I know you want me too
Even if it's not now
I'm gonna wait it out
The scene was familiar.
Tucker was in the Fenton's kitchen, preparing nachos while Danny was upstairs, setting up the gaming console. He'd just slid the tray into the oven when he heard footsteps behind him.
"Hi Jazz," he greeted, before he even turned around.
"Hi," she answered, sliding into his field of vision.
"Am I in your way?" Tucker asked. This was awkward; too awkward. He and Jazz had never acted like this around one another, not even when she was Danny's bratty sister and he was Danny's immature friend.
"No." Jazz twirled a piece of long hair around her finger. "I … I wanted to talk to you."
"I think that's a good idea," Tucker agreed, remembering what Sam had said. He had things that he had to say to her.
"I don't want you to vanish and I don't want it to be weird. I like you being around, but as a friend. I don't … I don't feel anything else for you, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry for that. I can't help how you feel but I can't help how I feel either. I like being there for you and I like being in your life. I don't want to lose our friendship but I can't … I can't pretend that I don't feel something for you."
Jazz studied him. "So what is it that you want?"
He wanted her wrapped in his arms. He wanted her to love him too.
"I want us to stay friends. If that's what you're offering, that's what I'll take. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Jazz smiled at him. "You don't make me uncomfortable."
"Good." Tucker grinned at her.
The oven beeped, telling him that the nachos were done. He pulled the nachos out of the oven and turned to leave the kitchen, back upstairs to where Danny was probably ready to play video games. In the doorway, he turned to look at Jazz.
"By the way, you have some snoo on your shoulder."
Jazz looked at him, alarmed, craning her neck to view her shoulders. "What's snoo?" She cried.
Tucker laughed. "Nothin', baby, what's new with you?"
Jazz giggled. "Get going," she encouraged, brandishing a spatula at him, "before I do something."
"I'm going, I'm going."
But don't you dare forget
That moment that we had
I know we both felt it
Jazz quickly collected the drink of water she had come downstairs for and then traced Tucker's path up the stairs. She could hear him and Danny, laughing over the sound of explosions. She found herself smiling at the sound of Tucker's voice, before she remembered herself.
She returned to her room, flicking on her stereo to cover the boys' shrieks of laughter. She stood in the middle of her room for a moment, letting the music wash over everything, to make sure that she could no longer hear them. Once she was sure she couldn't, she didn't know what to do with herself.
She'd said the right thing. She knew that she had. She and Tucker wouldn't work as anything other than friends. There was no use in trying to destroy the relationship they had, especially if it would only end in a break-up.
She had to have faith that she'd made the right decision.
However, that didn't stop her from turning off her music, so she could hear his voice, and from putting on the Casper High sweatshirt she had no intention of giving back.
I wanna tell you things
I never tell myself
These secrets hurt like hell, oh
She only had time to stop at home for a minute. That was actually a lie; she didn't have time to stop at home, period, but she had to. One of the clubs she'd joined at university was having its first meeting today. Jazz was supposed to be bringing some of her psychology books to the meeting, but she'd forgotten them. She'd turned around in a rush, as she'd rather be ten minutes late than show up without her material.
She parked in her driveway, diving for the front door. She cursed the time it took to unlock it – Danny had disappeared somewhere, likely with Sam, and her parents were gone for a weekend getaway, so her usually accessible door was proving to be a chore to get open. She tossed it open, and was about to run to her room, when she realized that Tucker was sitting in her living room.
"Are you okay?" She blurted. He looked terrible, and he looked like he had been crying.
"Do you know where Danny is?" Tucker asked. "I've tried calling but he's not answering and neither is Sam. They're probably together but I can't find either of them."
Jazz went and sat next to him on the couch. "No, but it's okay, I'm here. What's going on?"
"My mom …" Tucker took a shuddering breath, tears leaking down his cheeks. "They found cancer, and apparently it's advancing. What if … what if …"
"Shh," Jazz soothed, pulling him into a hug, even though he was much larger than she was. "Don't think about 'what if'. The doctors found it. You know how advanced medical technology is getting. Your mom's going to be okay."
