her eye was there and he couldn't help but feel accomplished. He'd managed to figure out what was wrong and fix it without pissing her off. Maybe human women weren't as hard to deal with as he thought.
A/N: See? It got happy at the end! But poor, naïve, Garrus. You can't blame him; Shepard's his first and only human girlfriend. He just got lucky and got one of the less complicated ones. So did you see what I meant about probable unoriginal idea? I'm pretty sure it was obvious before the first paragraph even ended, but I wrote it so it was damn obvious to me. I tried to make it in Garrus' POV and I can't imagine him describing things or thinking with the same words I usually use. So tell me what you think of my trying to write in his POV, I'm willing to learn.
One more thing before you look at something else, I was thinking about making a FemShepxTali next. My only problem is that I want to be able to describe what she looks like in it (and I'm sure you'll have fun thinking of why because it's against the rules to ask). Since no one really knows what Quarians look like and no one seems to be able to agree on one structure, I'm going to ask you what you think. I don't want any nerd fights started- totally no offence because meant—meaning that I want you to PM me the description you think I should follow. There aren't any rules and I will likely just mix all of them up so I don't have to pick one. If I feel like it I may even draw it and give you a link to it so that you can have a visual-though it will be black and white. If I don't get any suggestions I will just make something up and hope for the best. If I get one then that lucky winner will get to read about the Tali of his/her dreams.
~Love and other awesome things,
ARA ;o