"I can't help but think about the alternative," Tucker admitted. "I can't lose her."
"You won't," Jazz assured him, holding him closer. "It's scary, I know, but I know your mom. She's a fighter. She loves her life and I'd bet everything I have that she's going to keep it."
Tucker didn't say anything and Jazz had run out of words, something that didn't happen to her often. She knew, though, that Tucker didn't need an onslaught of words right now. Instead, she held him, rocking gently back and forth, trying to be everything that he needed.
Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely
Out of my mind but it'll never phase me
If I have to, I'm not afraid to
Save my heart for you
Tucker woke up stiff. He felt as though he'd been stuffed inside of a very small space and left there for several hours, which wasn't inaccurate. He'd fallen asleep on the couch in the Fenton's living room. He didn't fit on the couch properly when it was just him, but he had Jazz with him. She was tucked into him, one leg over his thigh, the other running along his legs. Her hair was tickling his nose and she was wheezing as she slept.
If it was anyone else, it would have been annoying. With Jazz, it was endearing. He rested his head on the top of hers. He didn't know what he would have done, had she not been there for him last night. His mother's diagnosis, delivered over the dinner table last night, was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to sit through. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling. He could be strong for his mother later, when he finally went home. Right now, he was glad that he had Jazz for support.
"Tucker," Jazz yawned, surprising him with her muffled voice. "You're squishing me."
Tucker immediately pushed himself back into the couch as far as he could, giving Jazz enough to twist onto her back a little more than she already had been.
"How are you?" Jazz wondered, unable to keep herself from toying with the sleeve of his t-shirt.
"I'll be okay. It's not me who's going through everything."
"You don't have to be strong all the time. It'll only make you feel pressured. I'm here when you need to talk, okay? Because you are dealing with something and it is scary. I'm not going to blame you for needing to vent or anything."
Tucker's heart swelled.
"Thank you," he murmured, hugging her.
I'm a rebel even if it's trouble
I'ma pull you out from the rubble
If I have to, I'm not afraid to
Save my heart for you
Jazz had met Duncan in September. He was a transfer to her university and she'd been assigned to show him around. There had been something special between them and when he'd asked her out for coffee, she had said yes. She liked how he tried to get along with Danny, though her little brother could be absolutely incorrigible when it came to her romances, and Danny could be intimidating to people now that he was publicly known as Phantom. She liked how he would help out Maddie and Jack with their insane experiments, even though Duncan didn't understand what they were doing half the time. She liked how he never, not once, questioned her intentions with Tucker; how he understood that Tucker needed her. Whenever she told him that she was going to visit Tucker and his mom – who was now in the hospital more than she was out of it – Duncan always told her to wish Tucker well.
In short, their relationship had been fantastic and, since it was only December, they should still be firmly locked in the honeymoon phase. With Christmas coming up, Jazz should be delighting in the fact that she had someone wonderful to kiss underneath the mistletoe this year.
That wasn't how it was going.
Instead of falling for Duncan further, Jazz was coming to realize that she didn't want to be in this relationship. There was nothing wrong with Duncan. Matter of fact, he was pretty damn perfect for her. He didn't laugh at the fact that she was a perfectionist because he nearly surpassed her in that field. He liked to rub her feet when she was doing her homework and, right after their first coffee date, he'd memorized her extremely chaotic, high-maintenance coffee order. Her friends found him adorable; her family thought he was charming. He was everything that Jazz thought she wanted.
She broke up with him a week before Christmas.
And now, here she was, an hour after it happened, explaining her choice to her mother.
"I'll admit I don't understand," Maddie sighed.
"Understand what?" Danny demanded, stomping into the kitchen, Sam and Tucker trailing in his wake.
"Jazz broke it off with Duncan," Maddie answered, bustling around her son as he stretched into the kitchen.
"Good. He wasn't right for you," Danny said into the fridge. "Soda? Sam, Tuck, anyone?"
"Sure," Sam replied. "Why'd you do it, Jazz?"
"It just wasn't something I wanted," Jazz repeated what she had told her mother minutes before. "It wasn't him and it wasn't the relationship. It's just not what I wanted a relationship to be."
Sam smiled and Jazz watched the other girl glance at Tucker.
"Well, good for you, doing what you wanted." Sam applauded.
"Thanks," Jazz murmured, trying not to look at Tucker, knowing that he was looking at her.
Tell me I'm wrong
Turn around and run
Still I'm gonna save my heart for you
Oh oh
Oh oh
Later that night, Tucker came downstairs to the living room. Jazz immediately made a space for him on the couch, next to her. He sank into it and let out a sigh.
"They were getting touchy," he explained to her, though she hadn't asked. "I don't care that they're in a relationship, it's still fun to tease them about, but they really don't need to act like it in front of me."
Jazz shrugged. "Always room down here."
"What're we watching, anyway?"
"A Walk To Remember."
"Really? A chick flick?" Tucker groaned.
"Hey!" Jazz exclaimed, swatting him in the chest. "I was here first! And, besides, it's customary to watch cute romantic movies after a break-up."
"Customary?" Tucker repeated.
"Most of my friends do it. I don't know why. I'd still be watching this movie even if I hadn't broken up with Duncan."
Tucker paused, wondering if he should ask, but then when ahead with it anyway. "Why did you do it?"
Jazz looked at him for a brief moment before looking away.
"I told you all earlier," she mumbled, knowing that she couldn't possibly tell him the truth.
She'd done it for him.
She had broken up with that nice, sweet boy for the one next to her. A lot had changed within her, since Tucker had kissed her late in the summer. When he'd first done it, she'd been shocked. Jazz had known Tucker was attractive – anything with a brain could see that – but he was Danny's best friend; he was still just a kid in high school. Sure they were friends, he made her laugh, and he was sweet, but Jazz had never thought of him in a romantic sense before then. She'd had several months to confront her feelings and to figure them out.
Now she knew what was going on.
She cared for Tucker Foley. She cared for him deeply.
She wanted to kiss him again.
It was scary, though, to say those things out loud. She had broken up with Duncan for Tucker, but she didn't know how to tell Tucker that. She was sure he'd react positively; he'd been lightly flirting with her, via lame pick-up lines, ever since the kiss, so she was sure that he was still interested. They were closer than they had ever been before.
She also cared for him more than she'd ever cared for a boy before.
She wasn't ready to tell him anything. She would be soon, she thought, but for now, it was still too confusing to think about.
"Is that it?" Tucker pressed.
"Of course," Jazz lied, resting her head against his shoulder. "I would tell you if there was anything more. He just wasn't the one."
Jazz wondered if Tucker was that one.
I wanna tell you things
I never tell myself
These secrets hurt like hell, oh
"Can I ask you something?"
"You're making me hot chocolate," Tucker pointed out, "You can ask me whatever you like."
Jazz looked over her should to smile at him. "I just didn't want to make it weird by asking."
Tucker quirked an eyebrow, intrigued. "Well, ask and we'll find out if it makes things weird."
Jazz shifted the milk saucepan. "I never asked but … Why do you, or did you, at least, like me?"
"It's 'do'," he corrected, wondering if that smile on her face was because of that. "And for a lot of reasons."
"What kind of reasons?"
Tucker tapped the table absently, wondering why she was asking. His imagination was running away with him, thinking that it was because she was showing an interest back. He tried to shut down that slight hope. Jazz had never indicated that she wanted to be anything but a friend. He was determined to respect that.
"Because you're Jazz. I don't need any other reasons."
"Yes, you do!" Jazz insisted, though she was laughing at him. "So, tell me. Why?"
"You're beautiful and you're brilliant. You're there when I need you. I trust you. A lot of other clichés, you know? I don't know how to express it any better. It's because you're Jazz and I think that's amazing." Tucker paused. "And when I heard you snoring and it didn't get on my nerves? That was just more proof for me."
"I do not snore," Jazz sniffed, coming over to the table and placing their mugs on it. She dropped into her chair, crossing her legs across the flat wood.
"A little bit," Tucker joked.
Jazz pouted at him. Then, she returned to the original topic. "When did you decide you liked me? Tell me the truth."
Tucker thought back, years ago, when he first realized that he liked her.
"It wasn't really a decision," he began. "It was one of those things I didn't have any control over."
The first time that you smiled
So shyly back at me
I couldn't help myself
"Do you think Paullina Sanchez is pretty?"
"What?" Tucker stared at his best friend.
"Well, Paullina, you know –"
"I got that part," Tucker interrupted. "But why do you care if Paullina's pretty?"
Danny shrugged. "Other guys are always talking about girls. Why don't we?"
"'Cause the boys you're talking about are way older." Tucker responded. He was eleven. What was he going to do with a girl?
"Not that much older. Like, Jazz's age." Danny's face screwed up at the mention of his sister. "Not that anyone would talk about her. Gross!"
Tucker agreed. Jazz was weird. Sam was weird. Girls, in general, were weird. Not that he didn't like Sam, because they were friends. And Jazz was all right sometimes. Girls, though, were complicated and things involving them seemed to be complicated. Whenever they overheard the older boys, like Dash, talking about girls and girlfriends, it always seemed to be complaints of not understanding what they wanted. If having a girlfriend was all about being confused, Tucker was going to have to say 'no thank you' to getting one. He was confused enough on a regular day. He was cool with just having girls as friends.
"I think I should ask Paullina on a date."
"A date?" Tucker laughed. "What would you do? And she'd say no! She thinks you're a loser."
Danny frowned. "Thanks, Tuck."
"What did I do?" Tucker asked as Danny turned away, storming up the stairs.
He groaned and began to head after his friend. If he couldn't understand his best friend, how was he supposed to understand a girlfriend? Danny was getting ahead of himself with this girl idea; that was for sure.
"Danny's just in a very sensitive place now." As Tucker slid past the living room, Jazz piped up, voice squeaky. "He's about to enter puberty and he's beginning to awaken to new hormones and feelings. I'm sure you'll go through your awakening soon."
Tucker turned to look at her, not sure how to respond. The first thing that came to mind was Danny's word: gross. The second thing that came to mind was: Jazz was much prettier than Paullina.
But thinking Jazz was pretty was dumb, because girls were gross.
Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely
Out of my mind but it'll never phase me
If I have to, I'm not afraid to
Save my heart for you
"So I'm gross?" Jazz shrieked.
"Hey!" Tucker cried. "I was eleven!"
"Your 'I like her' thought started and ended with the word 'gross'."
Tucker opened his mouth but nothing came out. He had nothing to defend himself with because it was true.
Jazz rolled her eyes at him, though it was a gesture of affection, not annoyance.
"I was eleven," Tucker repeated. "Hey, my thoughts got better as I got older."
Jazz stared at him. "That'sgross," she informed him. "I don't need to know that thought."
"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!" Tucker insisted. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Sure, you didn't," Jazz laughed.
She uncoiled from her chair, collecting their empty mugs from the table, taking them over to the kitchen sink. Maddie liked to keep things organized and Jazz carried on the tradition, rinsing out the mugs and placing them in the sink to be washed more thoroughly later. As she was doing this, she felt Tucker come up behind her.
"I obviously don't think you're gross now," Tucker pointed out.
Jazz turned around and jumped up on the counter. "What if I think you're gross?"
Tucker nearly took a step back as a look of surprise came over his face.
"But I'm not," he answered confidently. "I am 'TF', Too Fine. I am anything but gross."
"You're gross," Jazz sang at him. "Tucker is gross."
"And Jazz is six," Tucker responded in the same sing-song tone.
Jazz shrugged. She then looked at him, really looked at him, and decided that it was time. It was time to let go of all of her inhibitions and really go for what she wanted. And she wanted him.
"Come here," she crooked her finger. "I've got a secret."
"A secret?" Tucker echoed. "Well, this I have to hear."
He leaned forward, expecting her to say something juvenile, ridiculous, and likely insulting to him.
Instead, he heard this:
"I'm going to kiss you in a second."
One chapter left! The song is Save My Heart by Jason Reeves. Thanks to my betas: Forever Sky.
~TLL~
